When people make fun of Michigan....

I live in Minneapolis, and am also going to that game. Here's a handy list.

1. You lost to Nick Sheridan in 2008, and now we have the LBJ
2. Your coach is Tim Brewster
3. How about that Favre pick?
4. That Joe Mauer is sexy and awesome isn't he? (Everybody here loves him)
5. Space, bitches.

Minnesotans are a nice bunch, after the Tigers lost game 163 I got a lot of sympathy comments and nobody rubbed it in. Their basketball team is also fairly bad this year, so I doubt anybody will get in your face about it.

Edit: Do not, under any circumstances, compliment Wisconsin.

"I know you are but what am I?"

This one has worked like a champ since I was 7.

1. We own the LBJ
2. You are 0-1 against Rich Rodriguez, losing at home to Nick Sheridan.

When people are shortsighted enough to make fun of the greatest university on the planet, the only acceptable response comes from a legend like Kenny Powers.

"Undaunted, I knew the game was mine to win. Just like in life, all of my successes depend on me. I'm the man who has the ball, I'm the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why I am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone."

"I'm sick and tired of carrying all the weight, the coaches and owners not giving me the shit I need to win. Atlanta (insert town/city of your choice), you're fucking out. Kenny Powers (insert your name) is now a free agent. Let's buy the bar and get shitfaced. Get me paid, bitch!"

"A true champion, face to face with his darkest hour, will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, and fights, and then fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies."

"No, for your information, I have full-size balls. Next question."

"A lot of people ask me, 'Kenny Powers (insert your name), you're a giant superstar. You can get any woman. Have you ever paid for sex?' And the answer is yes, I have. Several times, in fact. And it's actually kinda cool. You can negotiate practically anything and sometimes, even just kind of do stuff in the moment that you never agreed to pay for and it goes by without much argument."

Here's a tip: Ignore them. Smile, be a good sport, cheer on your team.

Pretty much the best course of action in any situation where an opposing fan wants to be an idiot. Took me a while to learn how to do that, but really, it's just about the best thing to do.

Actually confusing us with MSU.

I take cream and sugar in my coffee because they'll be getting it for me when we all graduate. I know it makes me sound like a douche but I hate fans that rip on Michigan (especially Spartbags) and I have no moral qualms about pulling that card.

Other than that, the best is just to smile and turn the other cheek. Their satisfaction comes from the reaction you give them. So just patiently remain quiet and when (not IF) Michigan is back, you can rip them another cavity. Because if Minnesota beats us once or twice, whatever. But they will never ever be anything close to the University of michgan. That knowledge should help you smile in spite of whatever bad treatment they give you

I apologize for the language, but it's necessary in this situation:

1. Reply to "Michigan sucks" comment: Ignore it, unless the comment is specifically directed to you, in which case the only acceptable response is "I can smell your [insert four-letter word for female genitalia]." Note: works equally well on male or female antagonists.

2. Reply to negative Rich Rod comment: "Yeah, we interviewed your mother for the job but she said her goal would be to suck even harder, so we went with Rich Rod instead."

3. Response to anyone who says something derogatory to you after the game if Mich. loses: "Seeing as you personally contributed to the Minnesota victory, I have to hand it to you. Oh, wait a minute, you sat in the bleachers and cheered like the rest of us irrelevant non-athletes. So I guess you can pretty much go fuck yourself then, huh? How 'bout that." (maybe not the best if your kid is right there)

4. Classy comment: "Great game. Thank you so much for your hospitality. Good luck next week in your game against ___."

5. Comment to make opposing fans shut the hell up: "Gerald Motherfucking Ford."

At this point Minnesota fans have no room to taunt anyone. But, if they give you shit just tell them "look, are helmets got wings." That should keep them quiet.

70-24-3.

Minesota... it's the team we have the most wins against. Thanks for being our bottom bitch.

http://www.cfbdatawarehouse.com/data/div_ia/bigten/michigan/opponents.php

Why doesn't Wisconsin fall into lake Michigan?

Because Minnesota sucks.

I agree with tacopants; Minnesotans are generally nice. They probably trash talk less than any UM opponents. You might even make a few new friends while you are there.

In general, most attacks at Michigan are on the football front, and almost all attacks are irrational, and retribution for years of ass-wupins that many have endured on the gridiron at the hands of the victors. The intensity of the negative attacks are increasing right now due to the fact that for the first time, many are realizing that these ass-wupins are going to return in the next three years, and the only difference is, now Michigan is going to be pissed as well. Thus, comeback for negative football stateement, "give it a couple of years, you will get yours." Quick, dismissive, and accurate.

Negative basketball comment comeback. There really are not that many negative comments made, thus, no real need for comebacks. Unfortunately, Michigan has been off the radar for so long that they are not relevant enough to slam. Sad but true.

As for classy comments toward the Gofers, I think Tubby Smith will take Minnesota to prominance in time. I respect the Badgers and believe the barn to be one of the most difficult venues in the Big Ten, if not the country.

Have fun at the game.

Go Blue. (Just show up, please)

You should have no problems in Minnesota but when words fail, a good throat punch always succeeds (sarcasm).

For 1 - 3: "I see you have as much class as your mascot. Mocked anyone for their faith lately?"