Appeasing the Hockey Gods/Drinking Thread
This may seem ridiculous to some, but it is real. Anyone who has played high-level hockey is well aware of the hockey gods. They reward piety. Piety in the form of being a "beauty". A beauty is a hockey player who is pious. The opposite of being a beauty is being soft.
If we want to win tomorrow, I ask that all Mgobloggers do their part in appeasing the hockey Gods. Please do some or all of the following.
- Get a tin chewing tobacco, finish it all tonight.
- In between lippers, get on the liquor hard. Whiskey is best.
- If you go out with friends, the one who makes the biggest idiot of himself is the biggest beauty....passing out before midnight, getting kicked out of drinking establishments, and being slapped by girls are all pious acts.
- If you are at a bar, find the hottest girl in there and tell her to her face that you've seen better looking bitches at Michael Vick's house. If her boyfriend intervenes, turn to her and say "you can do better", then walk away. Extra points if the boyfriend gets so mad the bouncers make him leave.
- Get one of your friends so drunk he can't tell the difference between girls who are attractive and ones who are ugly. Introduce him to the biggest donkey at the bar and hopefully they hit it off. When he turns to you and says "man i'm drunk I can't tell, shes pretty hot right?" Just nod confidently and assure him that she is "at least a hard 7, nothing to be ashamed of." Do nothing to stop him. This will provide constant jokes for years to come.
- Drunk dial every ex-girlfriend on your contact list with nothing in particular to say, just let the liquor do the talking.
- If nothing fun is going on, or your friends are being soft: sitting at home alone and finishing a bottle of whiskey, a tin of chewing tobacco, and playing video games/watching trailer park boys is entirely acceptable.
Extra points if:
- You have to work early tomorrow and you still make it in
- You have an encounter with the police and get off with nothing but a warning
- You don't realize where you are when you wake up.
- You can get the girl out of your house within 5 minutes of her waking up and without ever learning her name. (give her cab money if she needs it though.)
Gents, these are longstanding traditions passed down to me from some great hockey players, and some current ones from all levels, including the NHL. Let us all do our part. The night is young. Best of luck.
Great call. Great post. "better bitches at mike vick's house" is awesome. +1 to you sir.
The bros are totes gonna use that one on the first "dumb slut they didnt want anyways" who rejects them
This thread is Legen.....wait for it.....dary!!!!
"Some great hockey players" or the average Bob Probert night on the town?
I hope every guy in aa follows this list tonight. It's going to be a great night! Hopefully I can recover by gametime..
and riot while were at it. Hell, let's rename the board Huron River Message Board and claim we all could've gone to Harvard with scholarships if we wanted but chose UM bc it's less arrogant
You sir, remind me of one of Michael Vick's dogs. A bitch, if that confuses you. Let it go. The title of the thread was obvious. Don't click on it if you're going to piss on this parade.
Amen to that.
Geaux_Blue= Haterz. I'll do my part with the lippers and the video games, not sure about a bottle of whiskey though. Whiskey and lippers mixed is a sure fire visit to the porcelain god, I'm getting the spins just thinking about it. Can I replace the Whiskey with a quarter of Cron and a bubbler?
Definitely, way to be resourceful.
1 and 2 already underway! Got a big lipper in and Jack D is tasting pretty good tonight
We win the favor of the hockey gods by going as extremely white trash as possible toward the brass ring o beer empties?
Why do you hate white people?
/s
I'm a melaninist
Not to be this thread's dad or whatever but why do half of these require blatant disrespect of women?
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<br>On a scale of 1-10 of how much I want these acts associated with UM, I rate it two ND middle fingers
Disrespect toward women? Did you see the part about giving them cab money? I'm all class!
Stay classy!!!
Rosary in hand
Honestly Fun Police - get a sense of humor. It's a blog thread for heaven's sake.
This guy likes your approach to women...
You know how the internet works...
I know enough people from ours and other hockey communities to not believe this is something so calculated as hyperbole over, say, let's get wasted and find some chicks dude
Yeah, getting wasted and finding chicks really sucks. It's not like he said to do anything without consent - some girls are looking to be found too, you know.
eliciting their immediate ejection from bed or, for bonus points apparently, offended so far as to cause them to slap the man.
Your holier-than-thou level is even higher than normal tonight.
and it's machismo-based sexism. sorry, it's a trigger that definitely gets me pissed. to have this associated with UM, and the hockey team, bugs me.
Yeah - Machismo-based sexism and hockey are like oil and water. Hockey players are usually total pussies or gay or something, right? Kinda like rugby players.
Sorry if you're offended. It is just extreme hyperbole meant to be funny. If it helps, I don't go to the University of Michigan and never have, so if the "hockey community" comes calling you can tell them it was a wal-mart wolverine with poor taste. Having said that, your softness is highly impious.
it's the fact way too many men think this exact way
an 11? Because I thought this thread was meant in jest.
A little slap shot regatta won't hurt, at least to help pass the time.
a Plato's Laws analysis. The Athenian Stranger would applaud your treatment of piety.
Of course, Barry Melrose is Alcibiades from The Banquet, just looking for the largest platform on which to stand.
/done waxing philosophic (typing bullshit)
This weekend may go bender (including last night).
So is this where I should just say that the Blackhawks are at Detroit tonight? I figure why make a new thread when there is aleady a hockey god thread. Game is about to start. GO WINGS.
Good call, some of tonight's karma can spread to the wings if we start early.
WINGS ARE GETTING DESTROYED
ABORT HOCKEY GOD PLAN
We need to sacrifice a chicken...or an entire coop of chickens.
MOAR CHICKENS
I laughed my ass off, and I am not easily amused by people on internet message boards.
"Is that you or the liquor doing the talking Mr. Lahey?"
"I am the liquor."
Sorry but this sounds like an average night for a Spartan/Buckeye
The title of this thread should really be
"Be a Man/Drinking Thread"