over/under Taylor Lewan answers "why did you come back?" question this season

over/under Taylor Lewan answers "why did you come back?" question this season

Submitted by The Geek on August 23rd, 2013 at 9:24 PM

He is such a polished speaker and brillian representative of the school, but there's gotta be a point where he's like, "really?"

"Big Ten Championship."


Low-Rated Recruit Prospect disappointed by his university hostess

Low-Rated Recruit Prospect disappointed by his university hostess

Submitted by Blazefire on January 19th, 2010 at 1:16 PM
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RivalryScout.com - Los Angeles, CA -

Low-rated recruiting prospect John Q. Footballplayer said today he was depressed to learn that star ratings did in fact matter. Footballplayer was invited to campus for the recruiting weekend after top prospect Footballwinner, his cousin, demanded it. Upon arriving on the USC campus for his recruiting visit, Footballplayer said he was excited, among other things, to meet his recruiting weekend hostess.

"A couple of really big name guy were there with me, and coach Kiffin introduced them to their weekend hostesses right away. Just wonderful girls, really. They seemed very nice. I do worry about their future back problems, though", said Footballplayer. "Anyhow, I was really excited to meet mine, because, well, you know… I mean, my cousin’s hostess was already leading him towards the university hot tubs.”


So it should be obvious that when Kiffin approached Footballplayer to present his recruiting weekend hostess, Footballplayer was expecting a lot. The result, he says, left something lacking.


Footballplayer's Recruiting Hostess


“I’m trying to take it in stride”, said Footballplayer. “I am an OL prospect, so maybe he felt I needed a little bulk. In reality though, it’s pretty hard to miss the message.”


Still, though, though depressed, Footballplayer is carefully reviewing his options. He stated that between his two offers, cupcakes from USC and the full-ride at Michigan State, he wasn’t sure which was more attractive.


“I’m glad I visited Michigan State first. If I took my USC Recruiting Hostess to the MSU campus, the girl I met there would’ve tried to eat it.”


Footballplayer then stopped for a moment, before suddenly announcing a plan to start a BBW/Food Fetish pornographic business in East Lansing, MI.