Surprising HTTV revelations
So, I've finally been able to work my way through HTTV 2013 - available for the low, Lowe price of $15.00 at the MGoStore. A great read, one I highly advise others to partake in before the season if possible. It's filled with updated depth charts, position-by-position breakdowns, coach-speak, heartfelt discussions about past, present, and future players, and lots more.
But the most interesting part of the magazine, at least to me, is the sheer number of unexpected revelations about the team, UM in general, other B1G programs, and college football in general. Heck, there are even some stupefying revelations about the MGoCommunity.
Now, major spoiler alerts and all that, but I tried to compile the most shocking tidbits the writers unearthed this year and have listed them below. I welcome others to add to this list, as I'm sure I missed a couple of things.
- Denard Robinson did not in fact injure his arm in Nebraska; he simply wanted to usher in the Gardner era earlier than expected so that fans, opponents, the fambling public, etc. could get a taste for 2013 and beyond.
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Jake Ryan did not tear his ACL in the offseason. In fact, he was serving as Chris Hemsworth stunt double in the new Thor movie.
- Drew Dileo isn't white, he's clear, and this transparency allows him to elude LBs and DBs more easily.
- One of Greg Mattison's goals before he speaks with the departing seniors is to review all of the gametape he has for that player in order to provide a comprehensive account of how that team helped UM while on campus. When watching Jordan Kovacs's film, though, he sometimes noticed that the rest of the players in the secondary were seemingly not on the field, as he saw only one set of cleat prints on the field against teams like VT, NW, and MSU. When Mattison asked Jordan about this, Kovacs simply replied "That is when I carried you." And then he disappeared...to Miami.
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The cinematic masterpiece Sharknado was not inspired by the fever-dream delusions of a meth-addled screenwriter or a collection of Reddit users, but by the epic 2011 contest between UM and MSU. Ian Ziering has already reserved his seats for the 2013 game in preparation for filming Sharknado 2. In his words, and I'm amazed tiny microphones are this sensitive, "I'm only going to be able to feel that real sense of dread and terror of utter despair by experiencing the 2013 MSU football season in all of its wind-tunneled glory."
So this, but with sharks! - Al Borges used to love running screens on offense, but then this happened and he seriously doesn't want to talk about it.
- In a bit of meta site news, 99% of the funny things posted on the site are from Lloyd Carr's graduate student sweat shop he runs in Fort Schembechler. The other 1% come from all the lawyers and engineers up in here!
- Brady Hoke's golden poop will be used to finance Rutger's entire athletic department until 2020. Mark Dantonio offered his tears to fill the Rutgers swimming pool but Mark Dantonio doesn't cry ever because he's totally awesome brah.
- In anticipation of the Wildcats possible Run for the Roses this year, hedge funds and medical schools across the country are being advised to expect applications from Northwestern to be delivered promptly and immaculately, because nobody cares about NW football.
- Even 3 years after The Process, the stench from all of the dead horses buried in the MGoBackyard remains as pungent as ever.
- Much has been made about Urban Meyer's current time at OSU, but HTTV delved a bit deeper into his past to help divine the potential future for the Buckeyes. What they found was the *shocking* revelation that Meyer's Evil Doppelganger Rural Kroger was actually the one running the Florida program some years ago, only Urban didn't want to say anything because it just seemed like a huge hassle. Also, he has no recollection of Aaron Hernandez meeting with Doc Brown and being on the Hindenberg, an iceberg in the middle of the Atlantic in 1912, or in the room when they greenlit Batman & Robin.
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Great Scott! Giving him the keys was a bad idea! - The MGoBlog phone apps secretly record you pooping, Jeremy. So knock it off with that thing we talked about during group, okay. It's really weird.
I know, really interesting stuff. I'm sure I missed things, so I welcome people pointing them out in the comments. Seriously, though, but the book. It's good stuff.
EDIT: Well, this went over well. Ah, bring on the Neg Bang. I'm man enough for it.
Go Blue?
You got that far?
It's true, all of this is in there, with reputable sources and everything!
Okay, I'll add you to the list of people whose shipping got all messed up. I think you're reading the Lindy's book or something.
Return my property posthaste.
I especially liked the center fold for early orderers... basically kate in this pose, but wtih MUCH less clothing
I presume you work out here as well?
But seriously, how about we drop the tough guy act? I tried a bit of humor; it fell flat. I'll take my lumps. You don't need to post if you don't like it; honestly, I'd rather you just move along if all you are going to do is add some juvenile "hur hur move along man...what a nerd!" tough guy talk about a freaking internet forum post. There are literally millions of other places where acting better than others works; I like to think MGoBlog is a step above that.
And you didn't need to post if you didn't like my humor either.
And I said nothing threatening to you, either, so I don't get this hyper-defensive "internet tough guy" crap.
I'm not going to get into this because it's pretty dumb, but telling me to quit posting because I posted one dumb thing sounds pretty tough-ish. But whatever, enjoy your night.
"I'm not going to get into this because it's pretty dumb"
...He says in a defensive response... Just dont respond then
Yeah. Just get annoyed with people acting as de-facto arbiters of content.
was a hi-def television. Or what you type to get to a website. You new fangled kids with your fancy acronyms and shiny teeth need to get off my lawn.
I would upvote this post if I knew how, but someone went and changed things around last night while I was sleeping.
August 6th, 2013 at 10:01 PM ^
August 6th, 2013 at 10:02 PM ^
Do we really need to get all worked up at this dude for posting something dumb? Perhaps the lack of football for all these months is starting to make some of us a little cranky?
August 7th, 2013 at 10:03 AM ^
...What?
August 7th, 2013 at 10:34 AM ^
Where is the Babel fish when you need him? By the way looking at 2012 and now at the 2013 Kate in the SI swimsuit edition, she has put on some weight in a nice sort of way. (Maybe it was advised given the shoot was in Antarctica. BRRRRR!)
August 7th, 2013 at 10:55 AM ^
Worst. Post. Ever.
August 7th, 2013 at 11:17 AM ^
i don't think so. i posted one a while back about why couldn't athletes get a medical marijuana card and then smoke as much as they wanted. i found out a little too late that that was a really dumb post. when coltmcbabyjesus calls you dumb you are really dumb. that sucked.
August 7th, 2013 at 11:20 AM ^
Your post is more dumberer
August 7th, 2013 at 11:19 AM ^
Good job - post more
If you don't like the post, you can only reply with visuals.
Feelings are saved.
People get to laugh at the comments.
Bitching is averted.
Fuzziness all around.
If you were never allowed to post again.
August 7th, 2013 at 10:47 PM ^
Jokes are best when they're longer than Pirates of the Carribean.