If left alone in a room with G.I. Joe toys from the '80s... I'd play with them.

Wait... is that an opinion or an admission?  Screw it.

Something about peckers... I dunno.  Woodpeckers shouldn't be coaches.

So they're male...

You might as well tell us the rest, Coach.

I'll just stop, drop and roll.

And then get up and laugh.  And then go eat a taco.

Huzzah... internet poem fights!

*

Tony and Allen.

Klinger, Radar, Hot Lips, you know... the whole gang.

EDIT: Damn, responded in the wrong spot!

no doubt.

I have Crowpuppy and Moleskyn.

I shouldn't hold out hope for Nike Freehs to hit shelves anytime soon.

Disappointing.  

He means someone the size of Norfleet but with the speed and strength of Pipkins.

Are their names on his bookcovers yet?

Do high school kids use bookcovers anymore?

Do they use books?

Why are my fingernails painted?

I live in the attic.

This fake girlfriend gets around!

Makes me feel like I'm hanging out with the guys...

And not doing laundry at home with my wife and little dog.

Yay!

Now I know what to write on my pitchfork!

Clarence Beeks got locked in a cage with a horny gorilla at the end of Trading Places...

He's paid his dues, now you're just piling on.

Wish I was drunk.

I'll never look up my childhood friend T.S. Hooker again.

*

It's the second most appropriate place to get that tattooed on your body.

Good luck finding a tattoo artist to put one on the most appropriate place.

Eww.

Sooo... yeah.  Much worse.

He is announcing that he will be giving Michigan the silent treatment.

It's pronounced trev-or.

Kind of counterintuitive...

Did he not sign with Rutgers?  I must've missed that.

While I'm no fan of MD, I find it wildly inappropriate to keep insisting that DANTONIO STRANGLED FIVE HOTEL MAIDS WHILE AT THE RADISSON IN KALAMAZO.

So, just so we're clear, I can't agree with the notion that DANTONIO STRANGLED FIVE HOTEL MAIDS WHILE AT THE RADISSON IN KALAMAZOO.

RIP Maids.

But the last three pounds are the heaviest!

Huzzah!

Thank god... I'm in need of another pair of overpriced khakis.

Then I'm almost positive that peckers are out too.

Rats.

The narration at the end of the Holly Rowe video is classic...

"What a bee-otch." 

Kids say the darndest things.  Good for a chuckle.

Best, on Christmas eve: a druken, "Psst... I think I may be bisexual."

Worst, on Christmas morning: a hungover, "Don't worry... I'm completely straight."

Thanks Honey... that's a load off.

Your parameters... they're invalid.

Edit: Now they're valid.  Congratulations to you and your parameters.

I guess I'll cancel my Denard Robinson Raiders jersey order now...

As odd and as off putting as Al could be, he was truly an innovator.

I've always been partial to the name Bert.

If you want it, it's yours.  I'll just name my kids something else.

Freddie Mitchell FTW.

#Youtoldhim

And that dude is one angry lay.

Now go forth and reap.

Unless the reaping is already done, in which case, just try to look busy when the boss is around.  That's what I do.

Might I suggest adding Ace: to your post titles?

After all... you are that dude now.

EDIT: Late, I'm always late.

They're slow and can't get away.

Steer clear of the raccoon cage.  They look delicious but put up a surprisingly painful fight.

Fred Jackson doesn't use hyperbole... the rest of the world just suffers from hypobole.

Thanks for telling it like it is, Freddy.

He probably doesn't have a naughty chair anyways.

Looks premium Scout-ish.

Someone needs to sit in his naughty chair.

He wasn't just wearing an OU shirt... He was only wearing an OU shirt. 

That's a winner.

My parents were killed by snowballs... which later became puddles and got away scott free.

Talk about insensitive.  Sit on it buddy.

What the hell have I been putting on my mashed potatoes?