Since I've discovered there isn't a whole lot to actually, like, learn at Big Ten Media Days ("I think every team is great/we're the only people who can beat ourselves/etc." are the most common things heard), here's a look at the impressions that each Big Ten coach gives either in press conference or 1-on-1 (more often, 5-on-1) format:
Pat Fitzgerald - Fitzgerald is super-enthusiastic (especially for a Northwestern coach), and he seems genuinely excited to be the coach at his alma mater. Of more interest to NU blogger Lake The Posts, he's a staunch advocate of the "Since 1995" propaganda metric. He used it 3 or 4 times during his stand at the podium.
Ron Zook - With a reputation for being intense and often hilarious, Zook was disappointingly low-key. He talked about his excitement for the upcoming season, having high expectations, and the unconventional schedule the Illini face this year. Not interesting stuff from a guy who's typically among the more quotable Big Ten coaches.
Bret Bielema - Wisconsin is on the opposite side of the trend that Northwestern is seeing, going downhill in each of Bielema's 3 seasons. Seeing the way he talks , it's not too tough to see why. He comes off as the same meathead in person that he appears to be on TV.
Rich Rodriguez - Michigan fans are well-aware of how their coach acts towards the media. He was his standard "aw, shucks" self, though his confidence about the upcoming season was refreshing.
Danny Hope - Hope is known as a near-clone of his predecessor, Joe Tiller. For my money, though, he looks more like ex-Lions GM Matt Millen. Having never heard Hope speak, I was surprised to hear a weird accent (understandable considering his Eastern Kentucky background) that brought to mind Randy Moss.
Tim Brewster - GO FIGHT Brewster is understandably excited to be the WIN Gophers' head football coach, though ROSE BOWL like Ron Zook, he was a little less excitable than FIGHT his reputation holds. Still, he GO TEAM was visibly excited by the Gophers' prospects in 2009.
Jim Tressel - Tressel was as boring as expected, which is to say very. His talking style is pretty bland (though not as unlistenable as Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany). He's sort of the opposite of Brewster, in that he can talk about how ridiculously excited he is about something, while sounding like he's boring even himself to tears.
Bill Lynch - He is a pretty anonymous guy, and he seems nice enough, I guess. It's hard to tell anything about him just from a press conference, which is probably not great at an anonymous football program like Indiana.
Mark Dantonio - Ive figured out who he reminds me of. Obviously, he's his own person, but he seems a lot like a version of Nick Saban that's not deliciously evil, and instead just kinda a dickhead. He of course has the Tressel act going as well, but he's tries to be more Saban-like I think, though he is pretty clearly obsessed with Michigan.
Joe Paterno - Everyone knows about JoePa. He's like the senile-but-fun grandparent, and he's always going to give a couple good quotes. Given his propensity for talking down on good Penn State teams, and building up mediocre ones, it seems like Penn State might be pretty good this year.
Kirk Ferentz - Ferentz is like the master of coachspeak and the meaningless quote (which might be one of the reasons he was one of the favorites to be picked as the successor to Lloyd Carr). He, like Carr, almost seems to be annoyed that talking to the media is part of his job.