A Festivus for the Rest of Us

1. Several times this year we elected to punt. I hate it.
2. I had to watch the Iowa offense in the B1G championship game and I still haven’t finished disinfecting my eyeballs
3. Eye disinfectant doesn’t exist so what the hell have I been putting on my eyes!?!
4. Tony Pettiti has not been fired. People shouldn’t be allowed to keep their jobs when they are this bad at it.
5. The extension remains unsigned and the NFL inexplicably still exists. No one has taken me up on my idea to disband the NFL thus leaving Jim no alternative.
6. Our basketball team has to continue to play in games that may end in a small margin of victory, thus ensuring we will lose those games
7. Brian, Seth and Alex have denied my request to become the un-elected Mayor of the Message Board which is  a largely ornamental title but would grant me the ability to perform ribbon cuttings before your board post go live and give the keys to the blog to the excellent posters

It's supremely annoying that Harbaugh needs to "feel the love" and "the bear hug" and similar bullshit. Is he a fucking 14 year old girl?  Sign the fucking contract and do your fucking job. This isn't feelingsball it's football.  God forbid Warde Manual or a few Fuckfaceheads don't like you. Coach Michigan and win Championships. The fans love you. The players love. You just want more money and a chance at a Superbowl and hate NCAA and BigTen being up your ass. Fair enough! It's as simple as that.  It's not all this love dovey horseshit. Idk if that's Harbaugh or just media bloviating, but it's fucking annoying.

Happy Festivus! The TRUE reason for the season!

I got a lot of problems with you people

I got nothing.  Don't think I can participate in Festivus.  We've beaten Ryan Toughbeard Day three times in a row.  I used to have cancer and don't any more.  It's Christmas, and my children and grandchildren are gathering, and plum bread is in the oven, and MAN, life is good right now.  Let me think......nope, got nothing.

Ryan Day finds tinsel distracting.  Along with winged helmets!

1.  Terrible workers who won’t learn and have remained useless for four years but I can’t do anything about it because they have a guardian angel who knew them from the before time in the long long ago.

2.  Being told that this is FINALLY the year that we’ll be reasonable about Christmas for the kids only for my wife to panic at the last minute that there won’t be enough and I have to talk her down from going on a last minute shopping trip when we just spent $500 on skiing this week.

3.  Listening to my Mother in Law worry about how to include my Brother in Laws ex-wife in Christmas to make sure it’s “nice for everyone”.  How about you ask the people getting the divorce what they are or are not comfortable with and then leave it the fuck alone, life’s not a Hallmark card.  This kind of “Let’s make sure everything looks like it should in a catalog because it’s Christmas.” Is the exact reason we need Festivus.  What is so wrong with just having a nice relaxing day together without the fucking expectations?

4. Sparty and Buckeye fans who keep bringing up Signgate to random Michigan fans they meet.  Newsflash me wearing a Michigan hat at a gathering of mutual friends is an invitation to crack a joke or two.  It’s not a fucking invitation to spend five minutes ranting about it to me and sharing all the cute little memes you have saved on your phone.  Get a fucking life you little twats.

5.  Alabama fans sending me Michigan cheating memes WHEN THEY JUST HIRED A FORMER ASSISTANT COACH AT MICHIGAN RIGHT BEFORE THE FUCKING BOWL GAME.  BLOW ME you sister fucking meatheads!

6.  My son is a wrestler so if I fought him for Festivus I would lose and that makes me question all of my life choices.

There I feel better now.

Only the ncaa, b1g, espn, jim stapleton  and tony p.

Grievance: commercial breaks. 

1. NCAA and B1G. You can go fuck yourselves.

2. inflation

I feel pretty lucky that those are the only things that suck in my life. My kids are in town for Christmas. My wife and I are still madly in love after 26 years of marriage. Cant remember the last time we had an argument. Family is all healthy and happy. Good job that probably overpays me quite a bit (always negotiate your starting salary). Retirement accounts are looking excellent. Probably gonna get a dirt bike and new hockey equipment soon. Life is good, God is great.

I had a long list of grievances but I'll just narrow it down to some of you people use your negs wrong. Also, some of you people do actual cyberbullying here and you probably think it's funny.

Then in the pet peeve area: If you find a comment you like that was posted five minutes earlier, it wasn't an "underrated comment," it just hasn't been seen a lot yet. This is how we end up with alleged "underrated" comments that end up with 57 upvotes.

People talking about fight club (MGo points), people who neg without comment, not being able to edit diary posts cleanly, no direct messaging inside the app, more transparency in NIL, more MGoMusic links, an on board ticket exchange/market between MGoUsers instead of the thread, more Brian, more student writing on the site, more Diaries, where's the automated summary of board posts or thought clouds, Yost needs an upgrade, Women's Hockey needs to happen...get it done...tired of the talk about why not, more Frisbee dog, indoor Baseball facility? MSU haters suck (unfortunately not as much as MSU,) People who don't spel xheck, posters who post without searching the board / the intertubes, too much Seth - I don't think that is sustainable, the concussion tent wtf is the point of that? and people who complain. I got problems with you people.

Happy Festivus!

NIL inducements to recruits are rampant throughout college football, but the NCAA and Big Ten only care about immaterial Michigan misdemeanors.  

1. Juwan defenders are annoying. The basketball program stinks and your defenses of him are ridiculous. 

2. I love Twitter but hate that Elon has mostly ruined it. 

And like many have commented here, life is pretty great. Not many complaints here! Pleasure talking Michigan sports with you all!

Warde