The Story, 2018: Lie Back And Think Of Iowa Comment Count

Brian

Previously: Podcast 10.0A. Podcast 10.0B. Podcast 10.0C. The Story 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008. Preview 2017.

It's not rational to think football would be immune. When the world's decided that shame is for losers and the only rule is get paid, football will follow along too. Unless it's leading the way. And... uh... it's leading the way. The commissioner of this here league spearheaded the addition of two Eastern Seaboard schools with barely enough football tradition to scrape into a thimble because it would personally benefit himself and the class of parasitic grandees currently skimming off the top of college football to the tune of millions of dollars a year.

That decision paid off with a perfect tragedy. Jordan McNair's death was not only the result of deeply immoral approach to football and life but also incompetent. Stupid. Only a fucking idiot could have waited an hour before calling 911 when a very large man was having a seizure, unable to stand, on a blisteringly hot day. Maryland employed that fucking idiot. That's because their athletic department, shielded from the kinds of things that would do material harm to the parasitic grandees within, is by and for fucking idiots. They left the ACC, where they had many and several fun basketball rivalries, because a previous generation of fucking idiots managed to rack up so much debt that their continued existence in their home conference was no longer tenable.

Labor costs for their most valuable employees when they racked up this debt stayed steady. At zero.

[After THE JUMP: more of this, then some sort of corn-eagle-man]

And then there's Rutgers, which just paid disgraced idiot Julie Hermann a cool half-million dollars more than she was owed when the idiots that hired her decided they had to fire her after the football coach idiot she hired decided this was a good idea:

In the original email from Flood to the professor, who was unnamed in the report, Flood wrote: “I am sending it from my personal email to your personal email to ensure there will be no public vetting of the correspondence.” In the telephone conversation with the advisor, Flood was told, “Coach, you can’t have contact with the professor. You certainly can’t have contact with faculty regarding grades or eligibility. This is going to be a big problem.” Flood told the advisor, “This conversation stays between you and me,” to which the advisor responded, “We never had this conversation. … I want no part of this.”

This line is also in the report: “Coach Flood told the professor that he purposely didn’t wear any Rutgers apparel or insignia so he wouldn’t be recognized in public, meeting with the professor.”

It was just a matter of time before one of these institutions killed somebody. Anyway, football!

Actually, not just yet, because Michigan's primary and ancient rival just did the Urban Meyer thing, and its tertiary and old-ish rival continues to employ square-jawed crime-endorser Mark Dantonio, who also recently reinstated the author of this text:

“Honestly don’t know who for sure but probably [TEAMMATE] or another shitty fucking [N-word] with no morals.”

Unlike Maryland and Rutgers, these people win football games, making things even tougher to take. Not only is your favorite thing locked in an organization that has no greater purpose than making money and winning football games, it's not even winning the right football games. Immoral and un-fun. Woo!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

So where do we go from here? I don't think it's any secret that I've had difficulty getting up for this season. While Michigan has a ton of promise the prospect of going 9-3 against a monster schedule, and all the TAEKS that will inspire me to throw all communication devices in the trash and grow a beard I can knit a house out of, rather looms. The prospect of staring down a smug Urban Meyer as he's worshipped by every trash person in Ohio as Michigan loses to Ohio State again doesn't really appeal.

The potential benefits feel pretty remote, as they must inevitably when the only football season since this blog's inception that ended well was Brady Hoke's first horseshoe-up-his-butt year, when Ohio State was running out Luke Fickell after another firing-worthy incident from their head coach and Michigan beat Virginia Tech in a bowl game despite having about six yards of offense thanks in part to a long snapper catching a pass.

30972997735_0496543b84_z

[Patrick Barron]

So, Iowa, I guess? Going to Iowa two years ago was a window into another world. As I described it at the time:

Iowa football is great. It is a sneaky tentpole program of college football; it's the main locus of sporting passion in a state that doesn't have any pro teams but can cobble together enough people to make a D-I program work.

So you go there. The first thing you notice is that Kinnick is gorgeous. It's all brick, even on the interior, and if we're being totally honest it kind of feels like when Bill Martin added the luxury boxes he pointed at Kinnick and said "do that." Upon entering it was nigh-impossible to tell where the student section was because everyone was in black and standing the whole time. This is a very disappointing 5-4 (now 6-4) team that had its bloggers overreacting and predicting Rutgers-esque scores before the game but that stadium was packed to the gills 20 minutes before the kick.

At halftime I ducked back under the concourse because it was about ten degrees warmer underneath and hung out for a while. An Iowa fan engaged me and asked where I was from, how I was doing, that sort of thing; there was no animosity. He was checking on his fellow fans, mostly. I had only good things to report.

Afterwards the logistics of having working media and plain old fans driving in the same car caused us to wait outside one of the main exit points of Kinnick for about 20 minutes; probably half that stadium walked by us. Other than one or two guys who said things too dorky to actually be threatening, everyone was happy and polite. There was one guy out there the whole time just high-fiving everyone.

The existence of Iowa is one of the reasons I like college football so much better than the NFL.

College football gets away with so much because underlying it all are a bunch of college students that occasionally score 55 points on the local death star; it gets away with so much because football teams are the centers of real, living communities that you feel whenever you are at an alumni event. Or are in a stadium.

Iowa doesn't expect too much and is frequently rewarded by seeing their collection of rag-tag two-star recruits hit the bullseye with whatever the Iowa equivalent of photon torpedoes is. Probably corn on a stick. Iowa's vibe is not our sad bastard vibe, nor is it the awful amoral bro culture of the two rivals mentioned above. It's a bunch of people waving at a hospital. And maybe we could work our way back to that, eventually.

Probably not.

But I have been to deepest Iowa, in a geographically literal sense.

image

The town of Sheldon is about as far west and north as you can go in the state, located in such a manner as to defeat the purpose of air travel. So you drive to it, all those many hours of corn and livestock, livestock and corn, to go to a funeral for a person you never met. Eventually you are stunned by how Iowa City is now a suburb of Chicago. Sheldon has a small church surrounding a small town of literal pig farmers; it's the kind of place where the Subway logo is a huge relief. It's not exactly ugly but there's nothing pretty about it, and that goes for the great flat plains that stretch endlessly in any direction.

Driving home there is a snow storm, somewhere. It could be miles away to the west. Could be anywhere, because the wind blows across the plains and grabs the falling snow and pushes it across the road. Passing trucks impart it with intricate whorls; the only places any of it actually sticks is every mile or two where a copse of trees has been suffered to stand so it can provide a windbreak around a farmhouse.

The experience is ghostly, otherworldly. The kind of thing that burns itself into your brain and will not leave. The snow streaming across asphalt, beauty previously not only unseen but completely unthinkable. Literally unimaginable. The mind could not imagine having the feeling about the place it is currently having until it does. Somewhere out there is a high school quarterback with no chance of ever throwing a pass in college who will stamp his name on a state's heart. And so we carry on, just in case Keith Jackson isn't really dead.

Comments

CFraser

August 27th, 2018 at 1:45 PM ^

McNair’s death is incompetence to the extreme. I had no idea he was seizing before they called. His electrolytes were obviously out of whack (would have seen that hours before with cramping/altered mental status if they had a clue.) This whole case is disheartening because it’s soooooo easy to prevent. There may be criminal charges here if they want to pursue that. At a very least civil...

BornInA2

August 27th, 2018 at 1:47 PM ^

Not in any way excusing the horror at Maryland, but their "labor cost" is not zero. This, as witnessed by any parent paying for college, is entirely, 100% factually wrong and is an outright stupid claim to make in the midst of an entirely valid rant. Don't screw your credibility with untruths that would seem on the surface to lend weight to your argument; it's petty.

Blueverine

August 27th, 2018 at 2:04 PM ^

"Factually wrong" - yeah. "Stupid" and "petty" - not so much. When a school like Michigan has a $185+M budget, paying 85 scholarships at - pick a number - $30K? - is $2.5M, you're talking a couple percent from the guys making 90% of the money. Hell, pay the full ride for EVERY student athlete (950 or so) and you're only at $28.5M. And not all of these are hard costs (another guy or gal in Freshman Comp ain't increasing the cost).

The point is that players are getting somewhat compensated - certainly not full value - while coaches and administrators are getting PAID - big time. 

And here's a prediction: in 5 years or less when conference deals expire and Amazon, Netflix, Facebook, Apple, Hulu bring BILLIONS to the table for rights, the players will see the light and that's when the college athlete "labor cost" will be real.

BornInA2

August 27th, 2018 at 3:09 PM ^

Perhaps. But more money will only serve to exacerbate the things about which Brian and other wail, and nothing to fix them. If you really want less graft, corruption, greed, misplaced priorities, etc. then you take money OUT of the equation.

Also keep in mind that these are kids- many teenagers. They are playing a game. They've been doing it for a few years. The coaches, while I agree they are stupidly overpaid, have a lifetime of experience.

grumbler

August 29th, 2018 at 8:07 PM ^

"The point is that players are getting somewhat compensated - certainly not full value..."

I love how people have this magical ability to determine the "full value" of football players when the market has already done that, and sown them to be wrong.

No college football player is ever FORCED by the Evol NCAA to play for a college team and forgoe playing for anyone else who wants to hire an 18-year-old football player fresh out of high school.  The players CHOOSE to play college football because it compensates them BETTER THAN THE OTHER MARKET ALTERNATIVES.  

Only morons think that the "full value" of something is determined by the level of concern trolling on the matter. 

If you really think the players' "full value" is so much higher than the compensation they get from colleges, there is a huge opening there for YOU to hire them for more than the colleges compensate, and receive yourself the FULL VALUE of their services.  You will get rich, without fail!  That's capitalism, amirite?

Brian Griese

August 27th, 2018 at 1:48 PM ^

I personally would’ve saved this column until after the season to see if it went well or not, but I get the sentiment. To me, this season seems like crossroads for Michigan  - both for Harbaugh and the program in general. I understand Michigan probably will never operate a ‘win at all costs’ football program, but damnit it’s depressing year in and year out to get hyped up for whatever reason then still end the season with an ass kicking from OSU. Maybe it is time to treat football like an Iowa fan. 

jamesjosephharbaugh

August 27th, 2018 at 1:58 PM ^

The thing is, operating a "doing it the right way" program makes winning all that much more sweet when we get around to it.  It's nice for the good guys to get one against the bad guys.  

But man, it's so much less nice, less fun when the bad guys are like, seriously bad.  Winning a football game against a team with bag men is sweet revenge.  But it is hardly any solace against a team that enables abuse, violence, or actually killed a player.  It's just not that fun even when you win.  

gosh i'm going to have to make a change.  i can't support this.  

Indiana Blue

August 27th, 2018 at 3:04 PM ^

The only ass-kicking I recall over the last 2 years was Penn State last year (and we've done that to them several times).  The ohio game was rigged by the ALL ohio referee crew in 2016 and last year Michigan had the final possession with a chance to win the game.  

I have 2 specific Harbaugh field calls since he started.  1) no reason to punt at the end of MSU game - bad !!! time management, and 2) we should have ONE 2 poit conversion play to be ONLY used to beat ohio or win a Natty.  In 2016 they score in OT and kick the PAT, then we score and now you bring out that play to win it.   Otherwise with the QB and OL issues we've been competitive.  I do have higher expectations this year with a great defense, but now Black is out, just WTF.

Go Blue!   

Chunks the Hobo

August 27th, 2018 at 1:50 PM ^

What's all this lying around shit?

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

It's College Fucking Football Week. We're playing a big rival for the first time since some brand got activated. I am also of the opinion that Everything Sucks, but I'm still gonna be pumped Saturday night.

LET'S DO IIIIT!!!!

True Blue Grit

August 27th, 2018 at 1:52 PM ^

I agree about the Iowa experience.  We went to that game too and had a great experience - EXCEPT for the game itself, of course.  We didn't run into any rude people.  A really nice lady- student offered directions to us, even though we hadn't asked her.  The city and campus seemed very Ann Arbor-like, other than the constant background smell of manure which seemed to pervade every cubic inch of air.  We were able to tailgate on the golf course among mostly Michigan fans and had a great time.   It's a long trip and not nearly as much fun on the way back if you lose.  But I'd recommend it to anyone for the experience.   

N. Campus Tech

August 27th, 2018 at 1:53 PM ^

Brian needs to hang out with "Jake from Ann Arbor" a little bit. He's frickin' excited for the season to start.

I'll hang up an listen, Go Blue. I'll hang up an listen, Go Blue.

PopeLando

August 27th, 2018 at 1:53 PM ^

I get it man. Fandom can be exhausting, and recent events can destroy the soul.

But it's fuckin' college football season! Let's try to have a little optimism?

And it was a proton torpedo which destroyed the Death Star. Photon torpedoes are Star Trek. You should be ashamed of yourself. 

Carpetbagger

August 27th, 2018 at 1:53 PM ^

I remember when I used to let the politics of things bother me too. Everything is so much better once you tune out the BS Days of our Lives crap that doesn't mean anything in sports. Especially college sports. Most especially in Michigan college football.

Now I can't imagine ruining the excitement I feel for Saturday with some stupid shit I can't do anything about.

jamesjosephharbaugh

August 27th, 2018 at 1:53 PM ^

Brian, you've built a good thing here and the world is better because you have a place to put the words in your brain/heart/soul/whatever.  Maybe you're just in a temporary malaise, but if not, maybe it's time to sell your stake and enjoy the fruits of your labor. This is not a criticism, and I'm not trying to hint at you to quit writing these sad things.  Rather just making an acknowledgement, if you ain't feeling it - and I totally get that -  maybe look at selling to the next up.  Maybe JT Rogan is interested.  

But in any deal you strike, make sure you're allowed to come back and write here. 

Or another option, take 2018's season as a year to become an activist.  Keep writing here, but start doing some organizing, protesting, and building a platform to effect change.  Let's buy a billboard in Columbus with Courtney's bruises and bloody hand. Get the women on campus in Columbus to boycott the team. Let's boycott Michigan games vs. the bad guys. Go on the radio, write editorials, get your elected officials involved.  The MGoHorde would rally with you if you wanted to lead the charge for change.  Spend from now until January focusing less on football and more on impacting the sport - maybe that would be something you can get up for. 

Now with those questions aside, this is a very nice tribute to Iowa. My folks lived in Stillwater for awhile and I felt kind of the same about it there with Oklahoma State, but of course it's not the same because that's a big rich program that's certainly not cobbled together. But the sense of community and identity for all those rural Oklahomans is deep for sure.  I bought a motorcycle on ebay in Iowa once, it was a fun road trip to pick it up and bring it back to Michigan. I bet the folks are nice out there.

 

Indiana Blue

August 27th, 2018 at 3:15 PM ^

JJH - good piece except for middle "occupy movement" section.  This is Brian being "Brian" and he excels at being himself.  By no means are we suppose to all agree with him, but I anxiously read the next sentence and paragraph because it was great food for thought.  Maryland has a disaster to deal with ... because they don't win football games.  If the same thing happened in East Lansing or Columbus, it would be a totally different story and neither Meyer or Dantonio would be removed.

Go Blue!

 

grumbler

August 29th, 2018 at 8:14 PM ^

I have twice seen people on other, non-sports fora bring up Better Son / Daughter with the comment that it was the best sports video ever.  Commenters were invariably blown away.

May we see another, slightly happier equivalent at the end of this season.

MgoWood

August 27th, 2018 at 2:03 PM ^

One of my Radiation Therapy classmates is from Sheldon. We are the only two people from Iowa in our class. One thing that I'll never get enough of (because this is totally Iowan to say) is Corn on the cob. Grew up going to some Iowa games and loved the atmosphere(even though GoBlue).

DowntownLJB

August 27th, 2018 at 2:04 PM ^

As I boarded the plane in New York for the weekend trip back to Michigan for a football game several years ago, I wondered to myself as to why I kept making sure to have at least one such weekend a year.  The number of friends to go back to see games with is smaller (I don't need the football to keep me connected to them), the football isn't always so good or rewarding as the experience once was, I'm not so fresh off the college campus as I used to be, nor as attached to the sports as I was as a young girl after I fell in love with the maize 'n blue & winged helmets & Bo & Jaime Morris's story and running style... and then that game happened.  It was the first game Under the Lights at Michigan Stadium.  And I had all the answer I needed to the "why" I'd been asking myself on the way.

Reading Brian's take here reminds me of the way I felt boarding that plane.  I hope this season helps him find the "why" as emphatically as that beautiful wild night in Ann Arbor did for me.

JohnnyV123

August 27th, 2018 at 2:04 PM ^

Worst story ever? I mean...the hell am I reading?

I get being negative about the conference. All the issues are very upsetting. But the team? A disappointing 9-3 with one of the toughest schedules in the country means we beat two out of Penn State, Wisconsin, Michigan State, Ohio State and Notre Dame and won all the other games. And that's the bad end of expectations? We aren't who you think we are. Do you not remember the recent times where we could barely beat awful teams like Connecticut or Illinois?

The question about Durkin is a catch 22. If he says No, Coach Durkin never exhibited troublesome signs then he looks like an ignorant idiot or is calling Peppers a liar. If he says Yes then why the hell would he have been employing him?

BlueMan80

August 27th, 2018 at 2:08 PM ^

It's a new season.  Hope springs eternal.

Also...Shea Patterson is an upgrade at QB.  Ed Warriner should get more out of the O-line than last year's "two guys but who is in charge" OL coaching.  Freshmen receivers no longer freshmen.  The defense is loaded with one more year in Don Brown's system under their belt.  Don Brown himself!

We've had no luck since Hoke's first year.  Burned up too much good karma.  We have to regress to the mean, so why not this year?  Maybe OSU doesn't mentally show up for the game taking a win for granted?  Maybe we don't make mistakes on offense as we have the past few years and we take care of the ball and score.

I try to keep my expectations in check, but maybe this is the year we beat OSU and MSU and destroy the deathstars of the B1G!  

M-Dog

August 27th, 2018 at 2:33 PM ^

Patterson . . . Warriner . . . Drevno off to greener pastures . . . I gotta say, Harbaugh did a very good job in the off-season of addressing the pain points that were addressable. 

He seemed in a bit of denial for a while, but that's clearly not the case.

So for that reason, I'm optimistic for the season.

 

Milk

August 27th, 2018 at 2:09 PM ^

Brian, you are such a whiny little bitch.  I despise you as a person.  Please stick to writing about Michigan sports and save the virtue signalling for somebody who cares.

Larry Appleton

August 27th, 2018 at 2:10 PM ^

Does anyone believe that this column would have been written had we beaten OSU last year?  Hell, does anyone believe it would have been written had we beaten South Carolina last year?

It's a game.  We are fans.  This is supposed to be fun!

Brian lost himself last winter.  Perhaps he needs to step away from this website until he can find a way to stop being such a depressing sourpuss.  

Heptarch

August 27th, 2018 at 4:54 PM ^

The South Carolina game broke Brian. 

I understand why. That game is one that shouldn't be lost by a great coach. 

But if he couldn't haul himself out of his malaise long enough to write an optimistic article about a very good Michigan team maybe he should've passed the duty on to someone who could. 

Obligatory "It's his blog, he can do what he wants", of course, but aside from a small handful of fans here who seem to revel in misery, I think he's forgotten who his audience is. 

Heptarch

August 27th, 2018 at 9:47 PM ^

Honestly, if you can't get excited about walking up Stadium (or Main) on game day to watch Michigan play football, particularly when we have as good a team as we do this year, I don't know what to tell you.

I get why Brian (and others) are sad or can't muster up the same excitement as they once did.  There's a hell of a lot negative going around in the world today in college football and beyond.

But we still have Michigan football.  It's one of the vanishingly small number of things that I truly look forward to year after year.

grumbler

August 29th, 2018 at 8:51 PM ^

Not me.  I love Michigan and Michigan football.  I don't just love winning Michigan football, I love Michigan football.  Full stop.  All I ask is all they have.  If they don't have what it takes to win a game, then so be it.  As long as they gave their all, they have my full and unconditional support.  The players on those putrid RichRod defenses?  They had my full and unconditional support every time they gave their all, even though their all wasn't enough. 

I'd much rather lose than cheat.  If I felt otherwise, I'd cheer for MSU or OSU.

Crime Reporter

August 27th, 2018 at 2:14 PM ^

I’m in the same boat as Brian.

This week doesn’t have the same optimistic, fall-is-in-the-air feel of years past. I won’t go over again why I’m so cynical but I have other plans Saturday. Good luck friends.

MichLax

August 27th, 2018 at 2:21 PM ^

For me, football just feels like small potatoes compared to what has transpired over the past year and a half. I would love to use this season as a coping/escape mechanism, but I feel the same as Brian. The fact that so many horrible things have been allowed and enabled to happen in the name of money and winning at sportsball have really killed my passion (as well as the decade of losing, obviously).

dj123

August 27th, 2018 at 2:24 PM ^

definitely a swing and a miss. 

Iowa is worth celebrating, and the nod to UMD's reckless tragedy is appropriate, but this is way too negative for a likable team that is going to play fun, aggressive football.

grumbler

August 29th, 2018 at 8:55 PM ^

Brian needs to be locked in a room and forced to watch Chase Winovich's last interview about 50 times.  How Brian can feel so blase about guys like Winovich baffles me.  If you can get excited about Iowa but not Winovich, you're watching the wrong game.