Dear Diary in Masterpiece Theater

Dear Diary in Masterpiece Theater

Submitted by Seth on September 21st, 2012 at 8:27 AM

ndimagesTOPPER

It's strange that Notre Dame is considering giving this up for more Syracuse and stuff. In the relatively short time since bringing this thing back, it accounts for some of the greatest moments of the season's first quarter. It's Remy Hamilton, and Desmond laying out for a 4th down dagger, and time running out at the 11, and Denard going DENNIS BERGKAMP! (compare to Wheatley with a crease), and several more increasingly preposterous ways to beat them by 4. Even when it's terrible, it's crazy-ass yakety-sax in a freshman quarterback terrible. And oh, TD Jesus knows this rivalry has seen its freshman quarterbacks, from Henne, to the stork-off of 2007, to The Jedi of Moxie, and now the Golson Show. So whether you're making the drive to South Bend or the walk to your living room, start off with a stroll through inthebluelot et al.'s special gallery of Great Images from the Battle of the Winningests. Bonus 2012 exhibit: first blood Michigan.

Since we're leading with Best of the Board, here's the rest of that:

WORST QB PERFORMANCE OF ALL TIME?

3kHMrPSU 1003 JRH

The first two episodes of that famous M-ND saxophonic trilogy were submitted along with Bauserman, Buffalo's Alex Zordich last week (4-22 with 2 INTs), and "any game where Lovie Smith said 'Rex is our quarterback.'" #loldabears. Then came the Mathlete:

Pulled the old database up and Brian Luke from Kansas gets the worst showing at -28 in a 2005 game against Oklahoma. 11/30 86 yards, 3 INT and -40 yards rushing

Henne's 11/34 against Ohio in 2007 is Michigan's worst showing (-20), although if you adjust for defense, Nick Sheridan's 2008 against NW (-15) takes the cake.

Juice Williams narrowly edges out Henne for worst B1G game, with a -20 in 2008 against Penn St

If my fist had ever stopped shaking at 2007 it would start shaking again. The opposite side of this coin is the Charles Woodson vs. All Time Best NFL DBs thread.

ETC. Mgrowold (who's spending time in the pony box for illegal use of avatar), apparently has the right tailgate spot, since both Hoke and now Mattison have stopped by it. Adidas, which is supposed to be a friggin' soccer company, manages to totally biff the soccer uniforms. Ultimate UFR experience: offense, defense.

The diaries, after THE JUMP

Upon Further Review: Offense Vs. OSU

Upon Further Review: Offense Vs. OSU

Submitted by Brian on December 29th, 2007 at 6:01 PM

Just don't. I know it's here. That doesn't mean you have to read it. Every play found worthy has a video clip associated with it.

Ln Dn Ds Form Type Yards Player Brief
M20 1 10 Ace 3-Wide Pass Inc Manningham Bomb
OSU in a base set; Michigan gets tricky by not running zone left on the first play of the game. It's a straight go route and it's well covered and it's badly underthrown and to the inside and it is not, in fact, all that clever. (IN, 0, protection 2/2) Good coverage everywhere, btw.
M20 2 10 I-Form Run 6 Hart Draw
Neither is the second-and-ten draw particularly clever, and Ohio State has a safety rolled up so he's nearly in the box at the snap, and he's moving forward, and just... well. I think it's kind of fitting the Carr-Debord era ended with these two shocking playcalls Michigan had clearly set OSU up for all season – we run left first play always lol – and they just didn't work. Fish. Anyway, this probably shouldn't work but Mitchell (+1) gets a great, crushing block on his guy and drives him downfield and Laurinaitis gets caught up in wash he shouldn't and Hart has a seam.
M26 3 4 Shotgun 3-wide Pass Inc Manningham Circle
Or a zag or something. This doesn't actually have a circle but it's a slant-out, and it's open for the first down. Henne overthrows it. (IN, 1, protection 1/1)
Drive Notes: Punt, 0-0, 10 min 4th Q. This will quickly become the story of the day: Henne is just broken. Well. There are competing stories, the other being "AAARGH SCHILLING".
Ln Dn Ds Form Type Yards Player Brief
M36 1 10 Ace 3-Wide Pass 8 Manningham Out
Wide open out that should probably go for a first, looped out all Clausen-like, though, and kept down. Henne obviously has no arm strength. (CA-, 3, protection 1/1)
M44 2 2 ? Run 5 Hart ?
We miss this play recapping Michigan's season.
M49 1 10 Ace Twins Pass Inc McLaurin Waggle
Butler kept in to block on the waggle side, so Henne has plenty of time. He fires well high of a covered McLaurin, but it appeared everyone was completely covered and he had nowhere to go; the decision here was probably the best available: try to make a near-impossible throw to a well-covered guy. This is sad. (IN, 0, protection 1/1)
M49 2 10 Ace Twins Run 9 Hart Inside Zone
Very well blocked. Long crushes the nearside DT; Kraus gets his head across the weakside DT, and Boren, executing a zone double w/ Long, helps kick out the Dt then crushes Freeman. Hart bursts into the secondary, spinning through Freeman for near first-down yardage. (+1 for all! They're not tracked, but who cares!)
O42 3 1 I-Form Big Pass 5 Arrington Long handoff
Arrington's brought in motion and, as is often the case in these situations, the corner is forced to loop around his defense to follow and is not able to press at the LOS. This gets Arrington the room to catch this ball and make first-down yardage. I like this call and how aware it is of little football fobiles. (CA, 3)
O37 1 10 Ace Twins Run 6 Hart Iso
We come to this play late, but just in time to see it happen. Kraus(+1) is doubling a DT with Mitchell as two OSU LBs fire into the hole; Moundros chops Freeman as Kraus does a fantastic job to make a late peel and pick off Laurnaitis, allowing Hart a cutback lane behind him and a significant gain.
O31 2 4 Ace Pass 6 Butler Stop
A number of short zone stretch routes designed to pick up the first down by providing Henne easy targets; Butler comes open and Henne hits him. Ver' nice pickup from Hart on Gholston on a protection slide. (CA, 3 protection 1/1)
O25 1 10 I-Form Twins Run 12 Hart Inside Zone
I was informed by a couple people that the block previously termed "handoff" in a bit of made-up jargon was actually a "scoop" block; this is a scoop blocked play. Boren fires off in to the DT and hands him off to Kraus; Kraus then pounds the guy backwards. Mitchell(+1) gets a nice downfield cut on Freeman and once Hart pops through the scoop-created hole he's got room to motor.
O13 1 10 I-Form Twins Run -1 Hart Zone left
OSU blitzes right into this with perfect timing; Freeman into the backfield unblocked, forcing a cutback. Hart slips and falls; if he hadn't there was the possibility to pick up a few yards.
O14 2 11 I-Form Twins Pass -6 -- Sack
Gholston completely destroys Schilling(-3). Gholston then sacks. No chance for Henne, who would have had a shot at Arrington on a post for a TD otherwise. (PR, 0, protection 0/3)
O20 3 17 Shotgun 3-wide Pass 5 Butler TE Out
Pretty bad decision here spurred by an OSU blitz. It's picked up and there's man cover all over the field. Henne takes the dumpoff that gets Michigan very little. Tenuously CA, but suspicious. (CA-, 3, protection 3/3)
Drive Notes: FG, 3-0, 1 min 1st Q. Goodbye, scoring.
Ln Dn Ds Form Type Yards Player Brief
M18 1 10 Ace 3-Wide Run -1 Hart Zone counter
Difficult to tell what happens here, but Butler pulls around a la those plays against Oregon, but Hart does not cut back, instead running into Gholston, who's beaten Schillng at the line. Failure there was irrelevant though, as Freeman was unblocked due to the TE pull. Misread by Hart, IMO.
M17 2 11 Ace 3-Wide Pass Inc Manningham Out
Hart offset and Butler out wide; pass all the way. Henne throws an out to Tacopants that's nearly intercepted. It's at this point his ain't-rightness is an obvious factor. (IN, 0, protection 1/1)
M17 3 11 Shotgun 3-wide Pass -7 -- Sack
Long(-1) not infallible! OSU sends the two guys on the right side of the line on a late developing stunt that gets the DT in through a gap between Long and Boren. Falling, the DT sacks Henne, though he had time to survey the field for a bit previous. (TA, 0, protection 1/2)
Drive Notes: Punt, 3-0, 14 min 2nd Q.
Ln Dn Ds Form Type Yards Player Brief
M20 1 10 I-Form Big Run 3 Hart Zone left
OSU's DT shoots past Boren(-1); Hart manages to move past him. Mitchell's lost his block on the ba ckside, otherwise Hart might have a hole on the interior. As it is he's forced to run up Long's back a nd get what he can.
M23 2 7 I-Form Run 1 Hart Zone left
A late cut to the play because we're focused on the band. Anger! Hard to tell what happens as a result, but one of the OSU DTs has dove forward and taken out a couple of Michigan OL. Freeman is unblocked, and Hart gets nowhere.
M24 3 6 Shotgun 3-wide Pass 10 Manningham Comeback
This might have been an out or something. As it is, it's a comeback that floats out to Manningham. It's short; Manningham does a good job to dig it out. (CA-, 2, protection 2/2)
M34 1 10 Ace Run -10 (pen) Hart Zone left
I don't know what Hart's thinking here, as the Buckeye LB is clearly set up outside of Butler here and there's a potential lane to cut up in. He takes it outside, where Butler(-1) duly holds his guy, still doesn't block him very well. Washington comes up for the TFL.
M24 1 20 Ace 3-Wide Run 0 Hart Draw
Hey, guess who's not fooled even a little bit by this? Those guys. Freeman bolts into the backfield unblocked.
M24 2 20 Ace 3-Wide Pass Inc Manningham Out
Thrown well upfield and glances off Manningham's diving hand. (IN, 0, protection 1/1)
M24 3 20 Shotgun 3-wide Pass Inc -- Throwaway
Schilling(-2) owned by Gholston. Henne rolls out and throws it away. (PR, 0, protection 0/2)
Drive Notes: Punt, 3-7, 7 min 2nd Q.
Ln Dn Ds Form Type Yards Player Brief
M21 1 10 I-Form Twins Run 2 Hart FB Zone counter
We shoot the FB to the backside DE, so this is sort of a counter. Problem: eight guys in the box; Mitchell is blown back by the DT here, allowing Laurinaitis in unblocked; the eighth guy in the box comes through the weakside hole. Hart has nowhere to go.
M23 2 8 Ace 4-wide Pass 5 Manningham Out
Hart lined up at WR but motions in; M takes an out to Manningham. No zip on these. (CA-, 3, protection 1/1)
M28 3 3 Shotgun 3-wide Pass Inc -- Throwaway
Gholston owns Schilling(-2); Henne hit as he throws. (PR, 0, protection 0/2)
Drive Notes: Punt, 3-7, 3 min 2nd Q. Zoltan murders a punt.
Ln Dn Ds Form Type Yards Player Brief
50 1 10 Shotgun 3-wide Pass Inc Manningham Stop
Stop route right in Manningham's hands is dropped, though it was going for five at most as someone was shooting out into the flat. (CA, 3, protection 1/1)
50 2 10 Ace 3-Wide Pass 5 Mathews Circle
Completed for a decent gain, but again looped out and little YAC opportunity. We're also avoiding the middle of the field like whoah. (CA, 3, protection 2/2)
O45 3 5 Shotgun 3-wide Pass Inc Manningham Skinny post
Henne's best throw of the day so far, a skinny post that's a little behind Manningham but for good reason, as it needs to fit in a place in the zone. Eminently catchable all the same; Manningham drops it. (DO, 2, protection 2/2)
Drive Notes: Punt, 3-7, 2 min 2nd Q. A truly killer drop there, and a truly killer missed opportunity going into the half.
Ln Dn Ds Form Type Yards Player Brief
O36 1 10 Ace 3-Wide Pass Inc Manningham Out
Thrown late, giving Jenkins an opportunity to break on it, and sailed. (IN, 0, protection 2/2)
O36 2 10 Shotgun 3-wide Pass Inc -- Throwaway
Good protection; Henne pumps once then throws it to no one in particular. (TA, 0, protection 2/2)
O36 3 10 Shotgun 3-wide Pass 3 Manningham Drag
Checkdown; OSU has it well covered and there's no YAC. (CA, 3, protection 2/2)
Drive Notes: Missed FG (48), 3-7, EOH.
Ln Dn Ds Form Type Yards Player Brief
M14 1 10 I-Form Run -1 Hart Zone left
Kraus(-2) gets driven back into the path of the FB, who piles into him; Hart soon follows. Result: loss.
M13 2 11 Shotgun 3-wide Pass Inc Hart Screen
Freeman is all over this, actually batting it down like a DB. We used to be good at these, right? (CA, 0)
M13 3 11 Shotgun 3-wide Pass Inc Arrington Out
Thrown wide, well into the sideline. No chance for Arrington. Well covered, FWIW. (IN, 0, protection 2/2)
Drive Notes: Punt, 3-7, 14 min 3rd Q. Well, that's an inspiring way to start the second half. Wells goes for a touchdown on the next play from scrimmage and Michigan is looking at a two-score deficit.
Ln Dn Ds Form Type Yards Player Brief
M19 1 10 Ace 3-Wide Pass 8 Butler Stop
The multiple-stops we run with some frequency. Henne comes off Arrington and eventually finds Butler for a moderate gain. Good protection. (CA, 3, protection 2/2)
M27 2 2 Ace 3-Wide Run -1 Hart Zone left
Excellently timed corner blitz gets Jenkins in unblocked and turns this play into no gain. It's like they have some idea what we'll run. Without the blitz this is meh but likely enough for the first down.
M26 3 3 Shotgun 3-wide Pass Inc Mathews Slant
Completely overthrown. Hello, Tacopants. (IN, 0, protection 1/1)
Drive Notes: Punt, 3-14, 12 min 3rd Q.
Ln Dn Ds Form Type Yards Player Brief
M18 1 10 Ace Twins Pass 5 Butler Waggle
Standard TE dumpoff that looks open for a nice gain; OSU closes quickly. (CA, 3)
M23 2 5 I-Form Twins Run -3 Hart Inside Zone
Must be some miscommunication, because Mitchell doubles down on Gholston as Kraus moves to the second level, leaving a DT wholly unblocked; he engulfs Hart.
M20 3 8 Shotgun 3-wide Pass Inc Manningham Drag
Woo! Tacopants! Not going for more than two yards even if completed. (IN, 0, protection 2/2)
Drive Notes: Punt, 3-14, 6 min 3rd Q. Next drive is Mallett's.
Ln Dn Ds Form Type Yards Player Brief
M20 1 10 ??? ??? 0 Hart Zone left(?)
We're watching Henne trot off the field as the play snaps, and so miss the privelige of watching Carson Butler (probably) whiff badly. Hart snowed under after no gain.
M20 2 10 I-Form Pass 8 Arrington Out
Good protection; Mallett provides a throw with actual velocity, but it's behind Arrington, forcing him to the ground to catch this ball and removing any YAC possibilities. (CA-, 2, protection 2/2)
M28 3 2 I-Form Big Run 6 Hart Zone right
OSU slants right tat the snap and attempts to shoot a linebacker between Gholston and a blitzing Jenkins, but Helmuth manages to get enough of Jenkins, Gholston's slant takes him out of the play, and Butler actually gets a good block. There's a hole, and Michigan gets the first down.
M34 1 10 I-Form Pass 15 (pen) Arrington Out
Well, sort of. Jenkins is all over Arrington here, drawing an obvious PI... except that the ball is ten yards past the pair as it looks like Mallett's throwing a flag and Arrington's running an out. Probably should have been uncatchable, though you might have gotten Jenkins for holding anyway.
M49 1 10 I-Form Run -8 (pen) Hart Zone left
So Michigan's actually got something resembling a drive started, Hart finds a crease and goes for eight on first down, and what brings it back? If you said "Carson Butler holding penalty," give yourself a pat on the back. But a small one: this trivia is strictly $200 Jeopardy! stuff.
M41 1 18 Ace 3-Wide Pass -6 -- Sack
Gholston destroys Long(-2) this time and sacks Mallett. Michigan's run the "everyone stop" routes again, which OSU has covered well, and Mallett's hesitation ends poorly. (PR, 0, protection 0/2)
M35 2 24 Ace 3-Wide Pass Inc Mathews Seam
Hey, Mallett, if we wanted our QB to overthrow his receiver by yards we'd have Henne in. Mmmm. Bitter. (IN, 0, protection 2/2)
M35 3 24 Shotgun 3-wide Pass Inc Arrington Wheel
Arrington's beaten Washington downfield here and actually has a shot at a catch and run for the first down; Mallett throws it well behind him. (IN, 0, protection 2/2)
Drive Notes: Punt, 3-14, 1 min 3rd Q. Henne returns.
Ln Dn Ds Form Type Yards Player Brief
O46 1 10 Ace Twins Pass Inc Manningham Waggle
A bit of a variant here with the TEs staying in to block the weakside DE. Henne has all day to throw and tries for Manningham deep; well underthrown. (IN, 1, protection 2/2)
O46 2 10 Shotgun 3-wide Run -1 Manningham End-around
Mark Moundros 1) doesn't line up on the LOS out at WR and 2) completely whiffs his block on Washington. Result: loss.
O47 3 11 Shotgun 3-wide Pass -2 -- Fiasco
Oh, I'd forgotten about this one. Henne believes he's doing a check, lifting his leg then approaching the center to bark out an audible; the center snaps the ball into his chin. Fumble.
Drive Notes: Punt, 3-14, 13 min 4th Q.
Ln Dn Ds Form Type Yards Player Brief
M30 1 10 I-Form Pass 15 (pen) Manningham Waggle
Similar setup to the last waggle bomb; this time an OSU DB takes a flagrant PI.
M45 1 10 I-Form Twins Run -1 Hart Zone left
Vijay's infamous screenshot play.
M44 2 11 I-Form Pass Inc Arrington Deep cross
And, of course, when Henne actually finds an open receiver downfield and hits him the guy drops it. (CA+, 2, protection 2/2)
M44 3 11 Shotgun 3-wide Pass Inc Arrington Drag
An attempted dumpoff, as Henne has sat and surveyed but now things being to collapse. Well behind Arrington, not going for the first anyway. (IN, 0, protection 2/2)
Drive Notes: AAAAAAAAAARGH AAAAAAARGH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH AAAAAAAAAAARHG
Ln Dn Ds Form Type Yards Player Brief
M32 1 10 I-Form Twins Pass -8 -- Sack
Eight minutes left in the game, two score deficit, we still have a fullback around. We run play action; Henne drops to throw deep; Gholston owns Schilling(-2) and clubs Henne to the ground. (PR, 0, protection 0/2)
M24 2 18 Shotgun 3-wide Pass 7 Manningham Slant
Accurate; OSU playing off. (CA, 3, protection 2/2)
M31 3 11 Shotgun 3-wide Pass Inc Arrington Post
Gholston crushes Schilling(-3), knocking him over, and pressures Henne. Henne nearly throws an interception as a result. (BR, 0, protection 0/3)
Drive Notes: AAAAAAAAAARGH AAAAAAARGH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH AAAAAAAAAAARHG. With 6 minutes left in a two-score game and Michigan punting, this charting bullshit is over.

Let's get this over with.

Amen.

Charts?

Charts.

Mallett
Team DO CA IN BR TA BA PR
Oregon (1/2) 3 7 2 3 1 1 2
ND 2 7 4 1 0 2 0
PSU 3 12 6 3 6 1 2
NW (1/2) 2 5 4 1 1 1 1
Illinois (1/3) 0 4 2 2 0 1 0
Minnesota 3 9 7 1 3 2 1
Wisconsin 3 13 11 6 2 1 2
OSU 0 1 2 0 0 0 1
Henne
Team DO CA IN BR TA BA PR
The Horror 2 22 8 2 1 0 2
Oregon (1/2) 1 13 6 3 1 0 3
NW (1/2) 1 19 4 1 1 1 0
EMU 4 16 1 0 1 2 1
Purdue 3 20 1 1 1 1 2
Illinois (2/3) 5 15 4 0 1 1 3
MSU 5 14 9 3 1 1 3
Wisco (Brief) 0 3 2 0 0 0 0
OSU 1 13 12 1 1 0 4

(Hennemallettchart Legend)

Despite missing a drive, Henne set a new UFR record for INs; collectively Michigan QBs piled up 14 between them. Applying our standard Metric of Suck -- remove screens, add CA + DO, put in a ratio with IN + BR + TA -- yields 12 good results and 14 poor ones, a 46% success rate. This sucks butt, but not quite as much as Mallett's Wisconsin game; Henne's 2005 Wisconsin game remains his low point.

Of course, there's one obvious reason this happened: Henne's separated shoulder. He was obviously broken and it's hard to blame him for that performance.

Argh! Gholston!

That guy has got to be on roids.

Protection: 40/55. Schilling -12, Long -3.

Awful, and every minus received was because of Gholston.

Receivers?

Ye observe balls flying ten yards over your head!

  This Game   Totals
Player 0 1 2 3 0 1 2 3
Manningham 4 0/2 1/2 4/4 35 3/18 14/18 55/59
Arrington 2 - 1/2 1/1 17 6/14 20/25 33/36
Mathews - - - 1/1 4 1/7 3/7 25/27
Hemingway - - - - 3 - - 2/2
                 
Massey - - - - 2 0/3 1/1 3/3
Butler - - - 4/4 1 0/2 1/1 17/17
Webb - - - - 2 - - -
McLaurin 1 - - - 1 - - -
                 
Hart - - - - 4 - - 9/9
Minor - - - - 1 - 0/1 3/3
Moundros - - - - - 0/1 1/1 1/1

Basically irrelevant, though the two opportunities Michigan receivers had to make big catches were dropped.

Goats?

Everybody.

Heroes?

Pfffft.

What does it mean for Florida?

If Henne is not healthy we have no chance. If he playing at his apex we have a shot. Our running game is uncreative and full of fail and, like everything Mike Debord does, makes babies cry. We should use our killer wideouts and attack the Florida secondary, the Gators' weak point, but we might have to do so with the burned out husk of Henne or Mallett's suck festival.