things go poorly
- Member for
- 5 years 42 weeks
|45 weeks 4 days ago||<blockquote>There are worse||
"There are worse things that can happen in life, but most involve lizards eating your legs."
I don't care where you went to school. That is golden.
|1 year 47 weeks ago||Look, I love the guy too. All I'm sayin' is...||
|3 years 13 weeks ago||That thud Lewan's shot made||
Was obviously a donkey, not a tree.
|3 years 35 weeks ago||The Sprouts||
Do you enjoy eating brussels sprouts? I hope you won't be put off by my frankness when I tell you that I absolutely love them. In fact, I enjoy no food item more than a freshly-boiled brussels sprout.
Now, I've done a lot of movies, and it's true that I've worked with quite a few celebrities who did not share this opinion. I'm sorry to say that these people have always angered me. There are two types of people in this world: those who eat brussels sprouts whenever it is possible to do so, and those who opt to do other things with their free time.
Who do the latter think they are kidding? What pastime could be more rewarding than the consumption of brussels sprouts? I haven't yet found one, and I don't expect to in my lifetime.
Unlike other foods, brussels sprouts can be eaten at any time, in any place, and it is not necessary to cook them. Now, I ask you: Why not eat brussels sprouts? They are delicious. I carry a bag of brussels sprouts with me wherever I go. I eat them from the bag whenever I get the urge, regardless of the circumstances. When I make a movie, my brussels sprouts are my co-stars. If, in the middle of a scene, I decide I want to consume a brussels sprout, I do so. I waste the director's time and thousands of dollars in film stock, but in the end, it is all worth it, because I enjoy eating brussels sprouts more than I enjoy acting.
This bothers some people. I was supposed to portray Batman, but when Tim Burton learned of my brussels sprout cravings, he asked Michael Keaton to wear the cape. To this day, I am peeved about this.
When we filmed The Dead Zone, I ate over 800 brussels sprouts a day. It was necessary. My character needed to come across as intense as possible, and I found the inspiration for that intensity in my intense love for brussels sprouts. The director, David Cronenberg, said that he would never work with me again. I kept eating brussels sprouts when the cameras were rolling, and that seemed to bother him. I say f*ck him. He doesn't even like brussels sprouts.
I would like to end by emphasizing once again that I really like to eat brussels sprouts. If any of you people disagree, I loathe you. I despise you. Not only that, but I also despise all your loved ones. I want to see them torn to pieces by wild dogs. If I ever meet you in person, I'll smash your brains in with a f*cking bat. Then we'll see who doesn't like brussels sprouts.