Week One predictions for the rest of the Big Ten

We already have a Michigan-Bama prediction thread, but what do people think about the rest of the Big Ten this week?  I say the following:

Minn. v. UNLV:  The Gophers pull out a close one, probably by three points. 

Boise St. v. MSU:  The Spartans are too tough for Boise, especially at night in East Lansing. MSU is up 24-10 after three quarters of play.  Boise leaves at the start of the fourth quarter for fear of being in East Lansing too long into the night, as three Broncos' fans have already been captured by cannibals.  The game is accordingly forfeited to the Spartans.

Miami of Ohio (which is a school of giant d-bags) v. Ohio St.:  OSU struggles a little with Miami's spread b/c OSU's linebackers aren't fantastic.  OSU also has a few hiccups on offense, but they win 34-13. 

Ohio v. PSU:  The Bobcats give an overly-emotional PSU a hard time, and the Lions have trouble with their new offense.  PSU wins, though, 20-14. 

WMU v. Illinois:  IIlinois' new coach is going to be good, but WMU isn't too many notches below them.  Illinois wins only 24-21. 

NW v. Syracuse:  I have no idea.

Purdue v. E. Kentucky:   "Purdue is playing the Hilltoppers?" you say.  No, that's Western Kentucky.  "Then who the hell is Eastern Kentucky" you ask, annoyed.  The answer, honestly, is that I don't know, but I assume that they're a bunch of meth-heads who live near West Virginia.  That may be unfair, but Purdue still wins 45-10. 

Nebraska v. Southern Miss:  Did you know that Brett Farve went to Southern Miss?  You will be reminded of this 117 times if you watch this game.  Nebraska will also win easily.

Iowa v. NIU (at Soldier Field):  Iowa wins 23-20 against a game Northern Illinois, who comes out fired up to play in the home of the Bears. 

Northern Iowa v. Wisconsin:  Kansas thinks they can hotdog their way through this game, and they don't take Ali Farokhmanesh seriously.  Northern Iowa plays like they have nothing to lose and advances to the Sweet Sixteen.

Indiana v. Indiana St.:  Gene Hackman nearly outthinks himself, but in the end he calls a play for Jimmy Chitwood, and Jimmy drains the shot, because he is good and true and strong and because he has faced countless hours alone shooting under the dismal Indiana sky, where he transcended despair and found within himself an indomitable summer.