As someone who used to practice family law with no intention of ever doing so again, I almost stopped when I read "...for what started as some pretty straight-forward custody agreement..." That is where it all goes wrong, my friend. There is no such thing as "straight-forward" or "easy" in family law.
What is the new attorney saying about the other attorney's work to date? I understand that you're not happy with the way the work was produced, which may be a legitimate gripe in itself. However, unless the first attorney did or did not do something to prejudice the case - something more that speculation that better quality letters would have forced a favorable resolution, I wouldn't waste too much energy on this.
As others indicated, the attorney can bill for the time it takes to transfer and close the file. Further - which I have not see mentioned yet - once an attorney enters an appearance in a matter, they are not off the case or "fired" until the court orders the substitution or withdrawal; attorneys are generally able to bill fees and expenses necessary to continue the case until that order is entered. While I don't see that being the case in your fact scenario, perhaps for future reference just know that if this all went down on the eve of a mediation or court date for instance, the attorney could still bill you for their time to appear even though you fired them because without the court order, it would have been necessary for them to appear.
This is not legal advice, and do with it as you will: consider the costs of collecting. Most collection agencies and attorneys will not take on such a small amount unless part of a bulk file. And if that first attorney has any sort of full time practice, they should have more work than time to devote toward chancing down $200-$300 bucks.
In all other respects, your wife is the client here. She can choose to pay it, not pay it, negotiate it, or further complain about it. For better or worse - as is often the case with family law matters - it sounds like now she's with an attorney she has confidence in, her time and energy are better used toward resolving the matter at hand.
Chiming in to ratify the common chorus of advice so far. I am an attorney, recovering from doing family law...
Best advice would be to push aside feeling, and get a good mediator involved - with or without attorneys. Depending on where you live, and value of assets we're talking about, expect to pay $200-$500 per hour, which is commonly split between the two people. If both people can get to the task at hand: equitably dividing assets and debts, a good mediator can get you both out the door with a completed agreement with about five hours of work.
Without kids, this comes down to dollars and cents - at least that's how the law and the judge is going to see it. So do what you can to marshall all the assets and debts, divide by two, and then figure out how best to sell or transfer assets to make it all work.
You could explore the possibility of asking for exclusive use of the marital home, but as someone else mentioned, the reality is someone is either going to keep it and refinance it to cash out the other person's share of equity, or it will be sold, with both people splitting the proceeds.
Alimony - properly called spousal support in Michigan - is a thing. Fault is a factor. Infidelity can equal fault. BUT, it's ultimately up to the judge, and there is no statutory formula like there is for child support. The everyday reality that judges and lawyers see is that it's rare for one, and sometimes both people, to not have a paramour either before or during the pendency of the divorce.
The cold, hard truth is that men are loathe to pay money to any woman they are no longer sleeping with, and many will fight tooth and nail to get any amount as close to zero as possible. I have seen (and represented) men that were so done with the relationship, or got to that point through litigation, that they were like "give her whatever she wants; I just want this finalized." That's rare. And unless that's your situation, just know that asking for spousal support is more often than not a deal-breaker to what could be a relatively peaceful out-of-court settlement, resulting in a trial before a judge after upward of a year of back-and-forth mud-slinging.
I'm interested in everyone's tips and advice as a girl-dad looking to take my eldest to a game soon. I did a sort of "test run" last year at the MSU game by bringing them to a friend's tailgate on the golf course last year for the MSU game. I would say the sheer number of people is the biggest risk and concern with little kids. Some adults have problems being in such crowds; imagine being a foot or two shorter than everyone and unable to fully see where you're going. A crowd can easily create an undertow affect, where if the kid is not big enough to bump their way to the side, they can easily be taken in the crowd until there is a break.
I think the wristband idea is wonderful. Even under the best of circumstances, it's easily possible to get disoriented in a large crowd like that. Even coming into one of the sections, it can be hard to find again exactly where your seats are.
Fortunately, my daughters are a bit extraverted and so being in a crowd was no issue, aided by the fact I had them sitting in a wagon I was pulling.
I'm comfortable with my kids being able to stay in one place for a short period of time. I'd probably direct them to the exterior edge of the concourse area or the fenceline of the outer concourse just so they would be out of the way from the majority of the crowd, have a little bit of space to run around (e.g. "stay between this post and that post"), and easier to find them.
As for bathrooms, I think my first strategy would be to use the family bathrooms. If that's unavailable, I've been okay letting them use the ladies' room together by themselves and I just wait outside the exit for them. I've done this in other venues and airports. My oldest is capable of helping her sister if need be. But otherwise, most people are accommodating and helpful, especially with children. Sometimes my daughter will come out saying a lady helped her reach the soap or sink to wash her hands, etc. Perhaps I'm fortunate, but I've just never had an issue with my daughters using public ladies' rooms, and would be equally okay if I had just my one daughter. While I have brought them into the men's room, it's been at smaller places like church where there's sure to be a stall available. I would NOT bring them into the men's room at the Big House.
Great topic! I'm like many of you: mid-40s; professional, kids, spouse, and house. I drink, daily. And as life goes on, my own mortality for my kids' sake has given me pause to consider a different path.
I've been a heavy drinker since college. And for better or worse, learned how to really drink and function in the Army. For me, it's almost exclusively beer as I don't particularly like the taste of alcohol or wine. I don't drink to hangover status anymore, but by 10pm most nights, I'll be down 2-3 beers; on weekends, 6-12 beers throughout the day is common, depending on what's going on. I say all that to say I know I'm a heavy drinker by any definition.
Now in my 40s, though, I'm becoming more aware of two things I don't like: 1) owning up to daily drinking is not cool (although I'm sure it's not just me doing it), and I'm at a point in my life where I feel if I can't be honest about something, I need to reevaluate it, and 2) more importantly, I don't want my kids say "dad drinks every day", and the implication that could have on their lives.
With home life, young kids, and COVID, I don't have much of a social life - I drink at home, so not much risk of a DUI. And actually it's when we do go out in a social situation that I drink less thanks to my introverted nature - I'm the guy at the happy hour or evening reception who always seems to be around with a drink in his hand but in reality has two drinks, chops it up with a few folks, and am home before most people realize I left.
I feel like I could stop - and I have stopped without issue for long stretches of time when I was in the Army and deployed. For a long time since, I've had plenty of access to alcohol and nothing in my life saying "you can't drink". The exception being a couple years ago I had a medical situation involving medicine that the doctor convinced me would truly mess me up if I drank alcohol while using it so I stopped then. But honestly, as time goes on, I wrestle with when a controllable desire becomes an addiction. My pastor once said "learn to say no when you could say yes so when you have to say no you can".
A buddy of mine recently had some legal issues with drinking and started into NA craft beer...maybe that's a route I'll be exploring more. There are some good ones now on the market. I honestly like the taste of beer, and so if I can keep enjoying that taste without the negative effects, all the better.
No real point to my post other than to share where I'm at and to say I can appreciate where everyone is at in their journey.
You've already done the hardest but most important thing: be there for your daughter. Next order of priority is to talk with the principal at least by phone tomorrow, with the aim of having a serious sit-down by the end of the week. I would then let that person know you'll follow up with the superintendent. Policy likely requires the principal to report these sort of incidents up the chain anyway, and rightfully so. Depending on the facts and circumstances, they will be obliged to issue a long-term suspension of the kid, if not expulsion. Short of that, you should reasonably expect an action plan from the administration to keep this kid away from your daughter. I know of situations where a school will immediately change the offending student's schedule for less egregious behavior. Some form of counseling should be required of the offending student, and offered to your daughter.
Should you go to the police? As others have already stated, the school consequences (long-term suspension or expulsion) will be the worst of it, realistically. All I can comment on is Michigan, where the kid would be charged as a juvenile. Depending on the county, he may be required to complete what we call the Adolescent Sex Offender Treatment Program. By your description of the incident, this would be classed legally as criminal sexual conduct in the 4th degree (the least severe form). It's unlikely the kid would serve any time in actual juvenile detention. And by design, the juvenile justice process has limited long-term affect; it is treatment-oriented, unlike the adult system people are more familiar with, which is punitive to its core.
Going to the police will mean your daughter will be subject to at least one interview with detectives - best case: they pull her out of class and interview her in school; more likely: they will interview her at a special facility for this commonly called a children's assessment center. And even though it's juvie, due process would still entitle the kid - more specifically his attorney - a copy of your daughter's interview, and the opportunity to confront her and the allegations in court. I'm not going to pretend to know what is the right course for you to take. As a father to two girls, you're unfortunately experiencing one of my worse fears. I'm just giving you the practical scope so that you can make a decision with eyes wide open. And yes, I am very familiar with the criminal process, having sat and stood with many people over the years at the table furthest from the jury box.
Should you get a lawyer? From the standpoint that your most immediate priority should be with the school and advocating for your daughter as to what they do or don't do about this situation, I can't say it would hurt to consult with an attorney versed in this area of the law (I am not). I probably wouldn't waste their time, or your money, having them at these initial meetings unless they recommend otherwise. An attorney you consult with would know whether what the school is doing or not is appropriate. He or she will also be able to hold some feet to the fire if its discovered this sort of thing has happened before without changes or consequences. Just don't expect him or her to deliver the kid's head on a stick to you; that's not what's going to happen in this situation.
I remember the day well. I'm in Grand Rapids - far removed from the epicenters and any place of interest. What follows is an account of the good I saw that day.
We're in fly-over country. Soon after everything happened, the order came for all civilian aircraft to land immediately. This order meant that many people enroute between the coasts or overseas suddenly found themselves in Michigan.
Our airport is not big, and so the sight of wide-bodied aircraft is rare - let alone the capacity to handle 200+ passengers at a time. But within hours, I recall seeing on the news several flights having been diverted to Grand Rapids. Our community opened up, with several area hotels bringing in as many people as possible, individuals offering to transport people to area hotels, and even people offering up their private homes to accommodate the stranded passengers. This, in the midst of a national crisis.
People don't really talk about it, and people too young to remember may find it hard to comprehend, but to me, that is one of those things that stick with me from that week really: it was so eerie not seeing or hearing planes in the sky for days afterwards - literally none.
Unfortunately, that day also served to eliminate one of my favorite childhood memories - an experience my kids will never get to enjoy. Our airport used to have an outdoor observation deck, where you could walk out and stand directly over planes at the gate close enough to where you could wave at pilots. My mom used to take me there as a kid just for something to do. Those days of course are long gone now.
Appreciate the support, but...hopefully he's a changed man (which he may well be). Stealing laptops from other folks who are also just "tryin' to survive", is not cool. When you are also a student, it's hard to make the argument that you need to do such things to survive, regardless of your background.
Attended UM from 97-01 and lived in dorms my whole time. Here's my rundown:
Freshmen year - Markley in a double with a random roommate; I picked a learning community (forget what it was called back then, but I think it morphed into Michigan Community Scholars, or some such name), mainly to avoid a North Campus assignment. At least at the time - as other commentors mention - Markley was filled with east coasters. Whether that's by chance or whatever, I don't know, but my roommate and I were definitely in the minority in Markley as Michiganders.
Sophomore year - I picked a single room in East Quad; nothing fancy - just went down and did it when my turn came to select a housing preference.
Junior and senior years - I was an RA in East Quad.
I think your son has as good a chance as any to be in a Hill dorm - but with the closing of Markley, that changes the equation quite a bit. However, Stockwell is now co-ed, alleviating some of the deficit from Markley's closing.
Keep in mind that those Hill dorms come with their own inconveniences - you could be walking 10-15 minutes to your class versus a 10-15 bus ride to be dropped off essentially at your class, for instance. In the fall or spring, I guess it's a matter of perspective - but let me tell you, that walk to and from the Hill in the winter time is no joke; and that's coming from a West Michigan native. I enjoyed my time in Markley, but in retrospect, Bursley and the bus ride wouldn't have been that bad in comparison. And I don't think it's worth picking a learning community just to avoid Bursely.
Absent being in a learning community, a scholarship athlete, or a female requesting Newberry or Martha Cook, you really can't do much more than declare yourself open and hope for the best to be on Central Campus. I guess I'd just suggest rethinking Bursely for 1) in the event he gets assigned there, and 2) it actually may be better than the alternate (Hill dorms).
You can - or at least could in my day - swap rooms, although that depended on finding someone willing to swap assignments with you. I don't recall anyone I know of doing so. In the worst case scenario, I had been involved in a couple of roommate debacles as an RA that required moving someone; those are few-and-far between, and usually require a major incident or a series of documented incidents before Housing would green-light a move.
As a caveat, I don't know anything about North Quad as that came along after me. I've seen it; it looks nice. So if that's an option, take it - although I wish they would have kept the aesthetically pleasing Frieze Building North Quad replaced.
Abandonment, no child support, and making the kid live his life having to hear "oh wow, you're Maurice's boy. Way to make your dad proud" has got to be the trifecta evidencing a dipshit sperm donor.
I think if Morris starts, it's a good sign that the OL will hold it's own. If Harbaugh has any reservations about the OL, I think Rudock needs to get the nod. He won't make something from nothing, but he can prevent mistakes from turning into disasters.
I 'd say MSU will be a tougher team to beat than OSU. Not saying that we'll beat either this year, but if we were to beat one, I'd pick OSU as most likely.
MSU is good - seemingly getting incrementally better. And their hatred toward us continues to intensify.
Be advised that Hash Bash has moved - or at least portions of the festivities have - to Monroe (directly in front of Dominicks). At least that is what we found last year after the spring game. Street (and sidewalk) was so damn crowded, we didn't even bother trying to make it through to Dominicks. Not sure what the deal was, or if it'll be the same this year, as I've always known Hash Bash to be on the Diag proper.
I'll be there. Father-in-law is a sparty alum with season tickets in the north endzone. Went to last year's debacle, along with a few other MSU non-UM games. Like someone above stated, the north endzone isn't bad for opposing fans - mostly older sparty alums. You'll get the typical boo-hisses, but without the flying beer bottles and assaultive behavior. I think this year, I'll simply respond with "I think we're still a year away from competing for a national championship" and leave it at that. That'll be good for a laugh (mockingly, but a laugh nonetheless), and let me keep rooting for the good guys in relative peace.
Be brave out there guys. At least next year we'll be back in Ann Arbor, and hopefully looking much better as a team.
I'm expecting Hoke to be on the sideline this Saturday for Rutgers. I suspect his last game as coach will be ohio. Anything could happen between now and then. If we win at Rutgers, Hoke will be coaching against PSU; if we lose, or if something like last Saturday happens, I think UM would have to act at that point.
The same thing could be said for every remaining game: one more debacle (i.e. controvery or blowout loss) and he's gone.
Basically, Hoke (and probably Brandon) are on borrowed time. I can't imagine Hoke surviving the year, but I also don't see his firing as imminent (as in this week).
I'm making my second UM/MSU game trip to spartytown, and my fifth trip overall there. My father-in-law has season tickets, and is about as big of a sparty fan as they come. We sit just to the right of the tunnel, behind the north endzone. Most of the people sitting there are older MSU alums. Aside from a few jeers ("skunk bears" and "wolverines are extinct for a reason") and having to deal with guys talking about every football statistic favorable to MSU, it's not bad. Exiting the stadium is another matter. Be prepared to deal with a bunch of drunk idiots - win or lose. Whatever you do, don't use a porta-potty after the game.
In my experience, I haven't seen sparties throw much more hostility toward Michigan fans than they do to fans of any other schools. Of course, the non-UM/MSU games I've been to have mostly came with very disappointing losses (Iowa / Nebraska). For those games, I'm more or less a dispassionate observer so obviously not a target of hostility like I will be for this game.
My advice is to go, tailgate if you want, enjoy the game, represent Big Blue...but after the game, make like the referees and split as quickly as you can.
No it doesn't. Most European countries invest actual money into their railroad infrastructure and upkeep. Trains in European countries routinely travel over 100 MPH without incident; Amtrak somehow manages to derail going 25 MPH through Jackson.
Even Amtrak's Northeastern Cooridor service looks like a poor man's imitation of, say, Germany's DB. We are probably the only industrialized nation where bus travel is actually more efficient.
The sad thing is that he had plenty of ways to avoid this trouble. If this was a late-notice check-in, I'm sure, as a football player, he could have called a teamate or position coach...heck, call Hoke at home. Hoke would have made sure someone just happened to be driving through Stonum's neighborhood, saw him walking, and gave him a lift.
He could have, of course, told the PO about his ride situation and just be a little late. As a star athelete, I wonder just how long it would take him to run to the courthouse.
Failing all that, he could have been smarter in his underhandedness. Here's a thought: instead of driving right up to the courthouse, let's try parking down the street? After the appointment, walk home and explain to whomever he took the car from what he had to do.
I remember telnet. And I was a junior when this horseless carriage called Wolverine Access came onto the scene - even though for that first year, you still had to call the CRISP lady to actually register.
My only quasi-brush with UM atheletic fame is that Charles Woodson almost knocked me down as he was exiting the front of the Union. It was nighttime and snowing, around finals time; I was going in to study and he was running out like he had to get to Pasadena or something.
Going to GRCC was probably the best decision Demar could have made. In recent years, GRCC has become the go-to program for top-level talent with academic or life issues. heck, a couple of years ago, their quarterback had just got out of jail on a manslaughter case; now he is doing well at a four-year school.
The head coach came from Muskegon High School - which if you're from Michigan, you know is a regular state title contender - so I know Demar is getting taught good fundamentals. They also have a sort of "spiritual advisor / mentor" that assists players with life issues so I'm confident that Demar has come a long way as a person from where he once was.
Unfortunately, Michigan traditionally doesn't do JuCo - for regular students or atheletes. The students you hear of that do transfer are typically top-flight academically and probably would have been admitted to UM out of high school.
As a GR resident though, I have enjoyed being able to watch the talent Demar brings to GRCC first hand and wish him the best of luck wherever he goes.
But I'm sure the coaching staff follows up on athlete attendance for discussion sections. I suspect - but I don't know for sure - that the athletic department has people who look for players in lectures.
That is utter bunk. I attended the U from 97-01 and had a few football players in classes. They always came to class.
As an academic peer advisor for summer orientations, I know that football players' schedules were set up to not have classes on fridays in the fall term. This was because of the team travels on fridays for away games and has nothing to due with wanting to just give them fridays off.
. . . all around. While I hate to see Joe Pa go out like this, he did have a hand in it. The University has to do what's best for it right now. And in some ways, I believe Joe Pa understands that.
The money alone that would come from getting BTN into NYC would be nice. But people in NYC don't care about college football. They have the Yankees and Broadway. They get about as excited for college football as they do about visiting the Midwest.
I agree that getting off US-23 at Geddes is probably a better route onto campus around game time. Coming from the north, US-23 can start backing up toward the split with M-14 closer to game time.
I skip the parking lots altogether and park on the street by a meter. You'll likely get a ticket because the meter readers are fanatical on Game Days. But, the ticket is only $10, which you can pay online once you get home. You'll easy spend $10 for a lot but you can usually park closer by a meter. I've done this the last three years (one game / season). I've gotten two tickets (last year I lucked out parking behind Stockwell and they must not have checked those meters.
Recent Comments
As someone who used to practice family law with no intention of ever doing so again, I almost stopped when I read "...for what started as some pretty straight-forward custody agreement..." That is where it all goes wrong, my friend. There is no such thing as "straight-forward" or "easy" in family law.
What is the new attorney saying about the other attorney's work to date? I understand that you're not happy with the way the work was produced, which may be a legitimate gripe in itself. However, unless the first attorney did or did not do something to prejudice the case - something more that speculation that better quality letters would have forced a favorable resolution, I wouldn't waste too much energy on this.
As others indicated, the attorney can bill for the time it takes to transfer and close the file. Further - which I have not see mentioned yet - once an attorney enters an appearance in a matter, they are not off the case or "fired" until the court orders the substitution or withdrawal; attorneys are generally able to bill fees and expenses necessary to continue the case until that order is entered. While I don't see that being the case in your fact scenario, perhaps for future reference just know that if this all went down on the eve of a mediation or court date for instance, the attorney could still bill you for their time to appear even though you fired them because without the court order, it would have been necessary for them to appear.
This is not legal advice, and do with it as you will: consider the costs of collecting. Most collection agencies and attorneys will not take on such a small amount unless part of a bulk file. And if that first attorney has any sort of full time practice, they should have more work than time to devote toward chancing down $200-$300 bucks.
In all other respects, your wife is the client here. She can choose to pay it, not pay it, negotiate it, or further complain about it. For better or worse - as is often the case with family law matters - it sounds like now she's with an attorney she has confidence in, her time and energy are better used toward resolving the matter at hand.
Chiming in to ratify the common chorus of advice so far. I am an attorney, recovering from doing family law...
Best advice would be to push aside feeling, and get a good mediator involved - with or without attorneys. Depending on where you live, and value of assets we're talking about, expect to pay $200-$500 per hour, which is commonly split between the two people. If both people can get to the task at hand: equitably dividing assets and debts, a good mediator can get you both out the door with a completed agreement with about five hours of work.
Without kids, this comes down to dollars and cents - at least that's how the law and the judge is going to see it. So do what you can to marshall all the assets and debts, divide by two, and then figure out how best to sell or transfer assets to make it all work.
You could explore the possibility of asking for exclusive use of the marital home, but as someone else mentioned, the reality is someone is either going to keep it and refinance it to cash out the other person's share of equity, or it will be sold, with both people splitting the proceeds.
Alimony - properly called spousal support in Michigan - is a thing. Fault is a factor. Infidelity can equal fault. BUT, it's ultimately up to the judge, and there is no statutory formula like there is for child support. The everyday reality that judges and lawyers see is that it's rare for one, and sometimes both people, to not have a paramour either before or during the pendency of the divorce.
The cold, hard truth is that men are loathe to pay money to any woman they are no longer sleeping with, and many will fight tooth and nail to get any amount as close to zero as possible. I have seen (and represented) men that were so done with the relationship, or got to that point through litigation, that they were like "give her whatever she wants; I just want this finalized." That's rare. And unless that's your situation, just know that asking for spousal support is more often than not a deal-breaker to what could be a relatively peaceful out-of-court settlement, resulting in a trial before a judge after upward of a year of back-and-forth mud-slinging.
I'm interested in everyone's tips and advice as a girl-dad looking to take my eldest to a game soon. I did a sort of "test run" last year at the MSU game by bringing them to a friend's tailgate on the golf course last year for the MSU game. I would say the sheer number of people is the biggest risk and concern with little kids. Some adults have problems being in such crowds; imagine being a foot or two shorter than everyone and unable to fully see where you're going. A crowd can easily create an undertow affect, where if the kid is not big enough to bump their way to the side, they can easily be taken in the crowd until there is a break.
I think the wristband idea is wonderful. Even under the best of circumstances, it's easily possible to get disoriented in a large crowd like that. Even coming into one of the sections, it can be hard to find again exactly where your seats are.
Fortunately, my daughters are a bit extraverted and so being in a crowd was no issue, aided by the fact I had them sitting in a wagon I was pulling.
I'm comfortable with my kids being able to stay in one place for a short period of time. I'd probably direct them to the exterior edge of the concourse area or the fenceline of the outer concourse just so they would be out of the way from the majority of the crowd, have a little bit of space to run around (e.g. "stay between this post and that post"), and easier to find them.
As for bathrooms, I think my first strategy would be to use the family bathrooms. If that's unavailable, I've been okay letting them use the ladies' room together by themselves and I just wait outside the exit for them. I've done this in other venues and airports. My oldest is capable of helping her sister if need be. But otherwise, most people are accommodating and helpful, especially with children. Sometimes my daughter will come out saying a lady helped her reach the soap or sink to wash her hands, etc. Perhaps I'm fortunate, but I've just never had an issue with my daughters using public ladies' rooms, and would be equally okay if I had just my one daughter. While I have brought them into the men's room, it's been at smaller places like church where there's sure to be a stall available. I would NOT bring them into the men's room at the Big House.
Great topic! I'm like many of you: mid-40s; professional, kids, spouse, and house. I drink, daily. And as life goes on, my own mortality for my kids' sake has given me pause to consider a different path.
I've been a heavy drinker since college. And for better or worse, learned how to really drink and function in the Army. For me, it's almost exclusively beer as I don't particularly like the taste of alcohol or wine. I don't drink to hangover status anymore, but by 10pm most nights, I'll be down 2-3 beers; on weekends, 6-12 beers throughout the day is common, depending on what's going on. I say all that to say I know I'm a heavy drinker by any definition.
Now in my 40s, though, I'm becoming more aware of two things I don't like: 1) owning up to daily drinking is not cool (although I'm sure it's not just me doing it), and I'm at a point in my life where I feel if I can't be honest about something, I need to reevaluate it, and 2) more importantly, I don't want my kids say "dad drinks every day", and the implication that could have on their lives.
With home life, young kids, and COVID, I don't have much of a social life - I drink at home, so not much risk of a DUI. And actually it's when we do go out in a social situation that I drink less thanks to my introverted nature - I'm the guy at the happy hour or evening reception who always seems to be around with a drink in his hand but in reality has two drinks, chops it up with a few folks, and am home before most people realize I left.
I feel like I could stop - and I have stopped without issue for long stretches of time when I was in the Army and deployed. For a long time since, I've had plenty of access to alcohol and nothing in my life saying "you can't drink". The exception being a couple years ago I had a medical situation involving medicine that the doctor convinced me would truly mess me up if I drank alcohol while using it so I stopped then. But honestly, as time goes on, I wrestle with when a controllable desire becomes an addiction. My pastor once said "learn to say no when you could say yes so when you have to say no you can".
A buddy of mine recently had some legal issues with drinking and started into NA craft beer...maybe that's a route I'll be exploring more. There are some good ones now on the market. I honestly like the taste of beer, and so if I can keep enjoying that taste without the negative effects, all the better.
No real point to my post other than to share where I'm at and to say I can appreciate where everyone is at in their journey.
You've already done the hardest but most important thing: be there for your daughter. Next order of priority is to talk with the principal at least by phone tomorrow, with the aim of having a serious sit-down by the end of the week. I would then let that person know you'll follow up with the superintendent. Policy likely requires the principal to report these sort of incidents up the chain anyway, and rightfully so. Depending on the facts and circumstances, they will be obliged to issue a long-term suspension of the kid, if not expulsion. Short of that, you should reasonably expect an action plan from the administration to keep this kid away from your daughter. I know of situations where a school will immediately change the offending student's schedule for less egregious behavior. Some form of counseling should be required of the offending student, and offered to your daughter.
Should you go to the police? As others have already stated, the school consequences (long-term suspension or expulsion) will be the worst of it, realistically. All I can comment on is Michigan, where the kid would be charged as a juvenile. Depending on the county, he may be required to complete what we call the Adolescent Sex Offender Treatment Program. By your description of the incident, this would be classed legally as criminal sexual conduct in the 4th degree (the least severe form). It's unlikely the kid would serve any time in actual juvenile detention. And by design, the juvenile justice process has limited long-term affect; it is treatment-oriented, unlike the adult system people are more familiar with, which is punitive to its core.
Going to the police will mean your daughter will be subject to at least one interview with detectives - best case: they pull her out of class and interview her in school; more likely: they will interview her at a special facility for this commonly called a children's assessment center. And even though it's juvie, due process would still entitle the kid - more specifically his attorney - a copy of your daughter's interview, and the opportunity to confront her and the allegations in court. I'm not going to pretend to know what is the right course for you to take. As a father to two girls, you're unfortunately experiencing one of my worse fears. I'm just giving you the practical scope so that you can make a decision with eyes wide open. And yes, I am very familiar with the criminal process, having sat and stood with many people over the years at the table furthest from the jury box.
Should you get a lawyer? From the standpoint that your most immediate priority should be with the school and advocating for your daughter as to what they do or don't do about this situation, I can't say it would hurt to consult with an attorney versed in this area of the law (I am not). I probably wouldn't waste their time, or your money, having them at these initial meetings unless they recommend otherwise. An attorney you consult with would know whether what the school is doing or not is appropriate. He or she will also be able to hold some feet to the fire if its discovered this sort of thing has happened before without changes or consequences. Just don't expect him or her to deliver the kid's head on a stick to you; that's not what's going to happen in this situation.
I remember the day well. I'm in Grand Rapids - far removed from the epicenters and any place of interest. What follows is an account of the good I saw that day.
We're in fly-over country. Soon after everything happened, the order came for all civilian aircraft to land immediately. This order meant that many people enroute between the coasts or overseas suddenly found themselves in Michigan.
Our airport is not big, and so the sight of wide-bodied aircraft is rare - let alone the capacity to handle 200+ passengers at a time. But within hours, I recall seeing on the news several flights having been diverted to Grand Rapids. Our community opened up, with several area hotels bringing in as many people as possible, individuals offering to transport people to area hotels, and even people offering up their private homes to accommodate the stranded passengers. This, in the midst of a national crisis.
People don't really talk about it, and people too young to remember may find it hard to comprehend, but to me, that is one of those things that stick with me from that week really: it was so eerie not seeing or hearing planes in the sky for days afterwards - literally none.
Unfortunately, that day also served to eliminate one of my favorite childhood memories - an experience my kids will never get to enjoy. Our airport used to have an outdoor observation deck, where you could walk out and stand directly over planes at the gate close enough to where you could wave at pilots. My mom used to take me there as a kid just for something to do. Those days of course are long gone now.
Appreciate the support, but...hopefully he's a changed man (which he may well be). Stealing laptops from other folks who are also just "tryin' to survive", is not cool. When you are also a student, it's hard to make the argument that you need to do such things to survive, regardless of your background.
Attended UM from 97-01 and lived in dorms my whole time. Here's my rundown:
I think your son has as good a chance as any to be in a Hill dorm - but with the closing of Markley, that changes the equation quite a bit. However, Stockwell is now co-ed, alleviating some of the deficit from Markley's closing.
Keep in mind that those Hill dorms come with their own inconveniences - you could be walking 10-15 minutes to your class versus a 10-15 bus ride to be dropped off essentially at your class, for instance. In the fall or spring, I guess it's a matter of perspective - but let me tell you, that walk to and from the Hill in the winter time is no joke; and that's coming from a West Michigan native. I enjoyed my time in Markley, but in retrospect, Bursley and the bus ride wouldn't have been that bad in comparison. And I don't think it's worth picking a learning community just to avoid Bursely.
Absent being in a learning community, a scholarship athlete, or a female requesting Newberry or Martha Cook, you really can't do much more than declare yourself open and hope for the best to be on Central Campus. I guess I'd just suggest rethinking Bursely for 1) in the event he gets assigned there, and 2) it actually may be better than the alternate (Hill dorms).
You can - or at least could in my day - swap rooms, although that depended on finding someone willing to swap assignments with you. I don't recall anyone I know of doing so. In the worst case scenario, I had been involved in a couple of roommate debacles as an RA that required moving someone; those are few-and-far between, and usually require a major incident or a series of documented incidents before Housing would green-light a move.
As a caveat, I don't know anything about North Quad as that came along after me. I've seen it; it looks nice. So if that's an option, take it - although I wish they would have kept the aesthetically pleasing Frieze Building North Quad replaced.
Abandonment, no child support, and making the kid live his life having to hear "oh wow, you're Maurice's boy. Way to make your dad proud" has got to be the trifecta evidencing a dipshit sperm donor.
I think if Morris starts, it's a good sign that the OL will hold it's own. If Harbaugh has any reservations about the OL, I think Rudock needs to get the nod. He won't make something from nothing, but he can prevent mistakes from turning into disasters.
I 'd say MSU will be a tougher team to beat than OSU. Not saying that we'll beat either this year, but if we were to beat one, I'd pick OSU as most likely.
MSU is good - seemingly getting incrementally better. And their hatred toward us continues to intensify.
Be advised that Hash Bash has moved - or at least portions of the festivities have - to Monroe (directly in front of Dominicks). At least that is what we found last year after the spring game. Street (and sidewalk) was so damn crowded, we didn't even bother trying to make it through to Dominicks. Not sure what the deal was, or if it'll be the same this year, as I've always known Hash Bash to be on the Diag proper.
I'll be there. Father-in-law is a sparty alum with season tickets in the north endzone. Went to last year's debacle, along with a few other MSU non-UM games. Like someone above stated, the north endzone isn't bad for opposing fans - mostly older sparty alums. You'll get the typical boo-hisses, but without the flying beer bottles and assaultive behavior. I think this year, I'll simply respond with "I think we're still a year away from competing for a national championship" and leave it at that. That'll be good for a laugh (mockingly, but a laugh nonetheless), and let me keep rooting for the good guys in relative peace.
Be brave out there guys. At least next year we'll be back in Ann Arbor, and hopefully looking much better as a team.
I'm expecting Hoke to be on the sideline this Saturday for Rutgers. I suspect his last game as coach will be ohio. Anything could happen between now and then. If we win at Rutgers, Hoke will be coaching against PSU; if we lose, or if something like last Saturday happens, I think UM would have to act at that point.
The same thing could be said for every remaining game: one more debacle (i.e. controvery or blowout loss) and he's gone.
Basically, Hoke (and probably Brandon) are on borrowed time. I can't imagine Hoke surviving the year, but I also don't see his firing as imminent (as in this week).
I'm making my second UM/MSU game trip to spartytown, and my fifth trip overall there. My father-in-law has season tickets, and is about as big of a sparty fan as they come. We sit just to the right of the tunnel, behind the north endzone. Most of the people sitting there are older MSU alums. Aside from a few jeers ("skunk bears" and "wolverines are extinct for a reason") and having to deal with guys talking about every football statistic favorable to MSU, it's not bad. Exiting the stadium is another matter. Be prepared to deal with a bunch of drunk idiots - win or lose. Whatever you do, don't use a porta-potty after the game.
In my experience, I haven't seen sparties throw much more hostility toward Michigan fans than they do to fans of any other schools. Of course, the non-UM/MSU games I've been to have mostly came with very disappointing losses (Iowa / Nebraska). For those games, I'm more or less a dispassionate observer so obviously not a target of hostility like I will be for this game.
My advice is to go, tailgate if you want, enjoy the game, represent Big Blue...but after the game, make like the referees and split as quickly as you can.
My freshman year (his sophomore year - NC year, 1997)...in one of the single rooms facing the courtyard in 2nd Hinsdale.
http://games.espn.go.com/tournament-challenge-bracket/en/entry?entryID=3554146
Michigan over Louisville. Don't ask me about the other two regions.
No it doesn't. Most European countries invest actual money into their railroad infrastructure and upkeep. Trains in European countries routinely travel over 100 MPH without incident; Amtrak somehow manages to derail going 25 MPH through Jackson.
Even Amtrak's Northeastern Cooridor service looks like a poor man's imitation of, say, Germany's DB. We are probably the only industrialized nation where bus travel is actually more efficient.
Could be a year of complete victory* over MSU!
*Hopefully at least in football and men's basketball.Other sports are welcome to join the victory parade.
The sad thing is that he had plenty of ways to avoid this trouble. If this was a late-notice check-in, I'm sure, as a football player, he could have called a teamate or position coach...heck, call Hoke at home. Hoke would have made sure someone just happened to be driving through Stonum's neighborhood, saw him walking, and gave him a lift.
He could have, of course, told the PO about his ride situation and just be a little late. As a star athelete, I wonder just how long it would take him to run to the courthouse.
Failing all that, he could have been smarter in his underhandedness. Here's a thought: instead of driving right up to the courthouse, let's try parking down the street? After the appointment, walk home and explain to whomever he took the car from what he had to do.
I think all first year atheletes stay in West Quad now. South Quad used to be the place until the late 90s.
I remember telnet. And I was a junior when this horseless carriage called Wolverine Access came onto the scene - even though for that first year, you still had to call the CRISP lady to actually register.
My only quasi-brush with UM atheletic fame is that Charles Woodson almost knocked me down as he was exiting the front of the Union. It was nighttime and snowing, around finals time; I was going in to study and he was running out like he had to get to Pasadena or something.
Going to GRCC was probably the best decision Demar could have made. In recent years, GRCC has become the go-to program for top-level talent with academic or life issues. heck, a couple of years ago, their quarterback had just got out of jail on a manslaughter case; now he is doing well at a four-year school.
The head coach came from Muskegon High School - which if you're from Michigan, you know is a regular state title contender - so I know Demar is getting taught good fundamentals. They also have a sort of "spiritual advisor / mentor" that assists players with life issues so I'm confident that Demar has come a long way as a person from where he once was.
Unfortunately, Michigan traditionally doesn't do JuCo - for regular students or atheletes. The students you hear of that do transfer are typically top-flight academically and probably would have been admitted to UM out of high school.
As a GR resident though, I have enjoyed being able to watch the talent Demar brings to GRCC first hand and wish him the best of luck wherever he goes.
But I'm sure the coaching staff follows up on athlete attendance for discussion sections. I suspect - but I don't know for sure - that the athletic department has people who look for players in lectures.
That is utter bunk. I attended the U from 97-01 and had a few football players in classes. They always came to class.
As an academic peer advisor for summer orientations, I know that football players' schedules were set up to not have classes on fridays in the fall term. This was because of the team travels on fridays for away games and has nothing to due with wanting to just give them fridays off.
. . . all around. While I hate to see Joe Pa go out like this, he did have a hand in it. The University has to do what's best for it right now. And in some ways, I believe Joe Pa understands that.
Never goes to fail, though, that someone tries to do that every game.
The money alone that would come from getting BTN into NYC would be nice. But people in NYC don't care about college football. They have the Yankees and Broadway. They get about as excited for college football as they do about visiting the Midwest.
I know the lot next to the B-school has a special flat fee for game days. I'd just park along the street wherever you can find a space.
I agree that getting off US-23 at Geddes is probably a better route onto campus around game time. Coming from the north, US-23 can start backing up toward the split with M-14 closer to game time.
I skip the parking lots altogether and park on the street by a meter. You'll likely get a ticket because the meter readers are fanatical on Game Days. But, the ticket is only $10, which you can pay online once you get home. You'll easy spend $10 for a lot but you can usually park closer by a meter. I've done this the last three years (one game / season). I've gotten two tickets (last year I lucked out parking behind Stockwell and they must not have checked those meters.