Dear Diary Sees the Softer Side

Submitted by Seth on October 24th, 2010 at 1:44 PM

First, a quick note: For all of you diarists who wanted a better way to get at old UFRs, I've added an Upon Further Review Archives to the User-Curated Hall of Fame page. Go forth and discover. Now on with the show...

Dear Diary,

I tried going without Michigan football this week, and I got a little crazy. I'm ready to admit I have a problem...

I tried to get some football in, heading to my high school alma mater on Friday to watch future Wolverine Shawn Conway not get a ball thrown to him in the Seaholm Maples' 21-7 victory over my Groves Falcons. Stat of the day: current high school girls had on almost as much makeup (2,798 lbs.) as clothing (2,856 lbs.) I'm not complaining out of fuddy-duddyness but envy: I went to high school during the tail end of the grunge era, when about the raciest thing girls would wear to class were inside-out Coed Naked [Professional Occupation] t-shirts.

Which leads me to the real theme of Michigan football this week:


To see why, scroll down to find Six Zero's absolutely epic Wife Day Preview:

Cheap Thrills

Worry if...

  • Ann Taylor has coupons of any kind.
  • She brings an early Christmas Shopping List
  • New stores, with a Grand Opening Sale.

Cackle with knowing glee if...

  • My wife says “Wow, those surround sound units are amazing.”
  • The words “Go ahead and I’ll catch up with you later” are even whispered.
  • Live football is being displayed on any television in my basic vicinity.

The post, which instantly made the User-Curated Hall of Fame, has already spawned an Opponent's Press Conference, a post-game flame war on the boards, and a movie! Unfortunately there was no liveblog, but chance of a UFR is 80 percent. To wit: we MGoHusbands didn't spend the weekend with our wives, but we did spend it on a Michigan football blog talking about spending time with our wives, which for those of us in some form of obsession therapy is major progress.

For leaving his credit rating and not a few man cards at a Pennsylvania outlet mall, Six Zero wins Diarist of the Week, which trophy is going in the garage.

Did You Say Michigan Football?

Yes, and let's talk about that...

Little bro is having a good time at our expense, and we're not really sure what year it is, and all of this is really hard to deal with, but it's okay because thanks to BlockM we are now seeing a therapist:

Older Man: Hey kid, I don't know a lot... but you see this? All this shit. It's not your fault.

The older man steps toward the young man and opens the manila envelope. It's full of freep articles and newspaper clippings. The one on top declares the 3-9 season to be the worst of all time. Another can be seen proclaiming the exact number of hours since Michigan beat Ohio State.

Young Man: Yeah, I know that. It's all those stupid injuries.

Older Man: Look at me son. It's not your fault.

Young Man: I know, the recruiting has been bad.

Older Man: It's not your fault.

We also go to Drakeep for a second opinion.

What if I'm Just Afraid of Lions?

These ones?


These ones?

LOLZ. No, the ones who wear neckerchiefs and pasted us the last two years.

Oh, those. Don't worry about those...

Fortunately, all things Nittany aren't nearly as terrifying this year, partly because they were Michigan 2008 at quarterback to begin with, and because since then their roster reads like an OSHA report.

If you want more (of course you do -- you're obsessed, right?) MGoDiarists have provided.

User kb starts us off with a predictive win model (which--SPOILER--predicts WIN!) using a combination of tempo-free stats. Our PREDSCORE is 1.21, good for fifth (behind OSU, MSU, Iowa and Wisconsin) in the Big Ten. Penn State (-0.88) is 8th.

Nonnair also noticed something interesting: Penn State seems to do most of its passing on 1st down:

Based on these stats, occasional watching of PSU games, and poring over their play-by-play sheets this year, this Penn State team throws deep almost exclusively on first down, and has found success that way for TDs in three of the past four games.

So good news if easy TD passes to Andrew Quarless are keeping you up at nights:

  1. Daryll Clark (Half-Brady/Half-Duck?) is gone.
  2. If it's gonna happen, it'll happen quickly.

Quit the Psychobabble and Give Me Statistics!

With the bye week things were a little light in the MGoMath department, but some of the usual suspects came on with post-Iowa updates.

Enjoy Life came in with his excellent updates using national rankings that actually mean something (stern look, BCS), where he shows us the Michigan who lost to MSU and Iowa is still pretty much the same Michigan that torched Bowling Green:

... Based on these rankings, M maintains a 43% chance for a +5 WLM (9-4 or better) season and an 83% chance for a winning season.

As for what's different now than three weeks ago, Enjoy Life has you covered on that too. In a single word: "turnovers." In a thousand words:

Throw ball to wrong team = please return expectations to 7-5.

But We're Gonna Be Awesome in the Future, Right?

Well, that depends on a lot of things. There was a really good board discussion this week by cypress on a best-case scenario for next year's defense. It wasn't bumped to Diary, but when you include all the responses it's about on that level, and includes several responses that could have been diaries themselves. Read so you know what to be rooting for.

Usually I don't bother sharing things written by the MGoStaff, and this will get covered again in Tim's Wednesday Recruiting, but I would be remiss if I didn't bring up TomVH's best-guess diary. For those of you who have just a passing (i.e. healthy) level of interest in the next crop, this is for you, since it gives a general overview of the guys Michigan is likely to add next year. Short-short version, the 2011 class will be something kinda like this:

Guy Pos. Stars
Kevin Sousa or Marquise Williams QB ***
Demetrius Hart RB *****
Devondrick Nealy or Prince Holloway Slot ***
Shawn Conway WR ***
Sammy Watkins WR ****
Chris Gallon WR ***
Drew Owens or Jack Tabb TE ***
Tony Posada OT ***
Jake Fisher OT ***
Jack Miller OG ***
Chris Bryant OT ****
James Elliott OG ***
Guy Pos. Stars
Darian Cooper DT/NT ***
Anthony Zettel DE ****
Chris Rock DE ***
Antonio Kinard DE ***
Brennan Beyer Spinner ****
Kris Frost MLB/WLB ****
Kellen Jones MLB/WLB ***.5
Sean Duggan MLB/WLB ***
Darryl Monroe MLB/WLB ***
Roderick Ryles Bandit ***
Avery Walls FS ****

Dallas Crawford
or Greg Brown

CB ***
Delonte Hollowell CB ****

In meta-recruiting, MGoBlog has great luck in finding All American diarists, but because we're college football fans, of course we're always on the lookout for the next big thing. My bold prediction: this guy tasnyder01, who created his account just 8 days ago, will one day join the ranks of the Great, Bored, and Need to Share Our Thoughts. He made his diaretic debut this week when I bumped his UFR of Kenny Demens from the board, and he posted that just two hours after a comprehensive rundown of secondary losses that I almost bumped as well. He's still really raw, but if our coaches can teach tasnyder01 to use a WYSIWYG editor we might have a future Diary All Star on our hands. You heard it here first.


Stay sane, people, or else end up like Penn State fans; you'll get to meet them this week.



October 24th, 2010 at 3:55 PM ^

Class of '98. I was the last class to have Mr. [ARMS!] Brown, and his post-lunch honors bio class where hats were verboten, and he'd put you to sleep by droning "Chance mutation leads to adaptation" over 1960s moviereels, then lift-and-drop your desk when you nod off and boom with a voice like the wrath of God: "FISHER! WAKE UP AND JOIN THE CLASS!"

Sophomore year's when they went to block scheduling.

Babs remembers me as the guy who wrote a full-length parody of Romeo & Juliet.


October 24th, 2010 at 4:11 PM ^

Hilarious. I graduated in 94 and my sister did in 96. Did you also have Mr. "Opps, I left the answer key out on my desk again" Woodward for math? Nothing beat the moment I realized I could simply stand up and walk out of the room in the middle of class and that Woody was too busy counting the days until retirement to care.

I was at the game Friday too, first Groves/Seaholm game I'd seen since I played in 93. Not the most inspiring performance for Flare and guys.  


Enjoy Life

October 24th, 2010 at 5:48 PM ^

I fell over laughing as I read SixZero's diary. Then, had a sly, devilish smile as I realized I had "been a wonderful husband" because I had encouraged my wife to visit her daughter (blended family) and grandson in Massachusetts while I was left all by myself for a lonely weekend (to go to the M hockey games, watch hours and hours and hours of college football and NFL, drink lots of wine, etc.).

It was a true sacrifice (I sure wish I could have gone shopping with my wife)!!!!!!


October 25th, 2010 at 11:38 PM ^

I worry alot about next year. 


I can see us winning a couple of games more this year (PSU, and either Purdue or Illinois) but we will have problems with the rest of the schedule. 


Next year, I don't see alot on the D to tell me that it is going to be appreciably better. And if Denard gets hurt... whoa. 3 years and we have a WHOLE lot loaded up on this kid. 


He's awesome to watch, but I just remember Oregon from 2007, I believe. World beaters until the QB goes down. 

Feat of Clay

October 26th, 2010 at 11:30 AM ^

Denard carrying shopping bags has just triggered my dirtiest, most delicious Black Friday fantasy. 

Imagine how quickly we could vault to the cash registers after our 4 am assault on BigBox Emporium for their Low Low Priced Doorbuster MustHave.  You think that kid had a challenge finding an opening in Iowa coverage?  Try elbowing through half a dozen chubby suburbanites--with loaded shopping carts--to dig through the 60% off Shania fragrance gift sets.  But what a great training opportunity for Denard. 

God, think how fast we could get to Kohls for their buy-one/get one sale of chenille sweaters!  SQUEEEEEEEEE