Pre-Game Speech, PSU Edition

Please, no one repeat "now men..." 50 times throughout their speech or go off on tangents talking about how beautiful of a day it is and the smell of the grass will inspire you to perform for your loved ones in the stands all to culminate in a weak mumble of "now let's get 'em" as you point toward the door.

I can only take so much of Pep-talk Lou.

eyes up!  Tonight you go out in that stadium and you play Michigan football.  That's it.  It's no secret plays, it's nothing more than your very best.  Penn State?  Fuck Penn State.  We have five games in this conference left.  When we win all five, WE ARE THE BIG 10 CHAMPS!  Then the critics can  put that shit in their pipes and SMOKE it. 

HOLD ON TO THE DAMN BALL!!!!!

Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!

Can Saturday 8PM come sooner, please?!

We are going to crush PSU under the lights;

Hurrah for the Yellow and Blue!

We don't need shoelaces, we have wings to take flight;

And Denard's highlight reel too;

The Lions will try to stack the box;

And blitz our quarterback;

Fail!

Hail to us regaining the rushing title outright;

From Oregon, Air Force and TCU!

 

Here's a message that i sent to my tailgating friends yesterday.  Maybe this would be appropriate.  Let me know what you think..............

 

Soldiers, Sailors and Tailgaters of the Grey Lot!

You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months.  The eyes of Ann Arbor are upon you. The hopes and prayers of civilized and liberty-loving people from around the state of Michigan march with you.  In company with our brave fans and brothers-in-arms on the playing field, you will bring about the destruction of the Penn State war machine, the elimination of Nittany Lion tyranny over the oppressed teams of the Big Ten Conference, bowl eligibility and security for ourselves in a free world.

Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped and battle hardened. He will fight savagely.

But this is the year 2010! Much has happened since the Nittany Lion triumphs of 2008 and 2009.  Alabama and other conference teams have inflicted upon Penn State great defeats, in open battle, man-to-man.  Other teams have seriously reduced their strength in the passing game and their capacity to wage war on the ground.  Rich Rod and the coaching staff have given us an overwhelming superiority in weapons and munitions of war, and placed at our disposal great reserves of trained and skilled football players.

The tide has turned! The Wolverines of Michigan are marching together to Victory!

I have full confidence in your courage and devotion to duty and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full Victory!

Go Blue! And let us beseech the blessings of Old Man Yost and General Bo upon this great and noble undertaking.

-Commander of the Grey Lot Allied Expeditionary Force

When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do.

. . . .We are advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the nose and we're going to kick him in the ass. We're going to kick the hell out of him all the time and we're going to go through him like crap through a goose!

Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.

a few more . . .

Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, big league ball players, the toughest boxers. Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Americans play to win all the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost, and will never lose a war... because the very thought of losing is hateful to Americans.

We're gonna keep fighting. Is that CLEAR? We're gonna attack all night, we're gonna attack tomorrow morning. If we are not VICTORIOUS, let no man come back alive!

I want you all to bring it in. Bring it in. Closer. Cheek to cheek. Yes.

Gentlemen, I want you to smell something. (removes huge tuber from pants)

This is ginger. Smell this ginger. Stings, doesn't it? It attacks the mucus membrane like few other roots, men.

This ginger is what you'll be facing at quarterback tonight, men. A ginger by the name of Pat MaGroin. His patchy orange beard will make your nose run and his constant route adjustments to four verticals will make your eyes water. Armenians are allergic to him.

Men, where does ginger belong? In a wok. That's where I want you to put the ginger. Put the ginger in the wok, men.

You men in the secondary--you are my oil. Sometimes I slather you on my buttcheeks, yes, but tonight, you have to make the ginger sizzle. You have to make him fear the wok. When the ginger hears the sizzle, he wants to stay out of that wok. Don't let him escape the wok, men.

For the wok is Michael Martin. Oil, you bring the fear. But the wok brings the pain. You can have a dozen bottles of oil from all over the world, but if you don't have the wok to cook it in, what do you have? A mess, that's what. A big goddamn puddle of oil. The oil lubricates the ginger, flavors the ginger, frightens the ginger. But only the wok can cook the ginger.

Men, how does the wok cook the ginger? With a fire lit under its ass.

Now let's make some dinner. Panda Express on three.

 

Al Pacino - Any Given Sunday - "Inch By Inch"

There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either IN or you're OUT. There is no such thing as life in-between. ALL IN FOR MICHIGAN!!

For a while, a lot of people of had fun at our expense.  We've all heard that Michigan is no longer Michigan.  That our offense is soft and will not work in the Big Ten.  We're too young and inexperienced.  At first it was that we didn't have enough quarterbacks and now, apparently, we have too many (smiling while nodding over to Denard, Tate and Devin).  At times, it can be pretty convincing that everyone outside of the Michigan family is actively hoping that we fail.  

Our successes have been minimized and our stumbles have been magnified.

The reason for all of this is fear.  No one in the Big Ten wants to compete with you men.  All the work you've put in during the offseason, the focus during practice, the accountibility to yourselves and your teammates.  You men have put yourself in a position to deserve to win. 

We've got 60 minutes on a national stage to show the world that Michigan football is back.  That playing against us means you will get beat up, battered and abused in the process of watching dynamic football skill execute consistently from start to finish.

This is our chance to make a statement, gentlemen.  The message will be clear-

Fear us.

I was going to try... but some of the above is just pretty awesome. All's I got is one of my fav M hype videos...

"They wrap fish in yesterday's newspaper...You have 60 minutes of football and a lifetime to remember"  - Robert Frost Ufer

The Team, The Team, Team

Each game is a stepping-stone to our domination in Columbus in five weeks.  It begins tonight.  We play as a TEAM.  All together we win and move on to the next step.  This is for all the Maize and Blue Faithful!

I think we're done here.

Gentlemen, we are gentlemen for 164 hours each week.  we are polite. we are smart. we are jovial.  save for 4 hours, we are gentle men. 

but for 4 hours a week, 240 minutes, we are the opposite of gentle. we will attack. we will devastate.  we will go over our opponent.  we will go around our opponent.  when we sense that our opponent has had enough, we will attack and we will devastate.  we will not relent, we will not release, we will not capitulate.

for 164 hours we have hidden our inner monsters, done the work, gone to class, been with family.  now is the easy part.  we have only four hours to do what comes naturally to us, destroy, destroy, destroy.

paraphrasing from ym HS coach,, (inside cpations is the usual team response to give you situational appreciation)

Men bring it in close... Now its Saturday, and we know what that means... time to get nasty. No more please and thank yous, no more smiling in the face of insults. Look around you.. look at the brothers next to you. Your family. I think I only need to ask you one thing. Are you going to let anyone try to beat up and push around your brother, your family? (HELL NO) I want you to think about all the blood sweat and tears you have bled and shed for your brothers, all the hours in game film, all the times you thought you'd quit and one of your brothers pulled you back to your feet. Everyone knows this will be a dog fight, but GODDAMNIT you've trained yourselves to be the meanest motherfucking dog on the block. Swagger with a chip on our shoulder for a reason boys. Fast and Ferocious. I want mud on your pants and their blood on your jerseys, I want them to regret the minute they stepped off the bus. Keep it clean, so that when they walk off this field they know that we didn't earn the title, we took it.  Are you ready to show these children from Pennsylvania what it means to wear "Insert Maize and Blue/Wings on our helmets" (CHEERING) Lets go show everyone how brutal we really are.  FAST (FEROCIOUS) WOLVERINES!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAPrC6mgJio

No turnovers.

A crossroads: that's where we are today. Many of you know what this feels like. It's that time in your life where you make a decision, that will impact the rest of your life, a decision that will decide whether you will ultimately succeed, or fall flat on your face. Gentlemen, that's where we stand right now.

 

Now, I know you don't need me to stand here and tell you that we need a win. Everybody loves winning, and everybody hates losing. Hell, I hate it so much that i grit my teeth hard enough to break glass just to keep from punching a whole through a wall <small chuckle>...

 

So no, you don't need any insight on that. But, I want you to think about this: who are the Michigan Wolverines? WHO...are the Michigan Wolverines? Are they a team that beats up on weaker teams, making themselves feel better, then just lays down to die when a bigger opponent comes around? Are they a team that goes into battle expecting things to be handed to them on a silver platter, that victory, will just give itself to them? Well, if so, then you can get the hell out of this locker room right now, because that's not what I think a Michigan Wolverine is.

 

Have you ever seen a wolverine in the wild, fighting for its food? I have, and I can tell you that the wolverine...is the meanest, cockiest, and most bad-tempered sonofabitch in the world. I've seen wolverines chase goddamn bears up trees. I've seen them jump a wolf and tear that fucker's nose to ribbons for its food!

 

So you tell me: who are...the Michigan Wolverines, because tonight, that is your crossroad. This is the night YOU make that decision on that field! You can go out that and play flat, and expect to just get everything handed to you. OR...or, you can go out there, and you can attack... You can go out there,and you can TAKE what's yours! You can go out there...AND YOU CAN RIP, THOSE FUCKING LIONS, TO PIECES!!! NOW, WHAT'S IT GONNA BE!?!? ARE YOU READY TO TAKE WHAT'S YOURS?! Alright...then let's go FUCK SHIT UP!!! <cheers and yells>

 

Win on three...1, 2, 3

 

WIN!