OT: Wrestlemania XXX

Coming to you live from the Mercedes Benz arena in New Orleans, it's Wrestlemania 30.  The Greatest Spectacle in Sports Entertainment!  The Showcase For the Immortals!  Let the Good Times Roll!  I'm Really Excited About Fake Fighting!

Should be a star-studded affair.  You've got Hulk Hogan hosting, with expected appearances from Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, (maybe) C.M. Punk, and musical performances but somebody I've probably never heard of unless it's Bob Seger or some hipster band you'd catch on Alt Nation or Sirius XMU.   

Last night was the Hall of Fame induction, where The (Ultimate) Warrior tried his hardest not to lose his mind, Mr. T. rambled about his momma for 30 minutes, they kinda, sorta glossed over a guy who mighta, probably covered up a murder, Lita rambled while everyone memorialized the deceased real-like mortician Paul Bearer, and Jake "The Snake" Roberts and Scott "Razor Ramon" Hall proved that you can clean up your life no matter how many times you'd to screw it up.

As for the card, it looks to be a bit uneven but could signal a passing of the torch, so to speak, as emerging talent such as Daniel Bryan (he of the viral "Yes" chants - give it up for Sparty), The Shield, Bray Wyatt, and Antonio Cesaro and the Usos look to be making strong pushes to ascend to the top of the WWE.

Brief Breakdown:

In the pre-show, they'll have a Fatal 4-Way between champion The Usos and challengers Los Matadores, the Real Americans, and Curtis Axel/Ryback ("Rybaxel").  I expect the Usos to retain, but when you've got a tiny bull and a guy known for swinging huge men around, you might have a Gallagher moment for the people in the front rows.

The Shield, "Hounds of Justice" and three of the emerging stars in the company, will be battling "Korporant Kane" and the returning New Age Outlaws in what should be a route by the Shield.  Still, there are rumbling of a breakup with the unit so that Roman Reigns can pursue a major singles push, so there is a bit of intrigue and uncertainty built in.

There will be two free-for-alls, as the woman's title (damn you to hell "Divas) will be defended in a single-fall, 14-person match featuring every woman on the roster broken down nicely between "Stars of Total Divas" and Others.  While conventional wisdom holds that champion A.J. Lee will lose her belt, I could see her retaining and dropping the strap either tomorrow at Raw or on the next PPV after the situation with her new fiance C.M. Punk is resolved.  

The other clusterf*ck is the innagural 30-man Andre the Giant memorial battle royal, which includes a fun little trophy handed to the winner.  I remain consistently disappointed in life that more things don't have fun little trophies, so maybe this will be a start of something new.  Expect The Big Show to win, though I could see Sheamus or one of three unannounced competitors to surprise the world (if that's the route, my money is on Rob Van Dam).  Should be fun regardless.

John Cena will do battle with the unconventional Bray Wyatt, another new-blood performer people expect big things from in the future.  Cena is the current icon of the federation, the Poochie of wrestling who is its biggest (and most polarizing) star and by all accounts a pretty good guy outside of the ring (granted the most Make-a-Wishes in history).  Wyatt is rocking a pretty transcendent role as a Bayou cultist  known for crazy promos and even crazier mannerisms.  Cena should win, but all that matters is how Wyatt looks throughout the match.  Cena typically has great matches when pushed, and Wyatt is the type to bring out the best from both psychological and physicallty points.

The Undertaker puts his perfect 21-0 Wrestlemania streak on the line against "The Beast" and former UFC heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar.  The Undertaker has never lost a match at Wrestlemania, and while most expect the streak to end at some point, few expect it to be to a part-timer like Lesnar.  That said, Lesnar may be the most intimidating performer in WWE history, and at the bare minimum most fans expect it to be close enough to shoot-fighting that both men will be leaving with injuries.  The streak should live on, though I expect there to be a large number of near-falls and (maybe) the surprise appearance by Sting, who has publicly been calling for a match against Undertaker for years.

In what will undoubtedly be the first of double-duty for both performers, Daniel Bryan will battle Triple H for the right to compete later that night for the WWE World Heavyweight Champion.  In story Triple H is the COO of the WWE and Daniel Bryan the people's choice and internet darling, and the past couple of monhts have been marked by the blurring of lines between reality and kayfabe as Bryan's fans have vociferously been calling for his inclusion in the title picture despite his last run being lackluster from a PPV sales point.  Triple H has spent the past couple of weeks running down Bryan and his fans, and expect nothing more than a barn-burner when they two wrestle.  My money is on a Dusty finish that leads to both men being inserted into the championship match.

As for that championship match, champion Randy Orton and Royal Rumble winner and future Drax the Destroyer Bautista are already in.  Their feud has been met with lukewarm-to-hostile response from the fans since it was announced, necessitating the inclusion of Bryan and/or Triple H.  Reading the teas leaves this should be a 4-man battle for the title, and knowing how excited WWE is about public spectacle and "Wrestlemania Moments" I expect Daniel Bryan to emerge victorious, leading a stadium full of delirious fans in a record-breaking "Yes" chant to close the show.

*****

Enjoy! 

Edit:  And yes, I really don't care if they think this is relevant.  It's the off-season, UM is out of the NCAA tournament, and it sounds like a bunch of people are going to watch a show tonight about midgets and dragons fighting (which, btw, is a good show even though I don't personally like it that much).  I leave it to the mods to pull it if they want, but everyone's tired jokes about it being fake and "hurr hurr"-ing about it are unnecessary.  Don't post here if you don't care about pro wrestling.