Regents Meeting Preview (comedy)
Preview: Board of Regents Meeting
Cheap Thrills
Worry if...
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Each regent has two bottles of Coke products and a Chobani yogurt in front of them.
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When the anti-DB speakers start talking, Schlissel covers his ears and starts repeating "NAH, NAH, NAH, I CAN'T HEAR YOU"
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DB shows up with a shit-eating smile and say, "what did you expect, this is Michigan, fergodsake"
Cackle with knowing glee if..
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You hear the words, Harbaugh, Bates, Manual, Miles or Morris.
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MGoBlog crashes
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Schlissel again references a "reset" to the department
Fear/Paranoia Level: 5 (Baseline 5; -1 for come on man, this guy HAS to get canned, just to save face, +1 Ross donates a lot of money, +1 and so do his friends, -1 for we have been a national punchline not because of our football team (which does suck), but because of our AD (!!), so Schlissel has to do something, right? RIGHT?, -1 for Schlissel has already pretty much failed to defend DB, which speaks to a firing; +1 for Schlissel is still new to this whole big time sports thing)
Desperate need to win level: 10 (Baseline 5; +1 Harbaugh, +1 the other Harbaugh, +1 for I would even take Miles, +1 for none of these guys are coming if DB is in charge, +1 for we need this to happen soon if we are going to salvage this coming recruiting class)
Loss will cause me to... stare at Bo bobblehead on my desk, while hugging my 1997 National Championship sweatshirt while trying to hold back tears of unfathomable sadness over what has become of out once great football program.
Win will cause me to... start scouring the internet on everything Bates or Manual related while eagerly anticipating the arrival of our Harbaugh / Miles / Mullen savior.
The strictures and conventions of sportswriting compel me to predict:
This is Michigan, so nothing will happen.
Finally, three opportunities for me to look stupid Sunday:
- Schlissel talks about how seriously he is taking this injury and promising to make changes where needed.
- At least one of the regents looks like they are falling asleep.
- Jim Harbaugh bursts into the room with Dave Brandon's head on a stick, declares himself the AD and Coach of the Football team (No Ira J. Harris crap), asks Schlissel what his deal is, guarantees victory against OSU and storms out pissed off for no apparent reason.
October 16th, 2014 at 3:20 PM ^
You forgot the part where Jim demands the regents approve funding for his bathroom renovation at Schembechler Hall.
October 16th, 2014 at 3:22 PM ^
Final Score: 6-2.
October 16th, 2014 at 3:25 PM ^
For those that don't get the reference (as I initially didn't), there are 8 Regents, and there has been some twitter indication that the 6 democrats want DB out whereas the 2 republicans support DB. Nicely done!
Note: please no politics.
October 16th, 2014 at 3:27 PM ^
Was it the Republicrats against the amount of silica in moondust or the Democrans?
October 16th, 2014 at 3:48 PM ^
to continue the tradition of non-possible scores?
October 16th, 2014 at 7:05 PM ^
Regent Illitch was actually an interdimensional multi-consciousness harnessed in one body, that voted 6 times to keep Dave Brandon, 3 times to fire him, and abstained once due to a personal relationship.
October 16th, 2014 at 3:23 PM ^
Hands down, the best parody I've seen in a long time. Well done!
October 16th, 2014 at 3:26 PM ^
What if they mention Morris in the context of Shane Morris? Can we cackle with knowing glee then?
October 16th, 2014 at 3:35 PM ^
Incomplete until you tell us more about Denise Illitch's pad level.
October 16th, 2014 at 3:54 PM ^
Forget pad level. What we need now is execution. Being a Regents is a "make plays" position. Sure, her technique (mentioning the meeting on a tv show) might be somewhat unconventional, but if she gets the job done, that's all that matters.
October 16th, 2014 at 4:01 PM ^
Are you referring to how she sounded practicing in front of the mirror or actually in the meeting?
October 16th, 2014 at 3:39 PM ^
Jim Harbaugh is NOT going to declare himself AD and HC.
Instead, Jim will declare himself AD and appoint John to be HC. So Jim finally will have the last say over his older brother, and daily get to extract payback* for the Super Bo Bowl.
* upon declaring that the whole Anquon Boldin "trade" -- 7th rounder, gimmeabreak -- was not sufficient payback.
October 16th, 2014 at 3:39 PM ^
Loss will cause me to.... shrug it off because I'm already used to bad things happening to this football program
October 16th, 2014 at 6:56 PM ^
Sent from MGoBlog HD for iPhone & iPad
October 16th, 2014 at 4:01 PM ^
A ton of political grandstanding to zero actual decisions.
October 17th, 2014 at 2:11 PM ^
Well done, michgoblue! Looking forward to your Regents Meeting UFR. Nothing wrong with some more comedy.