Unverified Voracity Eulogizes Troll

Unverified Voracity Eulogizes Troll

Submitted by Brian on October 25th, 2016 at 12:26 PM

So... how did that happen? Ohio State lost to Penn State over the weekend. You may not be aware of this so I will pause for your chortling.


All right. Done? No?


how bout now nvm


cumong man



Okay. Now we can proceed. While OSU losing to Penn State, a team Michigan beat 49-10, has caused no end of merriment in the Michigan fan base*, there was an awful lot of flukiness in the PSU win. OSU outgained PSU by a wide margin, held them to under 300 yards of offense, and had a 64% win expectancy per S&P+. PSU made up the deficit with two huge special teams plays, the first a blocked punt that set up a field goal to pull them within four, the second a kick-six that turned an potential 7-point OSU lead into the three point deficit they'd lose by.

Normally I'd write those off as flukes not applicable to the Game, but Michigan has already blocked six kicks this year and has Jabrill Peppers sitting back there for any teams who want to get overly concerned about getting the punt off. Advantage: Michigan.

Meanwhile, PFF's evaluation contains some shocking stats about the OSU OL:

...the entire unit struggled in pass protection, surrendering a staggering 34 pressures between them, with RT Isaiah Prince accounting for almost half of those by himself. The spark of Curtis Samuel’s untouched 74-yard touchdown run and Marcus Baugh’s tackle-breaking exploits in the first quarter weren’t repeated in the final 25 minutes of the game.

And it could have been worse for OSU. Star Nittany Lion DE Garrett Sickels sat out the first half. This did not prevent him from racking up 2.5 sacks. A different PFF article has a different pressure number but it's still boggling: 28 pressures on 53 dropbacks. Taco Charlton and Chris Wormley are likely to do similar work. PSU's 28th in adjusted sack rate. Michigan is 4th.

A second major issue was an inability to get to Saquon Barkley near the line of scrimmage:

the Penn State offensive line set up Barkley with 41 of his 99 rushing yards before contact, and Barkley didn’t have to break any tackles while coming up just a yard shy of a 100-yard game. The star on the offensive line for the third straight week was RT Brendan Mahon, who dominated the Ohio State front on the ground, combining particularly well on double teams to blow the Buckeyes’ defensive tackles out of the middle of the play and disrupt the linebackers behind them.

Later in that piece PFF will advocate for OSU's backup DTs to play over the starters after PSU and Wisconsin gashed OSU up the gut repeatedly. I will repeat: PSU—THE Penn State University—gashed Ohio State up the gut. Penn State. That one. That team. The one with Paris Palmer in the starting lineup again. They got 8.2 yards per carry between the tackles. (Why on Earth they only gave Barkley 12 carries is completely inexplic—oh right James Franklin.)

OSU's run D looks fine statistically, but that's largely due to 4 TEAM rushes for a total of –43 yards. Those were three kneels from the gun and a yakety snap over the punter's head. Remove those and Penn State rushed for an even 5 yards a carry without a single broken tackle from Barkley.

Michigan looks like they have a significant advantage on both lines. I can't believe I'm saying that but here we are.

*[My favorite thing is OSU fans saying it was a ROAD NIGHT GAME since Vegas is now offering 40 points for home field advantage.]

In other OSU issues. Land Grant Holy Land notes that OSU doesn't get many explosive plays. It's Curtis Samuel and that's it. In a very James Franklin twist, Samuel had two carries for 71 yards against PSU. And as always, I recommend Ross Fulton's OSU breakdown.

Meanwhile in this week's matchup. It doesn't look good for MSU:

How is Michigan State going to move the football?
I'm not sure how else to headline this bullet point. If you look at the numbers -- what Michigan's done on defense and what Michigan State's done on offense -- you get a pretty simple result. Michigan State will have to completely change the way it runs offense, overnight, and Michigan's defense will have to take a massive step backward for the Spartans to move the ball with consistency.

For the year, 22.2 percent of MSU's offensive possession have reached the red zone (No. 117 nationally). Michigan's defense, meanwhile, has allowed offenses to reach the red zone on just 6.7 percent of their possessions. That's No. 1 nationally. Michigan State also ranks near the bottom nationally in number of possessions per game at 12.6 and near the bottom in average field position. MSU is No. 91 nationally in rush yards per game, Michigan's No. 4 nationally in rush defense. If numbers hold, this could be a great day for Michigan's defense and a long one for MSU's offense.

MSU's gotta hope that some long bombs get completed and LJ Scott can conjure something up himself.

Bill Connelly gets to talk about his numbers too. We've been doing it all year, and he joins the "holy crap, Michigan's defense in S&P+" brigade:

Def. S&P+ is presented in an adjusted points-per-game figure and is created from an opponent-adjusted mix of efficiency, explosiveness, finishing drives, turnover factors, and field position factors. Here are its top five defenses in the country:

5. Wisconsin (12.4 Adj. PPG)
4. Alabama (11.9)
3. Florida (11.3)
2. Clemson (11.0)
1. Michigan (0.8)


Yes, these numbers are adjusted for garbage time, so Jim Harbaugh’s general ruthlessnessisn’t giving the Wolverines an added statistical advantage.

Yes, these numbers are adjusted for opponent, though while Michigan’s schedule was supposedto be awful, it really hasn’t been; among Wolverine victims, Wisconsin is 10th in overall S&P+, Penn State is 16th, and Colorado is 17th.


[Eric Upchurch]

Jim Harbaugh is crazy part infinity. SBN notes that Harbaugh does things without knowing what the score is. Deadspin gets into Harbaugh's inability to let that fourth-quarter spot go, and I make note of the latter mostly to highlight a couple of comments. One:

When Tomsula wouldn’t let anything go, you called him a hoarder and impounded his car.


He was my daughter’s micro-soccer coach when she and his kid were 4 years old. He couldn’t have been nicer, more mellow, or better liked by the kids. He adapts to every situation to be great at whatever it is.

I almost don't want to believe the latter.

Baumgardner pokes the bear. Cumong man:

No disrespect, Michigan State, but Michigan's focused on bigger things for 2016

That's probably worth a field goal, that headline.

Harbaugh is worth it. Financially, things are going swimmingly:

U-M's overall revenue in spectator admissions increased to $45.1 million during the 2016 fiscal year, compared to $41.9 million in 2015. The $3.2 million increase was primarily due to an increase in football ticket demand, according to the financial analysis, which was approved by the U-M Board of Regents on Thursday, Oct. 20.

In comparison, spectator admissions decreased $8.3 million in 2015 due to a decrease in football, men's basketball and ice hockey admissions.

Overall, the athletic department saw an increase of $7.8 million to its net position for the fiscal year ending June 30, 2016, which is up from 2015's $1 million overall increase.

He literally pays for himself, and that's before various other application/donation things get factored in.

RIP Drew Sharp, troll. People should memorialize the dead as they knew them. Much of the Detroit media has done so in the case of Drew Sharp, who passed away at 56 this Friday. Those who knew him say he was a great and funny guy whose button-pushing writing shouldn't define the man, and I won't dispute that.

However, much of the memorializing has bothered me because it skips straight over the lasting fact of Drew Sharp's career: he was an unrepentant troll. There is a certain genre of newspaper columnist or radio talking head that is relentlessly negative because that's the only thing he can do that gets a reaction, and Sharp was Detroit's version. (There's one in every city.) He didn't have readers. He had marks.

His cynicism was breathtaking, and this was never more clear than in the immediate aftermath of Michigan signing Demar Dorsey. Sharp correctly diagnosed that circus as desperation on the part of Rich Rodriguez, but for the wrong reason. Dorsey was nowhere close to qualifying and never came close, spending his career at various vagabond stops en route to a brief Arena League career. It's a sad story about kids who come up rough and can't make it out.

Or, if you're Drew Sharp, it's an opportunity to bash a teenager who ended up in trouble:

MATT SHEPARD: "He was timed with a 4.4—"
SHARP: "Avoiding police."

SHEPARD: "That happened when he was 16 and he was acquitted.
SHARP: "I wonder if that was because he was a high profile recruit. Hmm. I wonder. … OJ got acquitted. Being acquitted doesn't mean you're innocent."

That's the only thing he ever did that made me legitimately angry; the rest of it was eye-rolling at his transparent attempts to troll people. I only knew his writing, so I knew him as a man with contempt for everything and an utter lack of empathy.

Meanwhile his writing level and banter was barely above every message board's worst poster. Deadspin got its hands on a couple of his Brandon-esque emails some years back, and since those come through without the benefit of seven layers of editing they're the clearest picture of his talent as a writer.

Does the little baby need a pacifier?
Yeah, Detroit needs writers that makes excuses for the city and simply tell the idiots in this town just want to hear.
They've been doing that for 30 years in this town and that's a big reason why Detroit is swirling down the toilet.
Oh, I'm sorry...that's not a "happy feel good story" is it?

He had none. Drew Sharp's death is a loss to those who knew him. His career is his career, though, and shouldn't be viewed through sepia-tinged glasses. It says something that most of the newspaper obits start with "if you look past the thing he did every day for the last 30 years, he was a great guy." Mmmhmm.

Etc.: Nebraska regent reacts to players' kneeling protest badly. Nobody on the NTDP is a first round lock this year but two Michigan commits are candidates. Hockey also picked up a commit from D Mike Vukojevic, a potential first round OHL draft pick. Brendan Quinn on Xavier Simpson.  Kill 'em with kindness. Also your DL.

MGoPodcast 8.8: The Situation Trophy

MGoPodcast 8.8: The Situation Trophy

1 hour and 17 minutes


[Eric Upchurch]


A big thanks to our sponsors. The show is presented by UGP & Moe's and frankly would not be happening without them; Rishi and company have been on board here from almost the beginning. Shopping with them helps us and supports good dudes. Check out the new Bo Store on Main.

Our other sponsors are also key in the expanding empire: thanks to Homesure Lending, Ann Arbor Elder Law, Liz Crowe, the Residence Inn Ann Arbor Downtown, the University of Michigan Alumni Association, Michigan Law Grad, Tailgater Concierge, and debuting this week, Deo Bookkeeping, in the darkness.

1. Offense

starts at 1:00

Higdon is better than Weber. That unstoppable offset draw. Braden at left tackle. Speight puts himself back on the Rudock trajectory. A wild Wheatley touchdown appears.

2. Defense

starts at 22:15

Eh, it was the usual. Hurst bellyrub and the likeability factor, Glasgow running a quarterback out of bounds for no gain. Nitpicks: Metellus suspectedon the Turner catch over Gedeon, Winovich blamed for that one long run, and random chance finally answering a prayer blamed for the TD.

3. Fifteen minutes of giggling over Ohio State

starts at 36:44

This was an upset, but lol: Ohio State has a loss—kick six part of an uncharacteristic special teams meltdown. Barrett shut down as a runner.

4. Talking Big Ten With Jamie Mac

starts at 52:38

Perry Hills: no picks! Funniest part of MSU-Maryland? Eastern Michigan is ahead of Michigan State in S&P+ rankings. Iowa could backdoor cover that 7-win threshold this year with a bowl win. Wisconsin appears to be legit; Nebraska hasn’t really paid anyone. Clayton Thorson: unstoppable throw god 2.0; Austin Carr could have something to do with that. Lagow took the chaos out of chaosteam; their right tackle is a problem spot. Rutgers-Minnesota was an even game. Commissioning Rivalry Trophy for Rutgers-MSU.


  • “I Want to Go Back to Michigan”—UM Marching Band
  • “I Want to Go Back to Michigan”—Judy Garland
  • “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”
  • “Across 110th Street”


MGoRadio 2.4: A Cheese Called Dave

MGoRadio 2.4: A Cheese Called Dave

1 hour 39 minutes

CtofvSeXEAARJBy (1)

This was recorded before a live retail audience at Moe Sport Shops, 711 North University. Come by every Friday before a game to partake. For Homecoming we’re going to do it at the new Bo Store!

Special guests this week: Steve Lorenz of 247 sports, author John U. Bacon, who will have the afterword to Endzone very soon, Moe’s co-owner Rishi Narayan, and Liz Marek from Think Pink Go Blue with a word about Ann Arbor businesses’ work for breast cancer awareness month.


A big thanks to our sponsors. The show is presented by UGP & Moe's and frankly would not be happening without them; Rishi and company have been on board here from almost the beginning. Shopping with them helps us and supports good dudes. Check out their new Bo Store on Main.

Our other sponsors are also key in the expanding empire: thanks to Homesure Lending, Ann Arbor Elder Law, Liz Crowe, the Residence Inn Ann Arbor Downtown, the University of Michigan Alumni Association, Michigan Law Grad, Defensive Drivers Group, and Tailgater Concierge, who’s throwing us a tailgate tomorrow at 1300 S. Main (across the street from the stadium) to benefit Marlin Jackson’s Fight for Life Foundation.


1a. Upon Further Review Recap

starts at 1:00

Penn State is pretty bad. Let’s talk to Steve!

1b. Across the Crooked Blue Line, with Steve Lorenz

starts at 10:15

Big recruiting weekend with a lot of top targets and most of the commits in town. May not result in instant commits but should move the needle and set them up for a good finish in February. Michigan hopes to flip two Don Brown guys, a BC commit with similar measurables to Luigi Vilain and a Khaleke Hudson-ish SAM who was committed to Penn State.

3. After Endzone, with John U. Bacon

starts at 34:56

He’s not Dave, for one. Neither is Ace. Also our very visual podcast discusses what happens to Brian’s hair when he puts a headset on. ALSO Bacon discusses how Les Miles was viewed inside Schembechler Hall under various administrations, and reveals Harbaugh’s plans to maybe explore an NFL job after he’s dead.

4. Gimmicky Top Five: Favorite Cheeses

starts at 1:03:11

Brian insisted. With special guest Rishi Narayan, co-owner of UGP and Moe’s.

5. Wisconsin Preview and Think Pink

starts at 1:14:54

The Legend of Three Sack Jack is told. Michigan faces the linebacker version of its own defensive line—minus their Glasgow—and a very good secondary so it might take some shenanigans to move the ball against them. But their offense isn’t nearly as scary.

Also Liz Marek joined us to talk about what Ann Arbor businesses are doing for Breast Cancer Awareness.


"Seas of Cheese"—Primus
"Hip Hop Saved My Life"—Lupe Fiasco
"Where'd the Cheese Go"—Ween
"Across 110th Street"


Upon Further Review 2016: Offense vs Penn State

Upon Further Review 2016: Offense vs Penn State

Submitted by Brian on September 29th, 2016 at 3:49 PM


SPONSOR NOTES: I feel I should start talking about the other clothing items that are completely optional when you get a mortgage from Matt. Bowler hats, because who wears those anymore? T-shirts expounding bands you're embarrassed you ever liked—I bet Seth's got some Barenaked Ladies shirts he doesn't wear around the house that he can get a loan while not wearing.

In addition to being a gentleman replete with Michigan tickets, Matt is also a good man to know if you need a mortgage. It's striking that we actually get non-astroturfed comments about positive experiences with Matt not infrequently.

If you're buying a home or refinancing, he's the right guy to call.

FORMATION NOTES: Not too much other than some extra empty stuff. This was "quad tight bunch." In my world a bunch is three guys and I'll tell you if it's not.

 ace empty quad

This was "ace empty TE hide":


Newsome is in the slot with Butt your nominal left tackle.  This is obviously a stunt to get Butt open, and it worked.

PERSONNEL NOTES: The OL battle seems settled, as Braden got every snap with the first team. Early Bredeson playing time probably injury-related. Speight obviously went the whole way.

Despite the profusion of RBs getting carries, Smith still got about 60% of the snaps, with Higdon, Isaac, and Evans splitting the rest about equally. Darboh and Butt were the most frequently deployed receiver types; Chesson got exactly half the 80 snaps before the second string came in. (Remember that he missed a chunk of the game after he got dinged up on Higdon's first run.) Asiasi got 36, as Bunting went out with an injury early. Grant Perry got 25 snaps; Crawford 16, McDoom 8.

[After THE JUMP: cruelty.]

Upon Further Review 2016: Defense vs Penn State

Upon Further Review 2016: Defense vs Penn State

Submitted by Brian on September 28th, 2016 at 3:16 PM


SPONSOR NOTES: Getting a mortgage with Matt is a matter of collecting your documents, getting them uploaded to the secure server, and then checking out a set of rates while wearing whatever you want, like pants. Or... not pants.

In addition to being a gentleman replete with Michigan tickets, Matt is also a good man to know if you need a mortgage. It's striking that we actually get non-astroturfed comments about positive experiences with Matt not infrequently.

If you're buying a home or refinancing, he's the right guy to call.

FORMATION NOTES: Okay. Breaking things into front and cover look seems to be mostly functional. By "press" I mean that the two outside corners are in press. Usually the slots are still a number of yards off. This was a 4-2-5 package. The front is nickel over—Peppers is playing S and the line slides towards the run strength—and the cover look was press two high:

press two high

Goal line package was called 4-4 press zero:

press zero

When Michigan went to a dime package they had a couple of different approaches. This is a 3-man front like you'd see in a 3-4 with OLBs flanking it and just one ILB:

3-3 split

I called this front 3-3 split. They also did some wacky stuff, like putting all three DL to one side of the line:

heavy slide 3-3-5

"Heavy slide 3-3-5." Taco Charlton, the nominal nose tackle, will help tackle an outside run to the top of the field.

And as a reminder I'm lumping all fronts with a bunch of dudes at the LOS under "okie":


BTW, "half press" or "off" looks are usually zone so far.

PERSONNEL NOTES: Just 57 defensive snaps and a ton of rotation on the DL. Charlton seems all the way back and in fact took the most of any DL(39); Godin, Glasgow, Hurst, Wormley, and Gary all had around 30. Winovich got 22.

The two ILBs got every snap until the final drive; McCray was lifted a few times when Michigan went to passing down packages. Furbush debuted for the final two drives. Stribling, Hill, Peppers, Thomas, and Lewis were near-omnipresent. Clark got just 15 snaps before his exit; Kinnel got 23.

[After THE JUMP: this is turning into the usual Penn State game.]

One Frame At A Time: Penn State

One Frame At A Time: Penn State

Submitted by Ace on September 27th, 2016 at 4:45 PM

"I've been thinking a lot about this over the last four, five, six weeks," Harbaugh said after No. 4 Michigan's win. "Because I am the football coach doesn't mean I can dictate to people what they believe. I support our guys. I think this is something, it's not going away, it's gonna keep happening."

Jim Harbaugh didn't know ahead of time about the pregame display of unity and strength by members of the football team, but hearing his postgame comments, it's clear his players have his full support. That became even more important yesterday, when racist propaganda was posted around campus, prompting a denouncement of the fliers from the University and a protest at the Fishbowl.

I know how our readers feel about getting politics mixed with their sports, so I'll keep this brief, though as Harbaugh said, this isn't something that's going away. As a human being, I was horrified to see what appeared on campus yesterday; as a Michigan grad, I could not be more proud of the actions and statements from the players, the support and response from the program, and the swift action taken by many on campus. I hope we can all agree that hate has no home at U-M. For far more nuanced thoughts on this, I strongly encourage you to read these pieces by MTV News's Jane Coaston, a Michigan grad, and SBNation's Spencer Hall.

And now, let's see that ref take a football to the face again.

[Hit THE JUMP for the Penn State game in GIFs.]

Monday Presser 9-26-16: Players

Monday Presser 9-26-16: Players

Submitted by Adam Schnepp on September 27th, 2016 at 2:00 PM



Ben Braden and Khalid Hill

Ben, you struggled with injuries in the early going. How are you doing now and how did you feel on Saturday?

“Feeling really good. Saturday was a good feeling being able to go through a whole game. I feel solid. Yeah, it was a rough start in the beginning but the training staff’s been great and all my teammates have been really encouraging. Physically, I feel great. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

The whole team, it seemed like, gathered around Jeremy. How tough is it to see someone like that suffer a season-ending injury?

KH: “I feel like it was real tough to see Jeremy go down. He’s like my brother and to see him fall down--I’ve dealt with the same injury he has, and to be in a game in your fifth year, it’s not how you want to go out. I wanted to shed a tear with him when he was on the field and went to him and told him everything was going to be okay, if he needed me I’d be there for him.”

BB: “Yeah, being the same class as Jeremy, you see that and…I was speechless watching it because he’s worked so hard since he’s been here, and to have something like that happen, I feel for him and his family. Anything he needs, the whole team will be there for him.”

Khalid, it wasn’t this particular game but the game against Colorado, what’s your reaction when you’re going out to block on the edge and you see a defensive back turn away from you and want no part of you?

“I mean, it’s sometimes funny because they act like they want to hit me and then they run away. When you see a big guy coming, I mean, you try to get around him or attempt to run back, but it’s whatever, you know. I don’t like when they chop me, but it’s cool.”

[Hit THE JUMP for more]

2016 Week Four CFB Bullets

2016 Week Four CFB Bullets

Submitted by Alex Cook on September 27th, 2016 at 11:12 AM


[Gina Ferazzi – LA Times]

It seems like the season just started, but we’re already in thick of conference play – the SEC had three ranked-vs-ranked matchups (and two wound up being blowouts), the Big Ten had an important cross-divisional game between Michigan State and Wisconsin – a rousing Badger win – and there were some interesting results in the Pac-12. In the end, there weren’t any major upsets near the top, leaving the playoff picture much the same as it was before the weekend. Despite the uncompetitive nature of some of Week Four’s best fixtures, college football still managed to produce its share of exciting games, as always.


--- Perhaps we should expect STANFORD to be capable of some brutish, low-scoring slobberknockers, but it was still disorienting to see a Pac-12 game with such little offense; the Cardinal defeated UCLA 22-13 after a late touchdown drive to notch their first trip to the end zone of the day (a scoop-and-score on the game’s last play took the score from 16-13 to the final margin). David Shaw’s game management was again questionable: Stanford got the ball with about six and a half minutes left and took almost two minutes to go three-and-out and punt on 4th-and-1, even though they have one of the best backs in the country in Christian McCaffery (and they even somehow wasted a timeout in that sequence).The conservative strategy wound up working out – UCLA wasn’t able to salt the game away with first downs, Stanford got the ball back, and, looking like a completely new offense, marched down the field for the game-winning touchdown with 24 seconds left. McCaffery was largely held in check by the Bruin defense, turning in 138 yards on 26 carries. UCLA has now lost eight in a row to Stanford.

[more on the week that was after the JUMP]

One-Play One-on-One: Khalid Hill

One-Play One-on-One: Khalid Hill

Submitted by Adam Schnepp on September 27th, 2016 at 10:03 AM

29276242034_1587be708e_z (2)


This week I talked to Khalid Hill about his first-quarter touchdown, which came on fourth-and-goal from the Penn State one-yard line. The goal-to-go sequence was set up after Hill caught a pass from Speight on third down at the Penn State 17 and rumbled to the three-yard line. A one-yard loss on first down, incomplete pass on second down, and two-yard pass on third down set up Hill’s fourth-down carry. Check out the GIF at the bottom of the post to see exactly how the run unfolded.

Penn State’s defense had only faced one other fourth-and-goal this year, and even then they kicked it. I’m guessing with their personnel changes at linebacker and all there wasn’t a whole lot of film on how they were going to line up, especially with you guys split so tight. How tough does that make it when there’s not much film to refer to for what a defense is going to do?

“You kind of can figure out what they’re going to do as the game goes on. We do a good job of communicating to our coaches what we see on the field and what we might see, so our coaches do a great job of gameplanning and putting in what they think might be on the field so we have a similar image of what might be on the field.

“Like, on that goal-line play we ran the ball and we knew what they were going to be in. The one thing we didn’t know was that they were going to be knifing their ends in. When the thought went in to run the ball for the touchdown they were setting the knife on the edge, so I kinda knew once I got the ball I was going to press the line of scrimmage, make the linebackers bite, make the D-ends knife in, and then bounce to the outside, and that’s what I did and found a hole in the end zone. Coaches do a great job of trying to figure out what they might do, do a great job of finding film of what they might do and research on coaches and stuff like that.”

With the presnap motion and Asiasi going back and forth there, it looked like the defensive back might have overreacted after he ran to the middle. Did he get one gap too far outside?

“I wouldn’t say that. I think he moved right to where Asiasi wanted him, because he was able to kick him out where I could find a hole right inside of him. I mean, we have so much motion and stuff like that at the goal line that teams tend to do that. Certain teams tend to overrun stuff and have a hard time getting back, so we catch them in a mess-up and find a hole and get in the end zone. That’s what basically it does. We do motions to see what they’re in, to see whether they’re in man or a certain blitz or something. If that was a mess-up on his part it worked out for me.”

Related to what you were saying before, on this particular play the defensive tackle knifed inside and you were about to get engulfed. Before a play, do you know sort of ‘if X happens, I’m going to bounce to here’ or do you see a guy in front of you and just go wherever you see daylight? 

“Pretty much I was in my stance and they shifted. The D-tackle shifted outside, and I was going to hit it where he was. At first he was right over—inside, if there was hole in front of Kalis I was going to run at Kalis and just sort of push Kalis but he moved out, and I was like, Okay, it’s going to be either I run straight ahead or I’m going to bounce it.’

“Like Coach says, just follow your tracks and your tracks will take you where you want to be. But also following your tracks will put defenders in a spot that they don’t want to be in, because, like I said, if I ran straight ahead the backers came down and got Ty. Tyrone Wheatley Jr. did a great job of collecting the backer, and I was able to go around him and get in the end zone. Asiasi did a great job of kicking out the corner or whoever that was on the outside and I was able to find a hole.”

What’s harder: scoring on a dive or finding the right GIF to respond to Stribling or McCray or Dawson?

[/laughs] “Finding the right gif to respond to those guys, man. It was actually crazy. When we first found out GIFs were a part of twitter we just went on a rampage. It was funny. Actually, on the iOS10 I can have gifs on my phone, so we’ll just be texting them to each other. It’s crazy. I’ll show you. [/takes his phone out and opens a text chain] Like if you press this you got gifs already here like a message board. So yeah, it’s cool.”

I’ve gotta download this tonight. So, if you keep getting in the end zone, are we going to see a touchdown dance? As one of the original members of the running man challenge group [Michigan edition], it seems like--

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I said it last week but on the first play of the game I gave up a sack for a touchdown and Wilton got hit pretty hard. I made it my business this week to come out and produce quick, off the bat, to get the first catch and take it down to the goal line. I thought we were going to score after that so I was like, I didn’t score but at least I contributed. Coach said ‘Hey’ and called me and I scored, and I was just so relieved that I was like, ahhhh, let me celebrate with my teammates. I don’t want to get flagged, but you got a dance coming soon. You got a dance coming soon. Everybody, my boys back home and everybody’s like, ‘Why you ain’t dancing? You love dancing!’ You’ll see something soon.”


Goth James Franklin Eats Some Arby's

Goth James Franklin Eats Some Arby's

Submitted by Brian on September 26th, 2016 at 12:47 PM

9/24/2016 – Michigan 49, Penn State 10 – 4-0, 1-0 Big Ten


[Bryan Fuller]

Two years ago this game featured Dennis Norfleet dancing, a lot of bad football, and a series of increasingly boggling in-game decisions. Brady Hoke and James Franklin engaged in bad decision tennis, lobbing ever more ludicrous balls over the net and daring the opposition to top it. There was no winner—there is never a winner in bad decision tennis—but Michigan did not lose. They won the game, and the tennis match was called on account of forgetting to breathe sometimes.

Fast forward two years and things are a little different for one of these teams. Jim Harbaugh's taking timeout in case Jabrill Peppers can get a punt return in and asking to review a legitimately dodgy fourth-down spot despite being up a gorillion; James Franklin sees a fourth and goal from the two down 28-0 and decides on a field goal... wait, no, he's taking a timeout because he realizes that is a terrible decision. And now he's sending out...

Still the field goal team.


So this is a dumb fake—nope they kicked it.

Now they are down four scores, which is a notable improvement from being down four scores. James Franklin has lobbed this one good and high. This is an Eschaton-worthy parabola.

After they kicked it the camera cut to Jim Harbaugh on the sidelines, looking equal parts perplexed and offended on behalf of the game of football:

I had a similar look on my face. This is not good hard friendly competition. This was turtling. Signaled by their coach, Penn State promptly laid down. According to Wilton Speight, Michigan ran the same play eight consecutive times at one point Saturday. While that doesn't seem 100% accurate—there was a sweep in there—the bit in the box score where Penn State lays itself on the altar and hands the squiggly knife to Harbaugh is obvious:


Franklin told them to quit and they quit. I'm not surprised. One year ago this column was all about how pleasant it was to watch a Penn State game and not be stupefied by the things occurring in front of my face, and Penn State's held up its end of the bargain in that department over the last few years.

But I am also kind of surprised that James Franklin, who made Vanderbilt decent, would just roll over and die. You'd think that the kind of person who could stare the history of Vandy football in the face and make the Commodores one of the feistiest teams in the country would at least spit in his executioner's eye, for what little that would help him. Not today, and thus Michigan entered to the "win with cruelty" portion of the proceedings.

And, lo, it was cruel. Michigan acquired 13 tackles for loss and six sacks; they ran for over 300 yards with a carousel of running backs. Michigan threw to Eddie McDoom with less than half the fourth quarter to go, because a rep is a rep is a rep. It's not that Michigan was trying to embarrass or humiliate Penn State; it's just that they didn't care if that happened. Lo, it did. Meanwhile across the country in Autzen Stadium, a Colorado quarterback who was 0/7 with –4 rushing yards last week was spearheading a stunning upset by accounting for 500 yards of offense by himself.

Remember spinning around in circles about this defense last week? You should continue doing that, but for the opposite reason. Lost in the piles of viscera that are all that remain of the Penn State offense: PSU was an efficient, prolific offensive team headed into this game, with 39 and 34 points the last two weeks. It was even one seemingly well-suited to mitigate Michigan's advantages, with Trace McSorley throwing a ton of passes close to the line of scrimmage and completing 80% of them.

It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. James Franklin woke up this morning in a Cure shirt and eyeliner, because halfway through a game against Michigan he decided life wasn't worth living anymore. Just, like, whatever, man. Three points, seven points. It all leads to one place: the grave. First, Arby's. Then the grave. 



MGoVideo has some other highlight reels if you don't have time for the above.





Known Friends And Trusted Agents Of The Week

you're the man now, dog

It was this kind of game:

#1 (tie) Chris Wormley, Maurice Hurst, and Taco Charlton nose ahead of everyone else on a defensive line that set the tone early and never let up, racking up six sacks and a trajillion TFLs. Hurst turned in the most impressive individual play of the day when he came from a nose tackle spot all the way around a guard and got in McSorley's business for a sack; Wormley was the most consistent entrant into the backfield, and Charlton's return helped seal the rush lanes that UCF exploited shut. Also he got a sack and a half. Welcome back.

#2 (tie) De'Veon Smith and Ty Isaac and Karan Higdon and Chris Evans were all between good an excellent as they combined for 40 carries for 318 yards, with seemingly nobody getting consecutive carries. Each guy ripped off a 20+ yard run; each guy made big chunks of yards for himself with good vision or broken tackles. Easy sledding but Michigan maximized their opportunities in ways that had not always been the case early this year.

#3 Ben Gedeon was the closest thing to a one on one matchup Michigan had with Saquon Barkley and that went all right. Gedeon tracked PSU RBs in space repeatedly, had a couple of impressive sideline-to-sideline tackles, and got in the backfield for 1.5 TFLs amongst his 11 total tackles. Barkley got his yards mostly on screens and shovels and the like, a couple of them on Gedeon. This was still a win against one of the top backs in the country.

Honorable mention: The right side of the offensive line was the main area Michigan attacked on the ground. Khalid Hill had another solid all-round FB performance. Channing Stribling and Jourdan Lewis helped shut down the PSU receivers on the rare occasions PSU managed to target them.

KFaTAotW Standings.

5: Jabrill Peppers(T2, Hawaii; #3 UCF, #1 Colorado).
3: Mike McCray(#1, Hawaii), Wilton Speight (#1 UCF).
2: Ryan Glasgow(#2 UCF), Jake Butt(#2 Colorado), Ben Gedeon(#3 Colorado, #3 PSU).
1: Delano Hill (T2, Hawaii), Chris Evans (T3, Hawaii, four-way T2, PSU), Chris Wormley (three-way T1, PSU), Maurice Hurst (three-way T1, PSU), Taco Charlton(three-way T1, PSU).
0.5: Mason Cole(T3, Hawaii), De'Veon Smith (four-way T2, PSU), Ty Isaac (four-way T2, PSU), Karan Higdon(four-way T2, PSU).

Who's Got It Better Than Us Of The Week

This week's best thing ever.

Taco Charlton and Chris Worley combine to sack Trace McSorley on the third play from scrimmage:

That set up the ensuing Peppers punt return and was an emphatic declaration of the way the game was going to go.

Honorable mention: Karan Higdon rips off an offset draw touchdown; Peppers decoy sends Smith into the secondary, where he goes stomp. Any one of Michigan's 12(!!!) other TFLs. Peppers returns a punt and windmills down to the nine.


Hawaii: Laughter-inducing Peppers punt return.
UCF: Speight opens his Rex Grossman account.
Colorado: Peppers cashes it in.
PSU: Wormley's sack establishes a theme.


This week's worst thing ever.

Jeremy Clark ends a kickoff return on the ground, writhing, and is almost certainly lost for the year.

Honorable mention: Michigan fails to gain every yard available to them when Jehu Chesson drops a ball on fourth and two.


Hawaii: Not Mone again.
UCF: Uh, Dymonte, you may want to either tackle or at least lightly brush that guy.
Colorado: Speight blindsided.
PSU: Clark's noncontact ACL injury.

[After THE JUMP: Speight is still on his fourth-down scramble.]