Unverified Voracity Is Basically Tom Brady

Submitted by Brian on January 20th, 2011 at 12:47 PM

Brady Interview Football 
soak it in

This week in limited concessions to SEO. So it turns out Esquire googled AJ Daulerio and found this site's bluntly titled piece on him in the aftermath of the ESPN sex tantrum that outed some woman no one had ever heard of for dating some guy no one had ever heard of. They quoted me, so score. That makes me essentially Tom Brady. If I was not getting married in five months this might have had some utility.

I unsubscribed from Deadspin's feed a while ago when they removed full feeds because there was too much junk to wade through just to get to "Dead Wrestler of the Week" or Tommy Craggs writing something long, so I've lost track of what's going on with athlete dongs. Apparently this is:

The topic turned to a video Deadspin had posted of a drunk girl having sex in a bathroom stall at a sports bar in Bloomington, Indiana.  After a few days of trading emails with the girl, who was begging to have the video taken down, he refused to take it down.  Then the girl's father contacted Daulerio to let him know "You gotta understand, I've just been dealing with watching my daughter get f---ed in a pile of piss for the past two days."

So, awesome. We've moved beyond the thin veneer of "making ESPN acknowledge its sexism" or "Josh Hamilton is a hypocrite" or "Brett Favre is someone you've heard of" and we're just randomly holding up unfortunate young women not connected to sports in any way for internet leers. At least no one's pretending anymore. Except of course Daulerio is, so here's Tom Fornelli ripping him for it.

We'll always have Notre Dame. Tate Forcier transferred, completing his destiny. He used Twitter to make his announcement. It's sad and obviously omits "class" when it talks about the various places he worked hard. In retrospect it's all just so obvious. Homeschooling, yo. It either turns you into Tim Tebow or… not Tim Tebow.

This was cosmically ordained. Now Tate Forcier is the avatar of the Rodriguez era: high expectations, fun here and there, eventual letdown, premature termination. I'll miss the moxie. In memoriam:


BONUS INCEST SPECULATION: I wonder if he'll end up at San Diego State? He's from San Diego. He has a redshirt year, and SDSU's QB graduates after 2011. Those Montana rumors from earlier now have a lot of credence, but if he's willing to sit out a year home seems like an attractive option.

This is hard, veteran fluff. Mattison is saying some awfully nice things about Brady Hoke:

"When Brady got the job (at Michigan last Tuesday), I said to myself, 'If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this with Brady,'" Mattison said. "I wouldn't have gone to any other college team. I wouldn't have changed what I was doing for anybody but Brady.

And you can't have a defensive coordinator hire without the magic word:

"You put the best front and the best coverage out there, and the intention is to be aggressive," Mattison said.

Jarrett Irons also says Mattison is a "helluva" recruiter.

Speaking of recruiting, not to be, like, you know but… Michigan has eight coaches. Seven are white and one is Fred Jackson. Most are old, and even the young-ish ones look like old white guys spiritually. This 1) is bad, 2) looks bad, and 3) can be offset if the last two guys are "energetic recruiters" in the same way Zack Novak is "heady."

If Vincent Smith is having problems I'm not sure he's got anyone he can talk to with any clue what it's like to be a poor black kid:

I am sorry to hear your troubles. In these times I always turn to the advice of Robert Goulet.

The only thing separating this staff from your local realtor is Mark Smith's terror at being photographed. For a lot of reasons, we need some people on staff who know who Waka Flocka Flame is. (No points awarded for knowing of the existence of a "Small Wayne.")

I've heard the last two assistants are likely to be guys without ties to Michigan but there's a guy out there who seems like a natural fit: Corwin Brown. He's a secondary coach, and Michigan needs a secondary coach. He's currently with the Patriots but his role one of those assistant (to the) position coach roles the NFL invented to give anyone who gets fired a job. He's probably not making an exorbitant amount of money.

Brown wasn't a good defensive coordinator but ND defensive backs developed pretty well under his guidance and he was a monster recruiter for them. Since I have mentioned him as a plausible candidate there's no way he gets hired, but the fit seems obvious.

The DL coach, meanwhile, can barely know what a defensive line is since Hoke and Mattison are on staff and should only touch down in Ann Arbor to drop off signed LOIs. Beyonce for DL coach?

[Side note on yesterday's post on Mattison: the 12.1 PPG number I cited isn't right. It was around 17 points per game. Oddly, I got this erroneous info from M's own database, which said opponents scored 157 points in '95.]

All tapes have not been erased. If you're wondering, there will not be a Gator Bowl UFR because what's the point? I do have the Utah-SDSU game from this year and I'll do the offense from that game after Signing Day. I might pull some Picture Pages from the defense if I can find something that illuminates the difference between Greg Robinson running a 3-3-5 he doesn't understand and Rocky Long running the D he invented, too.

But anyway someone did bother to look at the tape of Michigan's bowl demolition. Here's Craig Roh playing DT on first and goal:


This would be a seven-yard touchdown up the gut. Surprise. That play features errors by Mouton, Demens, and Kovacs and is yet another item to add to the pile of reasons Greg Robinson was a bad idea.

Not a feature. I'm arrogant. I know this for a lot of reasons but there's a statistic to back it up: the Michigan version of quiz bowl (a dynasty, BTW) held intramural tournaments occasionally and my first couple years in college I played in them. They kept extensive stats, and I was in the top five in correct answers. I was number one by a mile in incorrect answers*. Arrogance is not a feature, it's a bug.

There's a response to my post about Will Smith and robots and Michigan's hidebound image of itself on Maize 'n' Brew that "loves" the arrogance of Michigan fandom that I can't disagree more with. Arrogant fans are above all unpleasant to be around, no matter if they're on your side or not. When I was in Chicago for Blogs With Balls there was barhopping wherein I hung out with various Chicago based bloggers. One was Brian Stouffer of House Rock Built. I'm not sure who the other was. Stouffer's a really nice guy. The other guy was ND Nation in the flesh, a guy who actually brought up the African-American grad rate canard in a conversation with a stranger he'd just met. That sort of clueless insecurity is arrogance.

Also, this:

We are an arrogant program, and I am an arrogant fan.  I don't argue with Brian's awareness of the arrogance, but I think there's more to it than that.  He's right - "certain outsiders" can't really teach me, or many of us, anything.  Yes, many of the things rivals say about Michigan are true.  And yes, our bowl game opponents and OOC opponents will say Michigan just "lines up and comes after you" because that's what Michigan does.  Sure, we haven't won a majority of those games (even in the past thirty or so years, Michigan's bowl record isn't fantastic) but the formula works.

Is this:

lemon-of-troy Ned Flanders: Pardon me, neighbourinos. Some of our boys are lost in your town. You wouldn't have happened to see them, by any chance?
Shelbyville Guy #1: Sounds like Springfield's got a discipline problem.
Shelbyville Guy #2: Maybe that's why we beat them at football nearly half the time.

The post is neatly summarized by Shelbyville Guy #2. This is not so good.

*(Which cost five points if offered before the question was over.)

Etc.: Kellen Jones reconfirms commitment, if you missed it in yesterday's recruiting post. Oversigning picks up steam as a media concept. JMFJ on JMFJ. Holdin' the Rope on the early days of Hoke—boy, is that blog name going to be one to explain in a few years.



January 20th, 2011 at 2:44 PM ^

Someone put "must be able to relate to and/or empathize with poor black kids" in the coordinator job posting on Craigslist right next to brian's water skis he's selling after jumping a fucking great white @ heath beach.


January 20th, 2011 at 2:54 PM ^

All of these guys have been successful for years. What makes you think don't relate to these kids?
<br>Case in point: John Calipari, upper class white guy. Seems to do ok.


January 20th, 2011 at 3:02 PM ^

Someone put "must be able to relate to and/or empathize with poor black kids" in the coordinator job posting on Craigslist right next to brian's water skis he's selling after jumping a fucking great white @ heath beach.

Tell me how that's not mocking the idea that it's a relevant job qualification at all. 


January 20th, 2011 at 10:32 PM ^

There may be a coach and coaching staff out there somewhere that would better make your argument, but certainly not Calipari.  First, 2 of his 3 assistants are minorities.  Second, as others have already noted, he almost certainly pays recruits or pays others to do so---he has a well-known relationship with William Wesley, "quite possibly the most influential and shady power broker in (college) basketball".  This is how it (Calipari's recruiting) works: he pays Wesley and Wesley does his magic to bring Calipari--whereever he's coaching--5-star talent.  Oh yea, Mr. Wesley is African-American.  But I'm sure John is an excellent mentor.


January 20th, 2011 at 4:46 PM ^

Yeah, and I didn't know what to say when Brian called Jeff Hecklinski a "spiritually old white man" based on a headshot and nothing else.

What an outrageously arrogant and ignorant post.


January 20th, 2011 at 3:15 PM ^

I am one of those people who like the Michigan arrogance.  Unfortunately, "arrogance" and "tradition" gets confused for doing things they've always been done.  One of the reasons why Michigan football is, well, Michigan football is because we have had some very innovative coaches that built on the tradition of the past.  


Yost had the foresight to build the Big House, Crisler had the Mad Magicians offense, Bo added the Woody-style toughness, Moeller added the vertical passing game, and Lloyd added in zone blitzing and blocking, and Rich added the spread (which will no doubt leave some remnant behind). 


The problem isn't that Rich didn't do it like Bo or Lloyd, it was that he ignored the positive lessons from Bo or Lloyd and replaced everything that had been built (which is why he fired the entire staff sans Fred).  We as fans need to have the arrogance not only to cherish what we used to do, but also have the arrogance to be innovative and lead the progress of football's ever-happening evolution.  

st barth

January 20th, 2011 at 3:16 PM ^

...because that group looks like it was assembled to recruit the hell out of Frankenmuth!  And to be perfectly honest, I like the idea of the Big House hosting Oktoberfest.

Seriously though, the problem with the diversity of the staff is that football (from players to coaches) is a pretty diverse game these days.   To have an entire staff of old white guys seems unlikely and actually appears somewhat conspicuous in this day and age.  And it's another symptom of the backwards, nostalgia based Michigan Man hiring paradigm risks launching M football two decades backward rather than forward.  Mediocrity might be our new ceiling as others simply pass us by.


January 20th, 2011 at 4:27 PM ^

no, I won't do the Gator Bowl UFR. Even I'm not that big a glutton for punishment. It really would be pointless at this, um, point.

Also, my real estate agent:

I'll ask if he can coach defense.


January 20th, 2011 at 5:32 PM ^


While I agree that Brian's choice of words might be inflammatory, the point it highlights is valid.  This is a coaching staff full of older, white guys (and personally, I think the former is far more relevant than the latter), and this is a sport wherein you are recruiting younger kids, many of whom are minorities and/or come from poorer backgrounds than the average student in college (especially true at schools like Michigan).  

And I think the ludicrous Century 21-style of this coaching staff is going to be used against UM in recruiting kids.  I don't think it even has to do with the skin color (though I'm sure some slimeball coaches will point that out), but because this is a bunch of dads recruiting 17-year-olds, and we all know the one thing young kids love to hear from are old people who have few cultural connections to them.  We've seen this hundreds of times already, but when kids go away to college they often experience the culture shock that can lead to transfers, acting out, etc.  Having somebody reasonably close in age - even mid to late 30s - is huge, and something this staff probably lacks (unless Fred Jackson is like Mark Zuckerberg on Facebook, only better).  UM is probably never going to be a leader in age and race diversity on its coaching staff, but they need to assemble a coaching staff that can span generations, and there are good candidates out there for that.  They just need to want it.


January 20th, 2011 at 6:04 PM ^

1.  Let's get it out of the way, I believe diversity is vastly preferrable to non-diversity--diversity of restaurants, diversity of friends, diversity of reading material, diversity of ideas.  Kinda to avoid being Omega Theta Pi.  Hence, blogs like this with, dare I say, diverse opinions.,

2.  And, Brian's comparison of the coaching staff to date to a staff of Century 21 brokers is apt and hilarious--and if you don't think so then you are taking all of this too seriously.

3.  No one, certainly not Brian, is claiming that an individual white coach cannot recruit, coach or even mentor an individual black athlete.  History and logic tell us otherwise.  But if an urban minority recruit looks around and doesn't see any coaches that look like him or with few of the same life experiences, do we really believe that won't factor into his decision?  Lack of diversity may not hurt us with any one particular recruit, but it almost certainly will as a class.  If the tables were turned and our staff was entirely comprised of minorities, I suspect we'd have more difficulty recruiting suburban or rural white linemen--let's call them "Justin Borens".  Just check out, say, Hampton State University.

4.  Brady is experienced and doesn't appear to be an idiot, so I suspect this concern (for some) will not come to fruition.  Hell, even Century 21 has some diversity these days.


January 20th, 2011 at 6:09 PM ^

Hey Brian,

We need to get Brady a blonde wig and a red dress so that he can play the role of Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson (Kyra Sedgwick) on THE CLOSER when he meets the recruits this weekend and next.  Chief Brenda always gets her man--and like Brady, her assistants are almost all old white men.  Brady Hoke . . . the real life CLOSER!

D.C. Dave

January 20th, 2011 at 7:47 PM ^

I just want to say that I not only agree with the writer raising the issue, I commend him. Of course he is right. These kids come from all kinds of backgrounds and cultures, and the coaching staff should reflect that, not in rigid percentages or quotas, but significantly enough to show the university's good intentions.

At the end of the day, you always choose the best person. But if you find yourself never choosing a minority coach as the best person, in my view perhaps the evaluators need to at least discuss whether they're making every effort.

Football is a social society as much as anything, it should reflect society. There's a diverse group of great coaches out there and it's not like Michigan is a tough sell.

And it would seem that with coach Brady Hoke, as real as they come and off to a start that I'd call masterful, a world-class university such as Michigan would see the value in bringing in a few young, talented coaches who also bring diversity to the staff. You never know, one of them might go on to be head coach at Michigan.



January 21st, 2011 at 12:27 PM ^

Look, if you are going to speak on this inflamatory topic, please be informed.

RR was NOT hispanic, despite having the last name "Rodriguez."  His family was from Spain which, while a spanish-speaking country, does not even remotely qualify as "hispanic."  Rather, people from Spain are considered as "European" as Brits and French.


January 21st, 2011 at 2:35 PM ^

After learning Spanish language and culture in U of M's Residential College (one of the top language and culture programs in the nation,) I have a different view than yours.  Succinctly, I do not hold to the Spaniards' European view of "pure-blood" makes them superior over their colonial mixed-relatives (which is laughable, in part, considering the historical intermingling of North African moores throughout most of Spain; besides the purely racist tone of the whole thing.)

I have a tough time shoe-horning all fair-skinned nations into the same race, you obviously do not (or at least your reflexive argument to me is that Spaniards = English = French = European.)

Please do not make the arrogant mistake of telling people whether or not they are qualified to participate in a discussion.  It is quite impolite, and poor form among those who are truly collegial.


January 20th, 2011 at 8:18 PM ^


As a middle aged White guy myself who remembers when Rick Leach was young, fast, and not a great guy to run into on campus, I must ask what is the problem if they can recruit and can coach.  

Now I must admit, I myself am an over the hill former RR fan and one who was (ahem) not too pleased with the cHoke hire.  Still, what's the point here IF they can coach and IF they can recruit.  Give them a chance.  

And by the way, who the hell is Little Wayne?  The only little Wayne I remember is the kid a couple blocks over that frequently got pounded.

...oh and does anybody know where I can find "Leave it to Beaver" on DirecTV?