Way OT: Sweet sweet justice
I'm pretty new here, and this topic is about as far off topic as possible, but I feel like I must share as I bask in the glow of gloriously sweet vindication...
I'll preface this story by saying that through my childhood, I was always on the borderline, treading the line between being the good kid and the hellion. I've been TPing, I've set fireworks out in front of a house before, I've ding dong ditched. But even as a stupid kid, I understood moderation. For the most part, I was a respectful kid.
Fast forward 15 years. I've got a six month old boy, a wife, dog, and nice quiet house in the suburbs - of Columbus. Three months ago, my quiet little slice of Americana was violated by what I had assumed to be a preadolescent douchebag kid. That's right, I was the innocent target of a rash of ding dong ditches. Two or three times a week, multiple times a night. Hardcore shit. Karma you say? No, I've shoveled enough shit since my dumb years that I've worked off that debt.
So tonight, I caught the little SOB. I've thrown drunk idiots out of bars since I was 21, I've heard every word in the book come out of the mouth of some cockface who didn't agree with being cut off. The utter feeling of justice that I felt after chasing this kid down felt better than all of them put together.
About 30 minutes ago, the doorbell rang for the second time of the night. I've tried chasing the kid out the front before, nearly caught him twice. Usually, I just let it happen and stay put. Tonight, I decided to dash out the back door and hop the fence. Sure enough, the little prick was running through the neighbors back yard.
So I bolt towards the fence, it's four foot tall. I hurdle it in one stride - almost. Okay, maybe not even almost. I bit it over the fence. I'm 30 pounds heavier than my juco playing weight. I tore up my knee on the top of the fence, snapped a piece in half, and tumbled face first into the ground. But I still know how to fall. I tucked a shoulder and rolled out, unphased. The kid flew out the neighbors gate and into the front yard. I gained on him with every stride, each twice the size of his gimpy little child legs.
He still had a solid lead on me when I turned the corner, barefoot sprinting through the front yards of my neighbors. Denard F'ing Robinson couldn't have outrun me, with pure rage coursing through my veins. I think that it's the closest I will ever feel to a lion chasing his prey. Prey that just pissed on his territory.
He had no chance. None. He turned the corner into his yard with me mere feet behind, leading me to a trampoline with about 5 other 12-14 year olds. He hopped up there. They looked at me like a crazy man, they were probably only half wrong. I'll spare the details of the confrontation, but these kids learned new words to bring back to 9th grade next year. They were among the same I had learned from the drunk guys being cut off at my bar.
In synopsis, I called the cops for the first time ever. The officer was cool about it, I just let him know that I had an infant that woke up each time, and even though I used to do stupid stuff as a kid, I wanted these kids to shit themselves. I also told him I'd buy him a beer next time he came in to the bar off duty. He went back there, stirred up shit, and called it a night. I came back here feeling like Sherlock Holmes mixed with Frank Mir. And then I realized that while they would celebrate by clubbing down their enemies with midget strippers, I was back here posting on a blog. I guess the family life has calmed me down.
PS - the only thing I think that started this is I've been putting a patio in my yard, each day decked out in Michigan gear. Little prick bastard Buckeye.
I hope it wasn't the death knell for this thread.
If it gets much worse, we'll have to start charging a toll to keep out the riff-raff.
gSeems like there's a strike against me. I'd better keep my eyes pealed.
Maybe it's because you are a dead ringer for Judge Dredd.
But you should know, I'm not the one dinging you.
Pushing? Ever heard the term button mashing?
I rarely flaunt my Michigan gear here in Cleveland. When I came here 4-years ago, I thought it would be sweet to have "60 BLUE" as my license plate and have a Michigan flag in my window; all that brought was trouble. Part of it is that I cannot control my anger especially when it comes to f'ing with my kids. I would have Jake Long vs.Bobby Carpenter'd the little bastard and ended up on the wrong side of the law.
Every knucklehead has to make a comment whenever they see my Michigan gear and I feel the need to respond in a not too polite manner.
...enjoyed this story. The key is that the kid is no longer anonymous. My guess is your mad dash and police patronage will do the trick.
I was having a shitty morning at the office, this story made it better, thanks for sharing.
I don't see why people are upset with you for chasing them down. First, I think it is funny. Second, I had a similar thing happen to me when I was that age and was hiding out in bushes on Halloween in all black with a couple friends and pelting other kids with airsoft guns as they walked by. Some guy ran out to us and tore us a new one. It terrified us and we then went home. Can't just let them get away with it. Especially if the parents don't catch on to them.
I would say beware of the the next level of pranking though. The eggs.
Very good story. I think it's awesome that you chased his little ass down and owned him. But you should pick another fighter than Frank Mir. He's not very good. ;). Story made my morning, and those kids will talk about how that crazy guy chased them down.
My favorite part is referring to twice-weekly doorbell ringing as "hardcore shit".
"She used to kill all the cats, hide the remote...really sick shit."
again.
i don't care if the OP played JUCO football and is a 12th degree black belt in kung fu, chasing kids through yards like a raving fawking lunatic because THEY RANG HIS DOORBELL is just plain stupid. Anyone who supports his actions is a complete moran. What, do all of you hate kids that much, or are you just obsessive compulsive nazi control freeks? You were all probably precious little snowflakes guided by helicopter parents and were choir members.
Well, here is a big bowl of potato salad for you. Try not to make much noise eating it.
they only hate kids if they're not 17 year old 4 star recruits. If these kids were 17 year old 4 star recruits the OP just ruined any shot they might come to MICH.
If you look at it as the kid just rang his doorbell and ran off, then his actions do appear stupid. However, if you look at it as, this has been happening multiple times a day, for the past couple weeks, causing his new baby to constantly be woken, then yeah, I think its pretty understandable.
if only you had said this already.
When the alarm clock went off this morning, the same damn Sonny & Cher song was playing again.
I'll have to check this thread later to see if Elno weighs in.
Do it.
ringing his doorbell because he is such a diack to begin with. Kids tend to punish adults who are morans.
tell us how you really feel
It's "moron", jackass.
If that was an on-purpose joke by Elno (still not so sure, since he seems a little too angry to be joking around), I guess I'm the moran.
that the OP, when hearing the doorbell ring, thinks to himself "O let do it!"
a ding no ditch zone
You have consistently been my favorite poster in this thread. You alone have provided me with a veritable boatload of giggles as I sit at my desk. For this, I salute you.
late enough in the evening, rig a taser up to your doorbell--all set.
This is how your life may unfold for the next several years...
When I was growing up there was a retired Marine Sergeant who lived down the block. All of us neighborhood kids would always ring his doorbell and try to get away. He never failed to catch every one of us. He would track us down and tie us all to a giant tree in his front yard. He lived alone and probably had much more fun catching us than we did trying to get away.
You only caught one of the kids you dumb ass. Once these kids saw what a psycho you are, chasing them down the streets, screaming and what not, there shenanigans became 10x as fun.
Shit, if I were your neighbor, I would pay a kid 20 bucks to ring your doorbell, I would drive the getaway car, catch it all on video and youtube your dumb ass.
If you could throw like Uncle Rico you wouldn't have to chase the kid thru backyards. as Kip says, "that's what i'm talkin' about"
Leading to a rancor would do the trick. Unless he has a jedi last name.
haha
what in the hell, is this real? are you bragging about besting a 12 year old? holy hell man, someone let you reproduce? the minds, they are bottled.
Did it never occur to you to just disable the doorbell for a couple of days? How often do non-prankers ring it?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38359376/ns/us_news/
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Clever, changing some of the facts to make us think you weren't this dude in NY. Plz write.
First off this doesnt susprise me as a kid growing up in michigan if your caught doing anything never go home. Stupid ohio kids. Second run into an area like woods or somwehere you know they wont go. Lay traps so you mess with them more. I used to do all sorts of shit like this as a kid. My biggest problem I was so dumb that I never thought I could get caught I never did but you have to grow up sometime.