Spartan Nation Drops the Knowledge!
Thought I’d stop in from Spartan Nation and drop some knowledge about the BEAT-DOWN coming your way this year courtesy of the Green and White. That’s right, Coach Dantonio and Company are going to wreck the Wolverines and their new Mexican coach, just like my buddy Jason wrecks vaginas. (Up top, brah!) And after the smoke clears, Coach Dantonio is going to step onto the field, whip out his nine-inch dick, and fuck a live wolverine in the middle of the field – because he can, playa’!
Seriously – you guys are in a world of hurt. Like I was telling my crew at the very prestigious and important law firm I work at, I am literally aching to see the game this fall. (I’m almost 100% sure it’s just the game, and not hepatitis.) I even installed a countdown clock in my bedroom, just like Coach Dantonio put in the weight room. I’m going to get tickets, head to your crappy “Big House” in Ann Arbor (where your hottest girls are, like, no better than a “6” in East Lansing) and watch the best game of all –
Oh, sorry, didn’t see you standing there, Mr. Smith. I’m doing good, thanks for asking. Just typing up some FedEx labels. How many copies do you need? No problem. My plans tonight? The client can’t go so you’re giving me the tickets to the Tigers ballgame?! Mr. Smith, you rock! Thanks so much! Dude, I owe you!
– where was I? Who cares, I should mention that Wolverine alumni suck. Like the douchebag partner Mr. Smith. He’s always hating on Spartan Nation, always looking to screw me over. You guys think your degree is soooo special. It's not like anyone thinks that there's that much difference between a Michigan and Michigan State degree. Well, some news for you: I totally could have gotten into Michigan if I wanted to. Seriously. But I thought it was more important to get a social education too. Like, learning how to interact with people and shit. At heart, dudes like Mr. Smith wish they had the experiences I had watching Jason (brah!) work his magic with the ladies. No matter how many friends he has, or people say he’s “at the top of his profession,” or how many BMWs he has, or how happy his family is, or how quickly his daughter walks past me when she visits the office – he’s raging inside because he wasn’t a Spartan. Raging.
And here’s a few words for Mike Hart. That “moment of silence” thing after last year’s game? Totally immature. Like, what kind of adult says something like that? Seriously, dude. Grow up. Anyways, this year’s moment of silence will be for you! Seriously, keep your mouth shut, Hart, or Coach Dantonio will slap you upside the head with 12 inches of limp dick –
– the UPS delivery dude just told me that Hart graduated. Whatever. He’s lucky – lucky! – that he doesn’t have to play the Spartans ever again. I'll tell you what, though: we'll win the same way we lose: with dignity.
And I haven’t even gotten to last year’s crowning insult: your band refusing to move out of the way for one of our position coaches. For shame, Michigan Marching Band. For shame. Brass instruments should only be used for fine background accompaniment while watching Jason (brah!) hook up with two drunk chicks at the same time (double brah!) during Mardi Gras night at Rick’s. They shouldn’t be used to force an adult to curse like a sailor and swear revenge in front of his young daughter. Not cool, Michigan Marching Band. You’re on the list.
I know there’s been talk about this APR thing and how we might lose some schollys or something, but I think it’s bullshit. First of all, it’s based on numbers, which can totally be faked. Probably some Michigan fan, like those engineer dweebs who started up that company that Mr. Smith represents, hacked State’s computer system with some “Wargames” bullshit. Because that’s all Michigan fans do, think about State all the time and how to screw us. Second, numbers make me all confused, just like that time I saw Jason going into the ladies’ bathroom at the Land Shark with my girlfriend. (Brah?) I dunno. Maybe he was helping her with some “lady issue” bullshit. Man, that stuff creeps me out.
Anyways, the main point is that come this fall, Coach Dantonio will be butt-fucking your entire team with his 28 inch uncircumcised bull-cock. We'll be coming at you like the 300 Spartans wiped out the Parisians a couple of hundred years ago!
Discuss, bitches!
Spartan Nation
p.s. I’ll be following up with a post educating you morons about the ten greatest moments in Spartan Nation history. Here’s a taste: numbers nine, four and one include the words “Appalachian State.”
So - what I get out of it is that Sparty gets off talking about his coach's Nether-Regions and his friend's sexual escapades. Freud would have a field day with Lil Brah here.
What if every one of us ignores this article?
Confucius say.. A dog barking at a sun doesn't tarnish the sun.
EDIT: On second reading, this article/schtick is freakin' awesome !!
You can't be for real man. Coach D is gonna fuck us with his bull cock!
I'm officially concerned about the posters here.
Oh, sorry, didn’t see you standing there, Mr. Smith. I’m doing good, thanks for asking. Just typing up some FedEx labels. How many copies do you need? No problem. My plans tonight? The client can’t go so you’re giving me the tickets to the Tigers ballgame?! Mr. Smith, you rock! Thanks so much! Dude, I owe you!
Sorry sir, I didn't see you standing there. You would like meal #3 with a coke? Apple pie with that? OK sir, that will be $4.76. Thank you and here is your change. Oh, you like my Michigan State sweatshirt. Yes sir, I went. Graduated a few years ago, top of my class. Yes sir, my parents are very proud of me and they expect great things from me. I expect to be assistant manager here in the next 5 to 6 years.
Fixed
That has to be fake! Dantonio with a 23 in Bull Cock. Yeah right, take a moment and look at your look pinky......that's Dantonio.
True Story!
Good stuff though! I like Jason, athough his white blood cell count has to be the closest thing to absolute zero (high five, brah!)
Sometimes one must BE absurd to illustrate the absurd.
:)
let's go make a diary on some other team's blog because they're like our older brother, and we totally look up to them, and want them to give us some attenshiun
edit: whoops, posted before reading. I see now that it's just a joke. and not in the regular 'everything out of a spartan's mouth is a joke' way. funny.
.....
seriously?
Was that entry really so hard to get?
And after the smoke clears, Coach Dantonio is going to step onto the field, whip out his nine-inch dick, and fuck a live wolverine in the middle of the field – because he can, playa’!
Magnificent
Seriously, are there a bunch of 50 year old moms reading this blog now?
(no offense to 50 year old moms, but my mom doesn't understand parody or sarcasm at all so i think its a valid comparison)
Parody or not, Sparty needs to get his cock math right.
In the first paragraph, he says "Coach Dantonio is going to step onto the field, whip out his nine-inch dick, and fuck a live wolverine in the middle of the field." Yet, in the fifth, he states "Seriously, keep your mouth shut, Hart, or Coach Dantonio will slap you upside the head with 12 inches of limp dick."
So, there are definitely a few freudian observations to be made. Does Dick Dantonio's member get smaller as it gets more rigid? My guess is that this is a metaphor for sparty football in that instead of "rising to the occasion," sparty football/Dicky D shrinks to the occasion (i.e., the "man-gina"--not to be confused w/ Mangino who has his own gravitational pull). This would be contrary to how metaphorical Michigan whips out a 20" metaphorical cock (in the shape of Braylon or Mario) and slaps sparty/Dicky D in the face, and wipes it off on their teddy bear.
I guess even in parody, there is some truth. Space bitches.
So you are under the impression that the cock going from 9, to 12, to 28 in the entry isn't a joke, and is actually some sort of math related mistake? Or are you a parody too?
This thread broke my brain.
this was supposed to be a joke? i had no idea...
next you're going to tell me there's no such thing as a fuck lion.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4xrzkefV3M
and its close cousin 'irony'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7f6UCnX6f8
(sorry, couldn't find the original clip)
...you Maize n' Bitch (ha!) bitch (ha!!):
1. How mature am I? FUCK YOU!
2. How old am I? FUCK YOU!
Now do you understand? Now do you see what happens when you fuck with one of the Sons of Dantonio, and Coach Dantonio's four foot cock? You wanted some? Bee-hatch, you got some. SERVED!
As for the rest of you mo's -- I'll be back soon, letting you know what it means to be a true Spartan warrior, like those dudes in 300! (Which kicks ass!)
Peace . . . NOT! Taste it, bitches!
SPARTAN NATION
...you've got balls. Big, fat, juicy ones. Dantonio-esque, even. Only you (and fifteen or so others on this thread) have the nuttage to take me on. All the other losers on this website are laughing, thinking I'm some sort of joke.
(Which I'm not! I'm as serious as George Perles at the Old Country Buffett on Grand River Avenue. As serious as Coach Dantonio's engorged man-meat pointing at the heavens towards his celestial birthplace. As serious as Cedric Everson walking through that door with one thing on his mind. But I digress.)
But you know better. You understand how important these internet posts are. How necessary it is to get the final word in over a fan of the opposition. That you can't let some Spartan waltz onto a Wolverine website and say things like "Caulcrick is pretty good" or "Hart should shut up" or "maize looks suspiciously like yellow." That a war of words over the internerd matters. Alone (with fifteen or so others) amongst these cowards, you grab a hold of your cojones and say: this will not stand. And I applaud you for it, br...
Whoa, that was close. True: in another life, we might have been brahs. If I close my eyes I can see it -- it's brah-tastic. But as brah-some as it might have been, we're doomed to be enemies forever. Like Cena and Batista, man. Cena and Batista...why can't they see they're on the same side? [Sob.]
Anyways, I'm out. Stay strong, HTTV. Stay strong.
SPARTAN NATION
...my time is now
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