Picture Pages: Datbull Comment Count

BiSB May 21st, 2013 at 4:30 PM

By now everyone has heard the saga of Jay Harris. The former Michigan State wide receiver commit out of Pennsylvania has parted ways with the Spartans to pursue his rap career. There are varying accounts of exactly what happened; Harris claimed it was a mutual decision, and MSU sources are indicating they dropped him like... well, like a Michigan State wide receiver would drop something. But with all the drama of how this went down, one thing got lost in the shuffle: the music.

[Caution: lyrics are very much NSFW]

Harris put together a this epic music video, so it's only fitting that we analyze said video to try to unlock the genius within.

0:00 - 000

We open on the most hardcore of all yard equipment storage structures, the shed. This particular shed is especially thug, because it is tagged. On the inside. So whoever was inside the shed would know whose shed it was. A lone young man sits, and while we presume him to be our protagonist, but he has not yet told us his name.

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0:04 - 004

Oh damn, there goes that scholarship. Oh well. Now we can move on to our hero's true talents like...

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0:07 -007

...being a fire-breathing dragon.

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0:10 - 010

"Datbull fo life. Fo fo life. I'm Datbull fo life. Fo life..."

Finally, a flicker of insight into his identity. Yes, our hero has a name. And like most males, he will go by that name for the rest of his life. But apparently he has had trouble in the past convincing people of either his identity or the vehemence with which he will stand by that identity, so he repeats himself several times to drive home his point. He is Datbull, and he shall remain as such for life.

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0:14 - 014

He seems to have lost focus, though in fairness it seems to be through little fault of his own.

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0:17 - 017

Mr. Bull has surrounded himself with a group of likeminded compatriots, but one (who may or may not be pre-weight loss Jonah Hill) has been ostracized from the group. He is made to stand behind a gate. This seems unfair, but perhaps there is a good reason. Only time will tell.

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0:27 - 027

"I'm Datbull fo life. I take yo wife. Take his b*tch and his b*tch..."

Our scene shifts to the pavilion at a local park. Pavilions, of course, are among the thuggest of the open-air structures. What, were you gonna say that pagodas are harder? You think a weak-ass gazebo could survive in the rap game? Hell no. But I hope they reserved that pavilion, because if that Boy Scout Troop shows up, they'll kick you out again. They plan ahead.

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0:40 - 040

"She dancin' [in close proximity to my genitals] like she practicing that ballet" 

That's... sir, that's not a nice thing to say about his wife.

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1:19 119

"And there's mollys in the building so you know I'm popping three..."

We return to the safety of the shed, and we are led to notice the amount of seating available. How many gatherings are you hosting in this shed?

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1:29 - 129

[I have no idea what he's saying]

This is a tactical error by the director. This large pile of money is barely noticeable. That should be fanned out and/or made to rain. This is standard protocol.

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1:34 - 134

[Something about being Van Gogh if Van Gogh smoked weed]

Another embarrassing mistake with the vehicle shot. We clearly see our cameraman's hand on the 'oh shit' handle.

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1:38 - 138

Dude, you just got your own words wrong. We need to get out of this car. Go back to the shed. Or the the street. Things were going pretty well in the street.

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1:45 - 145

"I'm like Jordan to the game but you can call me DB..."

Thank God, we're back on the street. And it appears that Datbull has carried on the recent tradition of Michigan State wide receiver commits, in that he (a) enjoys basketball, and (b) won't end up playing wide receiver at Michigan State.

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2:02 - 202Ja

They've finally let Jonah Hill out from behind the gate, which DAMNIT JONAH GET YOUR HAND OFF OF YOUR JUNK. We're filming a goddamn music video here. I mean...you know what? No. Get back behind your gate.

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2:08 - 208

"...you can call me Datbull. Fo life. Fo fo life. Fo life. You know. You know."

The lyrics conclude. But there is still a full 1:18 left in the video. I'm not sure how we're gonna fill that time, but whatever. Once you’ve made your point, there’s really no point in continuing. And I think we’re all pretty clear about the message. Datbull. Fo Life.

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2:15 - 215

Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

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2:22 - 222

The group gathers once more under the pavilion. Jonah has been forced to stand to the side. This is for everyone's safety (see: 2:02).

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2:29 - 229

We fade to black. There are still 57 seconds left in the video. It's clear now how we are going to fill the remaining time: by not.

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2:46 - 246

And now we're completely dark. Do... do we leave now? I mean, there's still some sound, but it's like they forgot we were still here. Oh well, let's wait to see if there are some special features at the end, like Datbull and his friends eating shawarma.

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3:00 - 300

Not looking promising.

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3:26 - 300

Nope. Just a bold and unconventional artistic choice by the artist, as if to say, 'I don't need graphics or lyrics or sounds of any kind. I'm Datbull. Fo life. You know? You know."

Comments

gmoney41

May 22nd, 2013 at 12:36 PM ^

Chief Keef is awful, and copying him is beyond wack.  Why do people think that nursery rhymes over lazy uninspired casio keyboard production is dope.  I have that new Ghostface Killah album and it is soooo good.  It dares to take a chance and succeeds.  All these youngsters follow such wackness, Lil Wayne, Drake, Jay Z, and all of these pop rappers would get destroyed by an Action Bronson, Ghost, RA the rugged man. 

Blue in Yarmouth

May 22nd, 2013 at 7:42 AM ^

dude...I didn't think it would be possible for someone to put into words just how ridiculous I thought that whole thing was. From the video to the lyrics to the saga of who dropped who you not only captured it, but somehow made it even more funny than I thought it was initially. As always BiSB, awesome work!

pdgoblue25

May 22nd, 2013 at 8:23 AM ^

The worst decision of his life.

You could have majored in music, learned about production, and probably actually produce your own songs as a project.  What an idiot.

upnorthinblue

May 22nd, 2013 at 8:49 AM ^

Its to bad sparty isnt coming to the big house this year. How awesome would it have been to play this as Coach D and the gang comes running out. It seems that we would have missed out on the  best grumpy old guy face of all time.

MikeCohodes

May 22nd, 2013 at 9:23 AM ^

BiSB knocks it out of the park with another great post. I just hope this doesn't mean we won't also get a This Week in the Twitterverse post as well from him.  Great job BiSB!  This cracked me up!

ohio

May 22nd, 2013 at 10:23 AM ^

This is so appalling and laughable to me. It's only laughable because I have seen this movie before in real-life and I can imagine the thought process of this kid. I played high school football with several kids just like this and it is really sad. Some kids from the inner city could care less about an opportunity when it is right in front of their face. The few standout kids on our high school team would get letters and pulled out of class for visits from coaches and I would see them on the street and at parties just acting lawless and untouchable. The crazy thing is that is what made them great football players, but in the end they loved the street life more than football and an opportunity to have a better life. In my opinion, this is due to 1. misguidance, but 2. by fear of the responsibility of having to grow up and leave the loyalty of the streets and the people that have been with you from day one, but don't have the same opportunities. It's a difficult thing to teach a kid the value of separating themselves from the negative people around them. If he is talented enough to get an offer from Staee, he is a good enough football player to have paved a whole new course for your life, but those blunts and your friends and apathy can make you say f**k it. So sad.

CAwolverine

May 22nd, 2013 at 10:45 AM ^

This whole Datbull situation conjures up fond memories from April 1985 involving baseball pitcher Sidd Finch. If your too young to have heard about him, it is worth it to click on the link below (I am posting from my iPad sorry about any formatting issues). The similarities are astounding! According to Sports Illustrated, Sidd threw a fastball 168 Mph, Datbull is a rapper with a 168 word vocabulary. Sidd wore a hiking boot on the mound, Datbull and his posse are wearing Goodwill discards. Sidd spent time at Harvard, Datbull was offered a scholarship at MSU. Just like Sidd, I bet he is not a rapper, there was no MSU scholarship, and his girlfriend is actually Lennay Kekua.

Here is a Link: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1119283/

chitownblue2

May 22nd, 2013 at 11:39 AM ^

Moreso the phenomenon of white middle-aged men feeling empowered to mock cultural norms and speech patterns of cultures different then their own.

I want to be clear: I assume you don't dislike black people, and I assume your intent was not to offend. I am not calling you a racist in any form.

What I am saying is that if I were about to write a comedy piece, as a white man, that revolved around Mexican illegal immigrants, I'd pump the brakes pretty hard before I hit "publish".

BiSB

May 22nd, 2013 at 12:04 PM ^

I am not mocking cultural norms. I'm mocking the extent to which this video COMPLETELY BOTCHES those cultural norms. And I'm mocking the fact that it is a legitimately terrible video.

Here's a pretty comprehensive list of everything I mocked in this piece:

  • The fact that they filmed it in (a) a shed, and (b) a pavilion in a park
  • His blatant drug use/references at a time in which he was still pledged to play D1 football at a school where OF COURSE they wouldn't be cool with that.
  • The ridiculous repetition of his name
  • The camera work
  • The awkward guy in the video
  • The NSFW-ness of the video (again where MSU obviously wasn't gonna be cool with it)
  • The fact that his lyrics don't match up to his lip syncing
  • The fact that MSU lost Drake Harris
  • The ridiculously long fade-out

A guy made a hilariously bad video. If he'd been white or made a similarly bad video in a different genre under similar circumstances, I'd still be making fun of it.

You're pretty much calling this thing racist. No... not pretty much. You are calling it racist. And I deny that fact.

gmoney41

May 22nd, 2013 at 2:01 PM ^

You had every right to make fun of this kid.  If what this kid was doing in his video is part of the cultural norm, than our culture is seriously screwed up.  Plus this kid is an abomination on rap music.  I grew up in the eighties and nineties, if this came out then, this dude, along with 90% of the rappers you hear on radio or tv today would be laughed off the stage.  Hip Hop has regressed, not evolved.  Very few rappers are actually pushing the envelope, and the ones that do, don't get any pub.  I applaud what you did, Bisb and your posts are always funny and relevant.

los barcos

May 22nd, 2013 at 11:39 AM ^

i wonder how many people here who are lambasting the kid for "chasing his dreams" are doing so from a windowless office staring at a computer screen working on the same monotonous and inane work day after day after day. 

people have different career paths, or different desires, and are more inclined to take more risks to try to reach what they want. lets not forget that the proprietor of this site quit a "real" job to work on something called a "blog" about michigan football.

to each his own i guess.

tsunami42080

May 22nd, 2013 at 11:18 AM ^

I've been reading this blog for over a year now. I was inspired to finally create a usename simply to comment that his post, and comments, were hilarious. Thanks.

 

 

Ron Utah

May 22nd, 2013 at 12:07 PM ^

That beat was taken from the default Hudl beat options.  Datbull needs to put a call into Ryan Lewis to get some help with his beats.  And while he's doing that, he may as well call someone to do the rap part for him too.

Ron Utah

May 22nd, 2013 at 12:20 PM ^

You know how they teach you in school that weed doesn't actually make you more creative, it just makes you think you're more creative?

For the first time in my life, I believe that.