Expanding on the Clans

Submitted by Seth on January 18th, 2011 at 12:30 PM

Sorry no Dear Diary this week -- was on a family trip through yesterday. Related: shout-out to the Michigan Ski Team -- I was that one guy at Crystal with the kickin'  Fischer demos and a way of swinging my arms while carving that looks like I'm shtupping a donkey (thanks, cock-ass Winter Walden instructor in 1991).

Instead, I give you three new columns to the instant classic "Clans" breakdown by MVictors, Lew, and the Hoover Street Rag, referenced atop Tuesday's "Unverified Voracity" column. The new categories:

  • Favorite Pre-Game Tradition
  • Where to Watch an Away Game
  • Every Michigan Fan Should Read...

Comments and suggestions for additional categories are very welcome. Chart made available on Google Docs if you want to make changes yourself (note them in the comments).

Enjoy. Update 6:30 p.m. songs now available too.

Clan  Favorite Pre-Game Tradition Where to Watch an Away Game Every Michigan Fan Should Read...
Bo Clan (15%) We barbecued these same ribs back in '73, an' I tell ya the stadium looks different and some o' th' buildings, but this spot hasn't changed a damn bit. At home, with EVERYBODY over. This is the couch where we watch MICHIGAN football. Later in the year the wife makes chili. Those Who Stay, by Curt Stephenson 
The Rebellion (9%) Beer Pong or 'U Honk We Drink' on the porch of a State St flophouse. In the basement (because too emotional to watch with everyone upstairs) with laptops on their knees for Live-Blogging. The Decimated Defense, by Misopogon
Corduroy Jacket w/ Patch Clan (1%)  Kerrytown Farmer's Market - it's so nice and peaceful downtown when all those football fans are at the game, isn't it? Oh there's a game today? Are we good this year? How 'bout we take a walk in the Arb instead -- it's so lovely when the leaves change. Fired Magic: Detroit's Pewabic Pottery Treasures, by Marcy Heller Fisher
In Rod We Trusted (5%) Standing atop the little garden outcropping at Blimpy Burger and trying to engage the sadly misinformed Cotton Pickers waiting in line in an RR versus Carr debate. At the Bo Clan guy's house, trying to convince everybody that THIS win over Notre Dame is going to be the start of something special. As RR becomes less defensible late in the year, take an increasing interest in the chili. Denard: The Happening, by mdoc, or The Big Rodriguez, by Brian Cook
Lloyd Loyalists (20%) The Broken Egg - we've been meeting here for breakfast every year since senior year, which was [1997+/- 3 years]. Local sports bar. Pray a member of the Rebellion comes in so you can kick his ass. The Obscene Diaries of a Michigan Fan, by Craig Ross
Cotton Pickin’ Blues (45%) The Golf Course. At the home of the guy with the big TV sometimes if there's only going to be a few people over, but otherwise at home to facilitate that 3rd quarter nap. If These Walls Could Talk: Michigan Football Stories from the Big House, by Jon Falk and Dan Ewald
Fierce Pragmatists (1%) Dragging Misopogal to a different tailgate every week in the bare hopes of finding another Fierce Pragmatist, as opposed to the millions of Rebels and Rod-Trusters who think they're Fierce Pragmatists Refreshing on the iPhone while stuck in Rosh Hashanah/Yom Kippur/Wife's Stupid Cousin's wedding. Infinite Jest, by David Foster Wallace
The Second Estate (1.5%) Giving the kids the insider passes so they can do the field tour during warmups, while you hold court in the important people rooms where everybody can see that you're an important person.

The TV room of the cottage on Walloon Lake or Lake Charlevoix

(HT: Feaster18)

Bo's Lasting Lessons: The Legendary Coach Teaches the Timeless Fundamentals of Leadership, by Bo Schembechler and John U. Bacon
The Decatur Clan (2.5%) Covering yourself in maize and walking down Hoover with the throngs all the way to the stadium, then turning back up to State St. and doing it all over again. In West Lafayette, or East Lansing, or Columbus, or Evanston, or wherever the Wolverines may travel - probably next to Lloyd Brady. 100 Things Michigan Fans Should Know & Do Before They Die, by Angelique Chengelis

And with hats a-tippin' to the folks below, here's the music (after the leapin'):

Clan  Favorite Song Money Quote
Bo Clan Across 110th Street Instrumental (aka The old Michigan Replay Theme), by J.J. Johnson and His Orchestra "Michigan Replay, with Bo Schembechler and Larry Adderley."
The Rebellion A Better Son/Daughter, by Rilo Kiley "The lows seem so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap, and it teases you for weeks in its absence."
Corduroy Jacket w/ Patch Clan A Toast to Michigan, by Louis Elbel "To the corn-flow'r and the maize, Autumn skies and haze, Alma Mater."
In Rod We Trusted Flash Delirium, by MGMT Even if this hall collapses, I can stand by my pillar of hope; it's just a case of Flash delirium. Here's a growing culture deep inside a corpse."
Lloyd Loyalists One Good Year, by Russell Crowe "It’s New Years Day just like the day before. Same old skies of grey, same empty bottles on the floor. Another years gone by, and I was thinking once again, 'How can I take this losing hand and somehow win?'"
Cotton Pickin’ Blues Won't Get Fooled Again, by The Who "Change it had to come, we knew it all along. We were liberated from the fall that's all. But the world looks just the same. And history ain't changed 'Cause the banners, they all flown in the last war."
Fierce Pragmatists Still Alive, by Jonathan Coulton (ending credits of Portal) "Now these points of data make a beautiful line. And we're out of beta, we're releasing on time. So I'm GLaD. I got burned, think of all the things we learned, for the people who are still alive."
The Second Estate Don't Stop [Thinking About Tomorrow], by Fleetwood Mac "If you wake up and don't want to smile, if it takes just a little while, open your eyes and look at the day; you'll see things in a different way."
The Decatur Clan Love the One You're With, by Crosby, Stills & Nash "Don't be angry, don't be sad, don't sit crying over good times you've had. There's a girl right next to you and she's just waiting for something to do."


st barth

January 18th, 2011 at 6:03 PM ^

...the long tentacles of the Lloyd Carrtel™ vampire squid are now reaching the depths of the internet to squish all threats to Michigan Man legacy.

Fair enough, if Mgoblog & community prefer [Ed.:  "...an emasculated..."] Hoke then so be it.  It's not like I went to RichRod's University of Michigan or anything silly like that.


January 18th, 2011 at 7:24 PM ^

The nicest thing anyone's ever said about me on here.

But if you really think on BRIAN'S website that you can't criticize Hoke, you must really be on something. But acting childish has gotten people -10,000 slams.  It not what you say, but how you say it.


January 18th, 2011 at 2:35 PM ^

Looks like Winter Park is going to get another 4-6 tomorrow. Maybe I should take the day off and head up.

Why do I live in Colorado? Because it's just like Michigan, except the weather's warmer and the skiing's better.


January 18th, 2011 at 2:58 PM ^

So I'm part of the 5% of the fan base that understands football.   That seems about right.  

 Since my franchise has folded I want you to know that I am weighing my offers and will air my "decision" on ESPN later this week.    I like what I hear from the Rebellion, I can go back to my Lloyd Loyalists group and go back to defending Lloyd's record by including his success against top 10 teams, the SEC,  Cooper and then go game by game thru the Tressel years picking out 1 or 2 plays we were screwed out of that flipped the game.   

Lot of money in some of those other groups so I'm open to dealership cars, cottages etc...

Where will I take my fan "talents" to?  Tune into ESPN on Friday at 9:00


Terrell James

dr eng1ish

January 18th, 2011 at 3:12 PM ^

Just cuz Greg et al claimed the fierce pragmatist is only 1.5% doesn't make it so. Could it be that no one description fits people exactly so they choose the closest one? *gasp*
<br>Funny stuff tho.

Zone Left

January 18th, 2011 at 3:15 PM ^

I was firmly in the In Rod We Trusted camp (I even have the T-Shirt!) until about halftime against Iowa.  However, I'm firmly rooted in The Rebellion as far as my game watching habits.  It's not that I'm too emotional, it's that everyone else doesn't care enough--particularly my Miami (YTM) wife, my two-month old daughter, and my dog.


January 18th, 2011 at 4:37 PM ^

Would like to add:

No paid homage to the greek students / alumni is a farce.  They're 20% of the fan base.  They deserve at least one, or two, categories. 

Also - my major failure in my breakdown was not to include a group for international students - they are 10% of the alumni population I believe. 

To think that GDIs represent 100% of the fan base, when they actually represent 70%, is a total farce.  Fix your shit. 

blue illini

January 18th, 2011 at 4:42 PM ^

Attended UM in 70s and thought Bo was way too boring and conservative.

Watched Moeller and thought he was too conservative with the talent he had.

Couldn't bear to watch many of Carr's teams...insanely conservative all the time.

Always thought RR wasn't conservative enough.

Serves me right, I guess.


January 18th, 2011 at 5:01 PM ^

At Michigan in the late 70's, and never missed a game.  Bo ruled the world.  Boring?  Leach running the option boring?  Those guys were incredible.

blue illini

January 18th, 2011 at 5:48 PM ^

Yeah, really exciting.  I was ready to leave at halftime every game 75-76-77-78  except OSU.

I'll never forget the Orange Bowl in '76.  Leach to tacopants over and over again...like he'd never thrown a football downfield before.   Oh yeah, he hadn't.


January 18th, 2011 at 5:02 PM ^

Try to say 'Coach Hoke' ten times fast...

I'll stand behind him when the season starts, but I'm still bitter.  Hope + Excitement (along with massive frustration) are now being replaced by Stodgy + Expected (along with a limp future)

I keep thinking, We could have been a contender!  We coulda been somebody!  A national emphasis on recruiting is now replaced by a regional emphasis.  As a logical extension, we should just recruit at Pioneer HS and really show MSU who owns A2.

Rivalry!  Big 10 Championship!  Podium Thumping.  Pointing in the distance.  Toughness!  Hard Hitting!  --It's all ours now.


January 18th, 2011 at 8:21 PM ^

I made the following edit to the spreadsheet (because I was an In Rod We Truster and this is what I did):

In Rod We Trusted:

Where to Watch an Away Game column, added following last sentence:

Found himself fast-forwarding through all defensive possessions and ignoring the defense UFRs as the 2010 season progressed in order to remain sane.

My name ... is Tim

January 18th, 2011 at 5:20 PM ^

"Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga

The title says it all, plus Lady Gaga is avant garde, much like the spread offense was to the Lloyd Loyalists.

Also, I can't even claim to be in the pragmatist group. I'm so stupidly in the Decatur Clan it's scary. I called for a RichRod contract extension after the ND game. Now I'm glad he was fired and am embracing Hoke.

My only true trait is being unabashedly optimistic about anything that could even remotely go right until it is definitely proven to have gone wrong.


January 18th, 2011 at 5:41 PM ^

I see myself as part of the rebellion, but I'm not so pissed anymore about the Hoke hire. The home and away game descriptions are spot-on though.

blue illini

January 18th, 2011 at 5:56 PM ^

Which clan are you a member of if you watch away games via liveblog on your iPhone?  That's how I managed to keep up with the PSU game while at a wedding reception,

It's also how I followed the IU game--long distance, while dirtbiking in Moab!  Every time our group stopped for a break, i checked to see whether we had service.  Caught the winning  drive in the middle of nowhere at 10,000 feet.  Epic.

maize n gawor

January 18th, 2011 at 5:58 PM ^

I'm a pretty young M fan being only 16 and I find I don't really fit in any clan because I'm not old enough to fit in most places and I'm not a Lloyd loyalist maybe we need a youngin clan or something haha just thinking out loud here


January 18th, 2011 at 6:38 PM ^

I'd say I'm part of the Rebellion, but for a fleeting few weeks I was with "In Rod We Trusted". I'd still be seen at Blimpy Burger every pregame though.


January 18th, 2011 at 6:59 PM ^

in the Neo-Max Zoom Dweebie Clan. Thanks Judd Nelson. 

In other words, I'm not in any goddamn clan, faction, division or whatever the hell else we use to divide ourselves.

Win, bitch. Just win. 

And don't have a bunch of criminals doing it.  

That's it. 


Pea-Tear Gryphon

January 18th, 2011 at 9:59 PM ^

Misopogon, I almost fell out of my chair reading that. Was that game played anywhere else other than from the porch of a State St. flophouse in the fall of 2001? Great location for the hockey games as well. Leave Yost during the intermissions, chug some beverages, head back when the game came back on the TV.

Those were some good times...I wished I remembered them better...


January 19th, 2011 at 9:21 AM ^

We got the idea from a flophouse on State Street near Hoover in the late 90s, and then played it ourselves at 308 E. Willam c. 2002-03 seasons. We added "Will Bong for Boobs" until a cop came up and told us we had to shut the game down. We asked if we can still do it for Ohio State and he was like, "Well of course you can do it for Ohio State!"

This was also when we started singing re-written versions of other teams' fight songs to opposing fans as they walked by, e.g.


One more loss for ol' Notre Dame,
Came to Ann Arbor, they left with shame.
Could not run, they could not pass,
They could not slow our big tailback*

Go back to South Bend, hang your head low,
Reflect on the score: Thirty-Eight to Oh.
Oh this loss was just par for course,
For the losers of Notre Dame

*Perry. Though we changed it to "small" for Hart.


January 19th, 2011 at 11:01 PM ^

When did you play it? I'd love to trace the game's history.

Up above the ol' Red Cedar,
There's a team that's making bail,
Their specialty's marauding, and getting put in jail.
Spartan teams will bust your pot-luck,
And knock out your icer's lights,
But Coach D will put 'em on the field
...That very night!

Blow a 2 for M-S-U
Watch their B.A.C. rising
Spartan teams are bound to end
...up in a holding cell (Rah rah rah)
See their defense take the stand,
We're gonna win this case,
Fight! Fight! 20 percent of the team, Fight!
Another Brawl for M.S.U.


January 19th, 2011 at 8:55 AM ^

I would have liked one more year in the Spread with Denard.  Possibility of a special season.  That was my only reason for perhaps retaining Rodriguez. 

That being said, being blown out by everyone important ever, and then Miss St. was disgusting and made me want to hurl.  The Mattison hire is a breath of fresh air, and I think that everyone who isn't at least tentatively optimistic, or at least stuck in neutral, about Hoke should pump their brakes and give the man a friggin chance.