Dr Richard Kimble is...
As most of you know my first wife Helen was brutally murdered by a one armed man who was hired by a colleague to kill me when I discovered the effects of a (miracle) drug. I always have and always will love Helen but it's time for me to move on to the next phase of my life. The Fugitive is getting married this summer!
February 27th, 2016 at 7:46 AM ^
Congrats!
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February 27th, 2016 at 7:48 AM ^
I don't care
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February 27th, 2016 at 7:52 AM ^
Guess it's nap time for Miss Hitman Crankypants.
February 27th, 2016 at 8:08 AM ^
Reference went right over your head.
February 27th, 2016 at 9:25 AM ^
One of the better lines in the movie.
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February 27th, 2016 at 9:32 AM ^
I thought you said you didn't care?
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February 27th, 2016 at 12:52 PM ^
TLJ is a knob.
February 27th, 2016 at 9:28 AM ^
Agrees with Hitman. And Ms Hitman cranky pants
February 27th, 2016 at 9:37 AM ^
just jump off a drain tunnel....
February 27th, 2016 at 11:53 AM ^
Love this board.
February 27th, 2016 at 7:49 AM ^
Samuel Gerard still doesn't care, but congrats all the same! Getting hitched myself this April. Enjoy the ride.
February 27th, 2016 at 7:49 AM ^
I giggled a little. Congrats.
Isn't this ot or possibly meta
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February 27th, 2016 at 7:57 AM ^
stop it
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February 27th, 2016 at 7:50 AM ^
Just don't crush her skull and shoot her, k?
February 27th, 2016 at 7:56 AM ^
Bad title deserves bad things
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February 27th, 2016 at 7:58 AM ^
Congrats! Marital bliss can be... interesting
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February 27th, 2016 at 8:07 AM ^
Meanwhile, the pharmaceutical companies have only gotten more ruthless. Well, enjoy that all expenses paid honeymoon to bora bora. No, that taxi driver doesn't look suspicious to me. Why do you ask?
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February 27th, 2016 at 8:09 AM ^
I'm going to start a post about my upcoming vasectomy.
No, but congrats.
February 27th, 2016 at 8:10 AM ^
I was afraid you were serious. Whew, close shave.
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February 27th, 2016 at 8:26 AM ^
I believe the correct term would be "close snip." :P
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February 27th, 2016 at 8:37 AM ^
You've obviously never had a vasectomy. Shaving is involved. As is snipping, of course.
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February 27th, 2016 at 9:01 AM ^
OUCH!
February 27th, 2016 at 10:41 AM ^
if you don't do a good job, they do it for you. dry.
February 27th, 2016 at 4:03 PM ^
I did 3 passes just to make sure they didn't need to do it.
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February 27th, 2016 at 9:28 AM ^
"snip-snip."
February 27th, 2016 at 1:23 PM ^
y'all can stop with the imagery now. thanks.
February 27th, 2016 at 10:51 AM ^
"And this close shave replay has been brought to you by close shave Barbasol..."
I'll see myself out.
February 27th, 2016 at 6:59 PM ^
Welcome to the club, almost. Invest in ice packs...take them to work. Glare firey darts if any one dares comment.
February 27th, 2016 at 8:10 AM ^
Well, congratulations indeed. I'll be celebrating 12 years of marriage myself this April, and it can be a wonderful experience indeed to share your life with someone. Wishing you nothing but the best in this next phase of your life.
Incidentally, I chuckled at the title. There is only one person on this board who would use it or to whom it could refer, after all.
February 27th, 2016 at 8:24 AM ^
he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and finds blessing from the Lord.
on a not-so-serious note, your cyber wedding license will be denied since you are only 31 days old. you'll need a note from your mom or dad saying it's okay. but if you killed them too, well, that'll be tough to get. you might have to forge it.
February 27th, 2016 at 10:29 AM ^
All the forms were signed the day they died.
I know, Cathy, you're a bute. That's what they all tell me!!
February 27th, 2016 at 8:27 AM ^
Weird
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February 27th, 2016 at 8:37 AM ^
I'm detective John Kimble!
February 27th, 2016 at 9:00 AM ^
I'm a cop, you idiot!
February 27th, 2016 at 9:10 AM ^
I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions and I want them answered immediately.
If anyone wants some good laughs, check out the Arnold Schwarzenegger soundboard prank calls on youtube
February 27th, 2016 at 5:05 PM ^
I just listened to the pizza delivery prank call and nearly hurt myself laughing . Thank you for this contribution to my life!
February 27th, 2016 at 8:41 AM ^
And have fun!
February 27th, 2016 at 8:46 AM ^
The best advice I can give you is, as a married man, find a girl who enjoys giving blowjobs.
February 27th, 2016 at 8:50 AM ^
Is your wife a hooker? Does she enjoy giving you blowjobs or just everybody else?
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February 27th, 2016 at 9:10 AM ^
I took it to mean the opposite. As a married man he discovered, like all of us, that the routine blow jobs one receives during the courting phase go the way of the dinosaur after nuptials take place.
Hence his advice...find a girl who truly likes it (and isn't doing it with an agenda in mind)
If this was his intention...fantastic advice. Of course, if she likes them too much your neighbors might be happy as well. Pro's and con's.
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February 27th, 2016 at 9:30 AM ^
is to reciprocate, with an enthusiasm unknown to womankind.
February 27th, 2016 at 9:52 AM ^
Make sure you've done all your kissing first. Odds are good she won't want to kiss you after till you've brushed your teeth.
February 27th, 2016 at 9:32 AM ^
How I decided to marry my wife
February 27th, 2016 at 9:08 AM ^
While you're at it, pick up a couple unicorns and grab that little leprechaun's pot o' gold over yonder for me...
February 27th, 2016 at 4:06 PM ^
Sucks for you. I get at least one a week from my old lady and have since we were dating. Married 18 years in April.
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February 27th, 2016 at 9:50 AM ^
I don't care if it's weird. I don't care if she wants to call you "bucking bronco".
Enjoy the hell out of each other, because life is too damn short!
February 27th, 2016 at 4:06 PM ^
Most correct advice ever
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