Can you guess what was wrong with Herb? Also the copyright to this at the end says "U.M.&M."
Of all the things to despise about the new divisions—like the MSU game being technically more important every year than Ohio State—at least let's admit there's one wonderful benefit: Michigan-Minnesota is back to every year.
The historians like this one because there were some major powers with some major players who went on or ended some major streaks back in the day. But with more than enough annual powers on the schedule these days, I kind of like having this one historically poignant yet presently non-stressful mid-year contest with the people who invented cooking the cheese inside the actual hamburger.
After yet another Hallow's Eve scare, a nice jug of hot cider and Minnesota's safeties are just the thing. Alas, it is not Jug Saturday yet, and there's some things from last week that we need to over again. Like what happens when you lose your 5-star quarterback?
DON'T MISS THESE:
You Get This One Chance. Why is it every time we've got like THE MAN under center, the minute he goes out it's terror central? Not just Denard against Nebraska but the crater when Mallett departed, or the black hole that formed when Henne's arm was removed from its socket against Oregon in 2007, or the feeling in the pit of your stomach when that Buckeye Steinbrenner bought off Drew Henson (right). Enter oakapple, who goes back through recent history to show how the uber recruit tends to both work out and scare off competition. Whyfore wast thou oppos'd to class, bygone son of Forcier?
He hits on some good questions—like the handling of Gardner. But if he looked back further, to the deep recruiting of the time after Bo, he might have seen a different magic.
Gameboy went back over Michigan's 2012 opponents past to pull up percentages for how much better our defense fared against them than their average opponents. Michigan got blown out by Alabama about exactly the same way everyone else did, and we beat UMass the same way everyone else beat on UMass. As for the rest, the defensive performances have one other outlier in Air Force (we did marginally better than Mountain West teams) and otherwise stand as "omigod that was a tough defense" in the memories of everyone else. I fixed his charts to make them more legible so the descriptions may be a bit off.
[After the jump, more spooky things]
Oil and Water. Put off by the hurricane, best and worse with bronxblue has a Gardner e-pinion, expectations, and compares receiver charts.
Inside the Box Score has joined the ranks of people who use Brian's bolded subconscious writing device. By the way, negged for giving a stupid nickname to Bellomy—his arm strength and accuracy when facing blitzing blackshirts at night as a freshman are all fair game, but I'm gonna be a tightwad with people who step over that line. And not just because a very large man on two-person bicycle has been riding around town looking for someone who fits my description.
Statistics and FEI projection still say the offense is bad—like 56th in the country. Since I can't convince humans that Denard getting hurt killed the radio star, I'm not going to even try yelling it at machines. Defense is 20th. These charts say so much:
The turnover analysis is also mad at us, and by the way freshman QBs are one of the few things you can't just be like "bah it's all luck" with these things.
Big Etc. The Blockhams has a new feature where the author draws a solemn black and white comic, forces certain people to give him captions for it, then colors it all bright and with happy facial features that don't at all match the somber fall mood fit for an intellectual foray into the genius of cube engineering. Apparently everything they say about how nice people are at Nebraska is completely true. Also true: way too much advertising in that stadium. Interesting discussion on replacing the seniors from the 2012 D. The Michigan schedule as zombie apocalypse using some game I've never heard of. Baseball hellos. And we killed THE_KNOWLEDGE.
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THE AFTERMATH OF FUNNY BONES THAT AREN'T AT ALL FUNNY
The loss maybe was expected, but the manner of it was not. There was a vent thread that got just the right amount of out of hand without managing to make This Week in Schadenfreude. Then there were kittehs. A whole thread of kittehs. Wait no, TWO threads of kittehs! Then someone ruined the kitteh-fest by putting a Detroit Tiger trying to swing a bat in there. I was like what, and then I cried.
WHENCE THE KNEELS OF YESTERYEAR?
I clicked on another thread about stats, because stats are numbers not sad things, right? Well no not really because this from GhostofYost
With two returning 1000-yard rushers including a record-setting QB, a former near-1000-yard receiver, and an experienced OL with a top 20 pick at LT, this offense just did something that hasn't been done at Michigan in 50 years.
The last team to be held without a TD three times in one season was the 2-7, 1962 squad quarterbacked by Bobby Timberlake. They were shut out 4 times, and scored more than 14 points just once.
HE DID IT!
Concept^ Final version^
ZOLTAN MESKO AND TIM NORTH: HEROES OF THE GALAXY OF SPACE
His charity is only a month old and Zoltan is already getting accolades in an Earth zone known as Boston for his immediate success at charity. Tim North (he was Nate Brink before it was cool) is doing a lot of the legwork. Look for more about this thing from us in the future.
I'M IN THE BUBBLE!!!
Had to do this when attending a Tigers game and Michigan was playing. Respect the bubble, people. If you need to text your friends during a sporting event and you know they're watching it at home, always ask if they're bubbled first.
Your Moment of Zen:
An dreary Friday night until screens and delayed handoffs and a ball that touched the moon before it came to Braylon, and there was no hesitation before going for it on 4th down. Part 1 has the transcontinental and nothing else you want to see.