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in approximately five minutes the hero will walk in and all talk will stop[Marc-Gregor Campredon]
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53

The Bar Is More Dust Than Solid And Is Probably Named "The Black Rose" Or Similar
Brian • January 30, 2019 • 3:59pm

1/29/2019 – Michigan 65, Ohio State 49 – 20-1, 9-1 Big Ten

One of the most unexpected constants of the John Beilein era at Michigan has been the point guard's lip curl. The program has cycled between radically different styles of point—pick and roll pterodactyl man Darius Morris, all-conquering Trey Burke, pull-up assassin Derrick Walton, and now anger bulldog Zavier Simpson. But every single one of them could have said this:

May have taken Walton a while to round into his true Michigan point guard form, but he got there. Everyone else had that attitude from the drop. John Beilein's most unexpected talent is wading into the vast pool of available point guard talents every few years and finding the guy who is, in his heart of hearts, a Danny Trejo character. If I walk into a bar filled with former Michigan point guards I'm walking right out. Bullets and tequila are about to fly.

Even so, Simpson is the dogg amongst dogs. The dirtiest dude in town.

When the Virginia-NC State game went to overtime I had to scramble through the usual "you haven't updated your Playstation, also you haven't updated this app, also please register this device, oh and if you click on the ESPN2 broadcast you get a null pointer exception" rigamarole.

By the time I got the game on it had already started and I was listening to the Spanish broadcast. Amongst rapid-fire Spanish my ancient high school classes can't keep up with came two phrases, clear as a bell: "sky hook" and "Kareem Abdul-Jabbar." They did not clap like seals. It sounded like they wanted to, like every announce crew, like everyone on twitter, like even Deadspin. Like me.

And sure why not:

The hook shot, while delightful and a key component of Simpson's evolution into a functional offensive player, is only the most visible facet of the bizarre whole. The guy who just put up a triple double makes no sense. But he just put up a triple double, so this is the time for Simpson-related message board recriminations, the time when some random guy pops on to scold people for writing Simpson off when he was a freshman.

It was entirely rational to write Simpson off! Simpson was a "6 foot" point guard who literally did not have a jump shot. Beilein took the unusual step of grabbing grad-transfer Jaaron Simmons after Simpson's freshman year because it looked for all the world like Michigan had no point guard. Nine games into his sophomore year Simpson had taken a total of six twos and had gotten benched for Eli Brooks. If at some point you did not write Zavier Simpson off you are his dad or insane.

Most folks who find themselves at that crossroad never recover, because they're there for a reason. Carlton Brundidge did not prove the haters wrong. Ibi Watson did not shove in in the skeptics' faces. There are few dynamic lizard escapes once you're in the "change or die" phase of a career.

Simpson didn't really change, though. He doubled down on being Zavier Simpson. He's still a 50% free throw shooter and a 30% three-point shooter with a set shot. He's also the head of the spear for a 20-1 team. He's all the things a modern point guard isn't, and if he scores in the same way a 7'2" guy in goggles did that's total nonsense and perfect sense at the same time.

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[Campredon]

[After THE JUMP: lotion is NOT MENTIONED]

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very same [Patrick Barron]
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56

Basketbullets: Wisconsin
Brian • January 21, 2019 • 12:20pm

1/19/2019 – Michigan 54, Wisconsin 64 – 17-1, 6-1 Big Ten

I've already written the column about how playing games at the Trohl Center is an experience that makes you think you're the last human in the land of the bug people, and hoo boy was this a shining example of the genre. The ends of each half, taken together, are kind of amazing. The end of the first half: Wisconsin has multiple fouls to give at the end of the first half and is trying to use them, but the a guy intentionally grabbing a Michigan player doesn't get called for two or three seconds. Michigan's left with under two seconds on the clock and does not convert.

The end of the second: Ethan Happ briefly touches the ball with Michigan down three and gets rid of it; immediately afterward Brazdeikis grabs him, in the way of late game basketball. This too is ignored. When Iggy goes back to foul Happ again, this time completely away from the ball, he's called for a flagrant 1. That essentially ends the game.

I don't really know what you're supposed to do when the referees can't even get the fouls both teams are trying to commit right. When you've got an apoplectic John Beilein at midcourt being held back by his assistants you've screwed up. You made First Episode Walter White mad! He drives a minivan and loves his children! GAH!

It would be nice if Michigan's basketball team was so good it could power through batshit road garbage at the Trohliest of all Centers, but if it was it would have so much power that it could not be permitted off a military base. It's a harsh reality check for a team that had played just one game that went down to the final couple minutes.

GRIM. This kind of offensive performance is a once-every-few-years occurrence:

That was the let's-drink-some-bleach South Carolina game, when Michigan was 8/26 from two and 2/26 from three. Michigan finished that season with the #4 offense in the country after Derrick Walton blew up midseason.

That was on another level in terms of offensive futility. Michigan shot 47%/28%, which is real bad but not the abomination that the South Carolina game was. Michigan's main problem was  giant turnover rate—almost one in every four Michigan possessions ended in a turnover. That was spread almost equally throughout the roster.

[After THE JUMP: Teske though?]

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