Unverified Voracity Like A Bat Out Of Hell

Submitted by Brian on December 5th, 2011 at 4:30 PM

I'm just… all. Terrifying HSR photoshop:

Sugar Hoke[1]

Now you're going to have "Push It To The Limit" stuck in your head all day. Q: how did that gem escape Special K's playlist this year?

Staying with usually illegal things. Lines. They are out. The Wynn opened VT a 2.5 point favorite; my go-to-line aggregation site says Michigan actually opened –1.5. Unsurprisingly, there's a lot of wiggle: right now it's ranging a full three points from M –2 to VT –1. The Mathlete's numbers have Michigan a two-point favorite.

For all the Herbstreitian complaints about the matchup here at least it seems competitive. I'd ballpark a Michigan-Kansas State line around M -10. The Wildcats are 96th in total offense and 74th in total defense; 90th in sacks, 106th in TFLs, 111th in sacks allowed. They kind of suck hard. Massive TO margin saves them. Virginia Tech is a much better team.

Silver lining to the dumbest edition of the BCS yet: at least this year it isn't serving up two woofers like they usually do. Oregon is favored by just under a touchdown. The lines for WVU-Clemson and Stanford-Okie State are around three points, and the Sugar Bowl and Cox Communications's 2AM replay of last month's LSU-Alabama game are basically pick 'ems. No Georgia-Hawaii or Louisville-Anyone.

Oof. I bet you're tired of Sparty schadenfreude. Can't stand it anymore. You are in the wrong place, sir.

383799_10101054747509353_2207789_67481516_223994586_n[1]

Via the board. Someone with access to the Detroit News's ad manager is getting reamed in a conference room right now.

BONUS: Michigan State's complaints are laughable in many ways.

One: they are not even eligible to be selected. This isn't Michigan getting in over MSU.

Two: it's not like MSU had a slam-dunk better season than Michigan even before the Big Ten title game. If all you focus on is head to head they did, but Michigan beat ND and Nebraska. MSU got hammered by both. The computers aren't thinking about butts in seats and they give Michigan almost a six-spot advantage over MSU. And they can't take MOV into account.

Three: they are playing the exact same team Michigan is. Georgia rode a soft schedule to a conference title game in which they were destroyed. They have a tough defense and an iffy offense. Their best offensive asset is a tailback. The only difference between VT and Georgia is Georgia's decision to schedule Boise State. The only difference between the Sugar and the Outback is a day on the calendar.

I'm just going to put this here. Kork Coupons:

"Michigan sat home tonight on the couch and watched us," the senior said shortly after the game's conclusion. "We played our hearts out — you saw it. I don't see how you get punished for playing and someone else gets to sit on the couch and get what they want. "If this is the way the system is, I guess it's a broken system."

Gary Danielson, devil. Braves and Birds on the SEC's chief propagandist:

In 2006, Danielson and the SEC on CBS team spent the fourth quarter of Florida’s win over Arkansas lobbying for the Gators to play for the national title over Michigan.  Their argument was based on the fact that Florida had played a tougher schedule, which they demonstrated with a graphic comparing the teams that the Gators and Wolverines had beaten.  Guess what metric CBS did not use yesterday?  You guessed it, the one that favored the SEC team in 2006, but cut against the SEC team in 2011. … At times during the fourth quarter yesterday, I felt like I was at a mediation, watching one side make a PowerPoint presentation as to their strengths of their case and the weaknesses of mine. 

… CBS apparently has the sports equivalent of Roger Ailes doing its SEC games and they think that no one remembers their convention speech in 2006.

How's "the spread is dead" working out for you, Danielson? Since he has no memory of the spread vs spread title game last year he probably thinks the answer is "really well!"

Gary Danielson, angel. Danielson advocated a playoff system nearly identical to the MGoPlayoff in the fourth quarter of the SEC Championship game. I don't care if he eats babies as long as he's spreading the gospel of a restricted-field playoff.

Heisman. In other hopelessly broken college football institutions, Feldman makes the RGIII for Heisman case, which can be stated thusly: Baylor and their 114th-ranked defense (yardage) beat OU and Texas in the same year. BAYLOR. BAAAAAAAYLORRRRRRRRRR. Feldman has Mathieu second, which I also agree with. Bruce Feldman for king of college football.

This week in "Drew Sharp should be fired." Another blah blah trolling column has this gem in it:

image

Drew Sharp thinks the Big 12 still has a championship game and that 9-3 Oklahoma has played 13 games.

Etc.: Carvin Johnson talks personal style. It's on the internet! Sugar Bowl's contract with OSU on scribd indicates that Michigan will probably be the away team since they are lower-ranked. Sugar wallpaper.

Comments

Feat of Clay

December 6th, 2011 at 3:36 PM ^

I think Sharp started out being anti-Michigan because it was his way of standing apart, being the contrarian, the guy who garners attention because he's saying what everyone else won't.  Hinting all the while that he's just a little more knowledgable, a little more objective, a little more brave than the other sportswriters.  

And then, when he started getting well-earned crap for it (instead of the starry-eyed admiration and free blowjobs he was expecting) I think being anti-Michigan became his mantle.  

HoldTheRope

December 5th, 2011 at 9:58 PM ^

Kork Coupons...lol. Is that a WLA reference or does that come from elsewhere? In any case, the fact that I'm going to get the chance to watch my Wolverines in NOLA after the last 3 seasons kind of makes all the haters completely irrelevant no matter how cogent their arguments (which they aren't, really). This season has truly been TREMENDOUS.

Roachgoblue

December 5th, 2011 at 10:02 PM ^

Herpestreit. My nuts (buckeye shaped) on his neck. Who wears nuts around their neck? Does anyone besides me find that so gay? No offense to anyone, but seriously.

Clarence Beeks

December 5th, 2011 at 10:45 PM ^

One other thing about MSU, and I'm sorry if this has already been mentioned by someone else, but in the games between common opponents, Michigan beat every team that MSU beat, except Iowa, and by more points, while MSU lost to two teams that Michigan beat (Nebraska and Notre Dame), both by substantial margins.  Frankly, I think it shows just how much they really believe that their entire season is based on the head to head result against Michigan.  It's literally the only thing that cuts in their favor in this argument, but they view it as an absolute trump card.

734mgoblue

December 5th, 2011 at 11:03 PM ^

As much as I hate state, lets be honest, Georgia and VT are good teams, but they are not the same team. They may have been in the same situation at the end of the year, but VT plays in a weak ACC conference. If state fans want something to cry about It should be the fact that there's two ACC teams in a bcs game.

the Glove

December 6th, 2011 at 12:44 AM ^

So, if Michigan is the away team is it to much to ask to have away jerseys that are the same across the board? I would hope that adidas could fix the uniform malfuntions in a month. I mean when half the players had to come out in last years jerseys during the second half of the Northwestern game, that just screams out quality. I just don't want to see the side piping while I'm at New Orleans.

streaker

December 6th, 2011 at 1:02 AM ^

this edition was chock full of gems. True, he had to mine them by picking through the stench that Sharpe and Rexrode wrote with their poison pens, but gold was spun from the straw.

I bet he had to listen to Valenti and Caputo just for good measure.

Hard to tell who is really deserving in all this. Boise, Baylor, Arkansas, South Carolina, Georgia, FYS and KSU are have flaws in their argument, too. Honestly didn't see VT coming, as fraudulent as they seem.  I say let it come down to the coolest helmets. And dreads. We win, again. 

JohnnyV123

December 6th, 2011 at 4:33 AM ^

Gary Danielson is such a disappointing person for his immense love of the SEC when his whole life revolved around the Midwest or Big Ten.

My dad went to Divine Child High School in Dearborn with him and was a senior starting RB on the football team when Danielson was a freshman and in the fourth string unit which they had some unflattering name for like the Blue Shirt Pansies or something. Basically they had to carry all the equipment and stuff for practice etc. Somehow it makes me feel better that at one point in his life Danielson was my dad's bitch.

Hillbilly Jihad

December 6th, 2011 at 8:51 PM ^

OK it's like two days later and this is still cracking me up.  "You are in the wrong place mister."  I have literally been mumbling it to myself for two days now:  "tired of sparty shazenfrued? can't stand it anymore?  wrong place mister."  I was just now taking the trash out carrying a 40 lb plastic bag and singing "tired of sparty shatenfrued?  can't stand it anymore?  wrong place mister."  you are special brian and not in a short bus kind of way.  rasta.

bigdukesix

December 7th, 2011 at 10:29 AM ^

That's like something you'd read in USA Today or an equivelant rag.  How about some competition-adjusted YPP based measures, like Football Outsiders or Adjusted Stats use? The intelligent metrics that I've seen all favor KSU over Va Tech.