Deary Diary: These Were Their Stories

Submitted by Seth on January 6th, 2012 at 8:08 AM

LandO

(Quick note: offseason OT rules now in effect)

In the MGoBlog Diaries section the Wolverine fan base is represented by two equally important groups: the stat-heads who investigate college football, and the fan-boys who celebrate their achievements. These are their stories.

[gavel sound]

And we're back. It's been a few weeks since a DD column. I used my MGoVacation to watch L&O marathons and a few bowl games with funny names while the denizens focused on more important things, which are Michigan football things.

Fortunately these had a happy year. AC1997 tried to contextualize this 11-2, BCS bowl-winning season of ours (feel free to repeat that sentence a few times before moving on). The thing has a chart, and a bolded alter ego to introduce it. He also created something called a "VASAV" score which sounds like a cool sabermetric acronym  but is really just named after the user who suggested a super-simple scoring system for BCS/Rose Bowl seasons by fan satisfaction. 1997 was a 4.0; this was a 1.5.

Lenny-Briscoe: Hey, keep getting grades like that 'n you'll be visiting East Lansing a lot more often.

Da-dum, duh duh duh duh dunnnnnnnn…[electric piano, clarinet, clarinet, bass guitar]

Man Lennie, you are dark sometimes. So Michigan murdered this season, but considering where this program was just 12 months ago, how did such a thing happen? Well we can check the box scores by ST3 – it looks like he's got an entire season in there, right? Or it could be just a bunch of Iron Maiden songs.

Fortunately WolverineBlue has been down in the lab, conducting an autopsy of the Toussaint touchdown that wasn't against Ohio State. Like every other L&O autopsy report, it is unbelievably thorough and straightforward, presenting such a wealth of information if this wasn't for television that would be 90% of the case solved right there. As it is, this forensic analysis proves Fitz should have been ruled in  Edit: down 1/2 in short. Virginia Tech fans with screen capture got nothin' on this Diarist of the Weeks (plural):

Exhibit B
Exhibit B

The other Diarist of the Weeks is JeepinBen who looked into the personnel on hand and being recruited for Mattison's defense and in a sudden twist of realization, saw that if you look at it like a 3-4 defense instead of a 4-3, just one big guy named Ondre plus lots of linebackers and ends all make sense!

A couple of diaries meant as previews to the Sugar are still relevant to our investigation here. The one by cps2010 is excellent for advanced readers looking to understand the weird-ass, corner-dependent defense that V-Tech runs. Steve Sharik once spent over an hour and a half trying to explain this very defense to me before saying "Michigan will never run it," but you never know when you'll be in a situation where you'll have to quickly execute a base Cover 4 robber. If you plan to re-watch the Sugar Bowl, I highly recommend you read this, then watch Hosley and appreciate how good he is. Also still useful is the extensive head-to-head-ing by CollegeFootball13 between M's season and VT's. And monuMental made a beautiful background:

wallpaper-2012-sugar-bowl

If you want more evidence, Boyz n da Pahokee flipped the video over to us. Before some a-hole lawyer from you-know-where calls it inadmissible, get your Sugar Bowl Replay, Sugar VOAV, Sugar Preview, 2011 Offensive Highlights, and 2011 Defensive Highlights. So much good stuff in there, from the Herron TDs, to "GUN-der the lights" while wearing a DL, a Roundtree and a WHAAT?, and Robinson eating all that soup, and Jibreel finally corralling Braxton Miller on 3rd and goal.

After the jump, the real McCoy takes it to trial, and the board celebrates FESTIVUS!

Statistics Don't Lie; They Testify!

I think we've got a strong case that the coaching staff knows what they're doing. But since this is L&O of course we won't know everything until the expert witness testifies. The defense calls…The Mathlete.

Do you swear to the tell the maths, the whole maths, and nothing but the maths, so help you Bo?

mathlete Go Blue!

So Mathlete in your expert opinion tell us about coaching game theory and how Hoke stacks up with in-game decision making.

Coaches learn a lot about football as they progress through careers, but game-theory type strategy seems to be a common blind spot for many coaches to gain the hidden advantage. Luckily Michigan has a coach that had a pretty sharp first year in this regard, hopefully all the other Zookers out there don’t read this (yeah right) and catch up.

And is it your expert opinion that maybe Michigan was just lucky this year?

Michigan checks in at slightly lucky. They were a toss-up between 9 and 10 wins and hit the over. The Wolverines had only 3 games decided by a possession or less and went 2-1 in them.

Update this to 3-1 after the bowl game and I'm guessing Michigan ends up a solid game attributed to the bounces or Getting It or whatever. MSU, Nebraska, Purdue and Penn State were luckier but I bet the Huskers normalize.

Etc.

The Blockhams, Six Zero's ballyhooed comic strip, has arrived. A panel:

blockhead

I was a little disappointed (the art is excellent; the Koger joke kinda whiffed for me) but yesterday's strip (the third) is awesome. Anyway the first Peanuts sucked, so career arc is still ahead of Schultz at this point.

Ace is working on future cases for 2013. We meet a highly rated interior lineman from Naperville, Ill., the Smart Grid City, whom we hope has a smarter taste in gridirons than the last Goebel. Ace also caught up with Laquon Treadwell, Cass Tech ATH Jourdan Lewis, and Youngstown, OH's Marcus McWilson.

Maize_in_spartyland kept up the Upset Watch. Read the latest. There were three more in recent weeks as bowls were played. THE_KNOWLEDGE named his top friend. JeepinBen had another blog on how the block M is popping up everywhere. Brooks breaks down the offseason so far for your VARSITY LAX team. And who wants a story about CRex and his Korean in-laws that has nothing to do with Michigan football? Yes you do.

A Bestivus for the Board of Us

2012-01-06 Deary Diary

BOARD DECLARES FESTIVUS

At 9:23 a.m. on December 23, just as I was settling in for my MGoVacation, suddenly they appeared. They carried with them an unadorned pole. Led by WolverineInABag, they aired their grievances. Then when everyone had said how disappointed they are, they held feats of strength, which in this case I guess meant who can post the funniest internet meme. The feats didn't end until a manatee pinned a shark, and some nerds with a "33.33-repeating, of course" chance of surviving a room full of digital hawkeyes lost that bet.

STATISTICS ARE FOR THE GUTLESS

SugarBowl_Kickoff_Fumble-thumb-590x391-98918

If you think a raid with Leeroy Jenkins is a bad gamble, check out what horrible things were done to Game Theory on Jan. 2, courtesy of oakapple. What I wanna know: if Richt and Bielema and Shaw are going to take statistically crazy chances like playing for field goals when you have Andrew Luck or trying to be only the second team in history to successfully spike a ball in under 2 seconds, why aren't we calling Bielema, Richt, and Shaw (and now Beamer) "gutsy?" I mean any lily livered wuss can chew a blade of grass then fake a terrifying sneak to Logan Thomas before handing off to an NFL-bound running back on a FB dive. But calling a timeout to announce a fake, then having your receiver/backup punter run a rugby-read? THAT takes some cajones man.

Another diary-length thread by Moleskyn notes Hoke accomplished his Time of Possession goal.

LET'S WATCH OUR FUTURE BACK HURDLE FOOLS

Ha ha QUARTERback fools. Yes that's Shane Morris doing a McGuffie early on. Ahhh recruit porn. Henson comparison is obvious here, but I see weird footwork and rollouts to the right that make no sense since he's a lefty.

SUGAR BOWL HAIKUS

Poetry and Michigan are almost always insta-link.

HOW NOW, POW HOUND, WITHER SLALOM YOU?

Skiing is to helmets today what bicycling was to helmets when I was a kid. The kids all wear them today, and if you're older than 30 you look and are like "really?" Well old folks what do you think of your unsafe traditions now?

Yes, MGoUser Will discovered the process for painting M helmets and winged up his ski gear before heading out to the Colorado slopes. I've run into the M ski club a few times up north and spent a chairlift ride going back and forth with one kid on how awesome this would be if they did this. Alpine team: here's your guide.

Comments

ST3

January 6th, 2012 at 11:39 AM ^

I just realized if I added all the individual game box scores to my season in review, it would have made for a useful resource. I may just do that retroactively this weekend if I find the time.

Thanks for linking to the CRex piece. I missed that first time around. I, too, am an interracialist (is that the correct term?) and can confirm the asian ear wax thing. Here's my interesting/gross ear wax story (depending upon your point of view.) I went to the doctor's office a couple years ago with a cold. He checked my ears like doctors normally do. Only this time, he found something. He reached in with some medical equipment and dug around for a couple minutes. He pulled out this clump of earwax that looked just like Shrek, and was a good centimeter in diameter. I looked at that thing and wondered how I never realized I had a marble-sized chunk of earwax in my head. The left side of my head felt lighter after that. After the visit, I got the bill and saw he charged me $53 for a 3 minute earwax extraction. WTF! That's like $1000/hr rate. If you wonder why health care costs so much, look no further.

M-Wolverine

January 6th, 2012 at 11:55 AM ^

...But the first Peanuts sucks? What? Rather, I think it sets up the existential angst and melacholy feel of life with cruelty out of the mouths of babes that we get for the whole series.