Michigan Hockey: "We’re Having Fun And That’s What Counts" EDIT: This is satire

Michigan Hockey: "We’re Having Fun And That’s What Counts" EDIT: This is satire

Submitted by TXWolverine44 on January 30th, 2017 at 1:07 PM

Funny little article I stumbled upon about the hockey team this year. The National Title game seems like an eternity ago *sigh*

http://theblacksheeponline.com/michigan/michigan-mens-ice-hockey-fun-th…

EDIT: Found on Children of Yost FB page

EDIT 2: Changed the title to point out that this is a joke....just in case people's snark-o-meters are not completely functioning today

John Harbaugh: My brother has never eaten a booger.

John Harbaugh: My brother has never eaten a booger.

Submitted by Blue and Joe on September 14th, 2016 at 1:54 PM

John Harbaugh has finally weighed in on #boogergate. You might expect an older brother to jump on the idea that his younger brother eats boogers, but not John.

#Ravens HC John Harbaugh: "My brother has never eaten a booger."

— Nate Ulrich (@NateUlrichABJ) September 14, 2016

Like Jim's statement, that's pretty definitive. I think this serious situation warrants a new banner.

You might be an MGoBlogger if...

You might be an MGoBlogger if...

Submitted by UMgradMSUdad on March 31st, 2012 at 10:38 AM

In case the sports news is a bit slow today, here's a bit of humor (with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy) for your Saturday morning. I'm sure some of you creative posters out there will be able to come up with better ones than I have, but here's a few to get started.

You might be an MGoBlogger if...

*you read a news story about Michigan atheletics and realize you know 10x more about the subject that the reporter who's getting paid to know these things.

*your significant other suspects you of having an online affair because you're constantly slipping away to check the computer.

*you wake up late and hungover because your MGoBlog surfing of 15 minutes and a beer turned into 5 hours and a 12 pack.

OT: Help finding funny recruit video

OT: Help finding funny recruit video

Submitted by Bleedin9Blue on March 6th, 2011 at 1:49 PM

MGoBoard, I require your assistance.  I once saw a video posted on the board which was a hilarious fake recruiting video.  It featured a recruit who in every play was simply running off the field, standing on the sidelines, etc.  I believe that I first saw the video summer of last year.

I've searched YouTube, MGoBlog, and the internet in general for this video but have been unable to find it.  Does anyone know what video I'm talking about and where I can find it?  I've referenced this video several times with a friend and he's expressed interest in seeing it.

Thanks.

OT: Absolutely Anything...except CC

OT: Absolutely Anything...except CC

Submitted by jhackney on December 31st, 2010 at 2:27 AM

After a day of neverending CC threads and mind numbing threads, I think it is time to unload on Mississippi St. While we were concerned about Jim Harbaugh's bowel movements, Mississippi's student body was having a early 1990's rave with glow sticks. I want to start this thread to pump up our fan base regardless of what coach you want to see. We can all agree on we want to see Michigan win tomorrow. It is time to send some humorous/pump up posts the way of the boys who represent us. What do ya got?

Here is a starter:

Miss St. Waste Management:

 

Probably will be deleted, so get them in. Time to channel your fustrations of CC and the season...against Miss St

OT: How would Big 10 football coaches fare as "wingmen"?

OT: How would Big 10 football coaches fare as "wingmen"?

Submitted by Ben from SF on November 3rd, 2010 at 12:18 PM

In an attempt to move the board away from bashing RR and angry Michigan DB hating god, here is my poor attempt in humor.

Imagine its Saturday night in various nightspot across the Midwest, you are a young, single, virile, heterosexual male looking for companionship.  You need a wingman, a sidekick, a friend who will bring out your personality and draw you and the special lady together. 

How would each Big 10 coach fare as that "friend"?

Ron Zook - The loud, funny, obnoxious frat boy friend with the ever-changing outfits.  He won't introduce you to the perfect 10s or other uberbeauties, but he is good for a homerun here or there.

Bill Lynch - The designated driver.  He is invisible until homecoming.

Kirk Ferentz - The guy with the girlfriend from the suburbs.  He attracts nerdy university administrators / librarians because he is safe, but you seem to do well with whomever he introduces to you.

Rich Rodriguez - The guy from Jersey Shore.  A huge reputation preceeds him, but hasn't done much since he moved to the Midwest.

Mark Dantonio - Angry, tense, bitter little brother always looking to start a fight.  The next time he introduces you to a girl will be the first.

Tim Brewster - Slick Ron Zook wannabe you stopped hanging out with last month.

Bo Pelini - Friend of friend who is visiting and preparing to move into town.  He came with a huge reputation, but you don't really know how he would do.

Pat Fitzgerald - Nerdy geek with the huge vocabulary and a few stupid card tricks.  He introduces you to more women than he should, and you secretly wonder how.

Jim Tressel - Despite his vests and an ensemble straight of "Leave it to Beaver", he introduces you to the most women.  You secretly despise him, but yet you can't seem to do better than him.  He is completely useless outside of the Midwest though.

Joe Paterno - The charming, smooth old guy who has dated more women than all your other friends combined; despite his constant complaints about the loud music and his inability to use a cell phone.

Danny Hope - Your constantly injured friend.  Crutches are not an aphrodisiac, and no one finds a finger without a tip attractive.

Bret Bielema - Rich son of an accomplished master who introduces you to plenty of fat and unattractive women, but is completely useless when a beauty approaches.

To the ladies of the board, please accept my apologies for the misogynistic tone of this post.  It is all done for humor.

Know the law if you're going to Wisconsin

Know the law if you're going to Wisconsin

Submitted by michelin on November 8th, 2009 at 3:51 PM

Dumb Wisconsin Laws

• No male is allowed to be in a state of arousal in public.

• Citizens may not murder their enemies.

• Whenever two trains meet at an intersection of said tracks, neither shall proceed until the other has.

• As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned.

• It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.
• It is illegal to play checkers in public.
• You cannot "worry a squirrel."

• It is against the law to play a flute and drums on the streets to attract attention.

• If one is thought of as offensive looking, it is illegal for him to be in public during the day.

http://www.ahajokes.com/wisconsin_jokes.html

A Humorous Message

A Humorous Message

Submitted by Swayze Howell Sheen on November 2nd, 2009 at 5:11 PM
They say laughter is the best medicine, or, at least, that's what it says in Reader's Digest, wherein this month we see gems of articles like "Four ways of looking at a wall" and "Woman who lost leg finds inspiration from disabled dolphin". I only thought there was one way to look at a wall, and I sure never have been inspired by a dolphin, disabled or not, but that's what RD is for: blowing your mind. 
In any case, I thought some humor might help alleviate the dong punch that was Saturday's game. So I went and did a little research of my own, and found some interesting historical tidbits that might shed some light on why what happened actually happened. Are any of these true? Only time will tell, my friends. Are any actually humorous? Probably not. 



Roy: I used to be happy

First up: Roy Roundtree. Turns out this is not the first time he's been caught from behind. Research reveals the following telling incidents from his past:
  • Age 3. Roy spills milk on the kitchen table. Mama Roundtree chases as Roy heads for the front door and freedom. Mama catches him just as he was about to get out. Result: spanking. Also, the children lose all momentum in the constant struggle between parents and children.
  • Age 10. During a spelling bee, Roy gets nervous as his word is "does not have elite speed" (ok, actually it is a phrase). He bolts for the exit, only to be caught by the lunch lady, who runs a 5.5 forty (FAKE!). He is forced to spell the phrase, which is unfortunately quite easy for him. 
  • Age 17. Girlfriend wants to "have some experiences together". Roy is nervous, as he has never done stuff like that before. Roy bolts for his car, but the girlfriend catches him just as he puts the keys in. Result: Roy loses virginity.
  • Age 18: And then there was the polar bear incident...
Roy getting chased by a polar bear

                  Roy getting chased by a polar bear. It also ends poorly.

So, as you can see, getting caught from behind isn't always a bad thing. It's too bad Roy's girlfriend doesn't play for Michigan too. She has top-end speed. Same for the polar bear.

Also unearthed: a famous series of chess matches between Coach Rod and the Zooker. Little known fact: both are chess grandmasters. More known fact: neither seems much like a chess grandmaster. Here is a recap of their games:
  • Game 1: Zook throws rook at Rich, catches him in the eye. Result: Rich forfeits (can't see the board).
  • Game 2: Rich attempts to move pawn one square ahead for four straight moves. Unfortunately, Zook has entire defensive line there, including an extra pawn.
  • Game 3: Rich moves queen into winning position. Unfortunately, Queen fumbles the ball. Zook's bishop scoops it up, only to be punched in the nuts by an angry pawn.
a book about zook and rich, chess masters

              They even made a movie about them: Zooker (left) and RichRod

So in all cases, had we known of these chess games, we might have guessed that the Zooker had the strategic edge on Coach Rich. Who would have thunk it?

Finally, we have the dong punch. Brian already mined this for all it is worth, but who can leave a nut crack like that alone? As it turns out, the U of M players have been nut punching each other all year in what Barwis calls "our new way of saying 'well done, mate!'" For example:
  • After the winning TD pass in the Notre Dame game, Shoelace went up to Tate and "congratulated" him right in the scrotum. 
Actually, that is the only highlight from this season, and hence the only nut punch. But you can see why Ortmann did what Ortmann did. He was just saying "good job" to his Illinois pal. Should the Big Ten really punish such sportsmanship? 

So that's it. With all the calls for Rich's head and the decay of Michigan football, let's keep in mind: "it's only football". Which means of course "it's only really important to a bunch of us who are not really affiliated with the team in any meaningful way, but it sure can ruin our saturday." So, a saturday was ruined. Now for the good news: only three more saturdays left.