SEARCHBITS XXVIII

Submitted by Swayze Howell Sheen on

[Ed: Because you are all starved for searchbits, we've asked some famous Mgobloggers to create a few during the holiday season. Hope you enjoy!*]

IT'S HAPPENING. Hearing more chatter that it's definitely happening. Where am I hearing this chatter? Well, myself. I wake up each day and say "it's happening, it's happening" and then repeat this Chakra roughly 100-300 times. Can be a bit awkward during family meals, prayers, etc., but oh well. Recommended for those of you with separation anxiety, heart palpatations, or other Harbaugh-related diseases. FIGHT FOR THE CURE:

The Cure for Harbaugh Disease: Turn off your damn computer

WHAT DOES "A" SAY? Had an interesting chat with alum "A" who is, as they say, "connected". What is he connected to, you ask? This is a question many have raised, but there are few answers. More seriously, A and I used to work together on campus in an "AI" lab; for those of you not in the know, AI stands for "Artificial Intelligence", which is what makes the robots, etc., go. This turned out to be a useful experience for both of us, as it convinced us that AI is a pile of dog crap. Long story short: A thinks Harbaugh is coming. Chances? "95%". Failing that, he feels we may hire a robot for a coach.

 

Left: Robot. Right: Robot. Middle: Harbaugh (age 12).
One of these will be your next coach.

WHAT ABOUT "S"? S and I go way back. He lives out in the Bay Area now and thus is my most connected source for 49ers info.  Here are some updates that he sent me this year: "49ers suck bro", "Kap can't throw", and "sup dude?". Most are pretty informative. When I asked about Harbaugh, he said "Harbs is the MAN" and I am afraid to inform you that he may have even used more capitalization than that. What does he think of Harbaugh to UM? "dont know man that sounds crazy" so I am putting this at 55%. A bit of a downer, I agree.

You know she's actually texting about Harbaugh

"J" CHIMES IN. I know you've all been waiting to hear what I've been getting from my best source J, also known as a former girlfriend who lives on the east coast. "Jim's definitely going to be your next coach" she says. "Why?" I ask. "He's so cute!!!! (heart symbol, other more vulgar emoticons)". Seriously, has anyone pursued this angle in the mainstream media? I am thinking no. And that's why you tune in! J puts Harbaugh's chances of coaching UM at "yummy!" so translated into numbers that is 100% plus an emoji which indicates pure love.

Harbaugh as a young dude. Enjoy, ladies!

SUMMARY. Things are feeling good. But then again, sometimes they are not quite as good. Then, out of the blue, really good! So "pretty good" in summary. More seriously: December 29th. Halftime against Illinois. Announcements. Clearing of the smokescreen. CROWD GOES CRAZY. All hail Harbaugh. 

Harbaugh's wife when told what average Ann Arbor temp is in January

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* No editor ever asked anyone to do this. But doesn't adding a little italicized text at the top make things look more official? 

Auerbach

December 26th, 2014 at 12:02 PM ^

Fuck me. Please let this be the last time we see the words "Coach Schiano" in a Searchbits thread. Almost had a heart attack. 

mGrowOld

December 26th, 2014 at 12:03 PM ^

Thanks Brian.  We knew we could count on you to not let us down.  Even though you're on vacation you took the time to do one of these for us - MUCH appreciated!

LSAClassOf2000

December 26th, 2014 at 12:27 PM ^

To be fair, if there were any school that I would put at the forefront and explore the possibility of having the world's first cybernetic head coach, Michigan would be it among a few select others. The difference in our case, of course, is that we're still technically in the market for a coach and motivated to do the development, worst case scenario. 

massblue

December 26th, 2014 at 12:54 PM ^

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that I am connected to a coach who was part of the B list.  He had been contacted by the search firm and I mentioned his reservations for taking UM job.

He tells me that the search firm has informed his agent that the search is closed.  This means that UM has found its coach and potentially a firm backup plan is in place as well.  I do not think this means Harbaugh is 100%.  It means that UM has at least one firm committment, which could be Harbaugh or the plan B coach.

 

 

duffman355

December 26th, 2014 at 2:22 PM ^

sitting on the pot, hitting my mountain dew flavored vaporizor, and I damn near choked to death reading the first paragraph.  I then stormed around the house chanting It's Hapening, It's Happening.It isn't that I don't believe it, but it didn't make me feel any better.