Two great Gordon Gee columns

Two great Gordon Gee columns

Submitted by FabFiver5 on June 7th, 2013 at 10:38 AM

Came across two great Gordon Gee columns over the past couple of days. One from the local sports blog SportsTalk313 (a bit on the funnier side) and another from John Bacon (a bit heavier on Gee facts). 

Similar vibe to both, but each one is worth reading. There's even a few great jabs about Woody, Tressel and Urban...…

Top OSU RB recruit arrested, may not make Fall semester

Top OSU RB recruit arrested, may not make Fall semester

Submitted by Geaux_Blue on June 12th, 2009 at 11:58 AM…

Report: Buckeye Jaamal Berry arrested
CFFinsider Staff

June 11, 2009 - Florida's CBS4 is reporting that Ohio State star running back recruit Jaamal Berry has been arrested on marijuana possession, though little more information is available at this time. A search of the Miami-Dade Clerk's website confirms this arrest.

Berry, out of Miami Palmetto, is one of the more highly-regarded incoming recruits in the country, though this could certainly hinder things.


While this is not a huge blow to the Buckeyes as it would be to, say, losing your star running back after he files a falsified police report for those items stolen out of his 'borrowed' dealership SUV... it should be a minor blow to the OSU depth chart. Then again, when your starting QB is also your starting RB, FB and is an overall DB, maybe you don't need a depth chart at that position.

Though this is not something Michigan fans can act like has not happened in the past, it does speak to the issue that certain teams are capable of recruiting athletes at a certain maturity/legality level. Every team is facing a loaded gun, sometimes literally, when it comes to a star prep athlete who has been showered with attention. That these student athletes then go off and do something dumb is not shocking but, rather, can lead one to miss the days when regional dynamics led to a 3-4 coach shuffle on where a player might go and not the circus it has become today.

Sweater vest's calm disappointment to follow...

Demetri Martin Cracks on Tressel (kind of)

Demetri Martin Cracks on Tressel (kind of)

Submitted by Swayze Howell Sheen on May 21st, 2009 at 5:24 PM

Demetri Martin is an awesome comedian. Check out his show on Comedy Central, or many youtube clips, or even his albums to find out more.

Here we recount a recent joke about vests.

"Vests exist to protect you from things.

A life vest protects you from drowning.

A bullet-proof vest protects you from getting shot.

A sweatervest protects you from having a girlfriend."

This bit was much too enjoyable not to post here where there is a particularly refined enmity towards all things sweatervest-y.

For those who are uninitiated, Demetri Martin offers forth a brand of "nerd humor" which
one might suspect would be popular among the mgoblog crowd. Some other examples:

A friend asks "Do you have a Plan B if this comedian thing doesn't work out?"
Martin: "Hell no! I number my plans"

Another joke about batteries:

"It's a good thing they don't have 'B' batteries. If they did, it would sound like you were stuttering when you asked for them."

Finally, a random joke:

"I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my
house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'"

And yes, this really doesn't have much to do with football. Other disclaimers:
this was not written by Demetri Martin. This was not written with any real
objective at all. Well, maybe one: to get you to go look up some Demetri Martin
clips and enjoy them as much as I have. Is that so wrong?

Subcomandante Wayne Demands Your Attention

Subcomandante Wayne Demands Your Attention

Submitted by Subcomandante Wayne on January 5th, 2009 at 4:07 PM

Wassup bitchez! It’s the Subcommandante back to take his place as the rightful place as Buckeye Master of mgoblog. That shifty hippie from up north tried to relocate his base of operations, but luckily my WoW clan got on a group mission to find this shit. Today I’m here to tell y’ll about why you guys should represent with THE REPUBLIC OF UZBUCKISTAN in tonight’s Fiesta Bowl! The Subcommandante won’t be making it to this year’s bowl game. Kinkos dropped the Subcommandante after the third unsuccessful stint with them. I mean what’s the point in random drug testing anyways?

Reason #1 should be obvious enough. BUCKEYES RULE! We’ve pwn’d you guys for the last eleventy billion years. Anyone facing that domination should obviously be enslaved to their conquerors. That said, big daddy Tressel dictates you root for the buckeyes you half-wit pusserines.

Reason #2 is the Beanie. Like my mom says every night when we gather around the television downstairs, you can’t hate a man named Beanie. Then again, I occasionally hear her scream his name in the middle of the night during the offseason right before I hear a door slam and some dude outside yell “You wasn’t that good bitch!” But yeah, Beanie Wells is the shit, as proven by 15 carries for 8.9 yards per carry in yet another The Ohio State blowout of your crappy excuse of a team. If I didn’t get such a massive hard on for watching the Loserines suffering so much, me and Jimmy T probably would have jumped ship in my Grand AM and hit up Vanessa for a wicked threesome. No way I’d miss that shit though.

Pwning Michigan N00bs Since '08

Reason #3 is Pryor. Hell yeah you want him, but he chose The Ohio State University instead of that crap school up north. But you know what, you want him more than I want to Wendy Cook from Bristol’s baby while getting a BuckNut job from Sarah herself. Ain’t nothing like it my friends. And there ain’t nothing like Terrelle Pryor either.

Reason #4 is Texas is land of steers and queers. And while these guys appear to be some sort of steer, or ball-less male bull of some sort, they most certainly are not. Don’t let them fool you with names like Colt. Hell, that kid in Three Ninjas was named Colt and he wasn’t a steer either. They’re all queers. You can’t love queers or that makes you a queer? Get it queers?

Love me, men of America

Reason #4 is the spread. You know you miss the Hall of Fame Cooper years when we let you guys win a few here and there just because you ran a respectable offense. A run oriented smash mouth football offense. You guys used to at least be respectable in that. Now you guys are wasting away like my buddy Doug down in Franklin County. You guys are depressed and getting taken behind the barn by less criminals like that other crappy school from up north. You guys are becoming Michigan State. You know you want the spread to die, and the best way to kick that off is The Ohio State beating the Blowhorns.

Reason #5, hell, we don’t need a reason #5. Hell, we don’t even really need you. You guys SUCK. When you see Coeckman and Pryor hook up for that first touchdown pass in the first minute and never look back, you’ll know that the Buckeyes are the shit and you will always just be that school that used to be decent, but always less than The Ohio State University.

Alright I got to get back to the WoW clan because we’ve got to get this quest objective finished, something that can’t be done without my Level 201 Tauren Druid.

GO BUCKEYES!!! I’m gone as fast as you’re team’s bowl streak.