mahmoud ahmadinejad

[Patrick Barron]
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InshAllah
Brian • December 6, 2021 • 2:08pm

12/4/2021 – Michigan 42, Iowa 3 – 12-1, Big Ten Champions

People just sang.

There are many things that stoke my envy when I consider European soccer. First and foremost is the lack of commercials, naturally. Second on that list is the sort of fan culture that means you've just got a song and that's the song and everyone sings the song. Everyone. Not a fight song, but some weird thing someone latched onto many years ago that became a signifier of in-crowd status and from there became a Tradition. Some colleges have a version of this, but they're pale imitations of the sort of crowd-wide belting going on across the pond. A few people mumbling "Hang On Sloopy," sort of embarrassed they're doing so. Sort of thing.

Not Michigan on Saturday. I had to make a bunch of calculations that resulted in the decision not to go, so I only experienced this on television. But my hair stood on end all the same. This is the loudest I have ever heard anything sung on a broadcast.

On the podcast I mentioned this nutball behind me at the Rutgers game who veritably ejected his esophagus whilst belting out "Mr. Brightside"; now I know what it sounds like for everyone in a stadium to do that.

Look at us! Here we are.

I predicted this team would got 7-5, and this was maybe slightly optimistic relative to the world. Michigan was unranked in the preseason, coming off a 2-4 COVID year in which they lost to an 0-5 Penn State team and a Michigan State team that was nearly as bad. They lost to Indiana. They went to overtime with Rutgers. They had a long—nearly infinite at this late vantage point, success disappearing over the horizon—history of disappointing no matter what level they were expected to play at.

Also they'd seen a quarterback transfer. The defensive coordinator was axed and an entirely new staff was brought in, most of them from NFL pastures that rarely work out at the college level. The offensive line coach was replaced with a guy who'd never coached the position. The best wide receiver went down in the first game. In desperation Michigan imported a 360-pound DT from Oregon State who didn't even play for one of the worst P5 programs.

Nothing about this team looked like it would ascend at this rate. 7-5 is a nice turnaround! 7-5 is a building block after having one of the worst defenses in America and losing a first round pick off of it. 7-5 qualified as optimism. Even setting aside the irrational feelings of the Black Pit Of Negative Expectation, to look at this roster and coaching situation and predict anything so bold as an Outback Bowl would have been foolhardy.

So yeah, when people on the team call out the nonbelievers it hits home because I was one of them. Because I was a human being outside of the program, I was one of them.

--------------------------------------------------

I have a habit of retweeting former Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's perplexing interest in Michigan football whenever it runs across my feed, for funsies.

I've thought about this far too much because of the ambiguous nature of the phrase "InshAllah," which is literally "if Allah wills it" but has developed into one of the most semiotically confusing phrases in either English or Arabic.

Depending on context it is either a statement of faith or its opposite. Joe Biden used it in a presidential debate to express skepticism that Donald Trump would release his tax returns, and that meaning has leaked into wider English usage since. I wonder if ol' Mahmoud was using it in this sense since he was responding to a fairly arch tweet from a Michigan fan.

It's certainly how it felt as the years dragged on. When will Michigan beat Ohio State? InshAllah. Weary cynicism radiates off the phrase. There's a certain tone to it. And it's certainly been my tone.

But it is also something very different. From the article linked above:

Haq explained that the Islamic doctrine of “Kasb” or acquisition represents the middle ground between moral responsibilities and God’s omnipotence. While God creates man’s actions, man “acquires” them, thereby becoming responsible. A common ancient parable used to explain the concept of InshAllah is that of the camel. It is a Muslim’s duty first to tie his camel, and then leave it to God. InshAllah, then, becomes an affirmation of divine providence after due human diligence—not an excuse to do nothing.

Obviously the divine does not take interest in football games but I think the duality there is right for this moment. Michigan did their due human diligence, pumping it up (you've got to pump it up) in the weight room this January, assembling a defense with the explicit purpose of beating Ohio State over the offseason, studying the OSU defense after its midseason flip and taking advantage of its simplistic rules. All of those are reasons Michigan broke the streak and won the Big Ten and is now headed to Miami.

All of that is a true way to explain what happened and why a stadium in Indianapolis is singing Mr. Brightside so loudly it's registering on local seismographs. And also why that leap of faith was required. The guy who made the video above concludes it with a plea to reclaim the phrase's original meaning: "if someone says InshAllah, it means they will try  their best, and God permitting—if nothing happens to them, if nothing happens in the world—it shall be done."

If you asked me at the beginning of the season about this team, I would have used the cynical version of InshAllah. This team used the brighter one. They said destiny was calling them, InshAllah.

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

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hello [Bryan Fuller]

you're the man now, dog-2535ac8789d1b499[1]

#1 Aidan Hutchinson. Iowa built their gameplan around the fact they could not block Aidan Hutchinson and Hutchinson still dominated the game. Alex Padilla averaged 3.8 yards per completion because if he held the ball for a split-second longer Hutchinson was going to sit on him. Getting a 14th sack in these conditions is truly heroic, and it was right and just he became the first defensive player to win the Big Ten Championship Game MVP despite just four tackles.

We need better defensive stats.

#2 Chris Hinton. Hinton was a key component of a Michigan rush defense that held the on-fire Tyler Goodson to  2.8 yards per attempt. He drew a hold on what would otherwise have been a sack, was critical to the stop Michigan got on Iowa's first drive, and finished the game with two tackles. See above about needing better defensive stats.

#3 Donovan Edwards/Blake Corum. Two explosive plays against a team that simply does not give them up set Michigan up with a comfortable lead in the first half and allowed them to play from in front during a dangerous period. The threat of Edwards in particular set up not only the throw over the top but a third and twelve conversion and a couple other plays. Edwards himself only ran for one yard but his swing pass catch got Michigan out of the shadow of their own goalposts. But really: it's just the two explosives. Two points each.

Honorable mention: Brad Robbins out-punted an Iowa punter. Cornelius Johnson blocked a punt and had a circus catch to convert a first down. Luke Schoonmaker had two spectacular catches. Jaylen Harrell put in some work on the edge. JJ McCarthy's speed set up the Corum explosive in two different ways. Roman Wilson made a catch he had to make. Also: is fast. 

KFaTAotW Standings.

(points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.)

63: Aidan Hutchinson (HM WMU, #2 Wash, #1 Rutgers, #1 Wisc, HM Neb, #2 NW, T3 MSU, T2 IU, T1 PSU, #2 Maryland, #1 OSU, #1 Iowa)
33: Hassan Haskins (HM WMU, T3 Wash, T2 NIU, #2 Neb, T1 NW, #1 IU, #2 PSU, #3 OSU)
23: The OL (#1 Wash, #1 NIU, HM Neb, HM NW, #2 OSU)
22: David Ojabo (#2 Wisc, T3 MSU, T2 IU, T1 PSU, HM OSU)
20: Blake Corum (#2 WMU, T3 Wash, T2 NIU, HM Neb, T1 NW, HM OSU, T3 Iowa)
14: Cade McNamara (#1 MSU, HM IU, HM PSU, #3 Maryland, HM OSU), Donovan Edwards(T2 NIU, #1 Maryland, HM OSU, T3 Iowa)
8: Ronnie Bell (#1 WMU), Brad Hawkins (#1 Neb), Dax Hill (#3 WMU, HM NIU, HM Rutgers, HM Wisc, HM Neb, HM MSU), Josh Ross (HM Wash, HM NIU, HM Rutgers, HM Neb, HM NW, HM PSU, HM OSU), Brad Robbins (HM Wash, #3 Rutgers, HM Wisc, HM PSU, HM Iowa)
7: DJ Turner (#3 NW, #3 PSU, HM OSU)
6: Nikhai Hill-Green(HM NIU, #2 Rutgers), Jake Moody (HM Wash, HM Wisc, #3 Neb, HM MSU), Andrel Anthony (#2 MSU, HM Maryland), Chris Hinton (HM Rutgers, #2 Iowa), Cornelius Johnson(HM NIU, HM Wisc, #3 IU, HM Iowa)
5: Roman Wilson (#3 Wisc, HM PSU, HM Iowa)
4: AJ Henning (HM WMU, #3 NIU)
3: Erick All (HM NW, HM MSU, HM OSU)
2: Junior Colson (HM IU, HM PSU), Mike Sainristil (HM WMU, HM Maryland), JJ McCarthy(HM OSU, HM Iowa)
1: Andrew Vastardis (HM WMU), Mazi Smith (HM Wash), Gemon Green(HM NIU), Taylor Upshaw (HM IU), Michael Barrett (HM Maryland), Matt Torey(HM Maryland), Vincent Gray (HM OSU), Jaylen Harrell (HM Iowa), Luke Schoonmaker (HM Iowa)

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

Donovan Edwards flings the best halfback pass in football history(?).

Honorable mention: Corum busts a 67-yard touchdown; Caden Kolesar gets a pick; flea flicker always flick fleas; Schoonmaker seam gets M down to the one; Hutchinson sack; really most of the game not spent backed up inside the ten.

image​MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK.

McNamara throws a ball behind All that miraculously deflects into an Iowa INT.

Honorable mention: AJ Henning fields a punt at the three; Michigan gets waggled a lot; uhhh some run plays didn't go very far.

[After THE JUMP: don't you know]

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justice was done [Patrick Barron]
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Unverified Voracity Needs Otter Lawyers
Brian • March 6, 2019 • 1:07pm

Get your own otter. Aurelien the Otter of Win is an entirely inappropriate mascot for Illinois sports, for obvious reasons. That's not stopping some hopelessly optimistic Illini fans on the internet:

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