Don Brown And The Dude Hierarchy

Submitted by Ace on March 8th, 2016 at 3:28 PM

This is the look of a man seeing far too many Guys.

In college, my friends devised a system for evaluating the social contributions of the people we encountered. While based on the standard ten-point scale, it was a binary system. Greatly enjoyable people to be around were "tens"; people who actively detracted from a given situation were deemed "fours"; not everyone fit into these two categories, but they were the only two that were necessary to point out. You're a ten, you're a four, or you're just there.

Don Brown, Michigan's new defensive coordinator, tweeted yesterday for the first time since October—and, since that tweet was clearly a misfired DM, really for the first time since August. He's not a man to preoccupy himself with the frivolity of social media, not even on such momentous occasions as taking a prestigious new job that pays nearly seven figures. His handle is "@FBCoachDBrown" because he's first and foremost a football coach; his bio reads "Michigan Defensive Coordinator" because he has to put something in that field.

This is a man who generally takes a Ron Swanson approach to social media. Yesterday's tweets highlighted the lone, glaring, glorious exception.

Brown's timeline is almost exclusively dedicated to acknowledging top practice performers. They are divided into two categories: Dudes and Guys. Being a "Dude of the Day" is the highest honor one can receive in this system, which originated at Boston College:

The message boils down to three words: Be a dude.

It started with defensive coordinator Don Brown.

"That's his saying all the time, be a dude," Addazio said. "And what being a dude is is being a baller. You know? Just being a real baller. Just being a dude.

"Be great. Be a baller. Be great at what you are. Just don't be average."

Guys are players who have yet to become Dudes—note the "NOT DUDES, BUT GUYS" line in the above graphic—but are on their way. Nobody else is worth mentioning. You're a Dude, you're a Guy, or you're just there.

To me, this confims Don Brown's exceptional coaching acumen as much as anything on his resumé. He understands that a binary system is all that's needed and not everyone must fit into one of the two categories. He also understands the hierarchy of terms of address for men, which while highly context-dependent goes something like this (DON'T @ ME):

  1. Guv'nor
  2. Boss
  3. Good Sir
  4. Dude
  5. Sport
  6. Bro
  7. Buddy
  8. Guy
  9. Champ
  10. Pal
  11. Slugger
  12. Chief

Never call a stranger "chief" unless you want to be righteously punched in the nose.

In conclusion, Don Brown is better than you or me or anyone that isn't Jim Harbaugh at Twitter, and the Era of Dudes and Guys shall be a triumphant one.



March 8th, 2016 at 3:43 PM ^

A really old school thing. Brought back memories of my Dad who used Chief a lot in addressing barkeeps (another old school term), hacks (taxi cab drivers), servers (waiters and waitresses), etc. Never punched in the nose for it, at least that I aware of.


March 8th, 2016 at 5:27 PM ^

my padre, WWII vet used the word Ace for basically the same thing you described above. Generally used to describe anyone doing a good job. The addition of just one letter, however, placed the man in an entirely different category, meaning you aren't going to find many but "He's Aces," referred to a man of high intergrity, one who, by nature, was always going to do the right thing. Think I heard him use the words all of three or four times.


March 8th, 2016 at 3:52 PM ^

There were two extremely misogynistic rating systems I knew of in college as ways that males would describe females when it came to attractiveness (for all I know women had their own system, which was probably much superior).

The first was simple. A woman was "X Crow", where X = the number of shots of Old Crow it would take for you to take her home.

The second was more complicated, and better for exclusivity at parties, it was the area code system. First number was a ranking 1-9 on a woman's facial attractiveness. Second digit was a 0 or 1, 1 meaning "you would". 3rd digit was 0-9 on non-facial physical attractiveness. Pretty easy to say that the party was busy, so 717s and up only tonight.

This concludes other non Dude/Guy rankings with JeepinBen. Also, men can be dicks in addition to Dudes and Guys.


March 8th, 2016 at 3:57 PM ^

How do you get punched in the nose for "chief" but people would let "slugger" pass?  I feel like "slugger" is what you might call your eight-year-old son.  It's right there with "Scooter."