MY ROOMMATE IS LAZY BASTARD!
Yes, I'm shouting, and I'll take the negs. My roommate Todd McAllister is the laziest Bastard of all time. He hasn't moved from the couch in more than a week, ever since the Olympics started. How about doing some dishes, Todd?!
My other roommate, Jim Collins, is just about as lazy, but at least he got a job at Cinnabon.
These losers watch TV 16-17 hours per day (and still manage to find a way to surf Mgoblog for a few hours per day). I'm so sick of them and hope to be there when they get evicted for not paying their end of the rent.
So now that I'm done freaking out, I've been the only one out of the house since the Olympics started. Time to find new roommates. Anyone looking for a place on Michigan Ave?
EDIT: A big thanks to all of the Mgoblog community for the support. I actually just realized that I'm married and haven't lived with those guys for 9 years. I appreciate you being there for me during that flashback.
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:13 AM ^
So dumb, but I still have to +1 you.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:10 PM ^
to be honest your roommates dont seem that bad. they sound like pretty typical stoners.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:30 PM ^
my roommate hasn't woken up before 4pm in 6 months. i think mine is lazier
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:33 PM ^
building an abstract statue out of navel fuzz on your coffee table? No?
I think I win.
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:14 AM ^
DO WE ALSO HAVE TYPE IN CZECH ACCENT???
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:49 AM ^
YES DO!
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:05 PM ^
Did you realize that if you combined your roommates into one person, you would be rooming with Todd Collins? Look on the bright side. That's sweet! How can Todd Collins be that lazy? He was the starting QB at Michigan and played in the NFL.
I'd have given my left nut to room with Todd Collins back when I was 12 and he was the starting quarterback at Michigan. Just for the record.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:20 PM ^
I appreciate you trying to put a positive spin on this, but Todd Collins has more ambition in his pinky toe than either of these guys have in their entire combined beings.
Todd McAllister's most ambitious moment came four days ago when he decided to trim his nipple hairs.
On my couch.
February 23rd, 2010 at 3:25 PM ^
Okay, that's gross. Though if Todd Collins had asked me to trim his nipple hairs for him when I was 12, I probably would have done it. LOL
Oh, and all these stories about peoples' lazy roommates make me think that some of these people may have clinical depression. If so, mocking them on a board like this is kinda mean. Though, you probably wouldn't have posted this if that were possibly the case.
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:14 AM ^
Seriously they are just livin the dream man!
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:19 AM ^
Oh haha, laugh it up. Does your couch smell like an arm pit?
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:24 AM ^
Back when I shared a place with 4 other guys, we had a roommate who would head out each 'morning' (about 1:00P) for a few cigarettes, then hit up 2-3 microwave burritos. After that, the couch was a dead zone...
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:11 PM ^
are u sure they were cigarettes?
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:19 AM ^
Dust the dude on the couch. Dust him. With Endust. Spray it right on his head.
Nothing sends a message that says, "Move your lazy butt" like endust to the head.
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:20 AM ^
I would have suggested bear mace, but to each their own.
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:29 AM ^
I'd hit him with bear mace, then tell him to "Go with Christ, Brah".
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:41 AM ^
A blast from a Fire Extinguisher works well too.
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:55 AM ^
..but there is a lot funnier and more effective of a place to use it on someone than their face.
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:22 AM ^
I hate to say, these guys sound like me last week. Reading week (school in Canada), no midterms, Olympics on TV, and some herbs= loafting around on couch watching TV.
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:23 AM ^
If so, be warned: I'm at Stadium Hardware right now purchasing some Endust.
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:23 AM ^
When I read the original title, I thought it was my roommate talking about me. Phew!
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:38 AM ^
Although my husky, Dakota, has been known to bring ticks indoors. Free-loading bastards.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:44 PM ^
I have a Chow/Husky named Koda.
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:29 AM ^
in 20 years those lazy D-bags will end up being in management positions at some major corporation.... Wow, some things never change... Everyone has a roommate from hell story from college...
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:37 AM ^
I thought this was Charlie White writing about TJYoung ; )
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:17 PM ^
hilarious =)
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:30 PM ^
Thanks for the inspiration on this one. Your real post was awesome by the way. Send my congrats to the crew. I'll be looking for you in Russia, 2014!
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:17 PM ^
+1 for calling them out by name on this blog even though they also read it. You probably shouldn't do that, but it was quite ballsy of you. So I +1 you nonetheless.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:20 PM ^
Wait, there's a Cinnabon in Ann Arbor? That's crazy.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:26 PM ^
Briarwood.
Though he certainly doesn't make any cinnabons around here. Or ramen or anything. Seems like I'm the only one who even attempts to cook. And don't get me started on the dishes...
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:48 PM ^
The completely PA move I pulled when that happened to me was to take 1 of each thing and just store it somewhere in my room, and clean it after I was done eating myself. That way, you always have something clean and don't end up doing 15x the dishes you would normally do.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:21 PM ^
My roommate didn't realize our water heater was broken because he thought the Midwest doesn't get warm water in the winter due to cold weather.....he is in law school
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:27 PM ^
He'll probably end up as the next Ingham County Prosecuter.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:33 PM ^
Until you walk out of the house at 6:30 on a Tuesday morning because you actually have places to be, and you find your roommate laying on the porch couch (right where he was last night) polishing off a 40, you don't have lazy alcoholic roommates.
But as far as these particular couch-sprawling gentlemen are concerned, it sounds like this post is specifically designed to find its way to the eyes of said lazy roommates, in which case you totally win the Passive-Aggressive Poster of the Month Award.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:36 PM ^
I had one who was on the U of M cycling club. He would set up his bike and rollers in the middle of the living room to "train." Seems innocent enough until you imagine the perspiration dripping on to the carpeted floor.
That's not the worst of it though. One day I came back to the apartment and he was crashed out on the couch wearing one of my flannel shirts.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:39 PM ^
Props. Takes some guts to call them out by name on teh interwebs.
Good luck with that Endust, brah.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:39 PM ^
I would be pissed if my roommate put my full name on a random public message board.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:44 PM ^
You should be proud to be Michael Huntsucker.
February 23rd, 2010 at 1:43 PM ^
good stuff. I see even the parody target, tjyoung, gave you a +1.
February 23rd, 2010 at 2:06 PM ^
As TJ's original post moved to the second page, I think people started to miss the parody and give me actual roommate advice. I felt obliged to play along.