Obligatory Uniformz Post Comment Count

Brian December 18th, 2012 at 3:47 PM

Hey. Life rolls on. Thank you to those who have expressed condolences.

One of the running jokes on the podcast this year has been theorizing that the athletic department has someone specifically dedicated to trolling me. Evidence: "In The Big House" did not return until after the nonconference season had convinced me it was gone, and Michigan waited until the last possible moment to change Jordan Kovacs away from #32. Taken with the deployment of Denard and Devin against Ohio State, this is strong evidence indeed.

If they are deep enough inside that they knew what I was writing up this morning and chose that hour to release the latest in the ever-growing line of uniformz, I am terrified because the sleeper agent is probably me.

Anyway. We knew this was coming because Michigan's promise after they announced the Alabama uniformz was that they would not screw with the jerseys during the regular season. They are here. If you have not been on the internet, here they are:



They finally screwed with the helmet. Also Ramzy pointed out that there seem to be four different shades of yellow on this thing.

Yes, yes, the kids love it, which is why Alabama and USC are struggling to recruit these days. It is possible the kids are not quite so stupid as that meme thinks they are and make decisions based on things other than wearing goofy alternates a couple of times a year. Your assertion as to what the kids love does not seem to have much bearing on where they go to school. Alabama did not need fancy duds to annihilate Michigan earlier this year.


What gets me is that many iconic uniforms are not being futzed with, including the aforementioned teams plus Texas, Florida State, Penn State, and Oklahoma*, but the people running those athletic departments must be wrong and the man who brought us pasta inside a bread bowl must be right. I do not agree that this is necessarily the case, Kids Love It Arguer Guy.

I mean, the brand-manic NFL has strict restrictions on third jerseys, with many of the teams deploying them once or twice… ever. NFL teams are prohibited from wearing alternates in the Super Bowl, and only the Chargers have ever deployed them in a playoff game, probably because the Chargers' alternates are themselves a great tradition revived from the 1960s.

It's no real loss if Michigan looks dumb playing in Tampa, but I'll be sad if Michigan plays a Rose Bowl in anything other than classic Schembechler blue. And if you wouldn't want to wear it at the Rose Bowl, why would you want to wear it anywhere?

I promise to write another version of this post in August when alternate uniforms for the ND game are announced, because it is tradition, and tradition is important. #thisguygetsit

*[All of those teams have largely if not entirely opted out. Oklahoma wore some all-whites that were roundly panned in 2009 and scrapped the concept, and Texas altered their helmets to honor Darrel K Royal this year but that's a whole different thing everyone should be okay with. IIRC Alabama did have some sort of subtle houndstooth thing in one game. In each case any uniform alterations were one-offs or close to it, not Michigan's parade.]



December 18th, 2012 at 7:43 PM ^

Seems to me that alternate uniforms cost quite a lot. Money that could probably be better spent elsewhere. Oh yeah, but now that we're in the Big 14, we've got money to burn. Or did the need for these alternate uniforms necessitate expanding the league? Chicken or the egg? I dunno.

Change is not always good. I thought as Michigan, we were supposed to value traditions. I suppose greed could be considered a tradition. Brandon seems to think so.

Buck Killer

December 18th, 2012 at 7:59 PM ^

How did they start the 1960 tradition in San Diego? It is cool because it started in the 60's? My grandchildren may like the 2012 traditional uniforms. Can we get a time machine, so we can change? We are being pussies.


December 18th, 2012 at 8:15 PM ^

I don't think all "kids" love Uni changes. I'm an undergrad at CMU and I have hated all the alt jerseys. Not just Michigans. (Except Georgia all black against Florida a few years back was pretty cool.) Michigan should never wear alt jerseys!


December 18th, 2012 at 8:22 PM ^

These uniformz are designed to make the other team sick. That has to be it, because looking at them makes me sick.

In fact, to augment this master stroke of genius, Brandon has arranged for the world's most nauseating pizza, Domino's, to be served to the South Carolina team before the game.

The comination is designed to cause SC's players to vomit and become so dehydrated that Michigan has a chance to win.

But the Ol' Ball Coach and the SEC have a trick up their sleeves, too. Because their plan is to host Michigan's team with a special Lizard's Thicket Restaurant meal imported from South Carolina. And wear mirrored unis.


December 18th, 2012 at 8:45 PM ^

Those jerseys are fucking terrible. That highlighter yellow is hurting my retinas/corneas.  I want to vomit & then punch Brandon, Hoke, et al in the face while I vomit some more.  The helmets...are tbd for me.

Dear Mr Brandon, Selling pizzas and selling the Michigan brand are two different things, please stop turning our uniforms into stuffed crust, artisan pasta sandwiches.


December 19th, 2012 at 1:22 AM ^

I live in Florida and haven't seen my beloved Wolverines play in person in a few years. First I find 3 players are suspended for doing stupid things as kids are want to do. Now I see these unis and I want to hurl. WTF Brandon? Athletic Dept not making enough $. Quit messing with the uniforms and especially the helmet. UM fans love our unis. The spotlight on the legends is ok, respectful. These bowl unis look like the USFL of the 80's. Effing disgrace. Stop it Brandon.


December 18th, 2012 at 9:09 PM ^

What is Brian refering to in the first line of this post?


I like these uniforms myself.  WOuldn't want them as a continuous choice in rotation but for a special event like a bowl I think they look good.  Plus I really like the Matte finish helmets.... much better then the usual shiny shit  that most special uni's have.

User -not THAT user

December 18th, 2012 at 9:14 PM ^

Matte helmets remind me of the boy racers who buy up all the Krylon at Hobby Lobby in order to spraypaint their ricer Hondas flat black to look more faster and more furious-er. Pass.

The jerzeez are worse. Numbers should only be maize on the home blues. If these numerals were blue, okay. But it would need blue pants.

Black Socks

December 18th, 2012 at 9:18 PM ^

You don't see the volleyball or gymnastics uniforms being changed three times a year and being sold in the M Den.  But somehow, they still get a full ride scholarship, just like the football players.  Hmmm.

Wolverine Devotee

December 18th, 2012 at 9:30 PM ^

This is getting a little ridiculous. And I love the uniform, but I think Michigan needs to spread it out. Michigan had 3 alternate jerseys last year (not counting the TechFits/Non-TechFits because those had no intention of being alternates. Michigan didn't even sell TechFit style until this year). And now 2 this year. 

I think one a year would be just fine. I pretty much can promise you we'll see another for UTL II and the bowl game (if Michigan makes one.)

They're at the point now where M-Den is actually selling "2012 Home gloves". It's a goldmine Dave Brandon has hit, and don't think he is going to stop. Hell, ohio did special jerseys for their spring game back in 2009. Don't think DB isn't exploring into that. They already put the official Spring Game logo patch on the jerseys.

There will be always be insane fans (like myself) who will rush to buy or preorder the new jerseys. I even bought a pair of the UTL gloves and framed them with the jersey. I know I have a problem. 


December 18th, 2012 at 10:18 PM ^

I've always considered away jerseys to be fair game for experimentation,

And I don't think matte paint crosses the line. Heck, i'd be willng to see all kinds of creative FINISHES on the wings.

Just don't mess with the home jerseys...


December 18th, 2012 at 10:25 PM ^

And one more point.

I'd like to see what the UTL "M" jerseys look like only with the "M" proportioned like it is on the hockey jerseys. But still maize M on blue.

Specifically hockey 2010-11 road jerseys as football home jerseys. But lose the horizontal waist and sleeve stripes.


December 18th, 2012 at 11:22 PM ^

Confession: Michigan's blue uniforms are awesome. The helmets, jerseys, blue socks with the little block "M," everything about them. To me, they are desecrating that uniform by trotting these out for the bowl game. I get that Brandon doesn't want to mess with the blues because the Michigan world would melt down. Well, he's doing it anyway. Michigan's the home team, they get to wear their blues on a national stage with an "all eyes on them" national spotlight, and instead of choosing to wear one of the best uniforms in college football, they are wearing white clown costumes. If you're gonna fuck with the uniforms, you may as well fuck with the blue ones too, because not wearing them to wear these is just as big of a slap in the face to the blue uniform as slapping some piping on it. Just my two cents.

Black Socks

December 19th, 2012 at 1:21 AM ^

Agreed Jon. And the Buckeyes traditional uniforms are also some of the best in football. I'm talking gray stripes and all. That's why I like to see the pure versions instead of the ones we are wearing for the bowl, and the ones you wore for the game. But alas we are in 2012, and the ADs are trying to make the cash.


December 18th, 2012 at 11:41 PM ^

But I have to say this hipster old timey attitude is full of shit. You want to embrace advanced metrics and the futurez on offensive philosophy....while not letting DB do his job. Relax. The message is well received and your PBRs are not in jeopardy. But give it a rest, let the kids, fans, and students have a bit of fun with the jerseys. The bowl jerseys 10 years ago were already ridiculous with their giant patches for stuff like the OUTBACK bowl.


Sorry for standing....esp during the big plays.


December 19th, 2012 at 12:05 AM ^

Finding new ways to understand the game and better enhance one's viewing is not analagous to the AD doing a shitty job of "marketing"/"franchising" the Football program.

Kids, students, fans, whoever wants to be "a part" of this programcan have some fun by going to a football game and watching said football game; the team just might happen to wear some of the better uniforms around and they will definitely be wearing the coolest helmets ever.  Fun does not equate to f**king up an already well done thing....WAS well done.

Also: A Big Patch =/= A Ruined Uniform


December 19th, 2012 at 11:50 AM ^

Let the "kids, fans, and students" have a bit of fun?  Although maybe not truly representative, this site has all three of those and the overwhelming majority absolute hate the jerseys.  Fun?  I think not.  Unless you think putting your fingers in a garbage disposal is "fun." 


Kermits Blue Key

December 19th, 2012 at 12:35 PM ^

Don't you mean:

"Sorry for standing....when I bother to show up at all because I'd rather stay at a frat party pounding Natty Light (PBR is for old, hipster losers who use advanced metrics to make sense of stuff us kids don't have time to comprehend because we'd rather have fun marvelling at stupid jerseys) all day."


December 19th, 2012 at 1:05 AM ^

My 2 cents...Initally, I didnt mind the alt jerseys so much when they were rolled out...and I didnt mind Brandon bringing back the retired ones to "honor" (exploit) them. I was always more focused and hopeful for the program rebuilding itself back to respectability.  No more lower echelon Big Ten dweller, this is not Indiana.  The alt Unis were what they were (although the one vs. Sparty was absolutely hideous) however I largely excused them as a novelty and not to be taken to seriously.

Those days are no more.  Immediately after seeing these NASCAR-esque ugly beasts.... and that pseudo-kevlar helmet...dear Lloyd... it pissed me off!  I am now on board.

Enough of $#% with the road jerseys Brandon!


December 19th, 2012 at 2:43 AM ^

David Brandon made his money selling junk mail and cheap pizza, and what he's doing to the second most visible manifestation of the Michigan brand is entirely in keeping with his work experience.


December 19th, 2012 at 10:22 PM ^

Unfortunately, these things are here to stay. I don't like it, but I guess I am over it. Whatever. If it makes one decent player decide to come to Michigan over Penn State or Oklahoma (Treadwell..... Argh!!!) then it works.

Saying, "Bama doesn't need to do this and they are recruiting just fine" is a bit naive. They do, however need to pay players and employ a dirty, evil scum ball as a head coach.