Michigan offensive linemen Taylor Lewan and Erik Gunderson brought home a pet pig yesterday, which is awesome and very much constitutes news in the dead of the college football offseason. It is apparently quite the accomplished pig, as they gave it the moniker "Dr. Hamlet III"—don't ask what happened to the first two, that's confidential information held only by Brady Hoke and his most trusted butcher.
This is the perfect match of pet and owners—all offensive linemen should be required to own literal hogs, really—but while Dr. Hamlet III is a strong name indeed, we believe the pig could use one with a Michigan-related twist. Thanks to Twitter and some highly important intra-office chat sessions, here are a few suggestions:
- The Honorable Boar Schembechler
- Babe Watson, Jr. (HT: @APHaseltine)
- Troy Woolpork*
- John U. Bacon
- Al Boarges (HT: @TheAuburner)
- Sir Mercury Glaze (HT: @zajareich)
- Glorious Hamfist Butterfield
- Desmond Hogward, M.D.
- Spam Sword**
- Elliott Squealer, DDS (HT: @sspillane05)
- Sty Streets, Esq. (HT: @SlipperyDers)
- Remy Hamilton
- Jake Pork Butt
- Carnitas Taco Charlton
- Jeff Babybackus IV
Brian Cook [1:18pm]
Vincent Smith with this clip:
"He... didn't make it" would've been the perfect call for the Clowney play if Mike Tirico had the world's greatest sense of humor.
Anyway, those are some pig names. Feel free to use them at your own discretion.
*This name almost certainly appeared in a past issue of Athlon without anybody noticing.
**Brian: "Also I think a craftable item in Dungeons of Dredmor." My boss, everyone.