Your MGoAvatar is the new HC for The Game

do this:

 

1. Help Devin overcome his confidence problem by giving him a day off in Ann Arbor perusing museums, dining in fine restaurants, taking in a baseball game, and finishing off by beating the shit out of Urban Meyer's rare Ferrari.
2. Loosening the team up pregame by reminding them that, "Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it."
3. Perform halftime show lip-synching the Beatles' "Twist and Shout" aboard an Octoberfest-themed parade float, surrounded by buxom young ladies in lederhosen.

 

Though the Bear Jew is world reknowned for his toughness and dietary ingenuity (prepare for lots of salmon and berries o-line!) his off-season conditioning program of hibernation has yet to produce optimal results in strength gains. 

 

The fact he would refuse to coach on Shabbat might also be an issue since The Game is still scheduled for Saturday before sundown.

Despite his limitations, he would most likely maul the Free Press press corps at his first presser . . . only if they're kosher though.

He at least merits an interview.

1. Hustle. Then pump up the players and the crowd by waving my arms.

2. Dive for loose balls. Put myself in the game to block.

3. Take selfies

First silence dissenting voices in the media through threats or buying them off.

Next, implement a little "blue book" (could not be red obviously)

Finally,  put up giant posters all over featuring me and my staff wiith words like "toughness, physical, youth, and execution" under them.

 

 

A confident nod from Amadou Ba is all you need to accomplish anything in life.  He is also big enough to throw Borges out of the press box window and replace his playbook with a copy of Madden '94.  A nice mix of off-tackle (got to bounce it outside though) and hail mary will lead to victory.  90% of extra points and field goal attempts will be blocked as well once our guys learn to get super close to the line and come hard off the edge.

I win!

Was it over when the German's bombed Pearl Harbor?  Hell no!  And it ain't over now.  Cause when the goin get's tough...   

Add strobe lights to the stadium for the wow factor. 

Make the jerseys neon colored. 

Creed performing live on a seperate stage throughout the game.

Free Pizza for everyone. 

 

Enjoy the cold oblivion of space.

How would you prepare/motivate your players?

A - A mix tape of The Beets

Pregame rituals before The Game?

A - A hunt for the elusive nematode

How would you deal with the media?

A - Switch out of my Quailman outfit, no one could identify me without my belt headband.

I've got a new baby at home, and things have been a little rough.  So I'd have to delegate. First I'd hire my friend as OC to see if she could fire up the troops with a little song-and-dance routine:

Spike Ohio's Gatorade with insulin and hide all the cookies.

If I'm not winning the game, I will change the rules until I am.

 

We'd win all games because muppets are cued only for a win. All speeches and interviews would consist of two word phrases such as "score touchdown!"

Knowing that world dominance lies in the smouldering tip of a Maybelline eyebrow pencil, I would first shave off the player's eyebrows and draw new ones on - big, scary ones. Then I would draw Snidely Whiplash mustaches on all opponents. Facial hair, I've learned, seems to be the key to winning and losing in high level sports. 

Disappear for a couple of years and then show up in a clump of bushes near the medical building.

A trip to the Chicago Art Institute, with special emphasis on works showing victorious stances and acts of bravery. Would also have alternate uniforms in powder blue with ruffles.

A rousing monologue from Henry V. Would need to choose between "St. Crispins Day" and "Once More Unto the Breach".

Would require all questions to be posed in verse. All answers would reference how sportsmanly the athletes competed and note that scarlet and silver are a less-than-refined color combination.

Well, first I woulf take the team out for some spray paint huffing and then a rousing game of nightcrawlers to promote some team bonding, maybe take out some trash and kill rats while we are it (you know, kill 2 birds with one bush, which is better than 1 in the hand). Then, they all can come over to my place for a delicious and filling dinner of milk steak (boiled over hard of course) and raw jelly beans. For game day itself, I will surprise the team with new uniforms: Hot pants that Frank and I found under the bridge. The hot pants will give the team an unmatched flexibility that will surely win the game. Go Bloo, Charlie.

I step onto the field and run for 400 yards and 6 td, while simultaneously restoring Gardners confidence in his throwing ability.

Just.  Beat. OHIO!!!!!!!

Actually co-defensive coordinator for a game already

This could go pretty ok, I think. 

is a mix of John L. Smith and Kevin Borseth.  My pet pig will be the running back and the boy band I kidnapped will help us win the game.  Every play is a trick play.  or not.  who knows.  I'm taller than Dipper.

1)  I'd tell them the expectation is for the position

2) I wash myself with a rag on a stick before The Game

3) I would deny the validity of the bubble screen.

Well, borges is dead

Uh oh...

 and eternal damnation.

Pick and roll! Why is this ball not round?

I'm not sure about preparing the players, but there will be no laces in our Adidas. I'd deal with the media by answering all questions with "You Talk Too Much" lyrics, and listening to "Down with the King" will be a part of our pregame ritual. Also, instead of the coaches shaking hands after Michigan wins, Meyer will kiss my class ring.