Prepare to eat these words
I'm so sick of hearing the same tired and flawed arguments over and over again. I'm sick of educating trolls one point at a time. Instead I'm just going to throw out everything here and post links to this diary post.
I guarantee we will not go 3-9 this year like ND last year.
I guarantee we will not go 3-8 like WVU did in RR's first year (2001).
And anyone who wants to put their wallet where their brain farts are can send me email at [email protected] I'll wager 100,000 KRW against your measly 1,000 USD. Any takers?
We will win 4 games or more this year, and here's why:
- Miami, Toledo, Northwestern, Minnesota
- Charlie Weis forgot to teach fundamentals, RR has repeatedly stressed fundamentals
- Head Coaching Experience. When RR was hired by WVU he had never been a head coach of a division one program before.
- Recruiting. Even in the transition year we pulled in a higher ranked class than nearly all of our opponents.
- Defense. ND had none.
- 5 of the first 6 games are at home, including a bye week, the second road game isn't until October 18
- Your head coach sucks (unless you are a bucknut). The big ten has a terrible lineup of coaches. There's the cryptkeeper and his son, the retiring walrus, the guy that got ran out of florida, the guy who was hired as emotional salve when the real coach died, the guy who went 1-11 last year, the guy with his foot firmly embedded in his own mouth (i'm looking at you dantonio), the guy who has had 40% of his team transfer or get suspended, the guy who thinks this is still the 1980's, and whoever the hell runs indiana these days.
- Our backup running backs are better than your nickle backs. Learn the names now so you won't have to ask 'who the heck just ran over our db?' later. Brandon Minor, Carlos Brown, Sam McGuffie, Michael Shaw. We will 'long handoff' and 'bubble screen' you to death.
- Coaching Family. This isn't Nick $aban leaving MSU for LSU and NOT A SINGLE COACH FOLLOWING HIM. RR brought everyone with him. Only two coaches didn't come, and they were replaced by Fred Jackson and Scott Shafer.
- Scott Shafer got freaking STANFORD's defense to hold USC to 23 points in his first freaking year there.
- Fred Jackson has put more running backs into the NFL than your last three coaches combined. (Tyrone Wheatly, Thishmanga Biakabutuka, Chris Howard, Anthony Thomas, BJ Askew, Chris Perry, Mike Hart)
- Mike Barwis. Not only did RR bring the coaches, he brought the training staff too. He didn't have Mike Barwis in 2001. But we've got Mike Barwis now. Mike Barwis thinks you're too fat. Mike Barwis will make you stronger. That's just what Mike Barwis does. Mike Barwis. (and for those who don't know, Mike Barwis likes to use full names, and likes to talk in the third person, Mike Barwis.)
- In the spread, quick passes means the line doesn't have to block for very long.
- In the spread, short passes means the QB doesn't need a rifle for an arm
- Wildcat formation MOFO. We've got lots of small, fast guys that you can't tackle. And we like to put them all over the place. We've got a package of screens, draws, options, sweeps, flares, and reverses that will make your defensive ends go home crying like little girls who just had their sandwiches eaten.
- With middling recruits RR beat the SEC champ, the ACC runner up, and the Big12 champ in successive bowls.
- Snake oil Bee-otch! At WVU RR had to beg and plead for kids to come to the backwater mountains. The Old Michigan regime would recruit by flashing the block M and saying 'hey, get a load of us.' Now we've got a recruiter who can close. ABC. Always be closing. Have some coffee RR.
- Mike Barwis has made Terrance Taylor and Brandon Graham hungry. They want to eat your puppies. And we told them your QB is hiding the puppies.
- Speed kills. Morgan Trent is faster than Percy Harvin. Brandon Harrison is faster than Morgan Trent.
- AND FINALLY; Our position coaches' wives are hot. This probably doesn't mean much to you, but 'gladiator make good kill, go home, bang wife. ARRRRRRRRRR!!!!'
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August 14th, 2008 at 12:53 PM ^
**Mike Barwis has made Terrance Taylor and Brandon Graham hungry. They want to eat your puppies. And we told them your QB is hiding the puppies. **
Brian needs to start a quote page with this being numero uno!
August 14th, 2008 at 2:04 PM ^
August 14th, 2008 at 2:08 PM ^
Shhhh man, it's not often the average Michigan fan gets to see their usual persecution complex and paranoia come true, let them enjoy this ridiculous "us against the world" meme.
I keep having visions of Carlos Brown screaming "we shocked the world!!!" after they beat Utah or something.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:48 PM ^
they're predicting 5-7 (3-5) for Michigan, good for 8th in the conference. The last time Michigan finished in 7th or 8th place? 1965, under Bump Elliott, when Michigan finished tied for 7th.
August 14th, 2008 at 3:14 PM ^
"Speed kills. Morgan Trent is faster than Percy Harvin. Brandon Harrison is faster than Morgan Trent."
Well played.
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