#19, S Willis Barringer

What's wrong with your hand?

I mean, I'm seriously:

It's always broken.

 

#26, RB Alijah Bradley

You're really, really

really, really, really, real-

-ly, really quite short.

 

#38, ST BJ Opong-Owusu

Hey, did you know this?

BJ Opong-Owusu

An entire line

 

#50, DE Jeremy Van Alstyne

You've got Barringer's

Hands in your knees, so it's hard

to play much football

 

#61, LS Turner Booth

You're the long snapper

I've never thought about you

Therefore: good job, Booth

3. Did your team play any Division I-AA opponents this year? If so, do you think it benefited your team at all? If you were a coach or an NCAA official, what policy would you have toward scheduling D-IAAs?

Michigan's never scheduled a I-AA team and likely never will,

Finally, three opportunities for me to look stupid Sunday:

• Breaston touchdown. I have to be right about this eventually. (Take four.)
• Henne has fewer than 20 attempts.
• 30-13, Michigan. (Indiana cover! Look at the respect!)

 

And so. Here we are, on the cusp of the biggest football-related event in any of our lives. Good is 11-0. Evil is 11-0. Good is #2. Evil is #1. I am a wordy, analogy-laden person and words and analogies fail. This is like what? Nothing. This can be described how? With some gaping, useless jaw-movements sans audio and a defeated shrug.

• Expect a lot of 3-3-5 against the Buckeye spread, a lot of instances where six guys threaten at the line and then random players back off at the snap, including Jamison and Woodley.

DeBord?

As much as DeBord grinds my gears, one thing Michigan has always done is pull out the stops for OSU. I expect a fairly even run-pass balance unless our relative proficiency at one blows the other away. No more of this 80% rushes on first down.

 

This would be outstanding for Michigan. If Harbaugh succeeds at ISU he'll rocket towards the top of appealing head coach candidates when Carr retires.

Michigan's gameplans to date do not have relevance. Michigan is not going to run on 80% of its first downs, nor is it going to close up shop with a two-touchdown lead. I've tried to note the divergent philosophies Michigan employs against teams they respect and teams they think they can roll over. The comparative scores of, say, the Minnesota games (28-14 Michigan versus 44-0 Ohio State) are more a function of philosophy than ability.

This is what I think the game comes down to: who completes more bombs? Both teams have lived on the long ball this year. Both have receivers who can get open and quarterbacks who excel at the deep ball. Michigan has a tiny advantage here with Trent and Hall, both guys who can run stride-for-stride with anyone, and a defensive line that's more likely to prevent Smith from launching his deep balls. But the margin is razor thin.

Finally, three opportunities for me to look stupid Sunday:

• Secret weapon TYLER ECKER.
• I don't get the crap kicked out of me.
• 20-17, Michigan.

At some point, as David Harris reclines -- head against a wall, fixing his bayonet, passing the time -- the faint ratatat of drums will filter through the concrete, beating out a march. Harris will rise from his seat, take up his helmet, and stride forward. The future holds its breath for three hours.

This blog has warped itself into something of a -- yuck -- personal diary of a sports fan almost against my will. I've tried to chronicle the emotions of a Michigan fan in this space, but I'm clean out. Anyone who needs to tell me some bad news, ("Brian, we've never met but this is definitely your baby") this is your opportunity. Lo, I am spent.

Ferentz. Oft-rumored as a potential Carr replacement, the bloom has come off the rose a bit with these last couple disappointing years in Iowa City.