Tailgate Toast (Part Deaux)

As I know everyone is eagerly reading anything to help pass the time until kickoff tomorrow, I thought I would go ahead and share something I wrote recently.  For the second year (and therefore I guess a tradition now) my wife and I have hosted a preseason tailgate party to get in the spirit of Michigan football, enjoy some good food, and hang out with close friends.  I somehow felt inspired last year and wrote a goofy toast to share with the guests before food was served.  Despite my lack of writing talent, the poem was a success, and I was convinced to share with the blog last year.

So, in the same spirit I have decided to share my second edition of my tailgate toast for 2011:

Welcome back, my football friends
to a party where the meat never ends

There have been some changes since we last met
I’ll point them out lest you forget

To those who aren’t as fanatic as I,
Some of these quips may pass you by.

But don’t you fret…we know what to do;
We send the slow people to OSU.

To begin my tale, our coach is new
It was out with the old and in with the new

It seems Rich Rod had done all wrong
So David Brandon said, “Move along.”

“Just leave behind our maize and blue
And take redneck Barbie back with you”

In comes a guy…he’s a jolly bloke,
in most of his photos he likes to poke.

Despite missing on Harbaugh and Miles,
This guy seems to bring nothing but smiles

The Michigan faithful say he’s no joke,
He’s the man, nay, the legend…Brady Hoke.

And while a new offense we will learn,
It’s not something that should cause concern

We should continue to score at will,
But we will more slowly go in for the kill

The Spread offense we now will spurn
but just remember that Denard can still burn.

Our defense can’t get worse and that we know;
The new D coach used to be a pro


They’ll play real hard—we know that’s true,
Be a Michigan Defense is what they’ll do

Technique, Intensity, Physicality they’ll show
To the Big Twelve…er Ten Championship we will go.

Now on to Ohio State…where to begin?
It’s like being honest and decent is some kind of sin

Terrelle Pryor is a punk, but we all knew that
He sold lots of stuff to pay for a tat

I can’t wait for his NFL career to fall flat
A job at 7-11…how ‘bout that?

To think he almost joined the Wolverine Nation,
now, soon to be managing the pump at his local gas station.

Back to the Bucknuts…I can’t let this by
To think their head coach told lie after lie

How about a fight with our coach Brady Hoke
to make him tap out with a rear-naked choke

Tressel’s a liar, a cheat, a red-vested freak show.
And while I am at it…we beat Tebow!

Some cheer for Sparty, Northwestern, IU
You’re in my house, so I’ll be nice to you

I know you are all excited to view,
Our maize and blue dreams tied to the untied shoe

And this will likely be the year
To kick Sparty and the Buckeyes in the rear

One fact remains and this is true
Michigan will be back…GO BLUE!