I'm fixin to drink me some sweet tea in my mug that my Mama sent me back when I was in Vietnam. You ever heard of 'Nam? 

tastes just like chicken. I know that may seem odd to some of y'all, but I'm like an owl...I don't give a hoot

I ain't got time for screwing around with no false identities... I am hungry though...In the Army I learned to be the  McGyver of cooking. If you bring me a piece of bread, cabbage, coconut, mustard greens, pigs feet, pine cones and a woodpecker, I’ll make you a good chicken pot pie

I'm the master of distractions. A coupla hand gestures and I'll pull the underwear clean off your butt

whats the deal with these catfish? We got em all over down here in Low eeasy anna. We don't need none of them new fangled twitter baits to cacth 'em neither

Dang technolgy.  

This does not make me happy, happy, happy.

I don't unnerstan' how you can say she's your girlfriend and you ain't even done any smoochin'. These kids today with all their cell phone, text messagin tech-techno-technocological gizmos...I don't even know how to program my VCR