further adventures in Jed York being unsuited for his position
U-M Football Game Five Rhymin' Time - MGoBlog Sonnet 105
Maybe there's a reason people usually do Haikus or limericks. I'm not sure if it's just that sonnets don't work as well for this sort of thing or if it's this sonnet, but it just doesn't come across very well. The content isn't bad, but the meter is all over the place.
This is not a sonnet. It's a limerick, and it's not a good one--laborious meter. Rhymes okay. Sorry OP; try again next time.
The rhythm reminds me of 'Twas the Night before Christmas.
These are limricks, what you have written is not a sonnet. Now I don't think they are bad rhymes at all just not labeled correctly.
There once was a pirate named Bates;
who could dance the fandango on skates.
A fall on his cutlass once rendered him nutless;
and practically useless on dates.
I have tried here to write a sonnet, I don't think it is perfect but it is closer to what should be to what the OP intended. I used Shakespeare's sonnet #1 as a guide.
From ferocious creatures we desire victory,
That thereby our water might never be unclean,
We have done naught but continue history,
The joust tis won, the Jug shall not sally forth:
But thou, cruel judges of football prowess,
Grow’st strong upon the hatred of Borges,
Mountains from molehills with claims so bogus,
Anger you sow, but friendship would be gorgeous.
Thy defense has bent but not been broken,
Yielding yardage but not many touchdowns,
Mattison hath put in many o freshmen,
And, vocal critics, mak’st waste in scrutiny.
Love this team, or else this arrogance be,
Having the vict’ries won, vile creatures claim doom.
The OP is not a limerick. I am not even sure where you guys are getting that from. Maybe the occasional anapest?
It is absolutely a sonnet. There are many different forms of sonnets. The use of the term 'sonnet' in this case is not a stretch by modern sensibilities. http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15287 for example.
As for quality - well, this one is better than many I've seen.
from the latter site, perhaps it would be a modern sonnet...but I still don't think so. I think EGD has this correct in that it feels like a version of 'Twas the Night before Christmas'.
I could agree to call it a poem, but would not agree on a sonnet.
"We talk so abstractly about poetry because we are all bad poets."
Thought it was "because all of us are usually bad poets." Either way, guess I should find a new niche, Nietzsche.