Top 11 Recommended NCAA Penalties for Ohio State

Submitted by EGD on

 

11. For every mile driven in an illegal car, Terrelle Pryor ordered to drive one mile in a Barbie Jeep

 

10. Ohio State must incorporate the phrase "I mean, everyone does ... kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me" into the official fight song. 

 

9. Freshman reading requiremets are doubled as "Pinocchio" is added to the cirriculum

 

8. Gold pants for victories against hated rival Michigan replaced by items from the 50-cent vending machine in the Denny's foyer

 

7. Polygraph training now mandatory in fall two-a-days

 

6. Ohio State ordered to make the cannabis leaf the official helmet sticker

 

5. Script "Ohio" must be replaced by ALL CAPS so that nobody can "dot the i"

 

4. Tattoo artists and car dealers now count against the 85-scholarship limit (soon to be 65-scholarship limit)

 

3. All "W.W.J.D." bracelets replaced with "J.W.P.B." (meaning "Jesus Wouldn't Play for the Buckeyes")

 

2. All Buckeyes who received illegal tattoos must give them back

 

1. Ohio State must announce John Cooper as its new head coach ASAP

BlueDragon

May 31st, 2011 at 9:57 PM ^

osu should be required to replace the buckeye leaf with asterisk stickers to represent the "provisional" nature of their football records while the NCAA is still deliberating on its ruling.

budeye

May 31st, 2011 at 11:14 PM ^

all *uckeyes must have a security deposit for football equipment. 

the entire staff for the football program (coaches, players, and trainers) must get a 12" tall block M tatooed on their chest.

football players for tsio must ride the short bus to and from school, including practice and game.

must return crystal nat champ trophy, oh wait tp just got a tat sleeve on the other arm.

all tsio football players must wear scarlet dunce cap for the entirety of players eligibility.

tat5 players must do community service by working concession stands at The Big House for the night game between ND and Meechigan.

all college football fans are invited to kick tressel in his buckeyes.

gene, gee, and tressel are ordered to pose for portrait with one covering his eyes, one covering his mouth, and one covering his ears.

tressel must serve as clarrets (sp?) butler.

all future football games for tsio will be away games.

 

 

 

Bluestreak

June 1st, 2011 at 3:59 AM ^

Gee/ Gene/ Tressel and Pryor must be permanently etched on all the urinals around the University.

All OSU students must mandatorily use these at least once during their enrollment

michelin

June 1st, 2011 at 10:10 AM ^

The OSU Office of Information, handling FOIA requests from the media, is rumored

to now play the song:



"Hang up, Snoopy

Snoopy, Hang up..."

These tones will become the new Ohio Fight Song.



As I've noted earlier, the new school song will become "Car" men Ohio, which the Marching Band will be forced to play, and fans forced to sing, at every half time.