|9 weeks 14 hours ago||Academic reform||
The first major announcement by President Sweatervest: A new four-year major program in Tattoo Arts. Suggested minor: Sports Trophy Marketing.
|10 weeks 2 days ago||Delayed gratification||
C'mon now, Jameis! All you needed to do was wait a little while longer and you could have bought the whole damn crab.
|18 weeks 12 hours ago||Applause||
This piece is a well-deserved tribute to a winner, on and off the court. I can only hope that the applause he gets from the Crisler fans at the final home game will be long and loud. Actually, he deserves "thunderous" applause.
|21 weeks 2 days ago||New nickname||
Perhaps we should now refer to Spurrier as "The Old Bawl Coach."
|24 weeks 3 days ago||Terry Pratchett on half-full/empty glasses||
"There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!"
|25 weeks 1 day ago||Don't do it, Lewand!||
Get the tattoo, that is. An Ohio State tat could very well be the mark of the beast, and you'll be hounded by Jack Van Impe, Hal Lindsey and others who may peg you as the Antichrist.
|25 weeks 3 days ago||Fractions||
Why worry about the prospect that half the fan base will be pissed off? It already IS pissed off. Or in my case, apathetic. Another coaching change. BFD. Bring on spring training.
|26 weeks 3 hours ago||Historical equivalent||
Saban and Kiffin together is the football equivlent of the non-aggression pact between HItler and Stalin ... and it will last just about as long.
|26 weeks 2 days ago||Misnomer||
With album titles like those, the band may as well change its name to Sex Panther.
|26 weeks 5 days ago||If.....||
the Browns are dumb enough to hire The Vest, then this thread suddenly gains a lot of relevance.
|31 weeks 2 days ago||Priorities||
My two rooting priorities are:
1. State of Michigan schools over non-state of Michigan schools.
2. Conference schools over non-conference schools.
Regarding #1, go Sparty on Saturday.
Regarding #2, there are times when a rule must be broken. I did root for the Nuts in the national title game against Miami under the mistaken assumption that only one group of criminals was taking the field. If OSU makes it to the title game this year, I won't get fooled again. To hell with those bird-flipping, mouth-breathing, florid-faced, gap-toothed morons. I would even root for the South Bend Pullets before I would Ohio.
|32 weeks 2 days ago||Tears in hell||
"Gentlemen: The school from Ohio will be bringing fans of a certain bottom-dwelling type to our House. They will include fathers and sons wearing matching sets of buckeye nut necklaces. It is our job to defeat their team and make these goobers cry piterously. . . .pisseously. . . .pattyeously. . . .oh, never mind. MAKE 'EM CRY LIKE HELL!"
|32 weeks 3 days ago||The right word||
Hoke could have used more acidic language than "fickle" (see the Bo Pelini rant against Husker fans). But he still misses the mark. The more accurate word would have been "demanding."
For me, who has been in Hoke's corner, the jury is now out as the team is likely to slip below the 8-4 I had predicted. I hate the bugger, but Dantonio improves the teams he coaches. So did Carr, for the most part (remember how people howled about him?). We are seeing the opposite here and that's on the coaches. Deterioration is not what I want to see as a fan. If that makes me fickle, mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
|33 weeks 2 days ago||All I know is. .||
. . .that one more game like the Nebraska game would have caused me to do a four-day creep. Thanks for the Humble Pie meme. Steve Marriott, music's version of Vincent Smith (tiny but tough), would be proud.
|43 weeks 1 day ago||Wrestling flashback||
What Mr. Hand did was not technically a body-slam. It was a suplex (or as Gordon Solie pronounced it, a "soo-play.") But whatever you call it, the hit was a real slobberknocker (to use another wrestling phrase courtesy of Dusty Rhodes).
|1 year 3 weeks ago||Biting humor||
Guy walks into the bar, sits down and after a while bets the bartender $10 that he can bite his own eye. The bartendder accepts the bet, whereupon the guy takes a set of false teeth out of his mouth and clamps them on his left eye.
The bartender grumbles and hands over the $10. The guy says, "That really wasn't fair. I'll bet you $20 I can bite my other eye." The bartender thinks this is a sure bet and accepts. The guy then takes out his right eye, a glass eye, and bites it. Now the bartender is furious and slaps a $20 on the bar.
"Now I really feel bad," says the guy. "Tell you what. I'll give you a chance to win $50. I'll bet you that if you slide a shot glass down the bar past me, I can piss into it without a single drop going outside the glass."
The bartender thought and said, "Okay pal, you're on!"
He went to the end of the bar, slid the shot glass and the guy totally missed, leaving the bar dripping.
"Well, I guess you finally lost!" said the bartender in triumph.
"That depends on how you look at it," said the guy. "See that table full of guys over in the corner? I bet them $100 that I would piss all over you bar."
|1 year 5 weeks ago||Hit parade||
Tennessee, UCLA and Kansas.
|1 year 5 weeks ago||Out of position||
Start him at LB. My memories of getting too near a sow with piglets remind me that his species has incredible closing speed.
|1 year 6 weeks ago||It's 1969 okay||
I pick Don Moorhead, because he's a homeboy (from South Haven) and because he was QB in my favorite game in Michigan history, the gigantic upset in 1969 over Ohio.
Then Rick Leach, the guts and glue of the Maize and Blue.
Then Denard, for "guts and glue" brought forward into the 21st century.
|1 year 10 weeks ago||Inferiority complex||
Yes, they have a little brother complex, but you would too if you had an entire classification of jokes aimed at you. I'm referring to the "Aggie joke" humor subgenre, which I didn't know about until living in Texas. Example: What's the best thing to ever come out of College Station? Highway 6. Did you hear about the Aggie whose dog kept getting hurt while chasing parked cars? The Sparties have no idea how bad it could really get.
|1 year 11 weeks ago||Confusion||
The Cubs have been confused since 1908.
|1 year 17 weeks ago||No connection||
This son of the ould sod (Shaw and Callahan) reminds you that the Irish saved civilization long before Sparty started destroying furniture.
|1 year 17 weeks ago||Wardrobe malfunction||
Whoever is coming up with these designs must hate athletes and wishes to denigrate them by making them play wearing pajamas. At this rate, the sneaks will look like those bunny slippers Ralphie was forced to wear in "A Christmas Story."
|1 year 18 weeks ago||The Godfather of Soul||
The event: Losing to Ohio State
The catharsis: "The Big Payback" by James Brown. JB is great blowing-off-steam music, great house cleaning music. . . .just great in general. And "Talkin' Loud and Sayin' Nothing" gets heavy rotation after any episode of Urbanspeak, Geespeak and Smithspeak.
|1 year 20 weeks ago||Escalation||
Bop-era jazz (Bud Powell, Thelonious Monk) until my deadlines are met.
In the afternoon, I'll be in the mood for some old-fashioned Detroit high energy: MC5, Wayne Kramer, The Racketeers, Sonic's Rendezvous Band. Kick out the jams and let it snow.
|1 year 21 weeks ago||This is. . .||
Ohio hooey. And that's the foulest, smelliest kind.
|1 year 22 weeks ago||A modest proposal||
Marcus Ray should have a five-minute conversation with the kid. That should take care of it. Now let's light up and just move along.
|1 year 23 weeks ago||Title tracking||
At first, the title suggested a humorous OT, but now I understand the lacross angle.
And yet, if you really want to discuss B1G expansion, how about competition between hospitals? We could stage individual events in operating rooms witih spectators — but no cheering or Junior Mints allowed. Recruiting "hello" posts on this blog could include "fake incision times."
|1 year 23 weeks ago||Progeny||
The behavior of Titus Young Sr. imperils the future of Titus Young Jr. Those tender father-son teaching times will no doubt include such nuggets as "Don't be disrespected," "Learn how to handle your bidness" and other phrases intended to excuse sociopathy. A pox on him. Trade him to the Raiders.
|1 year 24 weeks ago||The next level||
Wherever he plays, Denard will be a work in progress. But I think the best solution would be to develop him as quickly as possible as a kick returner while he matures into a WR. He could be the new Devin Hester, now that the present one seems relatively uninterested in going on.
|1 year 24 weeks ago||And in another change. . .||
. . .the sign going into the tunnel next season will now say "Play Like An Imaginary Girlfriend Today."
|1 year 24 weeks ago||Similarities||
The big question for me now is how long did the ND administration, athletic and otherwise, know about this canard? The confluence of forces here suggest that we have something like the Penn State scandal with regard to the higher-ups. Not as large or harmful as the PSU scandal for sure, but of the same species (lying and coveringup for something deemed too big to criticize or discipline).
|1 year 25 weeks ago||Overheard||
"I don't get what the big deal is about." -- George O'Leary
|1 year 25 weeks ago||Another brick||
This goes along with the reports that USC snubbed the social function that was supposed to involve both teams. Lundquist and Danielson were kvetching about that during the game. How long can this clown keep his job in the face of the mounting evidence? And does the president of USC wear a bow tie?
|1 year 25 weeks ago||A clean image||
The question of whether this is the right move to "clean his image" is irrelevant to those of us who never bought into the image in the first place. Our ability to detect bullshit is what needs serious repair. You can't go wrong invoking The Principle of the Path, which says that direction, not intention, determines destination. "I'm a good guy because I fight cancer" is the exception; his deceptive behavior has been the rule.
|1 year 27 weeks ago||Give the kicker some||
Brendan Gibbons with a bevy of brunettes.
|1 year 32 weeks ago||A twist||
Well, this adds an interesting angle to my observation last week that Lesticles is a cross between Bo and John L. Smith. Maybe Arky's AD said, "Hey, we want another guy who's stranger than nine kinds of hell, but this time we want one who wins."
|1 year 33 weeks ago||Hybrid vigor||
Les Miles is what you get when you combine Bo with John L. Smith.
|1 year 33 weeks ago||Spillover||
As a Volunteer sympathizer, the only comfort in this comes from knowing that dirty dog Kiffin is in trouble himself at USC. He's the one that set this whole chain of affairs in motion.
|1 year 39 weeks ago||52-17||
The Biting Illini 17
|1 year 41 weeks ago||Unchanged||
At 8-4. And in the expectation that we get Sparty this year.
|1 year 41 weeks ago||Meteorology||
Don't let it rain like it did during RichRod's first trip down there. Not with a freshman fielding kicks. If it's a muddy slogfest, I think Denard and an up-to-speed Fitz figure out a way to win, with the defense doing just enough. UM 24, ND 19
|1 year 44 weeks ago||Oregon 2007||
Yes, you can make a case that part of this was a hangover from The Horror, but still, I can't remember a more thorough dismantling. I wonder if this was the game that made Lloyd decide to quit, even more than App State.
|1 year 44 weeks ago||Integrity||
Integrity, thy name is Hoke. And that clattering sound you heard was the sound of a bunch of people wearing red and green (plus a few "journalists") who had to drop the stones they were so eager to throw.
|1 year 44 weeks ago||The blade||
It's line play, especially when they have the ball. I can envision those big nasty fellas and Lacy putting the blade down until we prove we can stop them.
|1 year 45 weeks ago||The opinions of others||
It's all about the future of the kid and the integrity of the program, and I trust Hoke to do the right thing on both accounts. I also trust him to make that decision regardless of the opnions of Sparties, Bucknuts, Freepers and others who would find something to complain about if FItz gets suspended for six games. The dogs bark, but the caravan moves on.
|1 year 45 weeks ago||Hall and Oates||
Hall and Oates are okay, coach. Just remember the Rule of Groban and keep 'em away from the Football Bust.
|1 year 45 weeks ago||Rodentia||
A guy I was in grad school with was a rabid OSU fan and at every opportunity would bleat out the epithet "Rodents" at the Wolverines. One day he even interrupted a lecture by a professor, who was a Penn State partisan, to gloat over a Bucknuts victory over PSU. He was noxious at every turn. What makes the story worse is the nature of the "grad school" we were in: a seminary. Thankfully, this guy washed out. If he ever got a church, the congregation wouild be running the other way faster than Denard.
|1 year 45 weeks ago||Rebuttal||
The best way to answer bad speech is with better speech. The best way to answer this t-shirt is with another one, an MGoShirt, that says "WORST STATE EVER."
|1 year 45 weeks ago||Spooky by association||
Loyalty programs remind me of loyalty oaths, which are creepy. That may be next: place your left hand on a copy of "Bo's Lasting Lessons," raise your right hand and swear fealty to Brandon in the name of Canham. All traitors and pinkos (paler shades of scarlet, that is) wil be banished to a yacht ride with Bill Martin.
|1 year 45 weeks ago||Zero||
I never drank the Lance kool-aid. He cheated on his wife, who deserved much better. He wasn't on the up-and-up with Sheryl Crow, either. Cheat on wife, cheat on girlfriend, cheat on bicycle races. He may be able to run for president someday with that report card, but he's never been a hero to me.
|1 year 46 weeks ago||Careful who you charge||
That's in the same category as Robin Ventura charging Nolan Ryan. Only the helmet saved Galette from a few noogie-punches.
|1 year 46 weeks ago||Diversion||
I don't mind the thread. It gives me something to think about politically other than the nitwittery of Todd Akin.
|1 year 46 weeks ago||About damn time||
Any comments from Booger, or Hooter, or whatever that guy's name was who kept pratting on about the sanctity of his "toonament"?
|1 year 46 weeks ago||Choices||
The thread post made me think the subject was either Bo's "the team" speech or Kate Upton doing the "Cat Daddy."
|1 year 47 weeks ago||Modifiers||
The mention of someone "connected with Penn State" narrows the list of suspects to a million of so people. But the modifier "very rich and prominent" brings us to a handful of people. I can only wonder if the authorities have been holding back on something even worse, but are now ready to fire the ICBMs in light of the appeal from the Paterno family and the defiance from some of the trustees. If you sow the wind, you will reap the whirlwind.
|1 year 48 weeks ago||Be even bolder. . .||
. . .and put the Nittany Lion "cat" logo on the helmets.
|1 year 49 weeks ago||Discworld||
How can you go wrong with a series set on a flat world balanced on the back of four elephants standing on a turtle? Or where Death (yes, THAT Death with robe and scythe) rides a horse called Binky and has a granddaughter named Susan?
|1 year 50 weeks ago||New heights||
This is the best "Blockhams" yet, combining wisdom and humor in a winsome fashion. And oh man, that last panel. . .
|1 year 50 weeks ago||A ray of light||
Reading the threads on Black Shoe Diaries is a mostly depressing experience, as their fans react with denial, shock and anger. And then I saw a comment that made me crack up laughing: the observation that the Nittany Lions should still be able to defeat Ohio U. in the first game and thereby break the school's 108-game losing streak.
|1 year 50 weeks ago||Did I hear that right?||
Emmert said PSU was expected to establish the position of "chief compliance officer." That jumped out at me. You mean they didn't have one already? If true, that says plenty about the Penn State culture and makes me wonder what else is there that is unrelated to the Sandusky case.
|1 year 51 weeks ago||Job opening||
And just who will they hire to conduct this review? Johnnie Cochran isn't available. Perhaps a retired monsignor or a disgraced televangelist will do.
|2 years 5 days ago||Interesting||
. . .that Coach Perles couldn't provide some actual game analysis. Perhaps he was out of his comfort zone.
|2 years 5 days ago||Colorless||
Who is the color commentator on that Memphis video? George soembody? The guy contributes absolutely nothing to the broadcast other than sounding a little bit like Bob Ufer.
|2 years 2 weeks ago||New version of an old joke||
May be time to repurpose that old Packer joke from the 80s:
Why did the state of Michigan build a new minimum security prison in Allen Park?
So the Lions could walk to work.
|2 years 2 weeks ago||From the 70s||
"Huckleby," and you can all it "Huck."
|2 years 3 weeks ago||In the Pete Puma category. . .||
It's very hard for me to watch the Holyfield-Rahman fight, where Rahman developed a whupknot on his forehead the size of a grapefruit..
|2 years 3 weeks ago||The new normal||
A "journalist" interrupts the president's statement on immigration.
A Romney rally is interrupted by chanting protetors, disrespectful of the candidate's right to speak and the listners' right to hear.
And now this eejit at the U.S. Open.
Rude is the new normal. The galoots are loose and they are winning.
|2 years 3 weeks ago||Wheeling and dealing||
1. Quentin for Young is a wash, with Quentin only providing a slight uptick defensively due to his stronger arm. HIs other addition would be intangibles, but right now I'd tke a jagbag like Richie Allen (remember him?) if he can bring a big bat.
2. As a fan of both teams, I can't see the Cubs unloading Garza. Dempster is another story. Soriano to the Tigers doesn't work, either, because of his massive contract and his defensive liabilities. Where on earth would Detroit put another DH?
3. Raburn was called up to be showcased and moved for a song to clear a roster spot and accommodate an additional trade.
4. I like Jackson and Berry at the top of the order as a "daily double" of guys who can get on base. Move Boesch to fifth, especialliy now that he's hot. Then DY is a DH and too bad if he doesn't like it.
|2 years 5 weeks ago||Thumbs up||
A very big deal indeed. In this media age where armies of people (formerly known as journalists) hunt breathlesly for every "gaffe" to display and increase traffic, it's nice to see a story of a selfless act for a change. Cheers to Ms. Vogel, and may her tribe increase.
|2 years 5 weeks ago||Preference||
I'd rather watch Serena.
|2 years 5 weeks ago||Cats and birds||
If I tried to put item #9 on my cat, Bella, I would have bloody stumps where my hands were. Never push your luck with an orange tabby.
But I confess. . . .kinda dig the maize and blue flamingos. Paint the winged helmet design on the blue one and you have a value-added product.
|2 years 7 weeks ago||Intriguing reaction. . .||
, , ,from John Radcliff at Smoking Musket. His words of regreat are cautionary to anyone to those who criticize public figures on the record. He is now eating his harsh words about Stewart, and they don't taste good at all.
|2 years 7 weeks ago||Being Oregon||
When did we decide it was a great idea to be like Oregon with uniforms? At this rate, look for maize away jerseys, reversing the color scheme on the helmets, and wearing bulbous red noses.
|2 years 8 weeks ago||Do the work, son||
Not sure turning pro and getting paid is the smartest thing for a young man who seems otherwise adrift. It might work if he stays in one place for long enough and has good people near him. And he must do the work, both on and off the field. Otherwise, the only thing left is arena ball.
|2 years 8 weeks ago||Another Ohio coach||
The Bo and Woody photo is great and certainly would find a place in my home. Other than that,, there's only one Ohio coach I would likewise honor: who else but John Cooper, best Buckeye coach ever.
|2 years 8 weeks ago||Try this one||
Sonny Bryan's. Brisket to die for.
|2 years 9 weeks ago||Lasting pleasure||
It took me five minutes to read this episode. Not because I'm an MSU grad, but because of the burning couches in the first panel. Couldn't stop laughing. The scowling Dantonio on the third panel was worth another long laugh. Hail!
|2 years 9 weeks ago||At the end of the day||
I predict that, when all is said and done, Urban Meyer will be called "Tressel Without the Vest." All the pieces are in place for a repeat of scandal and shame because that school in Ohio still operates with a "win at any cost" mentality. And that will get you nailed every time.
|2 years 11 weeks ago||Arky forecast for 2012||
Stick a fork in them brothers. They're done.
|2 years 13 weeks ago||Track rrecord||
Zeke: Great player. After that, the only thing he has done well professionally is be a studio analyst. The rest has been abysmal. The only job I would give him with the Pistons would involve him wearing a name badge and a hairnet.
|2 years 13 weeks ago||The Greatest of Days||
My Tigers side is excited, for very good reason. All this hand-wringing about defense will be moot if the boys score 12 runs a game.
My Cubs side knows we'll have to endure some more whuppin' but that at least someone who has a plan is driving the bus. You have to go through it to get to it.
So I will be toggling back and forth betwen Comerica and The Friendly Confines. As Ernie (Banks, that is) says, "Hey hey, let's play two today."
|2 years 14 weeks ago||I and I play football, mon||
At this rate, the Lions should change their colors to green, yellow and black and play all their games in Jamaica.
If Fairley didn't have a nickname before, he sure as hell has one now: "The Weedeater."
For all these galoots (and Sparty's Mr. Nix as well), we need a tangible dubious dope distinction award. I suggest a bronze spliff the size of a table leg. We can call it "The Baraka."
|2 years 14 weeks ago||Twice?||
Two busts in a short period of time? For the same thing?
Cue the voice of Red Forman: "YOU'RE A DUMBASS!"
That goes for you too, Mr. Ryan (Sweet) Leaf.
|2 years 14 weeks ago||Resolve||
Did we quit when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! Have the Spirit of Blutarsky. Don't let the bastards grind you down.
|2 years 15 weeks ago||Geography||
Given the nature of the accident, he'd better stay far away from Hinckley, Ohio and its yearly gathering of buzzards. Best wishes to him and hope he gets well soon.
|2 years 15 weeks ago||Stockpiling RBs||
This is a good move. The Lions can't have too many running backs, considering how they get chewed up during the season. This is especially true due to their curious lack of attention to upgrading the o-line (cue in additional worries about Staafford getting killed).
|2 years 15 weeks ago||The two||
Sacco and Vanzetti.
But if we're going to dream, dream big: Levenberry and Isaac.
|2 years 15 weeks ago||Brutality and eloquence||
As a writer, I have marveled at how the best boxing scribes can write with such eloquence about such a brutal sport. Bert Randolph Sugar was the best of the lot. He will receive many memorial 10-counts of the ring bell over the next few days at boxing cards and will deserve them all.
|2 years 16 weeks ago||It's a bear. . . .||
. . .but it's not a hockeybear.
|2 years 16 weeks ago||Change a letter||
Well then, let's turn him into D. B. Cooper and make him disappear.
|2 years 16 weeks ago||Tonight on the Grand Ole Opry. . .||
Shane and the Morrises (not to be confused with the Morrisseys).
Can you imagine how much fun it will be with him and Pee Wee in the same locker room? And perhaps even better on the field.
|2 years 17 weeks ago||Deep end of the pool||
I was working at a newspaper in Illinois during Michigan's championship season. Not only was I in the middle of Illini country, but the sports editor had Seton Hall in a citywide pool and was in line to win $1,600 bucks. The day after the game had the potential to be a wee bit tense. Early on, he walked up to me and said, "Let's get something straight. I don't hate you. BUT I HATE THAT GODDAM STATE YOU'RE FROM." Using all my theater training, I kept a poker face. But I laughed like hell all the way home. And I'm laughing now remembering his florid face.
|2 years 17 weeks ago||Class warfare. What is it good for?||
I have experienced this kind of nonsense from another angle, less serious than the incident last night, but still bothersome: urban vs. rural.
I saw this far too often, most jarringly when I was a sportswriter. One year Fennville played a Grand Rapids school in the tournaments. The Blackhawks weren't hurt most by the 90-56 defeat. What was worse was the yells of of "farmer" and "stupid farmer" as their kids shot free throws -- even when their team was 30 points ahead. The irony was that those who were chanting it appeared to be very well fed. We talked often in the days following of the behavior of the fans from "So-Called Christian" High School.
|2 years 17 weeks ago||Touchy job interview question||
Q: So, coach Weber, what was your major accomplishment at Illinois?
A: Getting to the championship game with a team my predecessor recruited.
Ehhhhhh. . . . not so good.
|2 years 18 weeks ago||Unclish behavior||
That Uncle Sparty sure is something. He cries when things don't go his way, is rude and interrupts other people in public and likes to set furniture on fire. Damn. I wish he'd go back to being that "hey kid, pull my finger" uncle I knew and loved.
|2 years 18 weeks ago||Dimensions||
That photo makes him look Martavious-sized. But he's actually listed at 6 even.
|2 years 18 weeks ago||Amen and. .||
Sookie sookie now!
|2 years 19 weeks ago||The greatest coach of them all||
Bill Walton: Coach, we won the national championship and I was the player of the year. So I am not going to cut my hair.
Coach Wooden: Bill, we've enjoyed having you here at UCLA and we wish you luck in your future endeavors.
Old school, yes. But it's how you keep your team. That, combined with loving your players as a good father would.
Something, perhaps off the court, has caused Howland to lose his way. To get it back, I suggest he take a copy of Coach Wooden's "Pyramid of Success" and let it soak into the marrow of his bones. Actually, that's a good thing for all of us to do.
|2 years 19 weeks ago||Condiments||
Our high school Michigan history class (back in the Stone Age) used a text that had some political and historical shortcomings, including the "fact" that Indians were cannibals and liked to feast on missionaries. The teacher, reading from the book, said the Indians "ate them with relish." One of my classmates said, "With RELISH? I didn't know they HAD relish back then."
My classmate got over it. She went on to become a very good junior high teacher. Karma being what it is, I can only imagine the kind of questions her students asked her.
|2 years 19 weeks ago||Distracted||
Holy schnikes! I leave the board for two hours to do some work, come back and BAM!, we have another commit. I'm going to keep working until just before the basketball game and then check back in. At this rate, I expect to see commits from Isaac and Levenberry . . . at least.
|2 years 19 weeks ago||New math||
The "big two and the little ten" sounds good to me.
|2 years 19 weeks ago||Double Red?||
Indiana's Assembly Hall has this Soviet look about it, as if a Politburo of some kind should be meeting there.
|2 years 20 weeks ago||Inferior||
When people like Wilbon flap their gums like this, I instantly think of the old Firesign Theater line, delivered by Nick Danger: "The great prince issues commands, founds states, vests families with fiefs. Inferior people should not be employed."
|2 years 20 weeks ago||Illinoise||
I suspect the high unfavorable rating for Illinois has much to do with exposure to FIPs. That's an unfortunate acronym for the entire state, considering that it only refers to people from Chicago and (especially) the burbs.
|2 years 20 weeks ago||Pie-yow!||
And the busting of chops can be heard all the way to the Olentangy. Well played, good sir.
|2 years 20 weeks ago||Clarification||
Originally, there were 30 Ohio football players signed up for criminology majors. 25 of them changed majors when they learned that this did not involve learning how to BE a criminal.
|2 years 20 weeks ago||Attention Ohio||
How many lumps -- or should I say, whupknots -- do you want today?
Maybe. . . .SIX.
|2 years 20 weeks ago||Giimme four||
Mr. Meyer is suffering from a bad case of quadrophenia.
|2 years 20 weeks ago||A natural progression||
"Buckeye" and "infestation" are two words that belong together.
|2 years 20 weeks ago||Hoodat?||
Never heard this guy. A healthy majority of sports talkers I have heard are meatheads, so I ignore the genrre. You know you've got a bad sports talk show when a drunk caller actually elevates the conversation.
|2 years 21 weeks ago||Illini coach||
Lou Tepper? Not hardly. You're off by 20 years or so.
|2 years 21 weeks ago||He got off easy||
Yesh should thank his lucky stars he never saw a game from the second mezzanine of old Chicago Stadium. He would have been treated to, among other delights, a drunken girl in a Blackhawks jersey screaming, "I fucked Eddie Olczyk."
|2 years 21 weeks ago||Real old school||
Anything uptempo by James Brown. "The Big Payback" got repeated play before last year's Ohio game.
"Tough It Out" by Webb Wilder.
"The Clampdown" by the Clash.
And many more, while fervently hoping to never, ever, ever hear most of the generic drivel played at the stadium during the games. Why can't we come up with OUR OWN songs, and stop copying everyone else? Fergodsakes, put Journey and Neil Diamond out to pasture.
|2 years 21 weeks ago||The struggle||
I hate it when the demons win. This is a reminder that ANY addiction is potentially fatal.
|2 years 21 weeks ago||A message for Gibbons||
"I want you to think about ME next season instead of those damned brunettes." -- Kate Upton
|2 years 22 weeks ago||Gee whiz||
The bow tie has roared back at Bielema.
What we have now at Ohio is an artless college president, a clueless athletic director and a beady-eyed head coach who cloaks his willingness to win at all costs with a thin Christian veneer.
With these elements in place, I'm betting Ohio will be involved in something worse than Tatgate in three to five years.
|2 years 22 weeks ago||Let's talk about||
. . .brunettes.
Oh, snap, I'm married to a redhead. Can't talk about brunettes.
|2 years 22 weeks ago||Solidarity||
The MSU football team is doing its part as well. Dantonio is walking around campus interrupting everybody he sees. At some point at the game, Gholston will attempt to rip the head off Trey but fail because he can't find a face mask. This will cause the yowling white-shirted loons to throw toilet paper, used tampons, charred sofa cushions and other items onto the floor.
|2 years 22 weeks ago||Anatomy||
Bielema and Meyer are twin buttocks of the same bum.
|2 years 23 weeks ago||Magical powers a-brewing||
Hoke has advanced one more step towards Bo-like (godlike) status. Soon he will transcend speech and summon his minions with a mere raising of the eyebrows.
|2 years 23 weeks ago||Off the roller coaster||
Henceforth, I will invoke Coach Wooden's wise counsel to avoid emotional highs and lows and remain at an even keel about this recruitin' business. Getting my hopes up based on other folks' educated guesses about what an 18-year-old kid will do is about as useful as putting a milk bucket under a bull.
|2 years 24 weeks ago||Karma||
The laws of karma dictate that whoever said that about Hummel will have his own ACL torn while leaping from a burning couch.
|2 years 24 weeks ago||Metamorphosis||
Dantonio's outburst is another step in the process of him turning into a guy with classes who coaches in short sleeves, destroys yard markers and will eventually slug an opposing player. Yes, he's turning into Wayne Woorow Dantonio before our very eyes.
|2 years 24 weeks ago||Downplaying||
Hecklinski was right to let the thing alone.
As my dad often told me, "If somebody else really wants to act like an asshole, let him have the stage all to himself."
|2 years 25 weeks ago||How about. . . .||
Spartybeatfast. But then he'd have to change his number to 42.
Hell, just stick with Trey.
|2 years 25 weeks ago||In honor of the defense. . .||
It's time to crank up the box for an ear-splitting rendition of "The Clampdown." The Clash will never sound better.
|2 years 25 weeks ago||That changes everything||
With V-Mart gone (and thus the protection for Miggy), DD might have to think of dangling a Jacob Turner-and-other-prospects package for a big bat. Nothing left to be grabbed in free agency except Son of Cecil, and that ain't happenin'. The Cubs are shopping Soriano, which doesn't sound appealing at first blush, but might be more feasible if he doesn't have to go through the nightmare of playing LF.
|2 years 26 weeks ago||As my people in the ould country would say. . . .||
|2 years 26 weeks ago||Channelling Les||
I'm surprised Mom didn't set her jaw and tell her son he was throwing away his chance to play for a DAMN STRONG FOOTBALL TEAM!
|2 years 26 weeks ago||#41||
He was tough as nails, led by example and did what was necessary to win: Rob Lytle.
|2 years 27 weeks ago||Hair color motivation||
Our kickers should be encouraged to envision beuties of any possible hair color combination, except scarlet and grey.
|2 years 28 weeks ago||Feathers? Wings? Knives?||
Whether you love or hate the Oregon helmets, it's all a matter of a pinion.
|2 years 29 weeks ago||Welcome to the adult world, Mr. Dunn||
Brionte, my young friend, never make a major decision based solely on what people say.
While you are spending the next few years lined up in a spread offense, ponder the fact that "Meyer" rhymes with "liar."
|2 years 29 weeks ago||The sound of sanctions||
Hoke likes to talk about what football sounds like. What will the Ohio sanctions sound like? I can hope for the sound of whupknots being raised and piteous moaning. I suspect it will be the sound of mild slapping on the wrists.
|2 years 30 weeks ago||Waitin' on the NCAA||
No word from the NCAA on sanctions means no decision from Dunn. If they go easy on Ohio (which all signs indicate they will), I'm afraid the kid isn't coming north.
|2 years 30 weeks ago||Wordplay of the gods||
"Carry on my Weighward Son." Pure genius.
Carry on my weighward son,
There'll be beef when you are done.
Never lay your fork to rest.
Don't you fast no more.
|2 years 32 weeks ago||That's all there is, there is no more||
Ding, dong the BITCH is dead.
|2 years 33 weeks ago||Similes||
Beat them like rented mules.
Beat them like red-haired stepchildren.
Beat them like dirty rugs and chalkboard erasers.
Beat them as fine as the dust of the earth.
Beat them like they owe us money.
Come to the woodshed, Lukie boy. It's whuppin' time.
|2 years 36 weeks ago||Lemurs and controlled substances||
A band of coked-out lemurs could be formidable. GERG's defense would have had trouble stopping dope-smoking lemurs. Or lemurs on Valium.
|2 years 38 weeks ago||Be afraid. . .be very afraid||
After Saturday's display, the group of people who needs to be concerned the most is not Michigan's football team. It's Michigan State's hockey team.
|2 years 41 weeks ago||Dreaminess||
However, is Brian dreamy when he's pixillated? Few people are.
|2 years 43 weeks ago||Healing memories||
As time goes by, the details of those last painful days will be edged out by better, happier memories. These are the ones that will have staying power.
Last weekend, I was helping lead a men's retreat for our church. An unofficial part of that weekend was gathering around a TV and watching the second half of the Notre Dame game. It was special to say the least.
The next morning at breakfast, the talk turned to great Michigan moments of the past. As one of the "older guys," I was asked where I was for the Wangler-to-Carter miracle. My dad and I were glued to the Bob Ufer broadcast coming from one of those big stereo console units. When the great play occurred me and my normally stoic father were jumping up and down in the living room shouting with joy. We knocked everything off the knickknack shelf. We thought Mom was going to kill us both. Murder did indeed cross her mind, but she saw how happy we were, quietly picked everything up on the floor, and left the room, shaking her head back and forth and grinning.
So treasure every moment and trust that these are the things that will endure.
|2 years 44 weeks ago||The perfect gig for Tress||
The only job The Vest should ever have again is janitor in a porno movie house.
|2 years 45 weeks ago||The wide-open 70s||
My best moment was my first game, in 1976. I went with a friend, who had gone to many games before. We stopped at a nearby grocery store, where my buddy bought a six-pack of Stroh's. "What are we going to do with that?" I asked. "We're taking it into the game," he said. And we did, no questions asked. We had three fire-breweds apiece and watched Huckleby, Lytle and company dismantle Stanford 51-0. Ahhhh, memories.
|2 years 45 weeks ago||Rematch||
Yeah, so they beat us once. We'll let some time pass and even the score. Worked for Thomas Hearns against Iran Barkley, right?
And, if recent history is any indication, the game is sure to have some extra marketing hook -- perhaps the debut of a giant Domino's Pizza logo in place of the M at the 50-yard line.
This crap is making me old, tired and grouchy. I want the season to start tomorrow.
|2 years 46 weeks ago||See my beard? Ain't it weird?||
Is Hoke growing a goatee?
If so, is this another bright idea from the marketing department?
|2 years 51 weeks ago||Culprits||
I suspect the Hackeyes.
|2 years 51 weeks ago||Over the top||
I love football, too. But there's a line between loving your team and being a mouth-breathing goober. I wonder if the dearly departed was sent to his reward wearing a necklace of buckeye nuts.
|3 years 2 days ago||All I can say is...||
SOOKIE SOOKIE NOW!!
|3 years 3 days ago||Scarlet, gray and whitewash||
One more clue that they should change their name to Fonzie U. They just can't admit they were w-w-w-w-w-wrong. And that is how FU operates in every way, shape and form.
|3 years 3 weeks ago||Metamorphosis||
Eleven Warriors is slowly turning into Twelve Angry Men.
Mistah Cook for the prosecution!
|3 years 4 weeks ago||Branding||
On ESPN, hosted by Jim Gray and called "The Derision."
|3 years 4 weeks ago||Men of action?||
"Men of action?" Does he think he's coaching a team of comic book superheroes?
GIven the fact that he's coaching at tsio, he was precluded from saying he was coaching "real men of genius."
|3 years 4 weeks ago||Two things||
1. The stories should say that Rosenhaus is Pryor's LATEST agent.
2. Tressel and LeBron: It's been a tough few days for blowhards from Ohio.
|3 years 4 weeks ago||Popcorn, anyone?||
How can you take a college president seriously who looks like Orville Redenbacher? Especially when he wears the bow tie (as he did in the infamous Tressel arse-licking presser).
|3 years 5 weeks ago||RR to the rescue?||
RichRod riding to the rescue in Morgantown on a mule accompanied by a pack of baying coonhounds? I dunno. Seems as if that bridge has been nuked (from their end). I'll keep believing he ends up at Clemson.
|3 years 5 weeks ago||The Vest is Getting Fuzzy||
So the Vest rants on, making an empty threat he can do nnothing about? Me thinks Jim Tressel is turning into Bucky Katt.
|3 years 5 weeks ago||Nicely done||
Hoping for a future chapter called "Get Yer Ya-Ya's Out," which will depict an exodus of recruits and the forfeiture of victories and championships.
|3 years 5 weeks ago||Tattooed Love Boys||
As that good Ohio girl Chrissie Hynde: "You mess with the goods. . . .honey, you got to pay."
|3 years 6 weeks ago||A cautionary tale||
Was having lunch with friends in a deserted Ann Arbor restaurant yesterday and said of the OSU situation, "The fish are beginning to rot." But I didn't know it would happen this fast.
I would rather not gloat over the demise of an enemy. I'd rather reflect on what happens to a program, a university, a fan base that loses its balance and resorts to winning at all costs - and that equates college football with life itself. There is a direct link between photos of a Bucknuts fan father-and-son, both in buckeye nut necklaces, weeping piteously after an upset loss, to the kind of revelations that are only beginning to come out.
Be satisfied that justice is apparently being done. But be vigilant not to lose our balance so that we don't fall as well.
|3 years 7 weeks ago||Bzzzzz||
What the hell is the deal with all the stripes? We look like a bunch of frickin' maize-and-blue bumblebees.
|3 years 7 weeks ago||An attention grabber||
Brian, take it from someone who has been trying to write attention-getting journalism ledes for nearly 30 years: the first sentence of this post is world-class. I rank it as a simile with an old favorite from a fellow columnist from the 1980s, referring to someone with a glaring lack of social skills as "having all the savoir-faire of a young Clem Kadiddlehopper."
|3 years 10 weeks ago||The captain||
An enduring memory from the 1969 Ohio State game was the expression on the face of Jim Mandich as the team was going off the field. It was incandescent and mirrorred the collective mood of all of us on that great day. This program was rebuilt on the shoulders of giants, and now there is one more giant in heaven. Go Blue!
|3 years 11 weeks ago||Vested interest||
The righteous gray vest
Outwardly clean, inwardly foul
|3 years 13 weeks ago||As the great Mr. Keen would say. . .||
The road goes on forever and the party never ends.
And apparently there are at least three of us who dig REK and who are not Texans.
|3 years 17 weeks ago||An appropriate name||
Was amused yesterday on the drive home at Bill Simonson conflating the names of two scummy coaches, and calling Tennessee's basketball coach "Bruce Tressel."
|3 years 17 weeks ago||Hit 'em where it really hurts||
The Ohio States, USCs and all the other reincarnations of the SWC at its worst don't really care if you take away practice time, victories or scholarships. They don't care if their star players are forced to forfeit their Heismans. Why? Because none of those penalties attack the real reason they look the other way while offenses are committed. The only way to really punish them is to hit the sonsabitches in the wallet by assessing stiff fines and thereby lessening the ill-gotten gain from huge attendance and advertising revenue.
|3 years 17 weeks ago||Attention home improvement shoppers!||
Buckeye Whitewash, one-gallon cans, on sale now at Menards! (Columbus area stores only.)
|3 years 24 weeks ago||Little known great solos||
Summer Lightning - Camel
Dreamer - Tommy Bolin
Dolemite - Scott Henderson
Crying to the Sky - Be Bop Deluxe
Eddie's Gospel Groove - Ronnie Earl
|3 years 24 weeks ago||In the affirmative||
Beyonce: Yes, yes, yes.
|3 years 24 weeks ago||Breaking the ice||
Perhaps the greatest value of this commit is that it breaks the ice, in a Pudge Rodriguez kind of way. Mr. Carter is the first player to say "yes" to the new regime, clearing the way for more to follow. Next, I'll take that Wile E. Coyote kicker and after that a QB.
|3 years 24 weeks ago||Something deeper||
The tone of Tate's words make me think he's wrestling with something far deeper than football or grades. Whatever that is, we can only hope he solves it and finds a peace that is far more important than athletic success. God speed and fair play to him.
|3 years 25 weeks ago||A swift kick||
I fully expected some kind of response from the Tigahs. Brandon's shots at the presser about "big names" and "all that glitters is not gold" seemed like a well-aimed kick to the Lesticles.
|3 years 25 weeks ago||What this blog does||
I have always seen Brian and this blog as serving the function of "loyal dissent," which is one of the highest values imaginable for a society, let alone a college football fanbase. I think Hoke has played all the cards right in his first days, but it still all comes down to winning often and honestly. I will reserve judgment on the new regime and keep returning here as a counterweight to invitations to drink the Kool-Aid.
|4 years 19 weeks ago||Fallout||
As for the Freep, they must fan the flames via editorials and follow-up stories. Otherwise, their original reporting is discredited. "Original reporting" means their assertions about the level and degree of the violations. Expect months of, "See! See! We told you!" Then invoke the old Afghan saying, "The dogs bark, but the caravan passes by."
I hope Brian and the team has the network going with others on the blogroll to see how their programs are reacting to this. If "everyone is doing it," then these programs will be prudently correcting themselves to avoid being the next ones to be made examples of. They will want to do this as quietly as possible. But inquiring minds will want to know.
And finally, a question for all those gloating Sparties out there. Which would you prefer: a team of football players practicing too much, or a gang of assaultive thugs?
|4 years 23 weeks ago||At least be original||
I'm against any piped in music. But if this must be done, at least do not parrot the songs every other team plays, such as "Hells Bells" for the defense and "Sweet Caroline" in any form. Let's pick something unique. How about "Tough It Out" by Webb Wilder for a goal line stand? Or "Why Do I Keep $%#@ Up" by Neil Young for a bad call by the referees? Not really on the Neil, but I make my point.
If the key really is "know your audience," just let the band do its thing and muzzle the Muzak.
|4 years 23 weeks ago||At least be original||
I'm against any piped in music. But if this must be done, at least do not parrot the songs every other team plays, such as "Hells Bells" for the defense and "Sweet Caroline" in any form. Let's pick something unique. How about "Tough It Out" by Webb Wilder for a goal line stand? Or "Why Do I Keep $%#@ Up" by Neil Young for a bad call by the referees? Not really on the Neil, but I make my point.
If the key really is "know your audience," just let the band do its thing and muzzle the Muzak.
|4 years 27 weeks ago||Sound systems and sound logic||
Of course, the best news from Sunday was the defeat of the Bucknuts.
The second best news is that Crisler was rowdy despite the broken sound system. This proves it really is possible for fans at a live sporting event to act like fans without the incessant and annoying Skinnerian electronic balderdash.
|4 years 31 weeks ago||Rumors||
Some of these enterprising shadowy media figures should chase down the rumors that matter. Such as: Has a Grobe mafia started for the Notre Dame head coach search? Is it true that a new minimum security prison is being constructed in East Lansing so that MSU athletes can walk to class?
|4 years 31 weeks ago||Sentences about sentences||
Any lawyers out there can answer me this: Since when is a six-monthsentence excessive for a misdemeanor? By its very nature, isn't the sentencing dividing line betwen misdemeanor and felony a one-year term? Which means six months is in the middle of the range of possibilities. If this is true, what does this say about the rest of Rosenberg's Sparty-coddling?
|4 years 33 weeks ago||Lesticles||
"New Les Miles theory: he makes a lot of correct decisions for the wrong reasons. Reasons like 'my brain has a vas deferens.'"
Now I need aspirin after laughing for five minutes at that Terry Pratchett-worthy line.
|4 years 33 weeks ago||Words from a great coach||
Coach John Wooden's definition of success comes to mind. Success is the feeling of satisfaction that comes from knowing you did your best. I think the team can have that consolation today. The deficiencies are obvious, and some of them can be solved with another year of experience and (most crucially) a very good recruiting year to increase the depth of overall talent.
So we're all right, Jack. It would be worse. We could be Notre Dame.
|4 years 33 weeks ago||Reasons||
I can think of many reasons Michigan can win the game. They are all in the category of 1969 karma, i.e. non-football reasons. All I want is for them to fight like hell.
Also: A moment of silence for Stefanie Spielman would be a classy move.
|4 years 33 weeks ago||The Pryor pic||
Why, that looks like a great example of. . . .of. . . . family values!
|4 years 34 weeks ago||Spreading stench||
"Informed sources" are often nothing more than reporters gossiping to other reporters. Thus my theory that these rumors of RR's impending demise originated from the Freep cabal.
I can't imagine RR getting fired, unless the poobahs want to invoke the Les Moss Principle, wherein somebody irresistible becomes available (someone like Sparky Anderson) and you whack your coach/manager early in his tenure to get to said hot item.
|4 years 34 weeks ago||Resolve||
To quote Muhammad Ali, speaking through a broken jaw after the first Frazier fight: "Get the guns. We're going to set the traps."
|4 years 34 weeks ago||Reconfigured||
In the case of our defense, a "reconfiguring" the secondary is like putting a dress on a pig. Plus, the new schemes increase the chance of missed coverages and heightened recriminations. They don't seem like quick studies to me.
Yet, I think we have more than a good shot if we can parlay superior team speed. It's time for Stonum to break another one, for Mr. Robinson's neighborhood to return, for good memories of last year to linger, and for the replay gods to repent.
Meeechigan 37, Wiscy 32
|4 years 35 weeks ago||Time the Avenger||
Any new hire should get at least three years, saith the ghost of Bo, still fuming over Illinoi$' firing of Gary Moeller. But there has to be noticeable progress in each of those years. This year, there is noticeable progress at this stage of the game, although scant. And I smell a big surprise coming in two weeks, because these Buckeyes are ripe for the plucking.
|4 years 36 weeks ago||And speaking of monsters. . .||
That repellent picture of Boren reminds me of the scene where Fat Bastard is eating the chicken in bed with Felicity Shagwell.
|4 years 36 weeks ago||Phallic theology||
As a seminary grad, "soul dong" isn't that far-fetched. There are references in the New Testament to a "circumcision of the heart." In this vein, a win over Purdue would be a very kind cut indeed. And thanks for a very clear-headed post.
|4 years 36 weeks ago||Severely chastised||
My my, any suggestion around hese parts that the emperors are anything other than fully clothed gets you whacked. For the record, I still have overall support for the coaching staff. But my support, and anyone else's, should be based on performance alone. In other words, I ain't drinking anybody's Kool-Aid.
|4 years 36 weeks ago||Facts is facts||
I'm not calling for the heads of any coaches. But the facts are the facts. Repeat this sentence to yourself repeatedly and slowly: "Rich Rodriguez was outcoached . . . BY RON ZOOK." The decision not to take the points on 4th and 1 was positively Mornhinwegesque. RichRod was driven by testosterone, not intelligence. He was thinking with the wrong head. And the defense? I'll bet Scott Shafer had a beer and knowing chuckle when hearing about the game.
|4 years 38 weeks ago||The Redneck Rocker||
This mumbling doofus wants to throw down with Terrelle Pryor? He would have no chance in a fight with Richard Pryor.
|4 years 39 weeks ago||Sitting Tate||
There comes a time in the life of coaching a tempestuous freshman when you have to put the bit back in his month. The timing of this often-necessary move is critical. You do it at the maximum possible teachable moment. When Tate ran into the game for the last drive and had to be yanked back to the sidelines, like a dog running to the end of a short leash, I thought the time for that teachable moment had arrived. He's a smart enough kid to understand that present adversity, if handled properly, breeds future success.
|4 years 40 weeks ago||Raining at little brother's house||
I'm not sure "raining like a mofo" is going to be particularly good for us, not with fresh memories of spastic center snaps last week and the monsoon at Notre Damn last year. Yet I still see victory because the Sparties are snarling and twitching, very much like Cooper-vintage Buckeyes, which means they're feeling more pressure.
One more non-football related thought: Those women Letterman made love to. . .did they feel funny afterwards?
|4 years 43 weeks ago||Whining Weis||
Weis has no reason to carp at the refereeing. Instead, he should look in the mirror -- a very very wide mirror -- and ponder his late-game clock management. He's Bob Davie on doughnuts.
|4 years 43 weeks ago||We've got your back||
Know that we've got your back on this one with prayers and good wishes.
|4 years 43 weeks ago||PotenTate||
Bliss, unspeakable bliss. Ladies and gentlemen, we are floating in space.
The Drew Tate comparisons shoot too low. How about Drew Brees? Hell, how about John Elway?
|4 years 43 weeks ago||Speed kills||
Not only can our quarterbacks actually throw on a line and at the same-colored jerseys, but they are also far fleeter of foot than last year's group. This factor, if successfully utilized against Tenuta's blitzes, cane be the difference-maker. A dink-and-dunk style short pass can turn into 30 yards. I also see our quicker defense putting great pressure on ND's stodgy O-line.
Then why do I keep seeing this thing all come down to the kickers?
Ohyousavage pops one from 38 yards or so late in the game, and it's MEEEchigan 27-25.