Dear Diary in Masterpiece Theater Comment Count

Seth September 21st, 2012 at 8:27 AM

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It's strange that Notre Dame is considering giving this up for more Syracuse and stuff. In the relatively short time since bringing this thing back, it accounts for some of the greatest moments of the season's first quarter. It's Remy Hamilton, and Desmond laying out for a 4th down dagger, and time running out at the 11, and Denard going DENNIS BERGKAMP! (compare to Wheatley with a crease), and several more increasingly preposterous ways to beat them by 4. Even when it's terrible, it's crazy-ass yakety-sax in a freshman quarterback terrible. And oh, TD Jesus knows this rivalry has seen its freshman quarterbacks, from Henne, to the stork-off of 2007, to The Jedi of Moxie, and now the Golson Show. So whether you're making the drive to South Bend or the walk to your living room, start off with a stroll through inthebluelot et al.'s special gallery of Great Images from the Battle of the Winningests. Bonus 2012 exhibit: first blood Michigan.

Since we're leading with Best of the Board, here's the rest of that:

WORST QB PERFORMANCE OF ALL TIME?

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The first two episodes of that famous M-ND saxophonic trilogy were submitted along with Bauserman, Buffalo's Alex Zordich last week (4-22 with 2 INTs), and "any game where Lovie Smith said 'Rex is our quarterback.'" #loldabears. Then came the Mathlete:

Pulled the old database up and Brian Luke from Kansas gets the worst showing at -28 in a 2005 game against Oklahoma. 11/30 86 yards, 3 INT and -40 yards rushing

Henne's 11/34 against Ohio in 2007 is Michigan's worst showing (-20), although if you adjust for defense, Nick Sheridan's 2008 against NW (-15) takes the cake.

Juice Williams narrowly edges out Henne for worst B1G game, with a -20 in 2008 against Penn St

If my fist had ever stopped shaking at 2007 it would start shaking again. The opposite side of this coin is the Charles Woodson vs. All Time Best NFL DBs thread.

ETC. Mgrowold (who's spending time in the pony box for illegal use of avatar), apparently has the right tailgate spot, since both Hoke and now Mattison have stopped by it. Adidas, which is supposed to be a friggin' soccer company, manages to totally biff the soccer uniforms. Ultimate UFR experience: offense, defense.

The diaries, after THE JUMP

JUSTICE UNDER REVIEW

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By Upchurch

Like every blue-blooded kid who caught the Michigan bug from Desmond Howard I'm a big-time member of the Norfleet Fan Club. I'm also the founding member of the We Believe the Justice Hayes Hype and No He's Not Anything Like Tim Bracken We Hates Brackinses Brigade (still working on the title). Hayes is the guy this blog said was a Rodriguezian slot until he ironically left Brian Kelly and Notre Dame at the alter because Michigan was going Manball. No, this doesn't have any value since it happened against UMass in the un-chartable time, but we here at the WBJHHNHNALTBWHBB credit all things that can be used to justify our hopes for Two-ssaint. Actually it's more a UFR of Miller and the walk-ons who haunt the offensive line two-deep. Either way, thanks Blazefire.

NOTRE HAINE

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The Shred-dude still hates everything about Notre Dame, or at least 10 things. How can you possibly hate this:

Going to a game at Notre Dame Stadium is like going back in time to 1955 in Docs DeLorean. I think all the fans drive there wind up old model Ts to the Stadium every Saturday to tail gate.

I'm with you on the tall grass, and Lou Holth, and Rudy. Their fans, though—those that visit us from time to time—have been remarkably cordial, they're just a little funny in the head on the internet, not that we'd know anything about that.

THE WEEKLIES

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Dramatization of events

Inside the Box Score, by ST3 – It's just UMass, so this is the bottle episode. Our hero gets bumped on the noggin' by Michigan's sixth touchdown and takes us back to that episode where a mysterious man named Keith *wink wink* introduced a young ST3 to Ron Kramer, who handed the boy a box score and said "remember, always keep score score score score!" Then we revisit some of our favorite scenes from Happy Days. Whoa, Nellie! I make fun but this was thoroughly enjoyable, so bottle episode: Diary of the Week.

Statistics and FEI Prediction, by Enjoy Life – Bad MAC teams who just joined I-A still count as I-A, which is not necessarily a good thing since FEI throws out I-AA but dings Michigan for not beating the bottom of the MAC by 100.

FEI got really weird early last year and then ended up being kind of right and righted back to expectations, but they put Notre Dame at #6 overall and give us a 7 percent chance of victory. FEI doesn't know the rule of Michigan Wins By 4.

Turnover Analysis, also by Enjoy Life is equally gory, but not in any kind of way that is at all repeatable except probably half of Denard's interceptions. Like so many other things, this will start to matter when we play something other than an honorary member of the NFC South, a triple-option service academy, or the latest FCS school to stretch the definition of the NCAA's "top" division.

Hoke for Tomorrow, by Lordfoul – The "learn from yesterday" part is all platitudes, but again, it was UMass.

WALLPAPER OF THE WEEK:

Jonvalk's wallpaper is kind of busy, but the more you stare at it (e.g. when you're procrastinating writing your blog entry), the more you come to appreciate all the little things in there. Like how there's Desmond and Rocket in there. And how it's night but TDJeesus's halo is serving as light. And how he used the Denard photo from Hail to the Victors that we had to pay out the nose for.

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In close second again is monuMental, who also went with TD Jesu, dipping back into the well of 2010 Touchdown Jesus to make him into Facepalm Guy.

PROGRAM

Git yours. See yous guyz in South Bend!

Your Moment of Zen:

Comments

jg2112

September 21st, 2012 at 8:37 AM ^

How did Denard go "Dennis Bergkamp" as a freshman? I don't recall him doing much of anything in the 2009 game.

FWIW, the Dennis Bergkamp goal from which that commentary arose was one of the greatest passes, with some of the greatest control, with one of the finest shots, ever made in the final minute of a World Cup Quarterfinal. That Dutch team was of the highest quality, and Bergkamp was the best of the bunch.

Seth

September 21st, 2012 at 8:48 AM ^

Oops -- typo. That was supposed to be earlier in the paragraph.

By way of apology:

And the original call:

Met balbezit voor Frank de Boer, Frank de Boer speelt de bal heel goed naar Dennis Bergkamp. Dennis Bergkamp, Dennis Bergkamp neemt de bal aan. Dennis BergKAMP! DENNIS BERGKAMP! DENNIS BERGKAMP! DENNIS BERGKAMP! DENNIS BERGKAMP!!

ST3

September 21st, 2012 at 10:58 AM ^

Just to clarify, "Keith" is not Keith Jackson. He's just your typical Michigan Man who wore maize-and-blue checkered pants to games and rented Winnebago's for road trips. Yes, he was my first MGoMentor.