Alaska Fairbanks Demon Bear Is Back
Um, so Little Bro posted it in the Alaska preview comments. It has fewer than a thousand views on the Youtube so it must be under the radar still. This lack of aggression will not stand.
So… yeah… the bear video came into our lives and was fantastic. There is another. I know what you're thinking: this can only be a disappointment. That's what I thought. I was so very wrong.
Here's a youtube comment:
Is this plot line taken from Scientology scripture?
Now you watch.
Wasn't this the plot of Battlestar Galactica, except awesome?
January 15th, 2010 at 3:33 PM ^
You see the ship in the ice, and you're like, "Oh cool, ancient awakened frozen lightsaber space bear is going to use his lightsaber hockey stick to save the ship!" Then he cuts it in half, and goes on to destroy the world in an F16. I gotta admit -- I didn't see that coming.
January 15th, 2010 at 4:48 PM ^
Wooooah.. what's amazing and I don't think anyone has mentioned..
THE BEARS BLEW UP SPARTY, OSU, AND NOTRE DAME!!!!!
Those polar bears are Michigan alumni as far as I'm concerned...
January 15th, 2010 at 3:34 PM ^
The Carlson center wasn't destroyed with the rest of the Earth, you can see at the end it's now in orbit, spared from the volcano attack with the space bear's careful planning.
January 15th, 2010 at 3:35 PM ^
We need to either bow down to, or kill all polar bears right now. They are definitely some violent mother f-ers. I think we now understand what led to the Exxon Valdez...some freaking bear chopped it in half in a fit of underwater rage.
January 15th, 2010 at 10:12 PM ^
They can create hockey sticks from pure energy, fly jets, and BLOW UP THE EARTH.
I, for one, welcome our new polar bear overlords.
January 15th, 2010 at 3:38 PM ^
This is what happens when you give Canadians nuclear weapons.
January 15th, 2010 at 4:15 PM ^
...when one is under the constant pressure and stress of being able to see Russia from their homes.
January 15th, 2010 at 4:29 PM ^
Somebody should let Stephen Colbert know that he was right about bears all along.
January 15th, 2010 at 4:59 PM ^
Did anyone else just hear Apollo shouting "STARBUCK!!!!!" in their heads as he flew into the wormhole and his ship blew? More like Battlestar than I'd care to admit.
January 15th, 2010 at 5:04 PM ^
This is an imminent terrorist threat. The Nanooks should be immediately imprisoned without bail and forced to forfeit their games while we attempt to stop that bear from destroying the world.
January 15th, 2010 at 5:16 PM ^
By blowing up the "Axis of Evil" of ND, OSU and MSU, Alaska Fairbanks has demonstrated that they have their priorities straight, and are on the side of the just.
Bigger question I have is: what the heck did those three schools do to piss them off?
January 15th, 2010 at 11:27 PM ^
Bigger question I have is: what the heck did those three schools do to piss them off?
Exist.
January 16th, 2010 at 4:20 PM ^
Man understands college athletics, he does.
January 15th, 2010 at 5:24 PM ^
I can only imagine the frenzy the crowd gets worked up to when this gets played on the Jumbotron at their home games.
January 15th, 2010 at 5:26 PM ^
I am weeping tears of joy. This is just marvelous. Polar bear as fighter pilot? Yes. Polar bear flying through space? Yes. Polar bear blowing up volcano? Yes. Polar bear destroying some sort of freighter that disturbed its peaceful ice-encased hibernation? Yes. 80's music? Yes. Lasers? Yes.
I realize that the "polar bear" is actually a "nanook." However, it is sweeter to think of a plain old polar bear doing these various and sundry activities of awesome meatiness.
January 15th, 2010 at 5:34 PM ^
And not just any old 80's music, but "Self Control" by Laura Branigan! Does life get any sweeter than this?
January 15th, 2010 at 5:33 PM ^
This has been linked at NationalReview.com by Jonah Goldberg, so expect a horde of nerd and/or conservative posters registering today...
January 15th, 2010 at 5:54 PM ^
Polar Bear to be called a communist in 5....4....3...2..
January 15th, 2010 at 5:34 PM ^
Was that light speed in space, or time travel?
January 15th, 2010 at 5:35 PM ^
Anyone else wondering what the 2010-11 Alaska Fairbanks season will bring? Destruction of the whole solar system? Creation of a black hole that swallows the entire universe? Man, I simultaneously can't wait to find out / dread the future like a motherfucker.
January 15th, 2010 at 5:45 PM ^
throw jodie foster and a blind guy in there and you've got a sequel to contact
January 15th, 2010 at 6:48 PM ^
that vaporizes the evil triumvirate, this is very good.
The bear is sending us a signal, as in the Hunt for Red October. He is on our side now but we must guide him in. Brian! Send him one ping only. And then all our games with the bear must end in 0-0 ties. God save the bear (and Ann Arbor!).
January 15th, 2010 at 7:10 PM ^
This is the greatest thing ever conceived by man. Fire? The Wheel? Relativity? No. Space Polar Bear FTW.
PS: the awakening of the bear by the tanker probably traces back to the original 1951 Godzilla movie.
January 15th, 2010 at 7:26 PM ^
How has no one else linked this yet?
January 15th, 2010 at 9:51 PM ^
Not many hockey teams can claim to rock Laura Branigan! In the day . . nothing matters; it's the night time that matters . . .
January 15th, 2010 at 10:34 PM ^
It's not a tanker or a freighter, it's a cruise ship. Thousands of innocent tourists from the lower 48 were massacred in that light saber hockey stick attack.
January 15th, 2010 at 10:36 PM ^
as it turns out nanook awoke from an icy slumber to a 6-0 smackdown. imagine the humility. imagine the rage.
January 15th, 2010 at 11:16 PM ^
So after the 64th time watching this video I notice something:
This video is an action packed tour de force of testosterone-laced, ursine awesomeness (obviously) . . . but only for the first two minutes.
From about the 2:00 mark all the way to the end (at 3:05) it's just the rotating A, the blue flames, and Metallica (punctuated by random bear growls).
So what is supposed to be going on during that last 1:05?
The music is blaring, the arena is rocking, crowd must be pumped beyond belief!
So what is going on? What are people doing?
.
Masturbating, thats what.
January 15th, 2010 at 11:28 PM ^
I think 1:05 is how long it would take to announce UAF's minor penalties for the previous game.
January 16th, 2010 at 12:51 AM ^
A polar bear, F-16s, and Metallica. I would need a cigarette after that.
The polar bear could have just etched a digital map to the All Spark on the vessel and went about his business.
January 16th, 2010 at 12:13 AM ^
I happen to disagree with Oops Pow, Kenny Loggins is always awesome.
* A Russian icebreaker commanded by Stereotypical Evil Russian KGB guy from every Clancy novel ever is on a mission to find the powers of the mythical(??) NUCLEAR SPACE BEAR.
* THE BEAR IS AWAKENED
* GROWLS AND LIGHTNING SHOOTS FROM HIS EYES
* EMERGES FROM ICE AND DESTROYS ICEBREAKER WITH RADIOACTIVE GLOWY HOCKEY STICK
* PUTS ON SUNGLASSES!!!!!!
* FLIES GIANT F-16
* DESTROYS MICHIGAN STATE, OHIO STATE (YES!!!!!!!!!!), AND NOTRE DAME WITH MISSILES. THIS BEAR IS THE GREATEST THING SINCE THE IRISH CREATED BEER.
* MAKES KENNY LOGGINS MUSIC AWESOME
* DROPS BOMB IN VOLCANO FOR SOME REASON
* BLOWS UP THE EARTH
* FLIES INTO SPACE
* TIME TRAVEL? I've lost track at this point
January 16th, 2010 at 11:07 AM ^
The sunglasses while flynig a jet fighter (who needs a helmet?) is waaaay cool and seemingly under-appreciated by the board. It is the best part of the video, except for the MSU-ND-OSU destruction sequence.
One question I have - What happened to the Bear's two wingmen, err, wingbears? There were three of them flying and only one emerged from the earth's destruction. What happened to the others? Were they killed in the explosion(s) thus adding to our hero's righteous rage? Have they gone to other parts of the universe to spread the great Polar Bear Empire? I WANT A SEQUEL!!!
January 19th, 2010 at 8:21 AM ^
I think this was the first one we found. Still awesome though.
January 18th, 2010 at 2:13 PM ^
This video is 1000% pure Colombian awesome.
January 21st, 2010 at 11:29 PM ^
holy crap. the video lives no more. needed another fix and youtube tells me the vid was removed by the user....
what gives?
that was the template to the promised land man! damn.
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