2012

Sponsor Note: I can't get Matt Demorest of HomeSure Lending to sit down for a beer recently because rates recently dropped to the lowest they've been since 2015-'16. If you bought or financed your house in the last year or so, for some reason Matt would rather personally handling whether a refinance now can save you some coin than listen to me be mopey about football and hockey.

He also stepped up to buy us some new equipment and cover the hosting (and host) costs for Sap and I to launch our new podcast, The Teams (first episode here) where we cover one historical Michigan football season per episode. In the process we had to go through a lot of historical teams. Since I have to do the research anyway, I figured I would turn it into some offseason #content you can flip through while Matt is working on your loan.

A Tournament of Great Michigan Football Teams Past

Mostly I wanted a way to have something about all these teams in the blog history. I went with an NCAA basketball-style tournament to keep it interesting as we go. I'll take a few games per episode, pit two great teams against each other, and eulogize the loser. The seeding went like a committee might: more wins, big wins, big postseason wins etc. count, and national champs are treated like conference champs. Since football's gotten harder to win over the years, further back in time means weaker SOS, relegating Bo teams from the Big 2 Little 8 Era to low majors, etc.

We'll start today with the play-in round.

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16th Seed Game 1: 1885 vs. 1895

Worthy though they were, Horace G. Prettyman's squad would have gaped at the advancements in the game and Michigan's program just a decade later. Backed by hundreds of dollars raised from the students themselves, and organized by a man who would do more than anyone else to build a premier athletics program at the University of Michigan, the 1895 team would steamroll their forebears, then everyone would go down to Hangsterfer's Saloon (a Mongolian BBQ today) for drinks and songs. 1895 wins 42-2.

The 1895s advance to take on Charles Woodson and the 1997 team. Maybe they can get Prettyman back?

[After THE JUMP: About the 1885 team, and a few more like this]

Two photos by Upchurch made into one.

I've been spending much of the last week going through last year's photos by Eric Upchuch (ChewerD on the site) to find the good stuff for this year's HTTV. Ninety-five percent just gets deleted, several hundred make it to folders I can access for various players and stuff. Then there's the shots and sequences that I can't, for whatever reason, use in the book but can't in good conscious throw out. So here you go.

NOTRE DAME:

You know those guys who stick their heads in lions' mouths? We've got a cameraman who'll stick his lens inches from Jake Ryan. Peer into the soul of the Viking.

[The rest after THE JUMP]

PREVIOUSLY in this vehicle where we draft Big Ten players and make fun of each other:

Rounds 1-3: We are summoned by Brian and duly take all the quarterbacks before he can draft one.

Rounds 4-7: Suddenly Heiko goes full Millen with the receivers

Rounds 8-12: Seth nabs Kovacs, Brian gets revenge.

Rounds 13-17: We all start reaching for Wolverines HARD.

Rounds 18-22: Doctor Vorax is revealed.

The teams are defended, readers vote, pre-season All Big Ten Team is chosen, receivers are lamented, Googledoc spreadsheet of handiness is created, offense/defense at the midpoint.

Your bloggers are rejoined at the conclusion of the 2012-'13 season in the conference room of a fictional paper company in Scranton, Pa., the "Electric City." A man in a brown suit enters, smelling of beets…

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Good morning, [makes quote fingers] M-Go [/fingers] Editorial Team,

It's a new year, which means it's time for your annual performance reviews. Since your office manager is not here at this moment, I Dwight Schrute, have taken it upon myself to uphold and undertake this most sacred of office rites.

Who am I? Well I'm the assistant manager of MGoBlog. I've been Brian's #2 man since 2005. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like a cross between Mozart and Greg Mattison. And I’m like…um…Mattison's friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Brian is like Wolfgang Amadeus Greg Mattison Beilein Iron Man Schembechler. You try and hurt Brian? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

Unfortunately you bloggers were too incompetent to keep any records, thus I was sadly left with only one comparative metric by which to base any raises or bonuses. You see it seems earlier this year you all picked fantasy teams of Big Ten players as a way of getting out of writing a real pre-season all-conference article. You called it the "Draft-o-Snark," and thought it was pretty funny. Well who's. laughing. now?

Oohh didn't take it seriously? Greg Davis was coaching some of your players? A med student ran off with all the other quarterbacks before you thought take one? Boo. Frickin. Hoo. FACT: if a bear is attacking you and the only way you can defeat it is by driving 80 yards for a touchdown, the bear doesn't care if your only QB was turned into a tailback by an ulnar nerve compression. Because he's a bear.

THE TEAMS:

Pos	The Aceconsin Cheesebenders:	Brian Cook's Flyin' Zooks:	Dr Heiko and the mad fitzmillens:	Seth's Smurfy Spread n smurfs:
QB	J. Vandenberg, IA	N Scheelhaase, ILL	B. Miller, OSU	D. Robinson*, M
RB	Montee Ball, WIS†	LeVeon Bell, MSU†	T. Martinez*, NEB	R. Burkhead, NEB
Swing	James White, WIS	Fitz Toussaint, M	James Morris*, IA	J. Gallon, M†
WR	Devin Smith, OSU	J Abbrederis, WIS	Kyle Prater, NW	Kenny Bell, NEB†
	Kain Colter, NW	Martin-Manley, IA	D. Gardner*, M	R. Roundtree, M
	Keenan Davis, IA	M. Gray, MIN	D. Arnett, MSU	Kofi Hughes, IND
TE	Stoneburner, OSU	C. Fiedorowicz, IA	Dion Sims, MSU	J. Pedersen, WIS
OT	R. Wagner, WIS	Taylor Lewan, M	Fou Fonoti, MSU	M. Schofield, M
	Havenstein, WIS	J. Mewhort, OSU	Ben Cotton*, NEB	J. Sirles, NEB
C	T. Frederick, WIS	Stankiewich, PSU	B. Vitabile, NW	James Ferentz, IA
OG	S. Long, NEB	Ryan Groy, WIS	Patrick Ward, NW	Graham Pocic, ILL
	Brian Mulroe, NW	C. McDonald, MSU	P. Omameh, M	Ricky Barnum, M
DT	Ondre Pipkins, M	Beau Allen, WIS	Jordan Hill, PSU	J. Hankins, OSU
	Will Campbell, M	A. Spence, ILL	Steinkuhler, NEB	K. Short, PUR
DE	C. Meredith, NEB	R. Hageman, MIN	Craig Roh, M	Marcus Rush, MSU
	W. Gholston, MSU	John Simon, OSU	M. Buchanan, ILL	L.Thomas*, MSU
LB	M. Mauti, PSU	D. Morgan, M	M. Bullough, MSU	W. Compton, NEB
	Mike Taylor, WIS	D. Allen, MSU	K. Demens, M	G. Hodges, PSU†
	C. Borland, WIS	Jake Ryan, M	R. Shazier, OSU†	J. Brown, ILL
S	Supo Sanni, ILL	D. Stafford, NEB	C.J. Barnett, OSU	Jordan Kovacs, M
	I. Campbell, NW	C. Bryant, OSU	Isaiah Lewis, MSU	T. Gordon, M
CB	J. Adams, MSU	B. Roby, OSU	J.T. Floyd, M	J. Johnson, PUR
	R. Allen, PUR	T. Hawthorne, ILL	D. Dennard, MSU	Micah Hyde, IA
	C. Avery, M	B. Countess, M	C. Norman*, MSU	Stoudermire, MIN
K	Dan Conroy, MSU	Mitch Ewald, IND	Brett Maher, NEB	Drew Basil, OSU
P	C. Webster, PUR	A. Maxwell*, MSU	D. O'Brien*, WIS	B. Buchanan, OSU

* Player out of position (e.g. half of Heiko's team). Bolded dudes = consensus All Big Ten picks from us. † = All-B1G tie.

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Question number…the first. Pick a player nobody drafted whom you should have. Any Wolverines? [we split these up so we don't all shout "ROBINSON…NOT THAT ROBINSON!"]

: You mean Allen Robinson of Penn State who led the conference in like every receiving category whom nobody thought to take despite like 13 receivers being drafted?

Never heard of him.

: I would have made up a rule to prevent Heiko from taking Taylor Martinez with his second pick. And... um. Oh God. I would take Matt McGloin instead of Scheelaase. BIG TENNN. Penn State's Kyle Carter was instantly the best TE in the league, though I blame Greg Davis for assassinating Iowa's passing game for part of that, and Venric Mark was both an All-American punt returner and an incredibly dangerous plain ol' running back.

: We also managed to overlook an impact defensive lineman from an unlikely source—Minnesota's D.L. Wilhite, who tallied 8.5 sacks this year, just 0.5 off the conference lead. Quinton Washington is the clear candidate for overlooked Wolverine.

: We probably dipped too far into the Michigan well to be honest, though Roundtree is 100% worth it if the only catch he made all year was the Northwestern one.

I made Heiko cover Allen Robinson so he could stew over all the useless receivers he drafted early. Also so I could cover Nebraska's senior DE Eric Martin, whom his teammates call "Caveman" because he burrows under offensive like he does bloggers' metaphorical radars. The senior had 56 tackles, 16 for loss, and 8.5 sacks and an additional 14 hurries, not to mention batting down a bunch of passes (amazing since he's only 6'2) and once hitting Russell Bellomy so hard it crushed my soul. I wish to Denard I'd decided to draft him instead of...

Now you jump, when I say.