Submitted by wlvrine on June 5th, 2010 at 2:08 AM

The offseason is so frustrating.  Because of that, I notice  little things that would otherwise not bother me at all.  I will feel better if I could get them off my chest.  So without further ado, I waste your time with a Rant of minor Proportion.

Volkswagon:  You can't just make shit up.  The game, slug bug, is an American classic.  It evolved over the course of decades to become an American classic.  You cannot pretend that the game, slug bug, involves hitting people every time they see a Volkswagen Jetta.  Quit trying to convince me that it is sociably acceptable behaviour. The first person who sees a Passat and yells "blue one!" while punching me in the arm, is getting a right cross.

MSN, aka Bill Gates:   What's up with the Rickroll? I used to go to your website to find interesting articles. But now when I click on a headline, rather than redirect me to the article in question, you redirect me to Bing.  I don't have time for Bing.  I don't go to MSN so that I can perform a websearch for "Bin Laden boarding pass" I go to MSN in the hope that I will find direct links to the original story.  If I wanted to Google something, I would simply use Google to Google it. Got that?

Ville Leino:  Dude, why?  Why did you suck so horribly for Detroit?  I'm glad you are playing well these days.  But sheesh, if you would have shown a tenth of this talent when you played for Detroit, we could have traded you for more than a bag of pucks.

Automobile traffic:  There is an inverse relationship between how quickly you want to be somewhere and the speed at which traffic flows.  (note: I do not tailgate.  I simply fume at a considerate distance.)

Over the air television:  Now that every channel has the opportunity to add alternate programming to their broadcast, there is no reason to interrupt my shows to tell me that a thunderstorm is a brewin'.  There is plenty of room at the bottom to scroll pertinent information.  And if I think it warrants further attention I can change over to your 24hour weather channel for realtime updates.  Honestly, when did weather become so dramatic?  Has anyone ever seen a thunderstorm before?  OH NO! a thunderstormHeavy Rain!  Lightning!  Wind!  Seek the shelter of a hardened bunker!  If there might be hail the size of golfballs, or the wind has the potential to blow my house away, feel free to interrupt the broadcast.  Otherwise, get off my lawn.

Thank you for listening. This concludes the ROmP.
Now back to your regularly scheduled obsession.