Fall Roster Overanalysis 2014!

Fall Roster Overanalysis 2014!

Submitted by Brian on July 24th, 2014 at 1:41 PM

The phonebooks are here, ladies and gentlemen, and you know what that means.

TO THE SPREADSHEET!

QUARTERBACK

Player 2011 2012 Fall 2013 Spring 2014 Fall 2014 11 to 12 12 to 13 13 to 14
Devin Gardner 205 206 210 218 216 1 4 6
Russell Bellomy 189 201 215 210 206 12 14 -9
Shane Morris     202 202 204     2
Wilton Speight       230 234     N/A

RUNNING BACK

Player 2011 2012 Fall 2013 Spring 2014 Fall 2014 11 to 12 12 to 13 13 to 14
Justice Hayes 176 183 192 190 194 7 9 2
Drake Johnson   203 213 212 211   10 -2
Sione Houma   221 231 240 242   10 11
Joe Kerridge     238 247 244     6
De'Veon Smith     224 223 220     -4
Derrick Green     240 227 220     -20
Ty Isaac         225     N/A
Wyatt Shallman     237 243 239     2
Ross Douglas     176 186 189     13

WIDE RECEIVER

Player 2011 2012 Fall 2013 Spring 2014 Fall 2014 11 to 12 12 to 13 13 to 14
Devin Funchess   225 235 230 230   10 -5
Amara Darboh   218 212 214 211   -6 -1
Jehu Chesson   183 196 195 197   13 1
Dennis Norfleet   170 169 167 169   -1 0
Jaron Dukes     190 200 197     7
Csont'e York     180 194 191     11
Da'Mario Jones     192 198 196     4
Freddy Canteen       170 176     N/A
Drake Harris       180 176     N/A
Mo Ways         195     N/A

TIGHT END

Player 2011 2012 Fall 2013 Spring 2014 Fall 2014 11 to 12 12 to 13 13 to 14
Keith Heitzman 251 254 280 271 258 3 26 -22
AJ Williams   282 265 263 260   -17 -5
Jake Butt     237 250 249   12
Khalid Hill     258 255 252     -6
Ian Bunting         227     N/A

OFFENSIVE LINE

Player 2011 2012 Fall 2013 Spring 2014 Fall 2014 11 to 12 12 to 13 13 to 14
Jack Miller 263 287 290 297 299 24 3 9
Blake Bars   282 291 290 294   9 3
Ben Braden   299 318 319 322   19 4
Kyle Kalis   292 302 304 298   10 -4
Erik Magnuson   290 285 295 294   -5 9
Kyle Bosch     302 301 303     1
Logan Tuley-Tillman     300 290 290     -10
David Dawson     297 295 296     -1
Graham Glasgow     303 308 311     8
Dan Samuelson     283 282 292     9
Patrick Kugler     287 295 299     12
Chris Fox     338 310 309     -29
Mason Cole       275 292     N/A
Juwann Bushell-Beatty         319     N/A

DEFENSIVE LINE

Player 2011 2012 Fall 2013 Spring 2014 Fall 2014 11 to 12 12 to 13 13 to 14
Frank Clark 228 260 277 270 277 32 17 0
Brennen Beyer 225 252 250 256 256 27 -2 6
Matt Godin   270 280 283 286   10 6
Willie Henry   302 306 297 293   4 -13
Ondre Pipkins   337 315 313 306   -22 -9
Tom Strobel   250 265 268 268   15 3
Chris Wormley   268 289 292 295   21 6
Mario Ojemudia   223 250 250 251   27 1
Taco Charlton     270 275 275     5
Maurice Hurst     270 277 282     12
Henry Poggi     260 271 270     10
Bryan Mone       315 312     N/A
Brady Pallante         263     N/A
Lawrence Marshall         241     N/A

LINEBACKER

Player 2011 2012 Fall 2013 Spring 2014 Fall 2014 11 to 12 12 to 13 13 to 14
Jake Ryan 230 242 240 235 236 12 -2 -4
Desmond Morgan 220 230 228 232 232 10 -2 4
Allen Gant   196 212 222 223   16 11
Royce Jenkins-Stone   206 225 221 234   19 9
James Ross   225 220 225 227   -5 7
Joe Bolden   230 225 225 231   -5 6
Ben Gedeon     236 236 240     4
Mike McCray     237 242 241     4
Michael Ferns       233 239     N/A
Noah Furbush         210     N/A
Chase Winovich         220     N/A
Jared Wangler         219     N/A

CORNERBACK

Player 2011 2012 Fall 2013 Spring 2014 Fall 2014 11 to 12 12 to 13 13 to 14
Raymon Taylor 169 183 183 182 184 14 0 1
Delonte Hollowell 164 177 180 175 178 13 3 -2
Blake Countess 176 182 182 183 180 6 0 -2
Terry Richardson   154 167 172 170   13 3
Jourdan Lewis     170 174 175     5
Channing Stribling     171 176 178     7
Reon Dawson     170 178 178     8
Brandon Watson       185 188     N/A
Jabrill Peppers         202     N/A

SAFETY

Player 2011 2012 Fall 2013 Spring 2014 Fall 2014 11 to 12 12 to 13 13 to 14
Jarrod Wilson   190 200 202 205   10 5
Jeremy Clark   191 205 206 205   14 0
Dymonte Thomas     190 191 193   0 3
Delano Hill     205 205 205     0

ITEMS OF INTEREST

Peppers is big and stuff. He's over 200 while no other corner cracks 185; he is essentially the size of Michigan's safeties. Which might be good because he might be a safety. Also of note: the other freshman corner is also larger than all other corners.

Derrick Green continues being serious. Down a full 20 pounds from last year's 240.

Yo-yo-ing is bad for your health, Keith. Or whatever. But he put on all that weight to play DE/DT and now Michigan is all like SYKE.

Jenkins-Stone now plausible. A worrying drop to 221 in spring was followed by a rebound and now he's pretty decent size for a WLB. Or SAM in the over. You know what I mean.

I thought you were supposed to be huge? I listed Furbush at 240 in his recruiting profile and thought that was a bit conservative since many recruiting evaluations started with "as big or bigger than his listed size." Instead he checks in at 210. Typo? Malaria? Weird optical illusion wherein everyone sees a much larger person than is actually there? I mean, dude is not ten pounds lighter than Jared Wangler, right? I'm confused? I keep asking questions?

More generally. There really seems to be no reason to play any of the freshman LBs other than Ferns. You've got a three deep and they're 220. Redshirts for all.

Funchess 2.0? I see Bunting listed at 6'7", 227 and see visions of busted blocks and eventual resignation to the fact that you've got a 6'7" WR with skillet hands. For a given definition of "resignation." 

Hello redshirt. Drake Harris was already dinged up and now he's dropped weight. He's now the same weight as Canteen and listed at three inches taller.

DL increments. Not a ton of huge swings there but Henry did drop 13 pounds, hopefully so he can stay on the field longer without tiring out and seeing his technique fall apart. Hurst is still a bit short of ideal at 282. Wish Beyer could have added more than six pounds from last year; must be physically tapped out. Ditto Ojemudia. Seems like he's just about done expanding.

Cole expanding. Mason Cole going from 275 to 292 means breaking the glass on his redshirt is only 90% of a Total Panic Experience instead of 100%. The rest of the OL seems to be converging on 300 pounds from various directions with the exception of Ben Braden, who is just enormous.

Big enough. I think it's 50/50 Glasgow starts at tackle. Both Kugler and Miller are 299, which is large enough, and he looked good there in spring.

SHON AND TOM: a short play in one act

SHON AND TOM: a short play in one act

Submitted by Brian on March 16th, 2014 at 12:20 PM

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via Land Grant Holy Land

SHON AND TOM

A short play in one act

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

Tom, a basketball coach
Shon, a television color commentator

ACT ONE

TOM: "Shon."

SHON: "Yes. Yes, Tom. What is it Tom."

T: "I just had a thought Shon."

S: "What is that thought Tom."

T: "There are millions of planets and some of them have life, Shon. Inevitably some of these societies are millions of years more advanced than ours. They have not visited. There is no evidence of their existence. We dream of traveling the stars, but we cannot. Otherwise someone would have visited us.

"The reason we have not been visited by any of these societies is that it is simply not possible. Physics is a dead end, Shon."

S: "But what about when the sun…"

T: "All of this dies, Shon. We have an expiration date. Physics is a dead end."

S: "Physics is a dead end."

T: "I have a great sadness all about me, Shon. It overwhelms my being. It is as if we already do not exist."

Hokepoints of the Perdue Wonderchicken

Hokepoints of the Perdue Wonderchicken

Submitted by Seth on December 10th, 2013 at 10:38 AM

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I write this column once a year to implore college football fans to use a standard, common, descriptive set of names for the bowl games. Try saying "Copper" instead of "Buffalo Wild Wings" for the next month, and just imagine the savings!!!

In the pantheon of annoyances, I admit that companies paying somebody to make you use their name out of context is far less destructive than, say, a university trading scholastic loans as private securities and then jacking up tuition so shareholders can make more money.

Still, it is annoying. The purpose of language is the communication of ideas, and elegance in this is a thing everybody should appreciate. Names are communicative tools that allow the listener to reference all information stored on that thing. When speaking to another college football fan, the name of the bowl ought to conjure up its history and location and place in the pantheon. A name sponsor is a jerk who butts into the middle of your conversation…

happy-guy-with-thumbs-up-thumb2442664: Hey, Carol-Sue. Guess what: I just bought tickets to the…

happy-man4: BUFFALO WILD WINGS™ GRIDIRON SPECTACULER!!!!

Portrait of attractive young female showing a thumbs up on white background: Oh that's nice. I have no idea what or where that is.

happy-guy-with-thumbs-up-thumb2442664: You know, Big Ten teams play in it now but it had WAC teams in the '90s.

Portrait of attractive young female showing a thumbs up on white background: Wait, the one they used to play at Arizona right? Wasn't that the…

happy-man4: INSIGHT DOT COM FOOTBALLING SYNERGY™

happy-guy-with-thumbs-up-thumb2442664: Yeah, that's it. Remember when Iowa played in the…

happy-man4: GUARANTEE SHOCKED ABSOLUTELY UNIQUE NOW PERSONALIZED FREE ENSURE CRITICAL ACCOMPLISH WINNING RESULTS PROVEN POWERFUL SIMPLE SOLUTION™

…and makes communication of the idea more difficult. Adding syllables (they couldn't call it the B-Dubs Bowl?) adds to the annoyance. It is cold here during bowl season, so I prefer to not expend what limited body heat I have in vocalizing "The Yushityu 2007 Mimetic-Resolution-Cartridge-View-Motherboard-Easy-To-Install-Upgrade For Infernatron/InterLace TP Systems For Home, Office Or Mobile Bowl."*

What to Call Them?

Typically unless it's an older bowl just use the name of the city they play in, and if there are multiple bowls in a city start adding numbers (Tampa II, Cotton II, etc.) If everybody knows a bowl as something because it has been called that for decades, obviously use that.

After [the jump] I'll put up a handy chart of the current bowl slate, complete with sounds you can make to accurately relate meaning to another human, and commercial-free graphics that can do the same. You can keep that open as a tab on your phone or whatever as a reference this month.

Tuesday Recruitin' Is Working For The Weekend

Tuesday Recruitin' Is Working For The Weekend

Submitted by Brian on August 20th, 2013 at 12:40 PM

They come in pairs

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Crawford (bottom) and Kinnel

Two 2015 Ohio defensive backs have proclaimed Michigan their outright leader, and both have given Michigan fans a reason to believe they'll pop in the near future. In OH CB Shaun Crawford's case, that's because he's announcing on Friday at 4 PM on ESPN.com. He told Rivals's Mark Givler that "I don't really have a group of finalists, it's mainly just that one school for me," actually moved Miami down his list after visiting, and hasn't been offered by other potential favorite Notre Dame. This one is not heavy on suspense.

Crawford is a leetle guy at 5'8" to 5'10", depending on who you believe, but he brings 170+ pounds to the table already—the same as Michigan's 6'2" freshman corners—and impressed Givler with his toughness:

Shaun Crawford is as good in run support as any corner I've seen come out of Ohio the last few years.

Commence the Antoine Winfield comparisons that will never, ever stop.

That is a highly reassuring thing to hear about Crawford, since no one doubts his athleticism or skill—it's all on the size, or lack thereof. Crawford's actually playing safety for his team so that he'll have more impact on the game this fall, FWIW.

The other guy, OH S Tyree Kinnel, has not been as explicit as Crawford but according to Brandon has set a visit for Saturday. Kinnel was clamoring for a Michigan offer, extremely disappointed when one didn't come after camp, and now has one. A commit watch is definitely on. While Kinnel was momentarily inclined to open things up given the lack of proverbial love, Hoke and company have a knack for closing the deal, like they did with George Campbell.

Kinnel is a four-star to 247 and Scout but has not been rated by ESPN yet. Those four star rankings in the range where Kinnel would be on the tail end of top X lists or just outside; he's a solid 3.5 star guy by our reckoning. The major drawback is that he seems to be a CB/S tweener, which Michigan doesn't care about at all. Nickelback, maybe?

[After the jump: Jabrilladiculous]

Sports in the Time of Esther McCleery

Sports in the Time of Esther McCleery

Submitted by Seth on August 2nd, 2013 at 10:45 AM

LifeMag1959-1LifeMag1959-2LifeMag1959-4

Dear Diary was going to be in this spot this morning, but the site was 504-ing and I couldn't get at all my precious tabs. So instead you get Esther McCleery.

My good friend Nate is certainly the most interesting person I've ever met. He's one of those diamonds from the middle of nowhere that the University of Michigan goes out of its way to collect, the nowhere in this case being Eastern Kentucky and the middle being a small town called Grayson. I'll save you his list of accomplishments because he'll be famous enough one day for all of them to end up in a book.

In a town like Grayson hoarding is one of the things that register on a list of pastimes. While sorting through one trove Nate found a stack of old copies of Life magazine and brought them with him to our college reunion last weekend. Inside he found and framed enough ads for bourbon to keep Kentucky bars well-tchotchke'd for a decade.

This he was doing at the breakfast table on Saturday morning while another friend and I were trying to justify to our wives why we're blowing what could have been a Europe trip on a few upcoming Saturdays.

That's when Nate serendipitously discovered an article on Homecoming in the November 1959 issue. Hey it's our band:

LifeMag1959-theband

That's the only photo in the article that's pointed at the field. Life's photographer instead spent the 4th quarter with his camera turned toward Class of '34 alumna Esther McCleery. I'll reproduce that for you now:

LifeMag1959-1

HOMECOMING SPIRIT at game is shown in the mobile face of Mrs. Esther McCleery, class of '34 at Michigan. Above Mrs. McCleery screams, "Go, Team, Go, this is it!" as Michigan, behind 16-10 in final quarter, intercepts pass deep in Wisconsin territory. "All right, Blue," Mrs. McCleery bellows. "This is it, we've got 'em now."

But a moment later Michigan fumbles and Mrs. McCleery's face falls (below)

LifeMag1959-2LifeMag1959-3

In the final minutes of the game, she dejectedly watches Wisconsin wrap it up with a field goal. "We've had it but good," she mutters.

LifeMag1959-4

But she brightened. "Next year we'll get 'em," she says.

Everyone ought to see Notre Dame du Paris (NOTE-rruh Dahm) one time in their life just to appreciate the feats of art and engineering that mankind can accomplish when we feel like it. To understand why we'd ever build such things, first you ought to experience something like Notre Dame at Michigan, since there are few other things in the world—other than gaining or losing another human being—that can make you truly appreciate the depths of emotions that make being a human animal quite worthwhile.1375122306_163422_HTTV_Sports

29 days, Esther.

Quite Possibly the Most Important Photo You Will Ever See

Quite Possibly the Most Important Photo You Will Ever See

Submitted by Seth on July 11th, 2013 at 10:24 PM

Hoke_points_at_stuff3

This was sent to me from HTTV volunteer copy editor Becky Long, who in 1998 was on the sidelines as UM cheerleader Becky Long. The wide-angle:

Hoke_points_at_stuff2

Click gets you full size, which is just 300kb or so (to a 1998 hard drive that's huge) but plenty for your need. That need is to cast this image in your head until the most Brady Hoke thing ever has claimed its rightful place next to Don't Make Lloyd Angry, and the Bo-Canham-Bump Press Conference in the Hall of Before-He-Was…

To my knowledge, until now the best Hokepoint from the Before-Time known to the internet was that overused thing with the uncharacteristic headset. Bonus: We now have a photo to use when we talk about Rob Renes and genetic nose tackles.

That is all.

NCAA Football 14: An ePinion

NCAA Football 14: An ePinion

Submitted by Seth on July 5th, 2013 at 1:53 PM

IMG_2412

Dilemma: The HTTV proofs were delivered at the same time as the game.

First a confession: the last time I bought EA's college football game was 10 (the 2009 season) for PS2. I used to get it every year from the Woodson cover to the Desmond cover and play until it was taking more time than I could excuse because an exercise bike was involved. The exception was '05, which I played for four days before going back to 2004, still the gold standard of the series.

The versions I had were all great for power runs to set up bombs but in the summer of 2009 I was mostly interested in wrecking offensive rushing records with Rich Rod's offense. Like anybody with a touch of ASD, I cannot play until I've filled in and fiddled around with Michigan's rosters. Tate Forcier was like an 80 overall when I was done. Denard was probably set to move to cornerback—remember this was the 2009 offseason, when old men in conference hotels were dancing to Weapon of Choice:

Then I started playing and videogame Forcier would throw 8 interceptions per game because linebackers could leap 100 feet in the air. There was no such thing as an incomplete pass; you threw screens or you threw interceptions. It took just three games for my frustration to turn me off from the series and turn me into one of those people who delights in The Consumerist ripping on EA. Other than goofing around on my 2004 dynasty NCAA the game was dead to me.

Then they put Denard on the cover (and the wife let me get a PS3 once I proved how awesome it is at Netflix). And since I'd moved on from guy at convention hotels to guy who works for a college football blog, it turned out I could get an advance copy of the thing with Denard on the cover in return for telling people how I felt about it. A part of me finds it ridiculous that I can get away with this. Since I've been out of things for awhile (and Misopogal has grown skeptical over all this "work" I've been putting in) I'm gonna deliver the game to Ace after I post this, and next week you'll get a review from someone with a  frame of reference within the current console generation. Here's the things you should know now:

1. IT HAS DENARD ON THE COVER. Truly it is the most beautiful thing to grace a cover since...NCAA 06? NCAA 99? A baby swimming toward a dollar on the album where music got its balls back? If Denard was smiling maybe.

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I adore all of you!

He is actually the most appropriate cover athlete for a version of this game since they put Ricky Williams on the one with unstoppable running backs because…

2. OPTION OFFENSE is awesome. They completely redid that and now read options work the way they're supposed to. EA also gave the defense its option-crushing corner blitzes and scrape exchanges.

IMG_2418

I keep forgetting to sub Green in at FB

However the counter to the counter sucks. They put bubble and PA split end screens in the playbook, but the defense reads these way too quickly on any difficulty worth playing. Also I've found my skill position guys tire so fast that when I go to it I keep getting Jeremy Jackson. Anyway the option stuff is the most fun, specifically the read and triple options. Too bad Michigan went back to the future on offense since...

[after the jump]

The Hot Take: Horses Should Play The Other Football, Which Is Soccer

The Hot Take: Horses Should Play The Other Football, Which Is Soccer

Submitted by Brian on May 1st, 2013 at 4:01 PM

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MORE LIKE COME PLAY WITHDRAWN FORWARD FOR JURGEN KLINSMANN

O reader, I bring to you a topic of great significance. The blogosphere has been riven by controversy after a horse tried to play football on twitter. Should horses play football on twitter? Should horses not play football on twitter? This is the great modern give-and-take of discourse. This is the First Amendment. This is America.

The Anti-Horse Alliance is led by one Adam Jacobi, an Iowan who loathes all hooved mammals you cannot eat. I must agree that a thousand pounds of lovely-seeming meat just, like, composted or whatever is a waste and is hateful. In addition, he says the idea of horses playing football is anathema. He has many fine reasons for this take.

Horses can't understand football. Horses aren't completely stupid, and their skills at dressage lead me to believe that an end zone celebration involving a horse hot-steppingcould be PHENOMENAL, but football is a very complicated sport with rules and regulations governing virtually everything, and I just can't imagine that a horse would be able to abide by the rules of the line of scrimmage and the snap. False start penalties everywhere, even for just a twitch of the tail. "Set" means "set," horsie.

And so forth and so on.

The Coalition of the Horse Willing counts the esteemed Spencer Hall in their ranks.

Horses can qualify academically in the NCAA. Provided they get a learning disabled qualification, a horse should be able to stay eligible at several SEC schools. Auburn and Ole Miss come to mind first, but let's not single out those schools alone, but yes, mainly Auburn and Ole Miss. Horses may also succeed--neigh! even thrive!--at the C-USA, Sun Belt, and MAC level.

I fear that both these men have missed the mark on the original question so badly that they have embarrassed themselves in the manner of a 50-year-old white Christian male who demands credit for such, also on twitter. They will live down their shame in time.

That shame: by debating whether or not horses should play football they fail to ask the question "what sport should horses play?" Football is an ill fit. Basketball is preposterous, hockey promising but problematic, track and field faintly ridiculous, and horse racing completely out of the question. It's obvious, though. It's right in front of your face, and thus two or three feet below a horse's face.

Horses should play soccer.

THEY HAVE MORE FEET. More feet equals more skill. Leo Messi in fact has a foot that branches just below the ankle into ten toe-sized feet. Horses cannot match this, but with four feet they have double that of the average American, and are therefore twice as good at soccer than said average American, four times better than many World War I veterans, and eight times better than Robbie Findley.

PREHENSILE LIMBS NOT REQUIRED HERE. The McDonalds inside of which horses play soccer beautifully has a sign outside that says "NO SHIRT NO SHOES NO FINGERS NO PROBLEM."

HORSES CAN UNDERSTAND SOCCER. It's mostly a matter of booting a ball around without whistles and the like. Much simpler than football. Also, horses came from Europe! QED.

While I think a horse hockey team would be pretty good since the goalie would occupy the entire net, you'd probably have to shoot it. I digress.

TURNING HORSE ANKLES INTO A MIST OF TENDONS AND DEATH IS SANCTIONED IN SOCCER. In football, exploding someone's ankle is not a penalizable offense except in certain situations. Anyone turning a leg into a spray of horror gristle in soccer is generally shown a red card. The tendency of horse legs to fall off with little provocation is an asset to the team, if not the horse in particular. Go team.

SOCCER DEVELOPMENTAL PROGRESS GENERALLY AVOIDS THE NCAA. Horses do not have to take tests to sign with Liverpool or whatever.

POOPING ON THE FIELD IS PROBABLY STILL NOT GOOD. But they do play on actual grass. The cost savings. Think of them.

AMERICA CAN USE THEIR ATHLETES ON AMERICAN SPORTS. Horses are a great untapped resource in our race to dominate the globe's favorite sport, allowing us to  both have LeBron James and LeHorse Soccer.

-----------------

This is the First Amendment, that I can say that horses playing football is a terrible idea… unless it's the other football.

"Don't tread on me"

–Horse America.

See you at the World Cup final. Bring carbonated oats, baby.

Hokepoints of the Yushityu 2007 Mimetic-Resolution-Cartridge-View-Motherboard-Easy-To-Install-Upgrade For Infernatron/InterLace TP Systems For Home, Office Or Mobile (sic)

Hokepoints of the Yushityu 2007 Mimetic-Resolution-Cartridge-View-Motherboard-Easy-To-Install-Upgrade For Infernatron/InterLace TP Systems For Home, Office Or Mobile (sic)

Submitted by Seth on December 11th, 2012 at 9:50 AM

BillyMays

We're just a few days away from the start of bowl season, which means I get make my annual appeal against subsidized hell. But first a short message from Billy…

Tired of being an unwitting accomplice to some company's branding campaign every time you mention a bowl? Are you constantly struggling to get readers and listeners to know which the hell game you're talking about? Then let me tell you about the latest in idea-exchanging technology from MGoBlog: THE COMMUNICATION COLLECTION™.

Using our one-of-a-kind, industry-leading, low-fat, blogger-approved line of sponsor-free bowl names and logos, you too will be able to immediately convey accurate information to other humans. Using special shared experiences technology and our copyrighted, non-ambiguous terminology, our scientific logos and bowl names are precisely calibrated to provide you with information-sharing vehicles that are recognizable, representative, and syllabically economical. Just look at our happy customers:

  • Portrait of attractive young female showing a thumbs up on white background: "I told my friend I'm thinking of attending the 'Citrus Bowl' this year and he knew exactly what I meant! Thanks, MGOBLOG!"
  • happy-guy-with-thumbs-up-thumb2442664: "My readers kept asking why I'm so excited over some fast food joint. Then I switched to MGOBLOG's Peach Bowl logo; now they all immediately register that I'm talking about a crazy-off between Dabo and Les Miles!"
  • happy-man4: "People at my office thought I was going around saying a crappy buffalo wings chain will be a 'real defensive snoozer.' But as soon as I showed them MGOBLOG's 'Copper Bowl' logo our shared experiences helped me convey I was really talking about MSU-TCU in Arizona!"

See for yourself what your friends are buzzing about (click on each logo to get at the full-sized, sponsor-free versions):

They Call It You Call It Logo Started Payout Date/Time
Alamo Alamo 5kcx6fynk65qmg23v4ek 1993 $3,175,000 Dec 29, 6:00 PM
Armed Forces Armed Forces or Ft. Worth armedforces 2003 $750,000 Dec 29, 11:00 AM
BBVA Compass Birmingham birminghambowl 2006 $1,000,000 Jan 5, 1:00 PM
BCS Championship Just Kill Me BCS 1998 $21,200,000 Jan 7, 8:00 PM
Beef'O'Brady's Tampa II or St. Pete's Primary-Full-Color 2008 $1,000,000 Dec 21, 7:00 PM
Belk Queen City or Is it Basketball Season Yet? CharlotteBowl 2002 $1,000,000 Dec 27, 6:00 PM
Buffalo Wild Wings Copper xizbhdidwmuhukofc08f 1989 $3,300,000 Dec 29, 10:00 PM
Capital One Citrus 1990_1-1_Citrus_Bowl_Guide 1946 $4,250,000 Jan 1, 1:00 PM
Chick-Fil-A Peach peach_bowl_logo 1968 $3,350,000 Dec 31, 7:00 PM
Cotton Cotton 1936 $3,625,000 Jan 4, 8:00 PM
Famous Idaho Potato Potato or Humanitarian Potatobowl 1997 $750,000 Dec 15, 4:00 PM
Fiesta Fiesta Fiesta 1971 $18,000,000 Jan 3, 8:00 PM
Fight Hunger San Francisco Fight Hunger or Bay City fighthungerbowl 2002 $825,000 Dec 29, 4:00 PM
Gator Gator 1945 $2,500,000 Jan 1, 12:00 PM
GoDaddy.com Mobile or Empty 2003 GMAC Bowl 1999 $750,000 Jan 6, 9:00 PM
Hawaii Hawaii or Aloha Aloha_Bowl 2002 $750,000 Dec 24, 8:00 PM
Heart of Dallas Heart of Dallas or Cotton II DallasBowl 2010 $1,200,000 Jan 1, 12:00 PM
Holiday Holiday HolidayBowl 1978 $2,350,000 Dec 27, 9:00 PM
Independence Independence indepencence-bowl 1976 $1,100,000 Dec 28, 2:00 PM
Las Vegas Las Vegas lasvegasbowl 1992 $1,000,000 Dec 22, 3:00 PM
Liberty Liberty Libertybowl 1959 $1,350,000 Dec 31, 3:00 PM
Little Caesars Motor City Bowl in Detroit 1997 $750,000 Dec 26, 7:00 PM
Meineke Car Care Houston or Bluebonnet houstonbowl 2006 $1,700,000 Dec 28, 9:00 PM
Military D.C. or U.S.O. Show military_bowl_logo_2 2008 $1,000,000 Dec 27, 3:00 PM
Music City Music City music city bowl 1998 $1,700,000 Dec 31, 12:00 PM
New Mexico New Mexico gg7lxzsvhg92h87groh3 2006 $750,000 Dec 15, 1:00 PM
New Orleans New Orleans neworleansbowl 2001 $500,000 Dec 22, 12:00 PM
Orange Orange OrangeBowl 1934 $18,000,000 Jan 1, 8:00 PM
Outback Outback or Hall of Fame HOFBowllogo 1986 $3,400,000 Jan 1, 1:00 PM
Pinstripe Bronx or Pinstripe pinstripebowl 2010 $2,000,000 Dec 29, 3:00 PM
Poinsettia Poinsettia PoinsettiaBowl 2005 $750,000 Dec 20, 8:00 PM
Rose Rose rose-bowl 1901 $18,000,000 Jan 1, 5:00 PM
Russell Athletic Tangerine Tangerine Bowl 1990 $2,125,000 Dec 28, 5:00 PM
Sugar Sugar sugar 1934 $18,000,000 Jan 2, 8:00 PM
Sun Sun SunBowloldlogo 1934 $1,900,000 Dec 31, 2:00 PM

I'm not against branding. We do plenty of it, and I plan to do more. Sponsoring a nice thing so people can have it for free is one of the most polite ways folks have yet found to introduce themselves to customers. Marketing is subject to the same rules of propriety as all other intra-species communication. Polite: Your banner over the entrance to the guest lecture you're sponsoring. Impolite: making the lecturer interrupt his spiel to talk about the fantastic deals you're currently offering. Polite: Leaving your business card on the restaurant's bulletin board. Impolite: Renaming all the meats in the hof88mgsandwiches after your products. Also impolite: naming your kid "Need School Supplies? Call 1-800-555-PENS and We'll Deliver!" so that every time the teacher does roll call you're drumming up business.

So yeah, my real beef is with naming rights that become a barrier to communication. The Rose Bowl doesn't need to remind anybody where it takes place or who's supposed to be in it because years of tradition have made it apparent. Outback Steakhouse annoyed me at first, but over a decade of having the name plus the smart decision to leave out the second half of their name (thus actually being easier to say than "Hall of Fame") allowed it to settle. Plus the Outback is a place on Earth; it is conceivable in the imagination that a bowl might be played amidst the gumnuts and wallabies. Bowls for causes annoy me less if they're nouns (Liberty, Independence) than adjectives (Humanitarian), which in turn is better than sentence fragments (Fight Hunger). Synonyms (Military*/Armed Forces) shouldn't be allowed. I'd prefer if newer bowls include the city name for the first five to ten years (e.g. San Francisco Fight Hunger Bowl). Anyway these are all things people might name an event without obviously having to get paid to do so.

That's where I draw the line. Adding "presented by ___" as part of the name makes it easier to ignore but still as disingenuous as if I changed my blogging handle to "Seth Presented by Iowa Corngrowers Association of America." Calling a young event the "Brelk" or "Breef-o-Ladies" means we'll never figure out where the hell it is. Letting that tire company with a name that sounds like a German salute name a second bowl after themselves when they lost the naming rights to the first is borderline criminal. Even more criminal is allowing a terribly named company to take over a well-established brand. The Copper Bowl can't claim the history of the Copper Bowl if it's no longer called the Copper Bowl. And here's where I bring up how the chicken people want to get rid of peaches:

1970s_Peach_Bowl_logolrg_ChickfilA_Peach_Bowlpeachbowl35175px-ChickFilABowl

I am guessing this is what the protests were about earlier this year.

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*Since the one in D.C. is newer it should be told to change to something that differentiates it from the Fort Worth bowl. How about "The Great Big U.S.O. Show" since it's the U.S.O. that sponsors it anyway.

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Half the bowls need to die. This year's lineup will feature 70 teams in 35 bowl games. For reference, the 71st-best team according to FEI this year is 3-8 Arkansas. Teams much worse than John L. Smith'd Arkansas are in bowl games. East Carolina and Louisiana-Lafayette will have a bowl game for a $500,000 payout provided by the title sponsor, who is a trucking company from Wilmington, Ohio. Somebody will broadcast it, and TV crews will show that one ECU fan dressed like a pirate and a few Cajun fans while studiously avoiding angles that show the 90% of Superdome currently unoccupied. And ultimately many people—especially those schools who'll be shelling out way more than 500k to settle their entourage in bowl-approved New Orleans hotels—will ask "why are we even having this?" And the only answers are "because to somebody this is still profitable," and "we need the practices and the swag and the recruit invitations so we can remain competitive."

No I don't think it'll change anything. If someone was going to have a conversation about diluting the concept it would have been had 20 years ago. I am resigned to a future in which the Enterprise Products Partners Bowl matches the 9th Big Ten team vs. the No. 5 Sun Belt team (you are not sure if I just made that one up just now). A win here is if people on this site and others adopt the non-subsidized logos and terminology.