http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UZLpvzEyWE

NOTE:  A large part of this is motivated out of frustration, but there's a teachable moment here -- Borges called almost as many tailback runs for <3 yards (16)  as the number of inane moves (18) used in the punchline of a comedy sketch.  If there's a productive purpose, it's to call to attention just how stubborn the playcalling was last night.  I mean, how bad does this have to get before laymen are allowed to question his judgement?

The comedy transcript is for "Black Adder IV, Episode 1:  Captain Cook"
The even funnier bits are taken from ESPN's play-by-play from yesterday's game.

Melchett:       Field Marshal Haig has formulated a brilliant new tactical plan to ensure final victory in the field.

(lemme guess. . .)

2nd and 1 at MICH 29    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for no gain to the Mich 29
3rd and 1 at MICH 29    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for no gain to the Mich 29
2nd and 1 at MICH 48    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for no gain to the Mich 33

Blackadder:     Now, would this brilliant plan involve us climbing out of our trenches and walking slowly towards the enemy sir?
Darling:        How can you possibly know that Blackadder? It's classified information.

(gee, lemme think. . .)

2nd and Goal at PSU 5    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for a loss of 2 yards to the PnSt 7
1st and 10 at PSU 16    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for no gain to the PnSt 16
2nd and 10 at MICH 46    Derrick Green rush for a loss of 2 yards to the Mich 44

Blackadder:     It's the same plan that we used last time, and the seventeen times before that.

(indeed.)

1st and 10 at PSU 41    Derrick Green rush for no gain to the PnSt 41
2nd and 10 at PSU 41    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for 3 yards to the PnSt 38

Melchett:       Exactly! And that is what so brilliant about it! We will catch the watchful Hun totally off guard!  Doing precisely what we have done eighteen times before is exactly the last thing they'll expect us to do this time!  There is however one small problem.

("execution"?)

1st and 10 at PSU 28    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for 1 yard to the PnSt 27
2nd and 9 at PSU 27    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for no gain to the PnSt 27
3rd and 14 at PSU 32    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for a loss of 3 yards to the PnSt 35

Blackadder:     That everyone always gets slaughtered the first ten seconds.

("you gotta give credit to the other team")

1st and 10 at PSU 25    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for 1 yard to the PnSt 24
2nd and 9 at PSU 24    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for 1 yard to the PnSt 23

Melchett:       That's right! And Field Marshal Haig is worried that this may be depressing the men a tadge. So, he's looking to find a way to cheer them up.

(except, you know, doing what works.)

1st and 10 at PSU 25    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for 3 yards to the PnSt 22
1st and 10 at PSU 25    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for no gain to the PnSt 25
3rd and 1 at PSU 16    Fitzgerald Toussaint rush for no gain to the PnSt 16

Blackadder:     Well, his resignation and suicide would seem the obvious solution.

(I wouldn't go as far as suicide, but point taken.  But then again, what would we know about field strategy?  Field Marshal Haig FTW!)