Obligatory Uniformz Post Comment Count

Brian December 18th, 2012 at 3:47 PM

Hey. Life rolls on. Thank you to those who have expressed condolences.

One of the running jokes on the podcast this year has been theorizing that the athletic department has someone specifically dedicated to trolling me. Evidence: "In The Big House" did not return until after the nonconference season had convinced me it was gone, and Michigan waited until the last possible moment to change Jordan Kovacs away from #32. Taken with the deployment of Denard and Devin against Ohio State, this is strong evidence indeed.

If they are deep enough inside that they knew what I was writing up this morning and chose that hour to release the latest in the ever-growing line of uniformz, I am terrified because the sleeper agent is probably me.

Anyway. We knew this was coming because Michigan's promise after they announced the Alabama uniformz was that they would not screw with the jerseys during the regular season. They are here. If you have not been on the internet, here they are:



They finally screwed with the helmet. Also Ramzy pointed out that there seem to be four different shades of yellow on this thing.

Yes, yes, the kids love it, which is why Alabama and USC are struggling to recruit these days. It is possible the kids are not quite so stupid as that meme thinks they are and make decisions based on things other than wearing goofy alternates a couple of times a year. Your assertion as to what the kids love does not seem to have much bearing on where they go to school. Alabama did not need fancy duds to annihilate Michigan earlier this year.


What gets me is that many iconic uniforms are not being futzed with, including the aforementioned teams plus Texas, Florida State, Penn State, and Oklahoma*, but the people running those athletic departments must be wrong and the man who brought us pasta inside a bread bowl must be right. I do not agree that this is necessarily the case, Kids Love It Arguer Guy.

I mean, the brand-manic NFL has strict restrictions on third jerseys, with many of the teams deploying them once or twice… ever. NFL teams are prohibited from wearing alternates in the Super Bowl, and only the Chargers have ever deployed them in a playoff game, probably because the Chargers' alternates are themselves a great tradition revived from the 1960s.

It's no real loss if Michigan looks dumb playing in Tampa, but I'll be sad if Michigan plays a Rose Bowl in anything other than classic Schembechler blue. And if you wouldn't want to wear it at the Rose Bowl, why would you want to wear it anywhere?

I promise to write another version of this post in August when alternate uniforms for the ND game are announced, because it is tradition, and tradition is important. #thisguygetsit

*[All of those teams have largely if not entirely opted out. Oklahoma wore some all-whites that were roundly panned in 2009 and scrapped the concept, and Texas altered their helmets to honor Darrel K Royal this year but that's a whole different thing everyone should be okay with. IIRC Alabama did have some sort of subtle houndstooth thing in one game. In each case any uniform alterations were one-offs or close to it, not Michigan's parade.]



December 18th, 2012 at 3:55 PM ^

I'm not convinced the matte finish is a huge deviation. I don't mind them; it's not like they're changing the whole helmet design. As for the jersey's, "GET OFF MY LAWN!"


December 18th, 2012 at 4:08 PM ^

this is just your opinion Brian. There are some of us that don't hate these uniforms and don't think this is terrible for the program. This is your site so obviously you're free to make as big of a deal out of uniforms as you want.


December 18th, 2012 at 4:17 PM ^

Agreed.  Its one thing to feel the need to deploy gimmic jerseys.  Its a whole other thing to agree to terribly horrible-looking ones.  I mean, who the f-ck is designing these things???  My 4-year-old son could come up with something that looks better, and he just painted a Christmas using pink and brown paint!


December 18th, 2012 at 5:18 PM ^

LOL wtf did this picture even start out as??

That chick looks like an alien and the animal.... God only knows what that is.

And yes, the uniformz suck for all the reasons everyon has stated.....4 yellowz, look like Wal-Mart knockoffs, etc.  

Just bad.

With all the uniformz it's like we're trying to be Oregon and failing, when we don't even need to be trying to begin with.


December 19th, 2012 at 9:58 AM ^

You can make alternate uniforms that people will love or at least grow to like.  Whomever is designing these needs to be canned for someone with some actual talent.  The Jerseys are  like some generic team jersey from when you would create a team in some of the early Madden games.

Voltron Blue

December 18th, 2012 at 4:08 PM ^

...than the actual uniformz is the fact that we are the home team and gave up the right to wear our home blues to do it.

I continue to not think "brand" means what Dave B Brandin' thinks it does.


December 18th, 2012 at 5:53 PM ^

By contract with the Outback Bowl, Michigan was designated the home teams and would normally wear the dark (home) uniforms.

But in order to get UM into this particular uniform, Brandon (I assume) waived this so that we wear this Adidas-inspired white outfit with the blue shoulders.  Why did they do this?

I recall seeing a photograph from this weekend with the recruits and in the background there was a blue uniform with maize colored shoulders.  A lot of people were wondering if that was a true alternate jersey.

I bet the answer was yes, but when comparing it with the white jersey that we just saw rolled out, a decision was made to keep it on the shelf and have the team wear the visiting (white) Adidas jersey.  Who knows why the decision was made, but I bet dollars to donuts that the marketing brain trust thought they could see more of those to the general public than they could sell the home version. 

What really draws my ire about this is that they could have made a real killer, all blue jersey with maize numerals and letters.  Heck, just replace the numbers on the sleeves with the block "M" and change the shades of blue and maize to reflect the colors on the matte helmet and you'd get a traditional look that's also sellable.

Brandon does a lot of things well, but alternate jerseys isn't necessarily one of them.  The UTL jersey by itself was okay, but it's real appeal is that it is coupled with an epic win against Notre Dame in the first night game ever.  The Sugar Bowl jerseys were also good in large part because they didn't go too outside the box.

But the white striped jerseys for Michigan State and the ones used in the Alabama game were pretty sorry given the competition and the game results.  MSU came out in dark green, black and bronze while the Wolverines looked like some maize-and-blue bumblebees wearing white pants.  Alabama stuck with the traditional look, something that UM should have done as well.  Not only did Michgan play badly on the field, but they looked like an Arena football teams in the process.

As long as Michigan has the contract with Adidas and David Brandon is giving the okay to their uniform/jersey concepts, then we're going to continue to see these sorts of things.  Hopefully, the next contract for athletic apparel is with Nike.  Not only is it better made, but the edit themselves when it comes to some of the wilder stylings (with the obvious exception of Oregon).



December 18th, 2012 at 5:25 PM ^

Brandon should be on the hot seat, plain and simple.

There are some things he does really well, but that does not justify keeping him around when he is whoring out central aspects of our tradidion for those Adida$ uniformz dollar$.  

It's like RR.  He did one thing really well, but seriously (and continually) fucked up another thing, and eventually he had to go.  Same thing applies to Brandon.  This shit is getting ridiculous.

Real Tackles Wear 77

December 18th, 2012 at 4:08 PM ^

I don't particularly hate them. The uniforms are still pretty simple...I guess the only thing that would really piss me off would be 1) losing the winged helmet and 2) a jersey with MICHIGAN in huge letters on the front a la sparty...


December 18th, 2012 at 5:45 PM ^

It's almost certainly just a "money grab" -- there's no other reasonable explanation -- but that explanation itself is unreasonable as well.

In January of 1998, I remember Rose Bowl uniforms for sale in the bookstores.  They were the exact same uniforms worn during the year, except that they had the Rose Bowl patch on 'em.  They seemed to sell just fine, to the same people that already had a bunch of uniforms in their closet.


December 18th, 2012 at 4:10 PM ^

The Outback Bowl jersey reminds me of the kind of Michigan gear you can get at Meijer's for $10, only now by making them "official" jerseys, Brandon can charge $75 for them. Way to go Dave.


December 18th, 2012 at 4:10 PM ^

I hate these. I haven't hated them all. In principle messing with the road uni is fine, since we don't have a particular design that is "traditional." But I think this is ugly and I hate messing with the helmet.

Altogether I would be much happier if they never messed with the uniform ever. Our main home uniform is unequalled.


December 18th, 2012 at 4:11 PM ^

Parade is a great word.

This is a parade of shitty uniform variations I'd be embarassed to see Oregon wearing. 

For someone as focuses as he appears to be on #Branding , Doller Dave doesn't seem to understand how he's damaging Michigan's brand. 

Be Leaders, not followers. Right now, we're following on all of these trends: Ugly shoulder bullshit, Shiny everything, Matte finish, etc. 


December 18th, 2012 at 4:11 PM ^

I just want to know what the hell is wrong with Jordan Kovacs in this photograph. Fingers crossed that he ceases to be petrified and manniquin-esque by 1/1/13. Also: affirmatively like the helmetzz and could take/leave the rest.

Wolverine 73

December 18th, 2012 at 4:11 PM ^

Michigan's uniforms--largely because of the helmet--are very distinctive already.  You don't need to jazz them up for bowl games.  That, and the more you do deviate from the base uniform, the less of an impact anything different makes.  I would be OK with doing it once a year, but more than that is just a bad idea.


December 18th, 2012 at 4:13 PM ^

The numbers are keystone to the horribleness that is those jerseys.  They are revolting and should only be worn in a universe in which humans are constantly high on peyote.  That much maize on white is simply not something that a football team should ever wear. 


December 18th, 2012 at 6:20 PM ^

In fact, they did all black once and black jerseys w/ orange pants another time. PSU and Bama are the only legit examples Brian gave, and even then, he's not 100% accurate. PSU was originally sporting a white helmet with huge numbers on the side, which they have scrapped for the all white sides, and Bama used to feature a huge script A on the sides, which they have scrapped for the numbers. I think because OSU has had many variations over the past decade, Dave Branding sees it as ok to do the same.

Ali G Bomaye

December 18th, 2012 at 6:50 PM ^

Texas has never worn black jerseys in a game.  They have only worn the same style of orange or white jerseys that they wear now.

Alabama has never worn anything besides numbers on the side of their helmet.  For the 1969 season, they featured "100" inside a football on one side of the helmet to celebrate the 100th anniversary of college football; other than that the only thing that has ever been on the side of an Alabama helmet is the player's number.

I don't know where you're getting your information.


December 18th, 2012 at 7:19 PM ^

First, I never said that Texas wore their blacks in a game, only that they have them.  Please don't put words in my mouth.  They exist, so, they have them... PERIOD.


Second, Alabama never had a script A on their helmet...?


You sure about that?


Thanks for Trolling!

Ali G Bomaye

December 20th, 2012 at 3:48 PM ^

I don't know where that picture is from, but I know uniform concepts float around the internet pretty much constantly.  I guarantee you that Alabama has never worn an "A" on their helmet in a game.  Yes, I am sure about that.  Find a game photo if you want to prove me wrong - you can't.

Also, Texas has black practice jerseys.  They do not have a set of black game jerseys.  Black game jerseys do not exist for Texas.  Never have.  Please don't confuse their practice jerseys (or fashion jerseys) with game jerseys.  Otherwise you could be like "hay guys, Texas has a pink jersey!"

MGJS SuperKick Party

December 18th, 2012 at 7:55 PM ^

Florida, LSU (2x), Alabama (slight change in the current uniform), Georgia, Ohio State (3x) have all done this, and I would argue that these are some of the classic uniforms in all of football. Its a sign of the times changing, everything has to be throwback, fauxback, or alternate uniform these days. Would I prefer that Michigan comes out in the classic blue jersey, or a white version similar to the home jersey? Absolutely. Do I mind this new jersey? Not at all.

We can complain about adidas and Dave Brandon ruining everything, but next time you're near Michigan Stadium, Yost, or Crisler (arena) Center, look at the good that they have done for the programs. I will take a matte blue on the helmet (that looks great IMO) over having a crappy Crisler Arena, or having a stadium that all the sound escapes. It isnt the way that the jersey looks, its the players wearing the jerseys. I am damn proud of all these men, and I will root them to victory, even if they decided to come out dressed like South Carolina.